Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Being away..

I’m travelling again. It’ll be another hectic two weeks. I also realise for the past 3 months, I’ve been away 2 weeks each month. It must be difficult for the little one. It is harder for me too. Even today (I am still in London), I called her while at work, I can sense how much I miss her. Hearing my chatterbox talking how her day went simply cheered me up.

I must be strong for I know the purpose of my work, even when it means I have to travel. Being the only woman at my level does not mean I will get preference. At least I know I’m being treated equally (almost). If they can minimise my travel, they would. It just so happens that the job I’m being requested to do is out of the country.

Maybe it is a good thing too. Like my mom always says, whatever you do, it is ‘ibadah’, from work to taking care of your child. Take it as it is.

Going home to my lil girl’s hugs.

Friday, March 23, 2007

The price of....

2 hours after his arrival, he received a phone call. We (plus the lil one) were in Harrods, shopping and having tea. His PA, NC, called, said that there is an urgent meeting in Rome on Friday and his presence is required. There is no way he could miss it. He was upset. NC asked me to persuade him to attend the meeting as it is very important.

My first taste of being with someone very important. At any point of time, his presence is required, and I have to accept him leaving immediately. I had to reason with him, said that me and the lil one could spend time again with him. There will be other occasions or school holidays that will allow us to meet.

He left today just after lunch. Before we went to school, we stopped by at his hotel and had breakfast together. By the way, he usually stays at Savoy but because this hotel is closer to my house, he ‘downgrades’ his preference for our convenience.

Tonight, I invited a friend to join us to theatre. So it’ll be a girls’ night out. Mr Milan got us good seats, judging the price he paid for it.

Hmmm, I cant deny that I wish he didn’t have to leave. It’d be nice to spend time together, despite the language barrier (He thinks my Italian is improving).

The price of being with someone important…..it hurts…

ps: now the bag of goodies meant nothing. Yes, it was a bag of few gifts, nicely wrapped with ribbons.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


"The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Mother's day

Friday night, when I got back home:

Lil (with a low tone voice): Mummy, I have a surprise for you. I made you a card for mother’s day.
Me : It is not a surprise if you are telling me.
Lil : I’m not telling you. I’m just whispering.
Me : Aahhh. Ok then.

*I was trying hard to maintain my composure*

Lil : Is today Sunday, mummy?
Me : No, it’s Saturday.
Lil : So tomorrow is Sunday? It’s Mother’s day tomorrow.
Me : Yup.

Sunday, whole day busy. We both forgot about it. As I tucked her to bed at 8pm:

Lil : Mummy, I forgot to give you your card.
Me : hmmm, ok. You can take it out now.

She jumped out of bed, went into the living room and ransacked her school bag. She gave me the card.

Lil (while reading): Happy Mother’s day, mummy! There are 7 crosses for 7 kisses. All for you.
Me : Thank you baby!

I tucked her again, kissed her good night, I went to the living room and read my card in silence. Full of hearts and the 7 crosses for 7 kisses. I kept it safe, in my treasure box.

I’m so blessed…..

Massage theraphy

I seriously need a massage!!!!!

My back has been aching for the past 3 days. I think it’s partly due to work, excessive walking and potentially PMS. My nanny thinks I work too hard. I think it’s becos the crazy hormones. Whatever it is, I really need a good massage, like the time after I gave birth. The painful, malay style, rubbed with hot oil. Each time the bidan (traditional malay mid-wife) did her thingy, I would fall asleep after her session. Nanny told me that Holiday Villa has a spa and I should go there to get some relaxation. I know I don’t have any excuse not to do so as it is only a few minutes walk from home. Maybe I should pen it down in my diary.

Met up with an old friend over the weekend. Well, she’s actually my ex-boss, one of the top management in the largest company back home. Apparently she has a few meetings line-up in London and Europe and would like to spend her weekend with me and my girl. As they often say, people at top management (esp ladies) are known for their notorious behaviour and my friend is no exception. But we somehow clicked and I was honoured that she wanted to spend her free time with me.

As for my fairy tale, Mr Milan is coming this week, business meeting and a football match. He’s bringing me and the lil one to a theatre show on Friday and Saturday, to the football match. Hmm, I am concerned with the latter event. Ms Alchemist thinks we will be seated in the VIP box. I think she’s right. I told her I don’t know what to wear as I have nothing at par with the WAGS (kindly google this term). Also, we’ll be meeting his friends or people in his world. Maybe I should skip this and meet him after the match. But that’ll be rude, right? Arrghhhh!!!

I really need to get that massage appointment.

Ps: the parcel is not coming. Instead, Mr Milan will deliver the gifts himself.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Faith in fairy tale

"But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away."

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Missing my brother

I call my mom on daily basis (almost), unless of course if I’m away or very tight down with work. Usually I will warn her if there’s any change in frequency. Same goes to my baby brothers, whom I adore dearly, simply because they are very lovey dovey with me despite standing 6 feet tall.

One of them is coming here, fully sponsored by me (even when dad earns more than I do, after conversion!). But what the hell, I miss him too much that absorbing the ticket cost seems nothing. He plans to come in 2 months time, which is good as he can be the babysitter during my lil girl’s school break.

Let me tell you about this baby brother of mine.

He is the sweetest person on earth. He never judges people, including me. He always makes me feel I’m such a high achiever (maybe in his eyes). He accompanies me whenever I need someone to tag along with. Be it to the salon, shopping, having midnight supper, “mee goreng mamak” (fried noodle). At the age of 19, he has performed haj. Yup, he is religious yet cool. On top of all, he has great personality, which makes him popular among the crowd and thus, gains leadership position in school/uni clubs.

Despite living on student loan and reasonable allowance from dad, he tries to call me every week. Each time he calls, I’ll say that I’ll call him back (so that I’m the one who absorbs the call cost). But no. He said he can afford the phone call. When he found out I never actually have a proper baju kurung for Eid (a malay dress), he went to browse for one. The last time I had a new baju kurung for Eid was 13 years ago. Last Eid, I wore the dress he bought for me.

When I told him about Mr Milan, he was excited about it. He was the first to know the details of our holiday. He is now more attentive to the world of European football so that he gets to educate me (and I wont be so blur each time Mr Milan talks about his football friends, business trips, matches etc). He analyses Mr Milan gestures, his daily phone calls, wherever city he may be, and said this to me, “maybe Mr Milan is a blessing from the Almighty for all the hardship you and the little one went through.”

I’m counting the days to meet my brother.

Ps: Mr Milan’s PA emailed, saying that I should be expecting a parcel tomorrow. Hmmmm, what could it be?

Monday, March 12, 2007


"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"

Friday, March 09, 2007

Carpe Diem

“Dum loquimur, fugerit invidaAetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero”

“While we're talking, envious time is fleeing: seize the day, put no trust in the future”

Sometimes we worry too much about the future that we forget to live each day to its fullest.

I am taking each day as it comes, enjoying sweet moments with my loved ones, to love and be loved by people who cares for me. Having a stroll with the lil one, calling mom and little brother, constant sms to my 2 best friends who live in 2 different countries, gathering over the weekend with my caring “sisters” here, catching up with friends when time permits.

The rest is just a bonus…

Have a good weekend!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Walking to school

This morning we walked to school together. It was the first time after her school break. The last time we walked together was 3 weeks ago. Work has been tough and she has been missing me. My report was reviewed on Tuesday and I was told that I could go home earlier than expected as I have completed most of my stuffs. When I reached home last night, she was very excited. I told the nanny not to inform her of my arrival.

As we walked to school, holding hands, she sang non-stop. I knew she was happy, knowing my lil girl too well. When she gets excited or full of joy, she just sings. I asked her, “do you miss walking to school with me?” She replied, “yes mummy. I miss you a lot.”

It made my day. No matter how tired I was with the travelling, seeing the look at her face took away those feeling.

I am happy to be home, in the arms of my girl…

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Napoli part III

Usually after the dinner, we would spend time in the living room. The lil one will watch her cartoon and me and Mr Milan chatted (with some help from the phrasebook). The good thing about this trip was we got to know a lot more about each other. Our first meeting was in Dusseldorf, where we both there for business purpose. Usually our character at work is different and more serious compare to outside. This trip helped us to get to know the other side of each other.

Mr Milan said that the person he met in Dusseldorf was such a different person, someone who has many issues or had a rough past. He would not know that I am single parent, struggle between a career and being a mother, and we are such simple people. All he saw was a “high-flying career” woman. Guess his perception of me changed.

So on this third day, knowing that we would be leaving on that day, I asked him about our check-out time and about our luggage. He just smiled. He told me not to worry about checking out. Well, usually hotels have this policy of checking out before 12pm and our flight was about 6pm. Of course I was worried. On our way out, he went to see the manager and I presumed they were talking about our check-out time. The manager went to the pc and voila, he extended our stay for free! The benefits of staying in suite, huh?

Before we left, Mr Milan already told the lil one that today, they would go on a shopping spree and I would not have any say. I no longer had an excuse. He already bought us another bag. If you remember a scene in Pretty Woman, well, that was exactly how he treated my daughter. Three sales assistants helped her with a selection of clothes to try on. My lil girl felt like a model, cat-walking with the clothes each time she tried them on. She simply loves the clothes. Very groovy! And also pricey. The clothes included Armani. Even on sale, they were still very costly.

The lil one suddenly asked, “Mr Milan is shopping for me. How about for you mummy?”. S heard her question and told me, “I think the boss wants to bring you somewhere special, madam”. We strolled along the shops and stopped somewhere in the middle of the gallery (open air building with nice shops inside). He adjusted my coat and the loose thread of my buttons. He took my hand into this shop which did not display their price tag. A sales assistant greeted him and he told what he wanted. The girl came with a selection coats. I tried a black long coat. Elegant and classy. It felt lovely, just like when Cinderella got her beautiful dress from the fairy godmother. I fell in love with the coat instantly.

The girl took the coat and Mr Milan just nodded. We went to the counter and the girl took out the calculator. I think it was on sale. What I did not expect was the price even after discount. It was ten times more than what he spent on the lil one! I looked at Mr Milan, told him it was too much. He said it is a gift and he knew I love the coat.

Before lunch, we visited the old church and its garden. The garden had mandarin trees, full of fruits. In the middle of garden, there were ceramics with blue and orange designs. The setting was peaceful. During this time, Mr Milan had a 10 minute business phone call. He kept apologising for being so long on the phone. One thing about Mr Milan is that, when he was with us, he gave his full attention.

After lunch, we went back to the hotel and rested. Left at about 4pm to the airport. Mr Milan kept telling me to let him know once we reached home. Our journey together ended at Milan airport. By this time, I felt a bit sad. It was a lovely holiday. For the first time in such a long time, I did not have to worry about anything. It was good that we were being taken care of by someone else. I am glad that I took this chance, to get to know Mr Milan.

As I said, it was a perfect fairy tale…

Friday, March 02, 2007

Napoli part II

The next day, we wanted to go to Pompei. I simply love the journey as the view and scenery was awesome. For those of you who have watched “the sisterhood of travelling pants”, it’s exactly like the Greek village where Lena went to visit her grandparents. The small lanes, cute houses within the hills, cars parked along the road to enjoy the view.

However, half way through the journey, my little girl threw up. Twice! I couldn’t save the first one. It was all over her clothes. She cried as it was her favourite shirt. Mr Milan said not to worry and tried to calm her down, saying we would go shopping at Positano, a tourist village.

When we reached there, Mr Milan went on a shopping spree for her. We went to a few shops, got a few t shirts and very nice jeans skirt for her. Part of the bottom of the jeans has knitwear of colourful flowers. Very girlie! She changed on the spot and just loved her new style. As we strolled along the village, my lil girl couldn’t help noticing all the cute stuffs on the walls or in the shops. She asked me to take a picture of her in front of a shop that had mermaid carvings. We found a place which sells ladies garments and Mr Milan asked me to try a few typical Italian clothes. Mostly long skirts with matching blouse. Tried a few and Mr Milan chose the ones that look nice on me. I was quite stunned on the amount he spent on us on that day. For throwing up, we got a few hundreds euros of new clothes. The happiest person was of course my girl.

Since she wasn’t feeling well, we decided to change our plans and headed back to the hotel. Mr Milan told me not to worry about the little girl’s clothes and get the hotel staffs to clean it. He said, “when you are with me, you don’t have to do anything.” Something along that line. His english vocab is quite limited, remember?

After getting the chamber-maid to pick up her clothes, we rested for a while. The little one couldn’t stop running from one room to another, jumping on Mr Milan’s bed. We promised her ice cream and after we had our rest, we decided to take a walk outside the hotel. It was refreshing to take a stroll. Mr Milan took us to a café about 10 mins walk and saw good selection of gelato. Me and the little got our ice creams (I think Mr Milan was watching his diet. Heheh). We strolled the places nearby, enjoying our desserts. Mr Milan then decided to take a taxi. I thought he wanted to browse or shop a pair of shoes.

When we got out of the taxi, he took us into a shoe shop and surprise! He actually wanted to get a new pair of shoes for moi. But everything in Italy was too fancy! I like simple designs. So he took us to another shop, selling Chloe, Channel etc. Yup! The shop which I cant afford. Still I couldn’t find anything that I like. We ended up buying stuffs for our friends back in London and some savouries to bring back. He paid everything as usual.

We got back to our hotel. S said he would pick us up at 730pm for dinner. By this time, we were famine. The little one ordered margarita and I asked for grilled fish. Again we were entertained with a musician and Mr Milan sang along. We talked more about my past, through S of course. Brought back some painful memories. S was promoting Mr Milan, saying he’s a good man. After dinner, we had another tour of the city.

End of part 2

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Napoli pt I

The first thing I noticed about our flight to Milan was the style of Italian people. Eccentric! Most of the passengers on my flight were wearing weird stuffs. Different colours on each shoes, shocking colours outfit, some kind of remind me Boy George time. But hey, it was Milan Fashion Week. I think these people were most likely involved with the show.

We met Mr Milan during the stopover, where we then continued our journey to Napoli. During that flight, Mr Milan couldn’t help noticing how “motherly” I am. “Very mummy”, he said. My handbag was filled with choc and snacks, mineral water, wipes, extra underpants. I made sure the little one was drinking enough water and munching reasonably. He was also impressed that I got the Italian phrasebook (also in my handbag).

When we arrived, we were greeted by our chauffer who was wearing a suit. We headed to our hotel and the traffic was as bad as KL or Bangkok. But being in a nice car, you can easily cut your way through. As we approached the hotel, it was exactly as I imagined.

The hotel faces the bay. There were small yachts parked nicely in rows. I could see Mount Vesuvius and the Capri. As we entered into the hotel, we were greeted by the hotel staffs and management. Everyone seemed to know him. One of the managers showed us our room.

As she opened the door, me and the little one were shocked. We got the suite! Our rooms were connected with a living room. Me and the little one’s room was bigger than our apartment in London! So you can imagine how huge this suite is. The best surprise was, our suite has a balcony. Mr Milan opened the balcony door and showed us the view. Simply breathtaking…. The view of the sea, Mt Vesuvius and Capri, the yachts, boats were sailing across, the sea breeze. Not to mention the lovely sunshine. The little one was very happy knowing how much she loves sea and boats.

After we have freshen up, we were picked up by the chauffer for dinner. He made a mini tour of the city. It was more relaxing to drive at night as there were less cars. But before we reached our restaurant, Mr Milan had another surprise for the little one. We went to a toy shop. The little one was beaming with smiles and her eyes glowed. I told her to choose only one toy, the one she likes most. After browsing through, she saw her favourite doll, a Winx character named Bloom. Sort of a Barbie but Winx is a cartoon series of good witches. Mr Milan wanted to get more for her but my excuse was our bag was small.

After the pit-stop, we went to the restaurant. It is small and cosy but had lots of pictures hanging on its wall. According to S (the Chauffer), the restaurants had many famous guests. Unfortunately, due to my hunger, I was more interested in getting food than looking at the pictures. Had no idea who they were. We ordered pasta fruitti di mare. Mr Milan ordered entrée for us, consisted of mixed platter of seafood. The little one loved fried small fish. You wouldn’t believe what Mr Milan did? He took out the bones of these small fish so that the little one could eat with ease. They were really tiny, about the size of your thumbs. It was so sweet of Mr Milan.

When our seafood pasta came, once again, he took our plates and took out the shells/clams/all the hard bits. For the first time I could enjoy the juicy lobster without hassle. While we ate our food, the musician came to our table and entertained us with lovely Italian songs.

End of part one.