Monday, October 29, 2007

Losing a battle

After a few days fighting myself from taking time off from work, I finally lost the battle today. Told my secretary, she booked a cab and I went straight home. The boss told me to stay home tomorrow too, as most of the stuffs can be done at the comfort of my sofa. I'm taking it easy tonight and tomorrow. I will stay home, but my laptop and mobile will be on.

I told him my condition early morning but I still went ahead to work (typical workaholic syndrome). So when I lost the battle, I texted him in the cab.

Later, he showed always...

ps: Doc said I just need to rest. :D Did other tests too (the one he wanted to accompany) and it turned out fine. But I need to check again in a few months, just in case (since I have medical history of it). I'm trying to do some work now, while listening to Fly FM, and while not thinking of FOOD. Why dont I feel hungry at office?

Friday, October 26, 2007

Of a book

I finished reading Growing up in Trengganu by Awang Goneng. Got the book from Kak Teh of course. *smiles*

While reading the book, it kept bringing me back to the times spent with my late grandparents. I had a "complex" childhood (which I shall not dwell now). Somehow, most of the things I could remember when I was a child were the times spent with them. Each time I went back or when they were around. I loved going back to their place. Grandmother always took me to the morning market. It was nothing fancy, your typical wet market, a mixed of fresh vege, fish, poultry as well as typical village delights. Grandfather always pampered me, gave the attention that I needed, read with me, accompanied me to do whatever I wanted. I always share this wonderful memories with McDreamy.

When my grandfather passed away (I was 10), I took it really bad. It was the first time I understood the feeling of losing someone close to my heart. Then, 12 years later, grandmother followed him. In a way, I lost both "parents".

They are always in my thoughts, even to this day. Sometimes when I feel sad and blue, I just think of them, hoping that I inherit their wisdom to make my own decision.

To my grandparents, thank you for being part of my life. If you can hear me now, you have a beautiful and lovely great-granddaughter. I try my best to raise her well.

Sigh.... I'm going to nag Kak Teh for making me read the book. Feeling bit down now. Anyway, you should get it. Worth reading!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Take my breath away....

Every now and then something amazing happens, and against our better judgment we start to have hope.

I cant stop smiling.....for all the right reasons... Part of my prayers have been heard and answered...That I am now part of the future plans...That I now should have hope....

I am going to smile in my sleep...

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Truth always hurts....


If you listen with an open mind and heart, it makes the relationship stronger.

Thank you for making my day. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Best friend was right, "Hang on to him. He's worth the effort."

Last year, when I told Mr Big about The One, Mr Big said, "he really makes you happy, doesnt he? When you talk about him, your eyes glow... "

ps: You are really McDreamy. :-)

Friday, October 19, 2007

Letting in

I kicked a man out of my bed in the middle of the night. The world's most perfect man, who loves me. And I can't let him...

"Shine On" - James Blunt
Are they calling for our last dance?
I see it in your eyes. In your eyes.
Same old moves for a new romance.
I could use the same old lies, but I'll sing,
Shine on, just, shine on!
Close your eyes and they'll all be gone.
They can scream and shout that they've been sold out,
But it paid for the cloud that we're dancing on.
So shine on. Just shine on!
With your smile just as bright as the sun.
'Cause they're all just slaves to the gods they made
But you and I just shone.Just shone.
And when silence greets my last goodbye,
The words I need are in your eyes, and I'll sing.
Shine On, just, shine on!
Close your eyes and they'll all be gone.
They can scream and shout that they've been sold out,
But it paid for the cloud that we're dancing on.
So shine on. Just shine on!
With your smile just as bright as the sun.
'Cause they're all just slaves to the gods they made,
But you and I just shone.Just shone.

I just realise something... I'm not good with distance and separation... I am missing someone..and I said something from the heart..something truthful..but truth always hurts...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Office chat

Here's what happened today:

Me : I need to see the doctor. (with a serious tone)

Ms Argentina : Are you pregnant?

Me : *chuckles* What makes you think that? I dont even have a husband!

Ms A : Well, everyone else in the department is either pregnant or trying to have a baby. Besides, you dont need a husband. *smiles*

By now, we both laughed out loud.

Sometimes I forget I work in such an open culture.


Found this from somewhere:

Forgiveness is something we should all practise. Not just for Hari Raya but every day.
We should celebrate it and embrace it as an essential part of our lives.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven.
Hurt will never heal until you forgive.
If you are at war with others, you cannot be at peace with yourself.
You can let go and forgive. It takes no physical strength to let go, only courage.
Forgiveness is the single most important process that can bring peace to our souls and harmony to our lives.
Forgiveness is not something we have to strain ourselves to do.
Forgiveness helps you move forward.
No one benefits from forgiveness more than the one who forgives.
Give yourselves the gift of forgiveness today.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Mahatma Gandhi

Our Eid.

The night before Eid, I already made plans to work late as our report was due on Friday. Up until I found out that Eid fell on Friday and it seemed impractical to stay late (I had many errands!). So I mentioned to the boss that I could stay until 9pm but he told me to leave asap (it was 730pm). Told me to have a good Eid and not to worry about the report (he still had other team members on site).

So I went back, rushed to the stores and got the ingredients needed for our dishes. The nanny and lil went out earlier to get our meat and on their way back, they dropped by at the mosque for 'takbir' or Eid recital.

The next day, I gave lil time off from school (which I later found out that they do give one day off to all muslim students and staffs. Cool!). We went to perform Eid prayers. Lil was overjoyed to wear her baju kurung (a traditional malay dress for ladies) and to see the Malaysian crowd. After prayers, we headed to Chinatown to meet a good friend (she's here on holiday). She helped us to buy some more stuffs and carry them home. By 3pm, I started making rendang. Lil slept as she only had 7 hours of sleep (her usual would be 10-11 hours).

At 7pm, we left to a friend's place for her open house. Her family helped her to cook whole day (quite amazed with the number of dishes and guests). Got back by 9pm and I continued cooking until 2am! Called mom before I went to bed (it was so hard to get hold on her for the last few days. Busy with raya preparation). Woke up at 630am and continued cooking. By 10, everything was ready. First group of guests arrived at 1045am.

Menu include rendang, pulut kuning (yellow sticky rice), lamb curry, soto (rice cube, with soup and shredded chicken) complete with bergedil (potato + minced meat cake/balls).

Most friends made it. Even Mrs Rock and Mrs Dior loved the soto (they are great cooks, ok? I was so worried my food was not at par. Hehhehe). Most importantly, our party truly reflected Malaysia. Malay, Chinese, Indian. Also, I had my colleagues from European and South America continent. Would have had guests from Down Under and New Zealander but they couldn't make it.

Anyway, like I said, it was a good party.

Ps: My colleagues fell in love with lil. She was such a great host!

Sunday, October 14, 2007


Best friend: "People can make their own mind and dont need your blog to do that."


Only two people know the existence of my blog, best friend and another good friend. One is too busy with work whilst the other has more important issue than reading my blog i.e. getting rid of his cancer.

Which is why best friend gave the best statement ever. People can think on their own, do their analysis, to make judgement. They dont need to read blog to do that, especially from someone they have never met in their entire life.

ps: This kind of reminds me of Kak Teh's entry a few months back ie about women blogger lie. We cant change their mindset, right Kak Teh?

pss: Raya was awesome! Tiring (I made a few dishes for 30+ people) but awesome.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Salam Hari Raya

Rindu dan sepiku bermusim di rantauan
Kini syawal kembali tengah halaman
Fajarnya menghimpun saudara tercinta
Dan wajah ceria ayah dan bonda

Dalam suci lebaran
ku rindukan sinar dan harapan
Anak kecil berlari
Jangan sampai hanyut tak bertali

Miskin kaya tua muda bermaafan
Di bawah sayunya gema takbir hari raya
Senyum tawa sanak saudara
Mewanginya bunga rasa
Kusyukuri nikmat Tuhan Maha Esa
Sekuntum lebaran mekar di sukmaku
Kupetik harumnya di Hari Raya

Dearest readers,

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a blessed Eid Mubarak. May you have a wonderful time with your loved ones.

Thank you for sparing your time to read my blog, whether you leave your comments or purely passing by to read my rambling thoughts.

Special wish to Kak Ruby, Kak Teh, Simah and Fizzy. Thank you for your encouraging words and prayers. Also, Uncle Lee and D. Thank you for dropping by.

Warm regards from both of us.

Monday, October 08, 2007


Alhamdulillah, I paid our zakat over the weekend. It’s my second year paying zakat. Not as emotional as before.

The fact that I am able to pay zakat shows that I’m fortunate enough to be able to support both of us. Some single mothers struggle. I wonder how they cope. Strange enough, why is it when a divorce is finalised, men start to ignore their responsibilities? I mean, if you hate your ex-wife so much, why must the kids be penalised? Why shouldn’t you contribute part of the expenses? In fact, even how bad things turn out between you and the ex-wife, the least you could do is to show some respect to her for being the mother of your children. Even if the ex-wife asks for divorce, I’m sure on that ground alone, the ex-wife is entitled to some gratitude, more so if she’s taking care of the kids.

Some ex-husbands are decent enough to contribute not just the children’s expenses, but also the ex-wife’s until she remarries. I even heard that some of them actually pays the zakat for the ex-wife. These men show great respect to the divorce issue and deserve a pat on the back.

But who am I to talk about religion and responsibilities?

But you know, it just baffles me that when it comes to divorce, men can turn their heads. They use whatever rules in our religion to get away from paying alimony to the ex-wife. Some find excuses to delay child support.

I wish single mothers have more strength and courage to speak up for their rights. I wish men live up to their words even after separation. I hope they remember that there are kids involve.

Saturday, October 06, 2007


"I wanted to come over here this morning to tell you... But now all I want to tell you is that I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you forever. And now you have a choice to make. I want you to take all the time you need, I don't want to rush you, but I love you. Just take your time. Because when I had to make a choice... I chose wrong."

Thursday, October 04, 2007

A night to remember...

It was a romantic dinner for two in a posh hotel. A stem of blossomed red rose in the middle, with rich chocolate brownie and ice cream as dessert. Simply blissful..

When I was younger, I never recalled of having these romantic dinners, you know, the type that takes your breath away. Maybe I did. But I guess what’s important is not the setting, it’s who you spend it with. It’s the companion…And it was Mr Big.

People often mistake that affection can only be expressed with physical gestures. Personally, I feel more intimate when I could spend hours talking to someone close to my heart. And we had a few hours of talking. From our careers, life, future, our past and emotions.

One of the things I asked Mr Big was whether I was coping being a single parent here. His answer amazed me. He said, “frankly, it doesn’t matter where for you are a strong person, capable of raising your girl by yourself. London, KL or wherever, you will do fine.”

And as a dear friend, he wants the best thing in life for me. “You have been through a lot and you deserve a good man. Someone better than me.”

Sometimes the best thing in life is already in front of you. It just comes in a different package. It’s there for you to take and cherish but maybe in a different way. Maybe this is why Mr Big is in my life.

And now, he has left…once again taking a piece of my heart..

But you know what…somehow I think I’ll be ok. More importantly, I know I am happy. For I know that no matter how far, no matter how long, I’m always close to his heart and vice versa. For I know I have a true friend whenever I need one….

Monday, October 01, 2007

When friendship becomes more...

I stumbled into "The Yoga Instructor"’s blog and somehow I can relate myself to her recent posting.

"Every girl who's been in love has their own Mr. Big.Tall, dark, impossibly handsome, (used-to-be if not still) married, successful type. Owh, just your type."

My Mr Big will be in town. Best friend passed some (well, more like loads!) of stuffs back home for me. I feel so bad that he is carrying them. But that’s him. The occasional things he does for me are awesome, the ones you cant forget easily.

Best friend has always been good in giving the great advice. Live life to the fullest with no regrets. I have no regrets with my past. It shapes me today, be it good or bad. I think I’m a better person now than before. I try to appreciate the small things in life.

But some things, well, the good things that you MIGHT have missed, keep coming back to you, keep haunting you, that YOU should have done something about it.

Well, this Mr Big, is someone close to my heart, without me putting down my walls. Yes. I can not and shall not let down my fences. Best friend thinks I’m capable of doing the impossible, of not letting my fences down. The last time I did, I almost gave my heart away. And it took me some time to get over it.

Best friend thinks I’m strong enough to enjoy the moment without falling. She reckons I should enjoy the moment and just spend time together. After all, a girl only gets to be pampered once in a while, and it’s good to spend time with someone you care, someone you can be yourself with.
It becomes clear to me that maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone. Maybe I’m meant to have meaningful relationship with good friends, people who care and want the best thing in life for me. After all, part of my success is due to their never-ending support.

Mr Big never showers me with gifts. He gives something more valuable. His time. The last exam I had, he was there for me most of the time. Being the chauffer to see my study-mates, download/print stuffs from work, etc. He even took the time to spend "teh tarik" supper the night before my exam. For a person who has a senior position in a large company back home, I truly appreciate his gestures.

And you know what….the only person who can make me go back will be him.

Ps: I seriously need mental and emotional help. I have to stop watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Pss: I think I’m going to hate GA season 4. Meredith and McDreamy breaks up. Darn!