Monday, January 29, 2007

The Pursuit of Happyness

The Pursuit Of Happyness

“You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period.”

I don’t know when I’m able to find time to watch this movie but it’s definitely in my to-do list. Either that or getting the DVD when it’s out. I know my life is no where close to this movie. I wasn’t homeless but I understand how a single parent goes thru a difficult phase.

There were times when people told me that I could never achieve my dreams, that I was wasting my time here in London, that I left a luxury life and lived in “rags” for nothing, that I could never make it as a single mom in a foreign land. No one supported my dreams. People kept criticising my decision.

I’m going to make sure that my daughter gets everything that I’ve been missing as a child, time with her mother. She’ll know that I’ll be there for her school’s performances and parties. We plan for our weekends and holiday trips. If work is getting overload, I’ll make sure that I put some time off after each deadline so that we spend time together.

In pursuit of my dreams, I wont leave my daughter behind. And I thank her for believing in me.

"It's the story of my life, but it's not about me. It's about every father who had to be both the father and the mother. It's about every mother who had to be the mother and father," he said. "It's about anybody who ever dreamed big and had someone tell them, 'No, you can't do it.' You can."

Chris Gardner story can be found via here:

Friday, January 19, 2007

Being a girl

It’s a busy month. Just got back from a residential course on Wednesday. Going to Germany on Monday morning and returning on Friday, touching Heathrow at 1645. The same routine for the following week.

My work keeps my mind busy. The little one gives me strength and hope. She even reassures me that she’ll be fine with the nanny. I know I’m going to miss her, my teddy bear, our cookie monster game in the morning, bedtime stories at night.

Being away makes you appreciate the little things. Some people say that it’s all about quality and not quantity i.e. it doesn’t mean when you spend less time with your loved ones, they care you less. But, never take it for granted. Your loved ones maybe able to cope without you or be independent but they still need you.

When I see how independent my lil girl is without me, it worries me. I’ve been there, coping without people by my side. I stop enjoying life or be matured for my age, showing people that I’m fine without them. I don’t need them. Reality is, I do.

I want my daughter to cherish her childhood, to play, to have fun. I want her to know that she has me by her side and not worry about our life. I want her to be full of love and joy and let others feel her warmth.

Take care my love. Mummy will be home soon…

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Unfaithful pt II

My dad was the first to wish me. Just after midnite, Malaysia time. Followed by my two best friends. The lil one got confused, on why I have two dates as my birthday. Told her the other day was just to celebrate, people wont be able to attend if we do it on school days. She concluded that the other day was a ‘pretend’ birthday. Kids. :D

Called mom. Then I think the server went nuts. I was wondering when my brothers would sms their wishes. They came later that night, tho the times said otherwise. I almost gave them “spanking”, being the eldest sis, a big bully. Hehehhe.. Hey, I’m a good sis. Strict, but nice at heart (my brothers would LOVE to make their comments here).

An old friend also wished me, which was touching as we both have busy lives and the last time I saw her was a few years ago. She’s a magistrate now, always complaining how our society is getting worse each day.

TD is very busy with work nowdays. Kept apologising that he couldn’t celebrate my birthday. But he showed up at the party and we spent time two days before my birthday. It was more than enough. He still feels bad. Hmmm, these things always make me melt. I’m romantic at heart but people always think otherwise. A girl is a girl. Even the lil one knows how much I love flowers. She got some on her way back from school a few days ago. She asked the nanny to get it for me. Isn’t she sweet?

Work-wise, we are having post-completion dinner for a job that we did a few months ago. I cant attend as I’ll be away somewhere in Europe. The Director for that job told me to cancel my work and join them for dinner. Hehehhe… I’m sure it’ll be lovely. I just love post-completion party. Usually my options are limited to seafood meals which means I get to order LOBSTERS. Yummy!

Talking about unfaithful.....

Relationships take a lot of work. It takes effort to maintain, to nurture more love. Sometimes people just fall out of love or found love when they least expect. Sometimes people just find excuses to be out of love. Which is worse, physical or emotional affair? Men (and sometimes women) think they can just get away by having physical affairs. To them, it’s nature and they don’t have emotional feelings for these people. To make matters worse, society (in certain parts of this world) seems to agree with them, especially for men. It’s expected that men will have affairs but it’s a taboo if a woman does it. What a bias!

Wouldn’t it be nice to be in love with someone and thus leading to physical emotions? Wouldn’t it be more meaningful? But different people might have different perspective.

Monday, January 08, 2007


Pothole # 4: The Seven-Year ItchExperts observe that this phase is often characterized by feelings of restlessness and unhappiness over the state of your union. "Over time, people can find themselves drifting further and further apart and communicating less," says Nick Stinnett, Ph.D., professor of marriage and family studies at the University of Alabama. "The other greatest threat to [long-term relationships] is materialism. We place a great deal of value on having good jobs, making a lot of money and having a lot of nice things, but we often neglect our partner in the process."

Expert advice: After studying 6,000 successful marriages, Stinnett has concluded that the success of a marriage (or other long-term commitment) can be directly linked to acts of kindness. "That's as easy as sending flowers or taking the time to write a letter that expresses how you feel," he says. Make dates for just the two of you. This isn't being self-centered — it's essential to you and your family's well-being. "Think of your marriage like a business," says Simpson. "You still have to show up and put in the time and effort. A marriage doesn't run on its own. You have to look at ways to make it better."

I'm snowed down with work. Leaving to Europe in 2 weeks time. The lil one has already asked for toys upon my return from my business trip. Have fun reading the full article!

Rihanna - Unfaithful

Friday, January 05, 2007

Embracing the new age

I’m hosting a party tomorrow at a restaurant selected by the lil one. Birthday party and pay rise. Just among good friends. It’s a way of thanking them for being there for us, the good and not-so-good times. I don’t like using ‘bad’. I try not to use the ‘negative’ words. Don’t know, just trying to be more positive.

Anyway, how does it feel to be 30? Old I guess. It’s the prime age. Most of the time, you know where you are heading. I’m not entirely sure I’m one of them. A few years ago, I had a different thinking cap. I had everything planned. Family, career etc. I thought by now, I would have had 2 kids, having a senior post back home, staying a nice 4 bedroom condo with a maid and a driver.

Somehow…. I took a turning point.

I come from a good and maybe well-off family, had a perfect marriage (in everyone’s eyes), high flying career etc. Yet, it felt empty. I was more lonely back home than being here. Strange indeed. I mean, you are surrounded by good things yet you feel you are not connected to anyone.

Someone told me, ‘I want to be as successful as you.’ My advice was, ‘in your pursuit of success, don’t lose sight of your loved ones. What is a success if you don’t have anyone to share it with?’

I’m blessed with a beautiful and lovely daughter, good friends who treat us like family. Even when I’m miles away from home, I don’t feel as lonely as before. To find your true self, your inner peace, it’s not an easy task. My journey of finding inner peace was difficult but during that process, I found my courage. More strength than I could ever imagine. Sometimes when I feel things are not as smooth as I want them to be, I remember the times when I felt the whole world was collapsing and how I managed to go through that phase.

Maybe in order to find happiness and peace, one must go through sorrow and pain.

So here’s to my 30th birthday! To the lovely people in my life, thank you…

Ps: I thought of treating myself either a Bally handbag or a new TV. I chose a brand new LCD tv. At least the lil one and her friends get to watch their shows. Like my girl said last nite, ‘now the cartoons look bigger, mummy’.

pss: I realise the advice I gave to my friend a few months ago is close to 'Cinta' movie's script. Only mine was in English. :-)

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Holiday season part 2

Spent Christmas at a friend’s place. They made roast lamb. Yummy! We couldn’t do anything on that day as there was no transportation and the shops were closed. My friend’s place is just walking distance.

Boxing day….now that’s when all the action started. We went to Bicester Village. My first time there on Boxing day. It was packed!!! For example, FCUK shop had a queue of 10-15 metres long. I couldn’t be bothered to go in, especially when the lil one was with me. I got myself a nice pair of Ralph Lauren jeans, CK handbag and a shocking pink bed sheet set. It was 60-80% off! I also found out that the bed sheet brand is sold at Harrods, but I got them at a VERY good price. :D Too bad for my girl as we couldn’t find anything for her. She needed a pair of boots but couldn’t find her size in Timberland or Clarks. So I bought her a cute handbag from Monsoon and lots of books. They were £1 each!!! But I promised her that we get her stuffs the next day.

So there we were. Off to Oxford St on Wednesday. Went to almost all kids store they have. Hamleys, Espirit, Quicksilver (they apparently have kids’ stuffs), Zara, Disney Store, M&S, Mothercare. I kept to my promise. She has been very patient when it comes to toys. All these while, I told her that I will get her toys during sale. We got the Little Mermaid bridal costume, Alice in Wonderland toy set, sticker machine, boots, clothes, curtains for her room etc etc. It was very tiring! Yet the lil one seemed to never run out of energy (maybe it’s the toys’ boost).

On Eid, we followed our friends to their friend’s house. They hosted Eid celebration and their daughter’s birthday party. Had roti jala, lemang, lodeh, rendang etc. I think I had 3 rounds of roti jala. The house was packed with kids. The host themselves had 4, 3 of them are boys. So you can just imagine how ‘cheerful’ the place was with 10 kids. :D

I spent the New Year Eve on my couch, watching Nicholas Cage in ‘Gone in 60 seconds’.

Hope your holiday season was as good as mine!