Sunday, May 25, 2008

Pole dancing and falling in love

I did the pole dancing.

Not that “pole dancing”, but the Maypole dance. (what were you thinking?)

Maypole dancing is a form of folk dance from western Europe, especially England, Sweden and Germany, with two distinctive traditions. In the most widespread, dancers perform circle dances around a tall pole which is decorated with garlands, painted stripes, flowers, flags and other emblems. In the second, dancers dance in a circle each holding a coloured ribbon attached to a much smaller pole; the ribbons are intertwined and plaited either on to the pole itself or into a web around the pole. The dancers may then retrace their steps exactly in order to unravel the ribbons.
Yesterday, the children at Mini MI’s school performed their dance, from nursery to Year 6. Mini MI’s class did the Virginia Reel dance, a folk dance that dates from the 17th century. Though the reel may have its origins in Scottish country dance and the Highland reel, and perhaps have an even earlier influence from an Irish dance called the Rinnce Fada, it is generally considered to be an English country dance. I think it took them more than a month to learn and practice the steps. It was much more difficult than the one she performed last year. The kids had so much fun dancing and they did it really well.

The highlight was of course the Maypole dance, which was performed by Year 6. As described above, it is not an easy dance and the kids really did a splendid job! After the performance, they invited the parents to give it ago and me being me (or probably the state of mind I am experiencing for the past few weeks), I went for it. Dancing around the pole with other mothers, all giggled and smiled. I felt like a child, for just being able to let go and seize the moment.

When the performance ended, the kids went back to their class. As I entered her classroom, her class teacher said, “let’s clap to mini MI’s mummy for dancing just now”. She was so proud of it, shown all over her face, all because her mom danced. It was a moment that both of us will cherish.

As for falling in love, remember my posting back some time ago, that one day I shall get that dream? No, it was not referring to a man but rather a car, a Bentley to be precise. Yup, today we went to our fav shopping place in Oxford with a Bentley! The Godfather took us there. A convertible Bentley and at one point, we had the roof down and mini MI laughed out loud. Who says that dreams do not come true? Mine was adjusted but still, what are the chances of me getting a ride on a Bentley? I was smiling ear to ear.

Anyway, as for the shopping part, we shopped until we dropped! Girls will be girls, eh?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

What am I gonna say..

I've been awake for a while now.
You've got me feeling like a child now.
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face,
I get the tingles in a silly place.

It starts in my toes,
And I crinkle my nose.
Wherever it goes I'll always know,
That you make me smile.
Please stay for a while now.
Just take your time,
Wherever you go.

The rain is falling on my window pane,
But we are hiding in a safer place.
Under covers staying safe and warm.
You give me feelings that I adore.

What am I gonna say...
When you make me feel this way...
I just... mmm

I've been asleep for a while now.
You tucked me in just like a child now.
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms,
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth.

It starts in my soul,
And I lose all control.
When you kiss my nose,
The feeling shows.
'Cause you make me smile.
Baby just take your time now,
Holding me tight.

Wherever you go, I always know,
'Cause you make me smile even just for a while.

Addison: I want to hear you say it out loud.
Pete: You didn't move down here because I kissed you.
Addison: [walks away] Thank you.
Pete: You so moved down here because I kissed you.

*in her own thoughts* remind me why have I decided to take this trip back home (besides that it is paid for)?

Monday, May 19, 2008

Shall we dance?

Mini MI : Mummy, are you coming to my dance?
MI : I dont know baby. I hope so.
Mini MI : Let me write a letter to your boss. “Dear Mummy’s boss. Please let her come to my dance this Friday. From Mini MI.”

I already told my secretary to block half day leave in my diary and my Director knew it too. So today I told him about the letter. He laughed and said I will definitely have to go to my lil girl’s party. Even he couldn’t resist my girl’s adorableness.

Of another dance, according to Lee’s rating guide, I know I am a “more than 5” lady *cough, chuckles* (give me a chance to go inside the lift and press the button, yeah? heheh). On average, I usually look like a 7, on an excellent day i.e. when I have a big meeting, with fine wool skirt suit and a city fitting shirt, nice combination of make-up and pray to God that my hair will be on her best side, I will look like an 8 and a half.

As I know where I stand, the choices of men are usually at par or even less. Except for Mr Milan (for his age, he looks really damn good. He is definitely an 8), the rest of the men (past and present) are 7 and below. On occasion when an 8 or a 9 comes into the picture, I always “hide” myself by showing the plain jane mode. I brush away any potential crush as I know I am not in their league. No matter how many times my beloved two best friends and the Buddy say otherwise, I still have that tiny feeling of not being at par.

So when suddenly, a 9 appears, a definite Candy Man (as endorsed by many people), I am still struggling with the idea of a proper date. Hell, I have done this before! Why suddenly I feel that I am going to be tongue twisted when the date actually happens? Gessh...I seriously feel like I am in high school. You worry about what to wear, shades of make-up to go with your attire, which perfume etc.

Is it because that he has known you for a long time? He has seen you transformed from being a girl to a woman and a mother. He knows all the “scars” and “wounds”, and how you heal them. The idea of going out with someone who has seen you growing up (more than any of your family members!) makes it awkward?

I think too much. I deserve to go out with a Candy Man (and I better make sure that I look like a hot babe on our date). I have to be more “zen”.

The Buddy said the way I call these men is as if they are food. Of course! Who wouldn’t bite yummilicious men? Wouldnt you agree with me on this, ladies? *winks*

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Candyman anyone?

It was a choice of writing “big love” (affairs which are common these days), the book that I’m currently reading or an incident that annoyed me today. I chose to talk about men.

"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."

Obviously when people think that they have broken up, some of us choose to cry our lungs out and be in the sorrow state. Some try to be positive and move on. I choose to achieve a well defined target which will lead to a balanced lifestyle for me and my girl. So instead of being happy like the reaction of other people upon me sharing the news, you had the guts to say that I can’t do what is best for me and live the life as I like. That I should consider the effect of my action towards my loved ones.

As far I know, the lil one is my only concern, there is no other loved ones. And I know the opportunities will actually work best for my girl. Is it the fact that my plan is very well defined that it actually makes you intimidated that I can actually move on?

Wishful thinking always ends up into broken promises. If a change was wanted, it could have been done a long time ago. There is no point of making plans when there is no proper blueprint in place. It’s like making the perfect design of a house when you haven’t even purchased the plot of land.

Typical McDreamy type. Seriously. They simply cant make up their bloody mind.

I am not saying it is easy but I feel it is more bearable compare to what I experienced the first time around (which was like a few years ago!). I guess it comes with this age (here we go again of being in our 30s) that there is more to life than letting these things taking control of you.

So lesson to me, never think that you are not good enough to date the McSteamy type. You are as beautiful as you want to be to date with a truly Candy Man (a friend keeps scolding me for thinking I am not good enough to date those seriously good looking and equally nice at heart men). If a Candy Man decides to give his number, DO call!

McDreamy is the knight in shining armour. He pretends to be a nice guy, but in fact he is selfish. He doesn't know what he wants.
McSteamy is plain dirty and naughty. but hot n sexy. He’s brutally honest and doesn't try to hide it. Beneath the bad boy exterior is something worthy.

Ps: Author is fine, just ventilating herself for the sheer stupidity of a few men (a few only, I am sure there are plenty of good men out there). *winks*

Saturday, May 17, 2008

never see me cry...

I’m not the type to get my heart broken
I’m not the type to get upset and cry
Coz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don’t get deep to me
Never get the whole in love thing
If someone could say love me truly
But at the time it didn’t mean a thing

My mind is gone I’m spinnin’ around
And deep inside My tears I’ll drown
I’m losing grip What’s happening?
I stray from love This is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I’ve got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
coz its hurting me to let it go
maybe coz we spent so much time
and I know that it’s no more
I should have never let u hold me baby
Maybe why I’m so sad to see us apart
I didn’t give it to u on purpose
Gotta figure out how u stole my heart

How did I get here with you?
I’ll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do
To stay away from love with you
I’m broken-hearted
I can’t let you know
And I Won’t Let It Show
You won’t see me cry

Monday, May 12, 2008

The remedy is the experience

The weekend was awesome. Met Ms Versatile on Saturday. Had iced mocha, chatted and strolled along Regent St. Two single ladies, enjoying conversation, mainly around the topic of dating. All of a sudden, she said “at least you were married before. There is no pressure for you to do so. You’ve got good excuses to just be happily dating.”

FYI, Ms Versatile is just slightly older than me. Single, successful and a babe. Yet, I think I have more dates than her.

Then it occurred to me. Does being a single mother make me yummy? I mean, 10 years ago, hardly anyone in uni noticed me (remember the late bloomer posting?). Yet now, somehow, I am getting hot dates with seriously yummilicous men. Is it because being in this position, I look less intimidating compare to single 30 something ladies?

There is some truth in it. Perhaps men assume that the main agenda for 30 something women is marriage. Not to mention the expectation to be met by the successful ladies i.e. the perfect dinner, wine, dine etc. Somehow, the pressure on dating is high.

As for me, being in a good company will already make my day. Having a great date i.e. romantic dinner, the chemical reaction, nice pressies, is a bonus. With my present situation, I have less expectation. Of course since I am in a good position (balancing motherhood and a good career), I guess it attracts certain kind of men. So far, it seems they have one thing in common. They are usually in suit and deal with high level people. Yup, quality and no-nonsense men (when it comes to their profession. Somehow they can be idiots when it comes to handling a woman!).

Still, I told her to keep her heart and mind open. Give men a chance. Go on more dates. For all she knows, she is not ready to settle down.

Which then leads to me i.e. happily dating. I suppose I should stick to that for the time being. I am not restricted to one routine. I love my life, being a mother and having a good career. Having someone now could probably disrupt the momentum.

Speaking of momentum, today I received 3 good news. It started with a text from The Guy Next Door in the early morning, saying that he might be coming next month. Best fren said he must be looking forward to this trip, especially after the hot dates we had previously. I still find it weird i.e. having a “thing” with someone who knows you for a long time. Kinda reminds me of Rachel and Ross.

Then at the office, I presented my business case to a managing Director of my previous work experience. It seems he wants to tap my skill for the Global initiative. It means I might be dealing the super senior managing Directors (those who have their own private jets!). He said there could be opportunity for me to “tag along” if they do their roadshow back home. My jaw almost dropped (but of course I had to remain cool, right? *winks*).

At the end of the day, Mr Nice Guy shared a critical piece of information in relation to my work. I am not going to believe him until it is official. Please pray that it goes tru (God’s will).

Hopefully a few more hot dates and better things work wise. It’s all about the journey. The experience is the remedy.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

If I could be like that, I'd give anything

And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream, is that too much to ask?
With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a quiet little street.
All she wants is just that something to hold onto, that's all she needs.

I started the day feeling good about myself. I was in my new beige trouser suit. My asset has always been my legs. The suit emphasises my height and the slimness of my legs. The weather was brilliant. It was another good reason for a nice day. Also, I was getting constant sms from someone, something that has been going for the past few weeks. *smiles*

Then slowly, I was beginning to feel the pain. It was bound to happen, especially when it was a sudden end. Despite the pleas, I managed to stand on my grounds. It is for my own good. I need to do this.

Instead of remembering the losses, I focussed on the things that I have.

I thought about my beautiful lil girl. She has her big exam this Friday and today after school, I gave her a call. She said she had her practice test. She could not finish the last question. At least she was aware of what she did best and what she needed to improve. She told me she found the “wishing” flower and made a wish. She wished that she was not thin. I asked why. She wants to be like her best friend, who is bigger (and stronger) than her. I told her that I was thin at school, yet I played sports, did long runs, etc. There is no reason for her to be sad for being thin. She also wished that there will be a good prince to take care of mummy. She has been wishing and praying that for some time, usually before she goes to bed. I think she is the sweetest girl.

Then I thought about my friends. Best friends who are miles away, my “sisters” here who constantly offer their support especially when it comes to the welfare of the lil one. What would I do without Mrs Dior and Mrs Rock? Sometimes when I am torn with my emotions, they will quickly pull me out and remind me that I deserve better. Mrs Dior said that if both of them are lucky enough to have a good partner, why should I not deserve the same?

I am also lucky to have a good career, one which balances my role as a mother and a woman. It pays well. Once in a while I can splurge on the latest gadget for the house, holidays for me and my girl, awesome outfits. Never thought that I would one day wear a few hundred pounds suit with fine Italian designer handbags and shoes (with my hard earned money). Not to mention the gifts received from dear Mr Milan and the Godfather (uncle D). Like Kak Teh always says, different people have different luck or “rezeki”.

By appreciating all of the above, the pain started to slip away.

Sometimes people forget that at the end of the day, I need to be reminded that I am still a girl. And if that person wants to make me feel so, just let it be. Even if it means that I have to travel half way around the globe. Not many people can spare their time for me and for him to do so, I am thankful. When others fail to see, at least he knows that no matter what, I am still a girl.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Thirty, flirty and thriving

Mercy - Duffy

I don't know what this is
But you got me good
Just like you knew you would
I don't know what you do
But you do it well
I'm under your spell

You got me begging you for mercy
Why won't you release me
You got me begging you for mercy
Why won't you release me
I said you better release me

There is another saucy video clip with the same song but I think it'll raise the eyebrows of my fellow readers (especially the women as it is just way too hot!). So I better stick to this version. Hope you’ll excuse me to have some quality time with my fantasy. *winks* Tomorrow is a public holiday, thus good excuse to stay in bed and.....

Oh yeah, in response to Manal’s recent posting, I’m doing my bit of contribution:
If you think sex at 30 is good…just wait. Your teens and twenties are all about trial and error. Good boyfriend, bad sex; great sex, terrible boyfriend. But in your thirties, when you’ve finally figured out who and what you like, your sexual confidence booms. You’ll be reaping the rewards in bed for a long time to come. Enjoy them!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Under your spell

You walked away, and now it's too late. There's too much water under the thing, or whatever.

I am trying hard to close this door. It is just shut, not locked and at any point of time, that person can just walk his way in. But I am trying hard to stand on my grounds. I am not sad, when I know I should. I guess it is partly due to the current roller coaster of my state of affairs. You know, like they always say, one door closes, another opens. In my case, there are two.

One of it involves serious thinking of my career aspiration. I have to decide where I want to go from here. Back in uni, I had this vision of working at one of the big institutions in one of the financial cities. Now, I have the opportunity. I have that “break”. The question is, am I ready?

I consider myself lucky for having such strong support from my mentors. Yet, I know I owe this to myself. It is not easy to be given this opportunity. If I don’t push myself or take up the challenge, who would. I need to get out of my comfort zone.

I have until tomorrow to decide. For now, I shall leave the men out of my life. I am not saying they are bad. We all love the attention, to be pampered, just to have someone by your side. For me, it is about the companionship. I cant deny that I am still smitten from the dates. But I need to wake up soon from this cloud nine, for my own good. Yet, I dont want to let go of this feeling. Somehow, it makes everything light, as if you are floating your way around. And suddenly life is a bliss. Somehow, when you feel generally good about yourself, it attracts more positive things in your life.

So I am letting myself float for the time being....

ps: Oh yes, I am under a spell. *winks*

i dont know what this is
but you got me good
just like you knew you would

i dont know what you do
but you do it well
I’m under your spell