Farewell 2007

I’ve been occupied these days. Being a SAHM is really hard work. *winks* Anyway, I told myself to make sure that I make one last posting for 2007.

I hope you had a good year. Some of you had a rough time. D with the loss of her husband, Simah with the loss of her baba. One went MIA for a while until we blogged him to reappear (Uncle Lee). Some became more independent (monster mom without a maid. *smiles*) and some had a few butterflies in the stomach moments (sweet Fizzy). One became a successful sales person (Kak Teh promoting her hubby’s book). Last but not least, dear Ruby for maintaining her vogue throughout the year.

As for me, I think (and I hope) I have become calmer and positive about life. There were many fairytales moments that came true. The presence of Mr Milan who is now a dear friend, together with his PA and chauffer; the meeting with Mr Big which brought me back to memory lane. It was a nice moment to be reminded of being a woman, being all girly inside.

Most importantly, I learn that love has no boundary. I have less expectation when it comes to relationship. At the same time, I have to think what’s best for my lil girl. All I can do is pray and hope that things will go well.

I would like to share this lovely message sent by Ms CFO:

Sweet words are easy to say. Sweet things are easy to buy. But sweet people are difficult to find. Life ends when we stop breathing. Hope ends when we stop believing. Friendship ends when you stop sharing. To love without condition... to talk without intention... to give without reason...and to care without expectation.

Happy new year everyone!

So close...

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

How does she know you love her?

If you have a daughter, or if you just want to feel like a girl again, I recommend you to watch this movie. Every girl, even when she gets older and wiser, still hopes for her fairy tale and dreams to come true.

Alpha female

This is dedicated to all my hard-working female readers.

Do you sometimes feel that life is unfair? That some people get things easily. You study hard, graduated from world class institution, work yourself to climb the ladder, do it the right way. Yet somehow, you feel you are not "there" yet.

At times, you are surrounded by people who didnt study much nor work hard, engage into immoral activities etc. Classic example, during your student years, you have friends who are proud of being the candy girls to support their lavish lifestyle. They had the house, car (some even had driver!) and pocket money equivalent to graduate's earnings. Now, 10 years down the road, these girls are still having a good life, (materially) while you are still trying to make you first break (ok, so maybe you are earning above average). Still, you are working your ass to get the right recognition and provide a better life for yourself (to some, to your children).

But then again, come to think of it, these people are still either candy girls, long-term mistress or those who are lucky enough, wife. Yet, what is a marriage if, assume you are the only wife, your hubby has sleeping partners but you are staying in the marriage to sustain your lifestyle or, be the hidden second/third wife and never be acknowledged? Do you reckon these people are actually happy?

We all know that this is still a man's world and we try to make a difference. Like in one of the CSI's episodes:

Lady Heather: Well, you should. It's just about knowing yourself, being strong and not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.
Catherine: Well, death is still a man's business and I don't have to tell you about police work.
Lady Heather: So, how do you survive?
Catherine: By knowing myself and working hard...and by not taking any crap
from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.

So there you go ladies, dont take the crap from ANYONE! Believe in yourself and God's will, you will get your break, your own way. When you do, dont forget your loved ones (in my case, it'll be the luxury holiday for my 3 girls; mini ms istanbul and 2 best friends).

ps: This is a reminder to myself. The one has been telling me that I'm doing a great job as a woman and a mom. I just needed a slap (virtually). So yes, I am happy. *smiles*

Tag

I was tagged by Ruby so here's my bit:

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night. Mini Ms Istanbul

2. What were you doing at 0800? Sleeping (it’s Saturday!)

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Talked over the phone with Dragon Lady from the land down under.

4. What happened to you in 2006? Travelled with mini MI to a few places, just the two of us

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? Bye (to Iron Lady).

6. How many beverages did you have today? Teh tarik and water.

7. What color is your hairbrush? Blue

8. What was the last thing you paid for? My dinner last night.

9. Where were you last night? Dinner outside, then home.

10. What color is your front door? Beige

11. Where do you keep your change? Purse.

12. What’s the weather like today? Freezing.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? Chocolate fudge.

14. What excites you? Thinking of him *winks*

15. Do you want to cut your hair? YES!!!

16. Are you over the age of 25? Of course.

17. Do you talk a lot? Sometimes but usually I’m a listener.

18. Do you watch the O.C.? Used to.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? My colleague.

20. Do you make up your own words? YES (when you have kids of your own, you will have to make up words).

21. Are you a jealous person? Depends.

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. CB (his name starts with A)

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. Richard Gere (that’s how I address him with Alchemist and Dragon Lady).

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Dragon lady.

25. What does the last text message you received say? Thank you.

26. Do you chew on your straw? Nope

27. Do you have curly hair? Depends on the weather.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Coffee later with mini MI.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? Cant remember.

30. What was the last thing you ate? Nasi lemak with rendang (coconut rice).

31. Will you get married in the future? *sceptical*

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? The Golden Compass

33. Is there anyone you like right now? Yes.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes? Last night.

35. Are you currently depressed? On the scale to 10, mine is 2.

36. Did you cry today? Nope.

37. Why did you answer and post this? Ruby tagged me.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey. Fizzy, monster mom, D, kak teh, uncle lee.

To Dragon lady, sorry I didnt mention you about my blog before. Have fun reading yeah! Miss you like nuts.

Being "rich"

I realise I havent been writing these days. I had limited time to myself. Work has been demanding and my spare time has been allocated to the lil one. Not to mention that my mind has been occupied by provoking questions.

Before I continue with my ramblings, best friend just texted me that she’s a qualified SAP (she is already a qualified accountant!). I’m so happy for her (and I’m sure she’s going to whack me for telling the whole world that she passed her exam). So dear, are you going to get an increment for passing that paper? They should give you a pay rise. If that fails, you can always send your CV around (SAP people get paid a lot from what I hear).

On another note, I’m getting extra attention these days. I got “sorry for making your life miserable these days” gifts from the one; a book which I just finished reading about 10 mins ago and a high tech gadget. Being practical, I returned the latter cos I don’t use it nor will I have the time to do so. He reckons I should change for another gift. I am being spoilt. Not just me, but also the lil one. He has been searching for her “wish list” but there was none in stock! Knowing that he took the time to search for her gift makes me happy.

Back to the happiness topic, we keep on thinking that people who appear better physically, are happy inside. These include having the ideal family, high-flying career, etc. Just because they look better, it doesn’t mean that they are happier.
It’s like this conversation which I had with my girl. One day, we somehow walked past to a familiar area and my girl popped this question, “do you remember when we were poor, mummy?”

I was surprised by her question, as well as her selection of words.

“Yes. Why? Were you sad?”

“Yeah.”

“Why were you sad before?”

“Because we lived in a small place.”

“Well, it was a small place but remember, we always had each other. Some children live in a big house but they don’t get to see their mommy or daddy because they are too busy. So do you want to have a big house and not see me, or do you want to live in a small house and you see me everyday, do things together?”

“I want to see you everyday mummy.”

“So, were you sad when we live in that old house?”

“No mummy.” With a smile on her face.

I hope she understands that being together is more important than being “rich”. Sometimes I ask myself why did I even bother to move to a bigger place as we spend most of our time in my room! She is still my teddy bear and I’m not sure when I will let her sleep in her own room. Before she does so, I better enjoy having my teddy bear in my bed.

Good night dear friends.

Happiness

Those looking for happiness often don't realize they already have it. It's a lesson that he says he was lucky to learn at age 18 from a spiritual teacher. "He said, 'Look, actually, Robert, you're already happy.' And I said, 'Well, that's great, but I don't feel it. So tell me, what do I have to do?'" Dr. Holden recalls. "And he said, 'You have to understand that the pursuit of happiness is a mistake. It's like, you don't chase happiness out there. You learn that you're happy inside you and then you go running. Then you go into the world.'"

The key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now."

"It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for."

Instead, Dr. Holden says if you are unhappy with your life, there are two things you can do. "We have to learn to let go of our past, we have to give up all hopes for a perfect past. Let the past go, it's gone." After that, he says, "Take a vow of kindness. Be kinder to yourself and to others.

"It's never too late to be happy," he says.

http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200704/20070411/slide_20070411_350_101.jhtml

Hold you in arms

Hold you in my arms - Ray LaMontagne
When you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
It was easy to see that you'd been crying
Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
But who really profits from the dying
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you in my arms forever

When you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
It's my worried mind that you quiet
Place your hands on my face
Close my eyes and say
Love is a poor man's food
Don't prophesize
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold you forever

So now we see how it is
This fist begets the spear
Weapons of war
Symptoms of madness
Don't let your eyes refuse to see
Don't let your ears refuse to hear
Or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
I could hold you in my arms
I could hold on forever
And I could hold you in my arms
I could hold forever


"Sometimes I am afraid of losing you."
Thank you for making me feel that I am that woman. Thank you for making me feel that losing me will mean a great loss to you. Thank you for acknowledging my presence and how important I am in your life.

You are my Zahir...always have and always be.

Of a woman

I look across at the woman who has just made coffee and is now reading the newspaper, whose eyes look tired and desperate, who does not always show her affection in gestures, the woman who made me say 'yes' when I wanted to say 'no', who forced me to fight for what she believed was my reason for living, who let me set off alone because her love for me was greater than her love for herself, who made me go in search of my dream;

and suddenly, seeing that small quiet woman, whose eyes said more than any words, who was often terrified inside but always courageous in her actions, who could love someone without humbling herself and who never apologised for fighting for her man, suddenly, my fingers press down the keys.

I wish I can be that woman...capable of loving someone purely, allowing him to reach for his dreams, making him believe that he has a lot to offer.

I wish he knows I'm there for him... like he has been there for me all these while...

I wish him happiness in life, even if it means that it may not include me... For seeing him happy and at peace make me content...

I wish I am capable of unconditional love..

Devils disguise as humans

Trenor's statement said on July 24, she and Zeigler both beat the child with leather belts and held her head under water in the bathtub. She said Zeigler picked the girl up by her hair and also threw her across the room, slamming her head into the tile floor.
After her daughter died, Trenor's statement said, she and Zeigler went to a Wal-Mart that night and bought the Sterilite container, a shovel, concrete mix, and other supplies.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/26/body.found.arrest/index.html

If you have no more love for your own child, there are MANY options for you. Adoption, child services, etc. You dont have to resort to abusing or killing them. Many people out there who are capable to love your child.

I hate these people. Luckily I'm not a politician or a judge. Otherwise, harsher punishment for these devils.

The acomodador

There is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress: a trauma, a particular bitter defeat, a disappointment in love, even a victory that we did not quite understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and, to do so, he must review his whole life and find out where it occured.

Happy endings?

Tonight's Californication episode had a sad ending. On arrival at Karen's house, Hank bumped into Karen (the ex-wife) and Becca (their daughter) at the front door. Karen was rushing to see Mia (her fiance's daughter) who got herself into men & drug trouble. So Hank insisted on accompanying Karen, leaving their 12 year old daughter all by herself. Oh yeah, Hank slept with Mia before (before they knew they were actually connected i.e. Mia's dad is seeing Hank's ex wife!).

When they got back, Hank went to see Becca to wish her good night and to say that he'll make it up to her another day. Earlier on, they had a discussion on happy endings, about having realistic hopes. Becca said, "It's ok dad. I know you dont mean to let me down. But you always do. And sometimes, when it becomes too often, at the end of the day, we just say 'f*** off'. Here's your change, dad. You can keep it."

As much as she wants to believe that her dad wants to be there for her, it just doesnt happen. Action speaks louder than words. Too many disappointments that she feels that when it comes to him, her expectation must be realistic.

When the statement comes from your own child, the cut goes deeper......

ps: I had to decline two dates that would have been the highlights of my life. One was last week, to watch a football match and definitely dine with hot-looking footballers. *winks* Mr Milan's team qualified to the Euro 2008 games. Tomorrow, to watch a theatre. I've been busy for the past few weeks and any free time that I have, I want to spend it with my girl. The dates can wait.

How do you manage?

That seems to be the most asked question by my colleagues/directors these days.

Of late, I have too much things on my plate. Deadlines (never work with bankers, unless of course you are one. Then you have control of things. *smiles *), family life (new nanny, school's meeting), etc. I was working so hard last week that I hardly spoke to anyone, which is unlike me to do so. Ms Argentina kept saying how quiet I had been lately. Even coffee rounds were minimised.

I wish I have the answer. Sometimes I ask myself the same. But if I think about it too much, I'm sure I'd get stressed out. And nothing gets done when you are stressed.

One thing for sure, without my daughter's support, I wouldnt be able to do whatever I'm doing.

ps: Should read the "Law of Attraction". Read a few articles about it in the past and a book at lunch time today. I forgot the author's name but I will try to write a posting on it.

Crush

My first crush:

My second crush:

My present crush:
I fell in love with crush # 1 about 12 years ago (damn! Has it been that long?). He played as the evil-turned-good vampire along with Sarah M Gellar, who was the slayer & gf. I don’t know what’s with me with vampires but I cant seem to resist any series/movies which are related to that species. But don’t you notice that most of the demons are drop dead sexy e.g. interview with vampires (Bradd Pitt/ Tom Cruise), Charmed (Phoebe’s boyfriend, The Lord of the Underworld) etc. So how could I resist David Boreanaz? *winks*

Crush #2 started when I watched LOTR and Pirates of the Caribbean (but somehow in POC, Captain Jack Sparrow is more desirable than him). Maybe becos he doesn’t show emotions in his character and slays the creatures so smoothly make him so damn sexy.

As for crush #3, he is such a sweet character in Grey’s Anatomy. Despite his love for Meredith, he tried to make his marriage work with his unfaithful wife, which then ended up with a divorce. He is just the noble man. He has always been there for Meredith, such strong bond, as a lover/ex-lover/friend. Besides, with his messy hair, especially after a surgery, makes him so yummy. *smiles*

Crush #1 is back with the Bones series. I think he looks better in suit, more manly. Come to think of it, I have a thing with men in suit. Not all men of course. Just the ones who pose strong charisma, high intellect and a little bit of good looks (note, a LITTLE bit. Too handsome is just not my thing).

So… do I have the same taste in my crushes? Do they share anything in common?

The real men in my life, as for looks, none of them come close to the above. Well, maybe McDreamy. He has similarities with Patrick Dempsey, except for height and hair. Mr Big, the way he shows his emotions is exactly like Legolas (well, most of the time). Mr Milan looks like Sean Connery (Ruby will melt. *winks*).

They all have ONE thing in common. They look damn good in suits! Most of the time, they are in one anyway. No wonder I melt.

Ps: The drug is very effective. Despite being ‘high’ for the past few days, I’m feeling much better. Must be strong antibiotics plus good sleep. .

What should I do to marry a rich guy?

Being one of the City people, I find this very amusing:

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ms. Pretty

Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation.
If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me .

Signed, J.P.

I think I rather earn $500k and above, than marrying a guy who earns that much of money. The term "leasing" sounds very favorable, especially when there are many hot-looking guys out there. *winks*

I am sounding so "perempuan" today. Must be the drugs. hehhehe... I think I even flirted with the sexy-looking waiter today, where I took the new joiner and colleagues for lunch. Hey, he was wearing jeans and white shirt (smartly) in a fine restaurant. I think the only reason he flirted back was because I paid the bill. Hmm, I wonder how many hot looking men will come to me if I earn twice than now. *evil winks*

Blogger's blues..

Ms CFO texted me EARLY this morning, “I love your blog! Nice writings.”

Errrr…. How on earth did she figure out it was mine? Besides, not many people link their blog to my blog. She must have blog-hopped many times that she actually encountered mine. Must change profession now since being CFO gives you plenty of time to surf. (peace dear!). Guess my effort to be anonymous isn’t that effective after all. *smiles*

Things to complete by end of today: send employment contract to the new nanny and confirm start date, make arrangements for the new joiner who I’m supposed to be mentoring, send the report out by tonight. And it is only Monday.

This is not helping me to speed up the recovery process (yes. I am still sick!) Part of it is due to insufficient rest. Friday night’s sleep was interrupted by a neighbour’s party. They were having it until 5am!!! Other neighbours banged at their door/ shouted from their windows etc etc but they kept on partying/singing (with a very bad voice! These are women tenants). It wasn’t their first time being inconsiderate. Once, they were shagging at 9pm! The whole neighbourhood (yes it was that loud!) could hear them. I told Mcdreamy and he reckons I should enjoy it the next time they do it. I rather not. I think I’ll stick to Californication series, which is far more entertaining. *winks*

Oh yeah, I asked around on who should I choose to be the new nanny, European or South American. So I texted Mr Big:

Me: Women’s responses: Do they have relevant qualifications, have they worked in child-care place? Men’s response: which one is prettier/hot/sexy? Heheh…

Mr Big: Your lil girl’s response: are they near as good as my mommy? No way. Nobody is and nobody will be. So nobody is qualified. Hehheh…

Yes Mr Big. You are definitely right. If only I win the £18 million jackpot, then I can be SAHM. Or maybe if I join private bank for 3-4 years, earn millions of bonus, then I retire early and just use the interest earned on my savings.

Now back to reality…

Window to the soul

[After reading the-blog-who-talks-about-blogs, the original posting came from Social Cafe.]


She has these two beautiful oceans full of sorrow right where her eyes ought to be. Maybe no one else sees that. Maybe they just think she's a beautiful, confident woman who is very bright, kind and gentle, and who is basically the kind of person who keeps this world from falling apart.

At first, she strikes me as a happy person, a near perfect woman, but that brokenness in her eyes can't slip past me. I want to hug and tell her that I’m there for her. I want to tell her that I can be the same person for her to share her tears and joy.

Very few people can see that in me. Perhaps, only two persons understand me most. I think by portraying a cheerful and strong character, it takes away other people's pain, as I understand how much it can affect us.

Good night dear friends! I hope I recover soon.

I'm yours - Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
It can not wait, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

Pain without suffering

Enjoy the article!

A friend once told me about the Buddhist concept of pain without suffering; it's a notion that fascinates me. I mean, is it really possible to say, "Yep, my stomach aches, all right, but I don't have to add insult to injury by letting that pain run amok: I can decide to skip the part where I moan, 'Now I can't meet my friends at the movie and I'll probably miss work tomorrow, which means I'll blow my deadline, lose my job and die penniless and alone, never having seen "Dreamgirls.'"

Calming a frantic brain in the face of high anxiety is a pretty tall order, especially for a woman like me who tends to operate on two basic emotions: panic and barely suppressed panic.
But assuming one can actually achieve pain without suffering, where else might this dynamic be applied? Is there such a thing as anger without brooding? Sex without strings? And the real question --my current obsession -- can a person feel unbelievably busy without feeling unbelievably overwhelmed?

Lately, I seem to have this constant sense that I'm just keeping my head above water. I'm forever trying to catch up, stay in touch and be where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there.

I bought a new pair of jeans in November, but I've never worn them because I've never had a chance to get them hemmed. The last novel I remember curling up with is "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" -- and that was in sixth grade. I floss while sorting mail, while defrosting lamb chops, while searching for Mrs. Weinstein, my 3-year-old daughter's stuffed platypus.
But this is not just about being a single mother (though I do spend an ungodly amount of time wondering why my daughter is not on a first-name basis with her stuffed platypus).

Almost everybody I know -- whether they're wealthy or struggling to make ends meet, whether they're bachelor girls or celebrating their 25th anniversary, whether their kids are grown or toddlers or nonexistent --everyone seems to be suffering from some sort of culturally induced ADD. Our brains are swamped and our bodies are tired. Blood pressures are up, serotonin levels are down, tempers are short, to-do lists are long, and nerves are shot.

Sometimes I think pain without suffering, anger without brooding, being a parent, earning a living, maintaining friendships (hell, maintaining hair color), connecting with the universe, and dancing as fast as you can without screaming, "Stop the music; I want to sit this one out," just isn't an option for anybody anymore.

We shoulder-roll out of bed in the morning and gulp coffee from Styrofoam cups on the way to wherever we're trying to go. We catch the sound bite, not the speech. We send the e-mail, not the love letter. We wait our entire lives to exhale.

But I don't want to wait my whole life away. Nor do I want to wait until I retire 18 years and 11 months from now ... though I'm secretly hoping to develop one of those bubbly personalities that get you picked for "Deal or No Deal," where I will win $400,000 dollars from Howie Mandel. We'll save for another column what it means that even in my fantasies I don't win the million ...

My point is this: Spring is here! So this Saturday, I'm taking back my life or, at the very least taking a nap. If something's gotta give, it's not going to be me. I'm confining my work to regular business hours, forcing a friend out for coffee, reading for pleasure, bringing home daffodils, and eating a neon pink marshmallow Peep with Miss Julia Claire Labusch. It's far from a solution, but it's a start.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/30/o.busy/index.html

Losing a battle

After a few days fighting myself from taking time off from work, I finally lost the battle today. Told my secretary, she booked a cab and I went straight home. The boss told me to stay home tomorrow too, as most of the stuffs can be done at the comfort of my sofa.

Ok...so I'm taking it easy tonight and tomorrow. I will stay home, but my laptop and mobile will be on.

I told him my condition early morning but I still went ahead to work (typical workaholic syndrome). So when I lost the battle, I texted him in the cab.

Later, he showed up....as always...


ps: Doc said I just need to rest. :D Did other tests too (the one he wanted to accompany) and it turned out fine. But I need to check again in a few months, just in case (since I have medical history of it). I'm trying to do some work now, while listening to Fly FM, and while not thinking of FOOD. Why dont I feel hungry at office?

Of a book

I finished reading Growing up in Trengganu by Awang Goneng. Got the book from Kak Teh of course. *smiles*

While reading the book, it kept bringing me back to the times spent with my late grandparents. I had a "complex" childhood (which I shall not dwell now). Somehow, most of the things I could remember when I was a child were the times spent with them. Each time I went back or when they were around. I loved going back to their place. Grandmother always took me to the morning market. It was nothing fancy, your typical wet market, a mixed of fresh vege, fish, poultry as well as typical village delights. Grandfather always pampered me, gave the attention that I needed, read with me, accompanied me to do whatever I wanted. I always share this wonderful memories with McDreamy.

When my grandfather passed away (I was 10), I took it really bad. It was the first time I understood the feeling of losing someone close to my heart. Then, 12 years later, grandmother followed him. In a way, I lost both "parents".

They are always in my thoughts, even to this day. Sometimes when I feel sad and blue, I just think of them, hoping that I inherit their wisdom to make my own decision.

To my grandparents, thank you for being part of my life. If you can hear me now, you have a beautiful and lovely great-granddaughter. I try my best to raise her well.

Sigh.... I'm going to nag Kak Teh for making me read the book. Feeling bit down now. Anyway, you should get it. Worth reading!

Take my breath away....

Every now and then something amazing happens, and against our better judgment we start to have hope.


I cant stop smiling.....for all the right reasons... Part of my prayers have been heard and answered...That I am now part of the future plans...That I now should have hope....

I am going to smile in my sleep...

Truth..

Truth always hurts....

but..

If you listen with an open mind and heart, it makes the relationship stronger.

Thank you for making my day. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Best friend was right, "Hang on to him. He's worth the effort."

Last year, when I told Mr Big about The One, Mr Big said, "he really makes you happy, doesnt he? When you talk about him, your eyes glow... "


ps: You are really McDreamy. :-)

Letting in

I kicked a man out of my bed in the middle of the night. The world's most perfect man, who loves me. And I can't let him...

"Shine On" - James Blunt
Are they calling for our last dance?
I see it in your eyes. In your eyes.
Same old moves for a new romance.
I could use the same old lies, but I'll sing,
Shine on, just, shine on!
Close your eyes and they'll all be gone.
They can scream and shout that they've been sold out,
But it paid for the cloud that we're dancing on.
So shine on. Just shine on!
With your smile just as bright as the sun.
'Cause they're all just slaves to the gods they made
But you and I just shone.Just shone.
And when silence greets my last goodbye,
The words I need are in your eyes, and I'll sing.
Shine On, just, shine on!
Close your eyes and they'll all be gone.
They can scream and shout that they've been sold out,
But it paid for the cloud that we're dancing on.
So shine on. Just shine on!
With your smile just as bright as the sun.
'Cause they're all just slaves to the gods they made,
But you and I just shone.Just shone.

I just realise something... I'm not good with distance and separation... I am missing someone..and I said something from the heart..something truthful..but truth always hurts...

Office chat

Here's what happened today:

Me : I need to see the doctor. (with a serious tone)

Ms Argentina : Are you pregnant?

Me : *chuckles* What makes you think that? I dont even have a husband!

Ms A : Well, everyone else in the department is either pregnant or trying to have a baby. Besides, you dont need a husband. *smiles*


By now, we both laughed out loud.

Sometimes I forget I work in such an open culture.

Eid

Found this from somewhere:

Forgiveness is something we should all practise. Not just for Hari Raya but every day.
We should celebrate it and embrace it as an essential part of our lives.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven.
Hurt will never heal until you forgive.
If you are at war with others, you cannot be at peace with yourself.
You can let go and forgive. It takes no physical strength to let go, only courage.
Forgiveness is the single most important process that can bring peace to our souls and harmony to our lives.
Forgiveness is not something we have to strain ourselves to do.
Forgiveness helps you move forward.
No one benefits from forgiveness more than the one who forgives.
Give yourselves the gift of forgiveness today.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Mahatma Gandhi

Our Eid.

The night before Eid, I already made plans to work late as our report was due on Friday. Up until I found out that Eid fell on Friday and it seemed impractical to stay late (I had many errands!). So I mentioned to the boss that I could stay until 9pm but he told me to leave asap (it was 730pm). Told me to have a good Eid and not to worry about the report (he still had other team members on site).

So I went back, rushed to the stores and got the ingredients needed for our dishes. The nanny and lil went out earlier to get our meat and on their way back, they dropped by at the mosque for 'takbir' or Eid recital.

The next day, I gave lil time off from school (which I later found out that they do give one day off to all muslim students and staffs. Cool!). We went to perform Eid prayers. Lil was overjoyed to wear her baju kurung (a traditional malay dress for ladies) and to see the Malaysian crowd. After prayers, we headed to Chinatown to meet a good friend (she's here on holiday). She helped us to buy some more stuffs and carry them home. By 3pm, I started making rendang. Lil slept as she only had 7 hours of sleep (her usual would be 10-11 hours).

At 7pm, we left to a friend's place for her open house. Her family helped her to cook whole day (quite amazed with the number of dishes and guests). Got back by 9pm and I continued cooking until 2am! Called mom before I went to bed (it was so hard to get hold on her for the last few days. Busy with raya preparation). Woke up at 630am and continued cooking. By 10, everything was ready. First group of guests arrived at 1045am.

Menu include rendang, pulut kuning (yellow sticky rice), lamb curry, soto (rice cube, with soup and shredded chicken) complete with bergedil (potato + minced meat cake/balls).

Most friends made it. Even Mrs Rock and Mrs Dior loved the soto (they are great cooks, ok? I was so worried my food was not at par. Hehhehe). Most importantly, our party truly reflected Malaysia. Malay, Chinese, Indian. Also, I had my colleagues from European and South America continent. Would have had guests from Down Under and New Zealander but they couldn't make it.

Anyway, like I said, it was a good party.

Ps: My colleagues fell in love with lil. She was such a great host!

Blogging

Best friend: "People can make their own mind and dont need your blog to do that."

*smiles*

Only two people know the existence of my blog, best friend and another good friend. One is too busy with work whilst the other has more important issue than reading my blog i.e. getting rid of his cancer.

Which is why best friend gave the best statement ever. People can think on their own, do their analysis, to make judgement. They dont need to read blog to do that, especially from someone they have never met in their entire life.

ps: This kind of reminds me of Kak Teh's entry a few months back ie about women blogger lie. We cant change their mindset, right Kak Teh?

pss: Raya was awesome! Tiring (I made a few dishes for 30+ people) but awesome.

Salam Hari Raya

Rindu dan sepiku bermusim di rantauan
Kini syawal kembali tengah halaman
Fajarnya menghimpun saudara tercinta
Dan wajah ceria ayah dan bonda

Dalam suci lebaran
ku rindukan sinar dan harapan
Anak kecil berlari
Jangan sampai hanyut tak bertali

Miskin kaya tua muda bermaafan
Di bawah sayunya gema takbir hari raya
Senyum tawa sanak saudara
Mewanginya bunga rasa
Kusyukuri nikmat Tuhan Maha Esa
Sekuntum lebaran mekar di sukmaku
Kupetik harumnya di Hari Raya


Dearest readers,

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a blessed Eid Mubarak. May you have a wonderful time with your loved ones.

Thank you for sparing your time to read my blog, whether you leave your comments or purely passing by to read my rambling thoughts.

Special wish to Kak Ruby, Kak Teh, Simah and Fizzy. Thank you for your encouraging words and prayers. Also, Uncle Lee and D. Thank you for dropping by.


Warm regards from both of us.

Zakat

Alhamdulillah, I paid our zakat over the weekend. It’s my second year paying zakat. Not as emotional as before.

The fact that I am able to pay zakat shows that I’m fortunate enough to be able to support both of us. Some single mothers struggle. I wonder how they cope. Strange enough, why is it when a divorce is finalised, men start to ignore their responsibilities? I mean, if you hate your ex-wife so much, why must the kids be penalised? Why shouldn’t you contribute part of the expenses? In fact, even how bad things turn out between you and the ex-wife, the least you could do is to show some respect to her for being the mother of your children. Even if the ex-wife asks for divorce, I’m sure on that ground alone, the ex-wife is entitled to some gratitude, more so if she’s taking care of the kids.

Some ex-husbands are decent enough to contribute not just the children’s expenses, but also the ex-wife’s until she remarries. I even heard that some of them actually pays the zakat for the ex-wife. These men show great respect to the divorce issue and deserve a pat on the back.

But who am I to talk about religion and responsibilities?

But you know, it just baffles me that when it comes to divorce, men can turn their heads. They use whatever rules in our religion to get away from paying alimony to the ex-wife. Some find excuses to delay child support.

I wish single mothers have more strength and courage to speak up for their rights. I wish men live up to their words even after separation. I hope they remember that there are kids involve.

Choices

"I wanted to come over here this morning to tell you... But now all I want to tell you is that I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you forever. And now you have a choice to make. I want you to take all the time you need, I don't want to rush you, but I love you. Just take your time. Because when I had to make a choice... I chose wrong."

A night to remember...

It was a romantic dinner for two in a posh hotel. A stem of blossomed red rose in the middle, with rich chocolate brownie and ice cream as dessert. Simply blissful..

When I was younger, I never recalled of having these romantic dinners, you know, the type that takes your breath away. Maybe I did. But I guess what’s important is not the setting, it’s who you spend it with. It’s the companion…And it was Mr Big.

People often mistake that affection can only be expressed with physical gestures. Personally, I feel more intimate when I could spend hours talking to someone close to my heart. And we had a few hours of talking. From our careers, life, future, our past and emotions.

One of the things I asked Mr Big was whether I was coping being a single parent here. His answer amazed me. He said, “frankly, it doesn’t matter where for you are a strong person, capable of raising your girl by yourself. London, KL or wherever, you will do fine.”

And as a dear friend, he wants the best thing in life for me. “You have been through a lot and you deserve a good man. Someone better than me.”

Sometimes the best thing in life is already in front of you. It just comes in a different package. It’s there for you to take and cherish but maybe in a different way. Maybe this is why Mr Big is in my life.

And now, he has left…once again taking a piece of my heart..

But you know what…somehow I think I’ll be ok. More importantly, I know I am happy. For I know that no matter how far, no matter how long, I’m always close to his heart and vice versa. For I know I have a true friend whenever I need one….

When friendship becomes more...

I stumbled into "The Yoga Instructor"’s blog and somehow I can relate myself to her recent posting.

"Every girl who's been in love has their own Mr. Big.Tall, dark, impossibly handsome, (used-to-be if not still) married, successful type. Owh, just your type."

My Mr Big will be in town. Best friend passed some (well, more like loads!) of stuffs back home for me. I feel so bad that he is carrying them. But that’s him. The occasional things he does for me are awesome, the ones you cant forget easily.

Best friend has always been good in giving the great advice. Live life to the fullest with no regrets. I have no regrets with my past. It shapes me today, be it good or bad. I think I’m a better person now than before. I try to appreciate the small things in life.

But some things, well, the good things that you MIGHT have missed, keep coming back to you, keep haunting you, that YOU should have done something about it.

Well, this Mr Big, is someone close to my heart, without me putting down my walls. Yes. I can not and shall not let down my fences. Best friend thinks I’m capable of doing the impossible, of not letting my fences down. The last time I did, I almost gave my heart away. And it took me some time to get over it.

Best friend thinks I’m strong enough to enjoy the moment without falling. She reckons I should enjoy the moment and just spend time together. After all, a girl only gets to be pampered once in a while, and it’s good to spend time with someone you care, someone you can be yourself with.
It becomes clear to me that maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone. Maybe I’m meant to have meaningful relationship with good friends, people who care and want the best thing in life for me. After all, part of my success is due to their never-ending support.

Mr Big never showers me with gifts. He gives something more valuable. His time. The last exam I had, he was there for me most of the time. Being the chauffer to see my study-mates, download/print stuffs from work, etc. He even took the time to spend "teh tarik" supper the night before my exam. For a person who has a senior position in a large company back home, I truly appreciate his gestures.

And you know what….the only person who can make me go back will be him.

Ps: I seriously need mental and emotional help. I have to stop watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Pss: I think I’m going to hate GA season 4. Meredith and McDreamy breaks up. Darn!

Open your eyes - Snow Patrol

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old
The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes'
Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes [x4]

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time
Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes'
Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes [x8]

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

Grey's Anatomy - Open Your Eyes

Shopping pleasure

I had many post-dated ramblings but didn’t have the chance to upload them. Too many things on my plate, mostly admin of course. Getting my performance review done, filing for tax credit (apparently I overpaid tax last year. Not much, just about £500), bills. etc

Let’s talk something lighter..like fashion sense. Hehhehe..

Ever since me and my girl watched “The Devil wears Prada”, we have been eyeing all those nice stylish clothes. I think I do have some fashion sense but I just choose to be comfy (translation= wear something practical, especially when you are out with kids).

So, I have been trying this 100% soft wool Zara coat. We hang out at Zara almost every weekend (it’s 5 mins walk from home. Good excuse to spend your Sundays.) It looks like one of those nice coats worn by Andrea, slightly swirly, mid length, very soft and silky smooth texture. Just love it. I told myself I should definitely get it.

During my effort of not shopping until month end just to get that lovely jacket, I splurged myself last Sunday on a very smart Austin Reed suit. I didn’t plan to get a suit. Even if I do, I usually go for Zara, which only cost 1/3 of Austin. But this place had discounts and it so happened that they had my size (US size 2!). Plus, the suit was on sale. I got mine for almost the price of Zara Women suits. That’s a bargain!!!!

When I got home, I kept asking myself, why of why did I get that suit. Well, that’s until I wore it yesterday and my oh my, it was a good investment. People complimented the way I look. It just makes me stand out among the crowd (something like that lah, I’m not a babe to begin with).

You cant go wrong with nice suits. Always buy the wool ones. It makes you look and feel good, like a power suit, especially when you have to deal with those arrogant bankers.

Anyway, I have to watch my spending now. I still have that coat in my list. Also, boots (maybe I should get 2 pairs, the other is the knee high boots. Great when you wear skirts).

I seriously need that bonus… Perhaps I should take my friend’s advice. Join an investment bank or private equity house. Then we can fly to Milan just to shop.

Dream on girl…. Hehhehe…

Ps: Somebody made dinner for me over the weekend. It was really nice to be pampered. *smiles*
Pss: To someone, thanks for the tips and recipe but I didn’t have to prepare after all. *winks*

The crime that shocked our nation

I have been following the news on Nurin for the last few days. Everybody is outrageous on how could someone do something so horrific to a young child. My heart goes to the family. I wish the bastard is captured soon. Please don’t let him (or them) go easily. The least, whatever the girl suffered, they have to endure too.

Al-fatihah to the lil Nurin.

Please read more here:

http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Friday/Frontpage/20070921073921/Article/index_html

http://kakteh.blogspot.com/

Ramadhan

I hope I’m not too late to wish you a meaningful ramadhan. Work has been hectic for the past few days but thankfully, yesterday my work was done and managed to leave before 6pm, just in time to buy some delicacies for iftar (my nanny arranged the main course).

Had parents-teachers meeting this morning and was told that lil has EXAMs this year. Parents are expected to be more involved with their child’s progress and do simple things ie read books before they go to bed, ask them to count whenever we go shopping etc. I’m more stressed out about this than lil of course. She thinks school is fun and stress-free. Well, it should be. Just that being a mom makes me more paranoid about education.

I remember when I was young, my parents weren’t that fussed on my education and achievements. Guess they weren’t worried, compare to the attention they gave to my younger siblings. But you know, it’d be nice had they showed some concerns or interests, regardless how well I perform. It’s just about giving emotional support. I’m sure they know I could perform well but giving that support will give an edge.

Got a text from MJ, said he has meetings in London in 2 weeks time. Hopefully we can squeeze time for dinner. I’m so tempted to ask him to bring kuih raya but knowing he likes to travel light (especially when you are business travelling with lots of things in your mind), I rather not. Looks like I have to let go my pineapple tart and London almond cookies. Hmmm, unless I go nuts and browse for recipes, make them over the weekend. I barely have time to cook, let alone baking cookies!!! Dream on, girl.

I’m hosting iftar tomorrow. Just among few friends. Actually, it’s more like a request as 2 of them will be away next week, so this week is convenient for them. The challenge is to make ayam percik (chicken grilled with coconut milk), FIRST time! I just feel like eating ayam percik these days. I sure hope I have a good recipe ie something easy to follow with high success rate. Heheheh….

Might have iftar with McDreamy next week. He said we’ll try to make iftar together. I promised him to challenge myself with his homeland’s dishes (still browsing recipe for this too. But I know someone who is willing to email me her own recipe. Thank you dear!)

Hmm…all these food talking is hazardous during fasting month. *wink*

Ps: I wonder when Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 dvd will be out here? Should have bought them while I was back home…

One person in the whole world..

"You may be only one person in the whole world, but you may mean the whole world to someone.."

About five years ago, MJ quoted me the above. Until today, I still hold this statement close to my heart.

For the past few weeks, my emotions have been on a roller-coaster. There are things that frustrate me but I try to keep an open mind and heart. I know I cant please anyone. I’m used to being a nobody. No matter how much I tried to be somebody, it always fails.

But in the company of a few people, I feel I am somebody. These people make me feel I’m worthy, someone significant in their life. They make me feel appreciated. They make me feel that I have achieved a lot in my life. They make me feel beautiful.

I miss these people dearly. I’m always myself whenever I’m around them. The Dragon Lady, Ms Alchemist, MJ, McDreamy and most importantly, my lil girl. Each of them plays an important role in my life. They were there during the difficult times, when I really needed someone the most. Be it being on the phone at midnight while I was on my way to send my girl to the doc, rushed to Bangsar for coffee/dinner when I was feeling down, be my chauffer to meet my study group while I was doing my professional course, photocopied exam materials after work for me and my friend so that we could use that time to revise, for taking care of me and my girl when I fell ill and unable to do anything.

You may know many people in life, family or friends. But how many of them will be there for you when you need your spirits to be lifted?

I miss KL but I miss London more. I miss our cosy flat. It’s a humble place but yet full of happiness. My angel’s laughter and smiles. Reminds me of the bond we share, the love between a mother and a child, a child’s trust and patience.

I may be only one person in the world, but I may mean the whole world to some people. And to these people, thank you for being the whole world to me….

Umbrella - Rihanna ft Jay-Z (JYFA) [Official]

Friendship

Umbrella - Rihanna

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank
Coming down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella
We fly higher than weatherAnd G5’s are better,
You know me,an anticipation, for precipitation.
Stacked chips for the rainy dayJay,
Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come into me
Come into meIt's raining
Oh baby it's raining

Dedicated to a dear friend, MJ. Thank you for your friendship for the past few years, for being there when I needed someone to lift up my spirits, for bringing out the best out of me, for valuing the bond we shared.... Tonight brought me back to memory lane.. and even when things have gone better for me, I wouldnt be where I am without your presence in my life. Thank you for making time for me today and I hope our friendship remains strong even when we are miles apart...

ps: Love the new car! ;-)

Missing you...

My girl has been spending some nights at her dad's place but somehow tonight has been quite difficult for both of us. I have been missing my girl for a while as we have not been spending our usual mother-daughter session like we used to back in London. I guess she must have felt the same, which is why tonight we both have this strong sense of missingness. She called me from her dad's place, saying that she cried missing me. My tears were rolling when she said that, as I too felt her absence.

But then again, we are only here for a few weeks and it is fair that her father gets to spend time with her.

I miss you too my love... Please know that I am looking forward to have our usual 'coffee' bonding.

Emotional attachment

Somehow, I am not looking forward to go back.

As much as I miss my family and the surroundings, deep inside, there are things that I will miss badly here. Things that you do with your loved ones. For me, it’s about hanging out with my girl, her enjoying her ice-cream or choc cakes or lollypop and me with my mocha. Such simplicity.

Or perhaps, I have an emotional attachment with this place.

I am good with disengaging my emotions with my closed ones. You have to be fair. You don’t have to agree or disagree. Just be fair. That will maintain the harmony (and the mental state of my own). Partly because I have to be there for others whilst no one wants to be there for me. So I disengage my emotions, believing that it is the best policy to maintain good relations.

It is something that I don’t want lil to inherit, which is why I always allow her to express her emotions and explain why she feels the way she does, even if it involves being upset with me! I know some mothers couldn’t tolerate with it. They get very sensitive when their children do not listen or obey them. Contrary, I believe my relationship with my girl works best when we communicate.

Perhaps this is why I always find peace in her and McDreamy.

Ps: Sorry for the depressing topic. I should have stick to my original plan, “the fabulous life of sugar daddies”.

Coffee lovers

“Don't think you have to kick your coffee habit. A host of scientific evidence suggests that one of the most widely consumed—and maligned—beverages in the world is good for you. Really. Coffee has gotten a bad rap in the past, blamed for ills like heart disease, cancer, and osteoporosis. But many of the findings were based on flawed research. "The earliest studies were done when we weren't aware of certain lifestyle associations with coffee consumption, like smoking," says Peter Martin, MD, professor of psychiatry and pharmacology at Vanderbilt University. Since then, says Martin, science has shown that "coffee is an extremely healthful drink." A panel of nutrition experts at the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology meeting in April addressed the recent advances in knowledge that validate not only coffee's safety but also its health perks.”

Read the full article here:
http://www2.oprah.com/omagazine/200708/omag_200708_coffee.jhtml

Cheers to us coffee lovers!! Unfortunately, I didn’t notice whether it helps to boost your libido. Lucky huh? Otherwise, we’ll have lots of horny people in the morning (and the blue pill will lose its sales). LOL!

Ps: Legs are silky smooth. *winks*

Pss: trying hard to persuade McDreamy to watch Harry Potter (unlikely tho).

Pre-holiday

I finally managed to finish the last Harry Potter book but I seriously need to read it again. Do not attempt to read books when you have severe migraine. I lost the plot! Heheheh… I think I need to read the book before too. That’ll be my to-do things this 3 weeks hols.

Our flight back home is next Friday. Mrs Rock is also going back and she’s inviting me to see their new casa, 5 bedroom condo. They just got the keys last week (Mr Rock went back earlier). Very close to my dad’s place, so I’m pretty sure I wont miss the opportunity. They’ve been asking me to buy a unit opposite them so that we can be neighbours. Well, if I was earning equally, I would have bought one. Mr Rock already holds a senior position with a bank back home. Of course they can afford such casa.

Work wise, it’s been hectic. We have a deadline this Friday but I fell ill a few days ago. The project manager insisted that I should go home. Work can wait. Huh??? I cant remember whether I had similar treatment back home. I guess when you can demand fees in millions, you can manage clients’ expectation. I’m grateful that I don’t have to go to Germany this time around. Enough of travelling for the year. But since I have visa to the States, some Directors are keen to book me on future States-based project. (trying hard to avoid it of course.)

I still have some more shopping to do. Will get it done tomorrow night and this weekend. The sales assistants in Espirit even know our names. Heheheh… Obviously me and my girl love their design. Hoping I can squeeze a movie or dinner trip with McDreamy before my flight next week. Might be able to wear this nice dress which I bought a few months ago. It was £150+ but got it on sale of course. I hardly wear dress, maybe bcos of the unpredictable weather here and constant travelling by the tube. I hate ruining my shoes, which is why my flat Bally shoes is highly utilised (same goes with my boots).

My friends think I’m too nice with people who are mean to me. Sigh.. How can I make them see how I see things? Sometimes you need to think of the bigger picture, the long term effect. Also, karma!!!!! As far as I can see, bad things happen to people who have been mean to me. Seriously. Plus, why do you want to waste your energy moaning, complaining or worse, get even?!?!? Move on people. Enjoy the sunshine. Dress yourself to kill for your date (note to me of course! Going to get those legs waxed before I wear that dress of mine. Hehhehe…)

Now, where is that shopping list….?

Wounds...

"What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again."

Party

This mummy rocks!

Why? Because she threw a great birthday party for her lil princess.

I promised to share with you of my lil girl’s party, so here it is.

The kids loved it! It was simple yet entertaining. We used our creativity to keep the kids entertained. The theme was Pirates of the Caribbean. The lil one had an awesome outfit (mummy is not sure when she will wear it again). Mama GoodFood helped out with face painting whilst I made the tattoo for the kids. We played the movie throughout the party. Lucky for us that the place had a plasma screen. Food was yummy, compliments to the restaurant’s chef. Parents enjoyed it (I didn’t know that kids’ birthday parties at this part of the world generally do not provide food). So parents were quite surprised that they could actually eat. Hehhehe…

Now my lil girl is all grown up. Sigh… She keeps reminding me on how many ‘grown-up’ things she can do. I told her, “don’t grow up too soon. Mummy will miss the ‘baby’ you.”

To my lil girl, I thank God for giving me the most treasured gift. You are indeed a special soul, who touches everyone’s life in her own special way. Your smile brightens up my day, your hugs make me feel safe and that everything will be alright, your kindness makes you a truly wonderful person in everyone’s eyes. A little soul that gives a lot. May all your wishes come true. May you have a wonderful year ahead.

Have a lovely weekend!

Idiot!

Me of course.

I believe in second chances (third or fourth etc etc), that people might change one day. Usually people like me need people like best friends, mom, brother, etc to pull me back to earth. Not every fairy tale comes true and sometimes, people wont change.

Like I said, lil was sick a few days ago. Who was more concerned about her? McDreamy!!!! He sent constant sms throughout the day and even the following day. Concerned about her progress.

As for her own father, I called twice to inform her well-being and he said he’d call back to check. I only received ONE sms, the following day that is.

My baby brother said, “isn’t that typical?”

Sigh… who am I kidding? Lil totally deserves better than this.

Seriously.

Ps: she’s much better now.

Being 6

My baby is sick. :-( I think it's because of too much partying. She had her birthday celebration over the weekend.

Will tell more about the party. Leaving office shortly. Just came in to grab my work and going home to spend time with my baby.

I think I'm in love....

with this!

Lately I cant stop myself from glancing a Bentley. And there are a few Bentleys in my neighbourhood! I’m not into cars but these days, Bentleys seem to make my heart stops. Hahhahah…

Now I understand why men prefer cars than ladies.

I guess this will be my motivation for the next few years. To own my first Bentley.

Ps: Lil prefers Porsche of course (the lady car in Cars movie).

Candidate

Message from my little brother this morning:
“I’m having dinner with my sponsor and their alumni. Maybe there is a boyfriend candidate for you.”

LOL! My little brother never fails to amuse me. I think he’s profiling my potential-to-be boyfriend.

Given a choice, I would like to have someone from the same background. However, it seems I keep bumping into people with differences in everything e.g. Mr Milan, McDreamy. Mr Milan remains a close friend despite me saying that I don’t have any romantic feelings for him. McDreamy will always be McDreamy. So it’ll take a very great character to take his place, if ever. Hey, it’s rare to find someone who can fly you to the moon. And to have that feeling for the last 1 year and ongoing is almost non-existence.

I wont be surprised if I remain single, seriously. Especially considering the career options on my plate.

Ps: Is it official that Hans is now single???? anyone has his number? Hehheheh… Simah will nag me for being so ‘perempuan’? Oh well Simah, he’s good looking, right?

Corporate lesson

My colleague, whom I’m seated next to, is working with a hot looking Director. He (the Director) loves to keep on hands on stuffs, thus always comes around looking for my friend, who always disappears each time. That leaves me talking to the Director each time, passing messages to my friend.

Damn! It’s just way too hard to act cool in front of a good-looking man. :-)

Me and another female colleague were talking about good-looking Directors in our department. There aren’t many I must say. The other Director, he is also good looking but he looks like a playboy type (and it’s a fact anyway. Just that he doesn’t date anyone from the office). Whilst this guy, he has charisma. Maybe because he’s always on the news, thus, being groomed with the right PR skills.

Nevertheless, he never fails to make my day. hahhahahah…..

Lesson to me when I become a boss: employ good looking men for the benefit of my female staffs. LOL!

Charity and magic number!

Saw this from Ruby’s and Idham’s blog and thought I can make small contribution by doing this meme (although I think my responses will be crappy! Hhhehe):

1. A person is only as good as how he/she keeps to his/her promises.........
2. Friendship is always warm ..............................................
3. To love is to make her feel safe and peaceful even when times are bad.
4. Money makes me worry...................................................
5. I miss nasi lemak kerang (hahahha… that’s the easiest one)
6. My way of saying I care is by giving lots of kisses and cuddles (note: only to mini ms istanbul)
7. I try to spread love and happiness by smiling................
8. Pick the flowers when you know how much your loved ones like it.
9. To love someone is to be able to spend time with them even when you have a busy schedule.
10. Beauty is fictitious. ...............................................................
11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was my first kiss (yeah right! I went to all girls school. :D answer: my first year at the boarding school)
12. When I was twenty one, I remember being in love ......
13. I am most happy when mini ms istanbul kisses me in the morning ............
14. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a smile on mini ms istanbul ..................
15. If I can change one thing, I will change nothing (err.. don’t have an asnwer. ).........
16. If smiles were contagious then I will smile more........
17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be friends?............................
18. If you want to make others happy then you have to be happy yourself................
19. Money is not everything but it is nice to have.....
20. The most touching moments I have experienced is giving birth..................
21. I smile when mini ms istanbul smiles at me.....................
22. When I am happy, I glow..
23. If only I don't have to work today, then I can go shopping at Harrods.
24. The best thing I did yesterday was cooking for my girl.....
25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title," coffee lover.."
26. One thing I must do before I die is perform hajj....
27. Doing this meme, I feel like I made a small contribution.......

Ok then, told you my answers were going to be crappy. :D

On another note, I just declined another opportunity. This time, it was harder to resist. Being the number 2 person for a high profile main board company back home. Package would be really good ie your typical CFO/CEO package. The person asked me to reconsider but I feel I need to gain more experience in my current field before I lead a huge company.

My parents are proud that I was given the opportunity at an early age. But like my dad said, maybe I should wait for the magic number ie age wise. Huh??? Being a CFO/CEO also has magic age number?

Till then, I’m counting the magic number. ;-)

Fly Me to the Moon

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

Close to somebody

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

Opportunity and holiday

A friend of mine, who just went back for good, sent me an sms over the weekend. He is now with one of the largest investment bank back home. Apparently the team is still looking for people and he mentioned my name to the head of department. That guy wants to get to know me. So my friend asked whether I’m interested and ready to settle down back in KL.

It took me a while to think about this opportunity. I politely declined. I think it’s not the right time yet. My current position allows me to gain valuable experience. Even after a year of experience, I have already increased my market value by at least 20%, excluding bonus (based on what head hunters have been offering me). Bonus would be between 30%-80% of annual salary (some banks/PE houses offer ridiculously high!). Also, I’d like to taste my bonus with the firm. I know it’s not as lucrative as others but I’m sure it’ll cover a few holiday trips for me and the lil one next year. But most importantly, time with my precious daughter, seeing her growing up. It’s not that I don’t get to do so back home but I seriously felt my life was hectic back then. I doubt it’ll change now.

I mentioned the offer to the Dragon Lady and her answer was, “do you want to get a slap from me?!? The question is not even worth to be considered.” Oh well, we both had our fair share of very late nights and stressful deadlines. She’s enjoying her work life balanced in the land Down Under. Doubt she’ll ever go back.

The lil one is planning for another holiday trip. I think it’s been only 3 weeks that we had the Disney trip. This morning, on our way to school, she said she wants to see Spain. We went there before, Madrid, some time last year. Our first holiday, just me and her. It was really cool! I mean, I was nervous of course. Praying hard that things would go well. Thankfully, it did.

We are going back to Malaysia some time in August but I’m hoping we can squeeze a holiday before that. Maximising summer and the sun. I would love to see Istanbul again but the flights are flying rockets. Otherwise, there is the term break in October or Christmas break.

I used to dream of travelling around the world. I just couldn’t believe that I’m actually doing it now and what makes it sweeter is that I get to do it with my beloved girl. Thanks love! You are truly mummy’s best friend.

Happy anniversary

Today is my one year mark with the firm. I survived so far. Late nights, travelling abroad, whilst at the same time, managing my lil girl. It is more challenging now as she is in proper school ie I have to remember her PE days, school library books, homework, spelling tests etc. Thankfully, it has been ok. I managed to attend most of her school’s functions. Happy indeed!

My daughter and I have formed ourselves a team. We do everything together. She keeps reminding me, “mummy, we are a team. X&X!” We both have the same initial, that’s how she came up with the team’s name. She aced herself again. Teachers have been complimenting her progress. Reading and spelling test. Of course, since she has a mean mummy (when it comes to school work only.), she really does her best to do well at school. Oh well, like my baby brother said, “you are always fierce when it comes to education.” All my siblings had a taste of me, flying off my sparks when they did something wrong, especially with maths.

Also, my baby brother has left. The lil one is missing him. Me too. He is a great uncle, plays with his niece, takes care of her during school break, makes sure our dinner is arranged etc etc. Our last night together, we talked hours and hours. He shared my difficult moments, things I didn’t tell him before. But now, since he is bigger (towering me) and wiser, he felt the need to share my pain.

We miss you already…

Disneyland Paris

Disneyland Paris was truly a magical kingdom, where all fairytales and dreams come to life. It’s a place that brings out the child of you. That’s how I can summarise our holiday. Truly awesome!

We took the 930am Eurostar from London Waterloo on Saturday. There was an earlier direct train but after a whole week of really late nights, I just couldn’t be bothered to take the early train. The journey took less than 3 hours and the train station is located exactly at the entrance of the parks (Disneyland and Walt Disney studios). The shuttle bus to our hotel was already there and we made our way to the hotel to check-in and leave our luggage. Took about 5-8 mins and the frequency is about 7-10 mins. My brother was really impressed with the whole trip, even before we entered the parks. We had lunch at Disney Village (just opposite the parks’ entrance) and entered Disneyland by 3pm.

The place was really packed! Most of them came with kids but we could see some couples and groups of teenagers/young adults. Surprisingly, there were groups of old people! I guess everybody, regardless their age, gender or race, would like a taste of the magical kingdom. The weather was really great! In fact, it was kind of hot. Unlike London a few days before, freezing!

The lil one was very excited and told me which rides/ places she wanted to try. On the first day, we covered Fantasyland and Adventureland. Went inside Sleeping Beauty castle, Alice in Wonderland labyrinth, tried Mad Hatter tea cups and Le Carrousel de Lancelot. In Adventureland, we went to Aladdin’s Passage, Pirate’s Beach, Adventure Isle, Captain Hook’s Pirate ship and the best part was, Pirate of the Caribbean. Even the lil one enjoyed the ride (it was quite action packed for lil kids).

After the park closed, we proceeded to Disney Village and had dinner at Planet Hollywood. Then, went shopping at the Disney stores (there were 2 huge stores!). The Village closes at about 2am I think. There were many restaurants, bars and a big McD. After minor shopping, we took the 1130ish pm shuttle bus and settled down for the day.

One thing I love about the hotel is that it is really child-friendly. They try to accommodate your children’s needs. Bottle warmers at the restaurant and rooms (by request). Breakfast was nothing fancy but we could pack the croissants and pain au chocolat, which was really handy cos you do get hungry with those rides and walk.

We arrived at Disneyland just before 1030am and our mission for the day was to take pictures with “celebrities”. The first one was Minnie Mouse. The queue took us 45 minutes (as expected) but we just couldn’t care. All we wanted was a piece of her. Of course the lil one was a bit clueless of her fame, unlike me and my brother. We grew up with her while the lil one is within the “princess” fairytales generation. We hugged, kisses and took pictures with her.

Then, we went to search for a princess. Lil wanted Cinderella but she was not due to appear that day (I think). Instead, we had Ariel and her prince. So we queued (again). After 20 minutes, they changed the characters to Aladdin and Genie. You could sense how frustrated the parents were. 90% of the kids who queued were girls and obviously they want a princess character! They should have placed Princess Jasmine instead of Genie. Anyway, since I didn’t want to disappoint my girl, I asked the cast members whether Ariel was due to come out again. Apparently she’d come in 20 minutes time. So we went to the back of the line. The effort and waiting time was all worth it. After almost an hour of queuing, she got her chance to hug, kiss and take a picture with Ariel. Of course, Prince Eric was there and I will write more about him. Hehhehe…
I think it was about 1pm when we entered Walt Disney Studio. Took the tram tour ride about the making of Disney movies. At one point, we were taken to a movie set, a truck on a rocky hill and waterfall. They created rain and thunder, explosions (we felt the heat of the fire in our tram), and the sudden pour of the waterfall. Me and the lil one got wet (cos we were sitting very close to the waterfall). It felt very real!

Then, we took the Flying Carpet ride but the queue was not as bad as the “celebrities”. While we had our lunch, they had actors and actress staging a show, with participants from visitors. Did another round of shopping at the shops before we went back to Disneyland to catch the 4pm parade.

The parade lasted about 30 mins. Started with Mickey and friends. There were Toy Story characters, Pinnochio, Peter Pan, Lion King, all Disney Princesses and their princes (they were in the same carriage/stage), the evil characters. I cant remember all. Need to check my pictures. Hehhehe… While waiting for the second show to start (at 6pm), we took the Snow White and Pinnochio’s passage ride. Also, I finally gave in to the idea of queuing Dumbo the Elephant ride. The queue was always long and I couldn’t disappoint my girl. After an hour of waiting, we got our turn. It was just in time to watch the second show, in conjunction with the 15th year of Disneyland Paris.

After the show, people started to leave which meant less queue to try things. So we went to Discoveryland and tried Honey I Shrunk the Audience. We also went into It’s a Small World musical indoor boat tour. Took us 5 mins queuing time!

All in all, it was worth the trip. You could feel the happy vibes. People were just smiling to each other. Kids (and some adults) were wearing costumes. I think I’ll do that for our next trip. It’s a great place to spend time with your family.

Will write more.. especially about Prince Eric. *winks*

2am

It's 2am (actually 2.27am to be precise!) and I'm about to leave office. The last time I worked this late was 3 years ago (could be 5 years ago).

Thankfully I'm having a long weekend. Taking tomorrow (or today cos it's Friday now) and Monday off. Spending time with my loved ones.

Disneyland Paris, here we come!

Just breathe

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,

can you help me unravel my latest mistake,

I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes

Like they have any right at all to critisize,hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable

and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button girl,

So cradle your head in you hands

And breathe, just breathe,

Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss

Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,

Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.

Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,

But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,

Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.

No one can find the rewind button boys,

So cradle your head in your hands,

And breathe, just breathe,

Woah breathe, just breahte

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout

But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again

If you only try turning around.2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life they belong to

And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button now

Sing it if you understand.

and breathe, just breathe

woah breathe, just breathe,

oh breathe, just breathe.

Break-up

I just watched that movie last night. Ever since I started working, I cant seem to find time to fit this activity. After being a parent (now a single one), it means this is almost impossible. So usually I get dvds. The thing I love being in this country is that their dvds are always on sale. 3 for £20 or sometimes when you are lucky, you can get a good movie for £5. I know I don’t get the same thrill as everyone else but if going to a cinema costs me more than an original dvd, then why not? I get to watch at the comfort of my house, pause anytime I like, etc.

The movie didn’t have a happy ending like your typical romance story. It just represents what most couples face during the first few months (or years) of their relationship. I cant remember the characters’ names but the girl (Jennifer Aniston) said something like, she has done so much for this relationship to work and all she wants is some appreciation ie flowers. Even when she mentioned from day one to the guy that she doesn’t like them (flowers) bcos they turn up dead anyway, a girl is just a girl. All girls love (or at least like) flowers. As for the guy, he was just trying to work hard to be the “provider” or be the best man for the girl but he just didn’t have the flare for showing his emotions. At one point, his best-mate told him that he always tag people to follow what he wants but he hardly wants to follow them (the things they love to do).

Part of being in a relationship is doing things together. It’s not whether you like it or not. It’s bcos someone very close and important to you likes it and you respect and being supportive with their decision. It’s not about the action or the environment. It’s the person you are with at that moment, knowing how important your presence is to them.

One of the episodes in Scrubs had this quote, “you spend less time for yourself so that you could spend more time with your loved ones”. The guy was going to the gym with his friends in order to be in shape. His friends go there on almost daily basis but they don’t have anyone to go back to, while he has his wife waiting for him at home. So in the end, he ditched his gym session.

After two hectic weeks with workload, not to mention being sick (lil and me) which further pushed me (and my health) to the limits, I am looking forward to our holiday this coming weekend. My brother is arriving tomorrow and we will be heading to Disneyland Paris on Saturday. I hope we will have a blast.

Ps: did some minor shopping with lil. She needed new pyjamas. We also bought Pirates of Caribbean dvds (1 and 2). That’ll be our activity tonight.