An hour to live, an hour to love

For the beautiful people in my life, especially to my lil princess, Ms Achemist and The Dragon Lady. With your presence, I am where I am today. I hope I have been there for you as much as you have been there for me.

An hour to live, an hour to love by Richard Carlson.

"People experience tragedy, and it makes their life have greater meaning."
"In this experience of losing Richard so suddenly and grieving his loss, it has just given me so much strength and comfort to feel so complete in our relationship," Kris says. "Just to know that he felt so complete when he left. Just to know that he walked out the door that day, he had said it all—he had appreciated us so fully."

"If I could live this life over again, I'd spend less time talking and more time listening. Saying goodbye to the girls, I cried when I realized I hadn't listened nearly enough to them over the years and they have so much to say. In my attempts to share my own wisdom, I've missed out on hearing theirs.That's something I'd change for sure and it would have been easy to do."

Live as if each day were our last. If you had an hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would it be to, what would you say, and why are you waiting?

Commitments

There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make, true commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully.

After a few days (could be weeks) of long hours, I managed to leave early yesterday. The danger of doing so is that I usually end up buying something. But I think I deserve some splurge. Spent an hour at the book store, got 4 books, 2 for each of us (had to call the lil one to confirm which books she wanted). The lingerie boutique had some items on sale. I got 2 nice and comfy nightwear for summer. Kept telling myself that it was a good splurge. Correction, an educational splurge. Books are good and the amount I spent on them was more than the lingerie. No guilt. *winks*

I am keeping myself busy with work, the lil one and my passion i.e. reading. When a girl is spoilt with choices, all she needs is a good book and relaxing songs to keep her mind off. No wonder this week alone I already purchased 4 books for myself (and read 5). A good distraction (at least it works for me). *smiles*

ps: Thank you to my lovely blogger friends for their never ending support on the idea of dating. *winks* I need to take mental note on each advice. Now where is my black book. *LOL*

Over You

I'm out of my element here. I handle transations worth millions for a living, I used to live in the basement, most days I just have few minutes to make myself look good, and I don't give a crap about what other people think of me. Because I'm a happily independent and successful single mother and I like it that way, only when you say stuff like this, it just makes things too hard. So please, don't chase me anymore, unless you're ready to catch me.


Over you - Chris Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done. I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down. Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left. Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep. Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running
A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you. More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years. Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see.
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running
A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you. More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years. Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Of a date(s)

Two dates, two different men, two opposite settings.

One I had the chance of being a lady, wearing an elegant red satin silk knee length dress, with black cardigan and stockings, matched with black high heels. The day before, I just went to the salon and did my hair. So the hair still looked nice (blow dry effect by stylist). In other words, I looked like a babe and turned heads (which I did as I bumped into people I know).

One I was in my plain jane mode. Simple clothes, no make up, romance-free place.

So which date was the best? Unbelievably, it was the second. It was with someone who never had a place in my heart (romantically speaking).

I am still amazed with the outcome. The beauty of simplicity, the respect one has on friendship and how this evolves to the unknown.

It is like how Mary’s dad (the Wedding Planner movie) explained to her on how he fell in love with her mother. It was an arranged marriage with neither party ever set eyes on each other and how her mother dreaded the marriage. Something like “from respect to care, from care to like, and from like to love”.

I will cherish this moment. For being myself, enjoying conversations, for just being a girl.

Funnily enough, at one stage, I felt my life was reflecting this:

Fantasy?

Ok, so maybe my fantasy is not anywhere close to that, but having both Mr Big and McSteamy in town next week will be the hightlight of my life for the past few weeks. Seriously, what more can a girl ask, right? Two yummilicious men, ah...a girl can just drool. *winks*

The Match Maker

My fav secretary said the darnest thing today, “maybe we should hook you up with The Most Eligible Guy?” TMEG is one of the TWO good looking Directors whom I mentioned in my earlier posts.

I looked at her with horror! I told her that he is the George Clooney type, dates different girl every night (okay, I’m exaggerating. But he is the type who can pick any gorgeous babe he meets at a club or a pub).

Fav Secretary said, “he just portrays himself that way so that people think he’s doing ok. Deep inside, he wants to find The One, to settle down.”

Well, if he wants to be seen as serious, he needs to pull his act together and stop being a serial dater or equivalent to that. How on earth is he going to find The One? Of course, this was between me and FS. I’ll be nuts to tell that straight at his face, especially since he is sitting on the Board of Directors committee aka The Management i.e. higher than the other good looking Director.

Apart from him appearing to be the playboy type, there is nothing horribly wrong with him. I mean, FS is right. He is the most eligible guy in the department. An aussie who came here for a temporary posting, ended up staying for 10 years and got promoted at the highest level i.e. The Management. He is in mid 30s, and has a body like....Brad Pitt? He’s not fat or skinny. He is just nice and it matches well with his good looking features.

I hate mixing business with pleasure. Not my thing at all. But then again, I have never worked with him directly. There are a few office romances going on in the department. Two directors got married last year (the lady gave birth a month ago to a cute baby boy), two directors are dating and I’m sure there a few, present and past (need to dig more gossips from FS).

It is the craziest idea. I am not his type at all.

But then again, maybe I do need to get a match maker?

Better person

You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who doesn't complicate your life. Somebody who won't hurt you... He's the better guy. I'm walking away.

How can you be nice to a horrible guy like me?

But what if I dont want you to walk away? What if your presence has given me more courage and strength, and that I am a better person when you are by my side? I dont want you to be there for me just when I am down. I want you to be there for no reason.

You are my zahir....I just wish you realise that..

Keep me close

Dedicated to sweet Fizzy. Here's your McSexy! *winks*

Look at me, I'm so far away
Out of the way of rain
Far from the pain, yeah
And if you see me in your dreams
Would you still believe
All that you see, yeah

And only you and me, and only you and me
Well even though I'm not there with you
It's good to keep me close

I never thought that it would come down to this
That I would be so missed
So quickly dismissed, yeah
I want nothin more than to be with you every home
yeah, i know its been so long
What i did was wrong, yeah

And only you and me, and only you and me
Well even though I'm not there with you
It's good to keep me close

Closer to your skin, you gotta keep me deep within
Cuz where I am right now I couldnt be tomorrow
Close enough to see, Close enough to hear you breathe
Close enough to feel the warmth of you, cuz I am so cold, yeah

And only in me, and only in me, oh its only in me, yeah
And even though Im not there with you
Its good to keep me close
And even though Im not there with you
Its good to keep me close
And even though Im not there with you
Its good to keep me close

Cross roads

Sometimes I feel I am in the middle of a cross road. Most of the times, I know which road to take but occasionally, I am torn.

Sometimes I am in pain. Most of the times, it is manageable and only affects me alone. Like being hurt, intentionally or not, by people who mean a lot to me. But the most unbearable pain is when seeing my loved ones get hurt.

I can’t bear seeing my lil girl cry...for her pain is greater than mine.. for she deserves to have a happy childhood.

I hope I have given her one of the best moments of her life. I know she had a great time the past few weeks.

And all these lead me back to the cross roads again....