Friendship

Umbrella - Rihanna

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank
Coming down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella
We fly higher than weatherAnd G5’s are better,
You know me,an anticipation, for precipitation.
Stacked chips for the rainy dayJay,
Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come into me
Come into meIt's raining
Oh baby it's raining

Dedicated to a dear friend, MJ. Thank you for your friendship for the past few years, for being there when I needed someone to lift up my spirits, for bringing out the best out of me, for valuing the bond we shared.... Tonight brought me back to memory lane.. and even when things have gone better for me, I wouldnt be where I am without your presence in my life. Thank you for making time for me today and I hope our friendship remains strong even when we are miles apart...

ps: Love the new car! ;-)

Missing you...

My girl has been spending some nights at her dad's place but somehow tonight has been quite difficult for both of us. I have been missing my girl for a while as we have not been spending our usual mother-daughter session like we used to back in London. I guess she must have felt the same, which is why tonight we both have this strong sense of missingness. She called me from her dad's place, saying that she cried missing me. My tears were rolling when she said that, as I too felt her absence.

But then again, we are only here for a few weeks and it is fair that her father gets to spend time with her.

I miss you too my love... Please know that I am looking forward to have our usual 'coffee' bonding.

Emotional attachment

Somehow, I am not looking forward to go back.

As much as I miss my family and the surroundings, deep inside, there are things that I will miss badly here. Things that you do with your loved ones. For me, it’s about hanging out with my girl, her enjoying her ice-cream or choc cakes or lollypop and me with my mocha. Such simplicity.

Or perhaps, I have an emotional attachment with this place.

I am good with disengaging my emotions with my closed ones. You have to be fair. You don’t have to agree or disagree. Just be fair. That will maintain the harmony (and the mental state of my own). Partly because I have to be there for others whilst no one wants to be there for me. So I disengage my emotions, believing that it is the best policy to maintain good relations.

It is something that I don’t want lil to inherit, which is why I always allow her to express her emotions and explain why she feels the way she does, even if it involves being upset with me! I know some mothers couldn’t tolerate with it. They get very sensitive when their children do not listen or obey them. Contrary, I believe my relationship with my girl works best when we communicate.

Perhaps this is why I always find peace in her and McDreamy.

Ps: Sorry for the depressing topic. I should have stick to my original plan, “the fabulous life of sugar daddies”.

Coffee lovers

“Don't think you have to kick your coffee habit. A host of scientific evidence suggests that one of the most widely consumed—and maligned—beverages in the world is good for you. Really. Coffee has gotten a bad rap in the past, blamed for ills like heart disease, cancer, and osteoporosis. But many of the findings were based on flawed research. "The earliest studies were done when we weren't aware of certain lifestyle associations with coffee consumption, like smoking," says Peter Martin, MD, professor of psychiatry and pharmacology at Vanderbilt University. Since then, says Martin, science has shown that "coffee is an extremely healthful drink." A panel of nutrition experts at the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology meeting in April addressed the recent advances in knowledge that validate not only coffee's safety but also its health perks.”

Read the full article here:
http://www2.oprah.com/omagazine/200708/omag_200708_coffee.jhtml

Cheers to us coffee lovers!! Unfortunately, I didn’t notice whether it helps to boost your libido. Lucky huh? Otherwise, we’ll have lots of horny people in the morning (and the blue pill will lose its sales). LOL!

Ps: Legs are silky smooth. *winks*

Pss: trying hard to persuade McDreamy to watch Harry Potter (unlikely tho).

Pre-holiday

I finally managed to finish the last Harry Potter book but I seriously need to read it again. Do not attempt to read books when you have severe migraine. I lost the plot! Heheheh… I think I need to read the book before too. That’ll be my to-do things this 3 weeks hols.

Our flight back home is next Friday. Mrs Rock is also going back and she’s inviting me to see their new casa, 5 bedroom condo. They just got the keys last week (Mr Rock went back earlier). Very close to my dad’s place, so I’m pretty sure I wont miss the opportunity. They’ve been asking me to buy a unit opposite them so that we can be neighbours. Well, if I was earning equally, I would have bought one. Mr Rock already holds a senior position with a bank back home. Of course they can afford such casa.

Work wise, it’s been hectic. We have a deadline this Friday but I fell ill a few days ago. The project manager insisted that I should go home. Work can wait. Huh??? I cant remember whether I had similar treatment back home. I guess when you can demand fees in millions, you can manage clients’ expectation. I’m grateful that I don’t have to go to Germany this time around. Enough of travelling for the year. But since I have visa to the States, some Directors are keen to book me on future States-based project. (trying hard to avoid it of course.)

I still have some more shopping to do. Will get it done tomorrow night and this weekend. The sales assistants in Espirit even know our names. Heheheh… Obviously me and my girl love their design. Hoping I can squeeze a movie or dinner trip with McDreamy before my flight next week. Might be able to wear this nice dress which I bought a few months ago. It was £150+ but got it on sale of course. I hardly wear dress, maybe bcos of the unpredictable weather here and constant travelling by the tube. I hate ruining my shoes, which is why my flat Bally shoes is highly utilised (same goes with my boots).

My friends think I’m too nice with people who are mean to me. Sigh.. How can I make them see how I see things? Sometimes you need to think of the bigger picture, the long term effect. Also, karma!!!!! As far as I can see, bad things happen to people who have been mean to me. Seriously. Plus, why do you want to waste your energy moaning, complaining or worse, get even?!?!? Move on people. Enjoy the sunshine. Dress yourself to kill for your date (note to me of course! Going to get those legs waxed before I wear that dress of mine. Hehhehe…)

Now, where is that shopping list….?

Wounds...

"What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again."

Party

This mummy rocks!

Why? Because she threw a great birthday party for her lil princess.

I promised to share with you of my lil girl’s party, so here it is.

The kids loved it! It was simple yet entertaining. We used our creativity to keep the kids entertained. The theme was Pirates of the Caribbean. The lil one had an awesome outfit (mummy is not sure when she will wear it again). Mama GoodFood helped out with face painting whilst I made the tattoo for the kids. We played the movie throughout the party. Lucky for us that the place had a plasma screen. Food was yummy, compliments to the restaurant’s chef. Parents enjoyed it (I didn’t know that kids’ birthday parties at this part of the world generally do not provide food). So parents were quite surprised that they could actually eat. Hehhehe…

Now my lil girl is all grown up. Sigh… She keeps reminding me on how many ‘grown-up’ things she can do. I told her, “don’t grow up too soon. Mummy will miss the ‘baby’ you.”

To my lil girl, I thank God for giving me the most treasured gift. You are indeed a special soul, who touches everyone’s life in her own special way. Your smile brightens up my day, your hugs make me feel safe and that everything will be alright, your kindness makes you a truly wonderful person in everyone’s eyes. A little soul that gives a lot. May all your wishes come true. May you have a wonderful year ahead.

Have a lovely weekend!

Idiot!

Me of course.

I believe in second chances (third or fourth etc etc), that people might change one day. Usually people like me need people like best friends, mom, brother, etc to pull me back to earth. Not every fairy tale comes true and sometimes, people wont change.

Like I said, lil was sick a few days ago. Who was more concerned about her? McDreamy!!!! He sent constant sms throughout the day and even the following day. Concerned about her progress.

As for her own father, I called twice to inform her well-being and he said he’d call back to check. I only received ONE sms, the following day that is.

My baby brother said, “isn’t that typical?”

Sigh… who am I kidding? Lil totally deserves better than this.

Seriously.

Ps: she’s much better now.

Being 6

My baby is sick. :-( I think it's because of too much partying. She had her birthday celebration over the weekend.

Will tell more about the party. Leaving office shortly. Just came in to grab my work and going home to spend time with my baby.

I think I'm in love....

with this!

Lately I cant stop myself from glancing a Bentley. And there are a few Bentleys in my neighbourhood! I’m not into cars but these days, Bentleys seem to make my heart stops. Hahhahah…

Now I understand why men prefer cars than ladies.

I guess this will be my motivation for the next few years. To own my first Bentley.

Ps: Lil prefers Porsche of course (the lady car in Cars movie).

Candidate

Message from my little brother this morning:
“I’m having dinner with my sponsor and their alumni. Maybe there is a boyfriend candidate for you.”

LOL! My little brother never fails to amuse me. I think he’s profiling my potential-to-be boyfriend.

Given a choice, I would like to have someone from the same background. However, it seems I keep bumping into people with differences in everything e.g. Mr Milan, McDreamy. Mr Milan remains a close friend despite me saying that I don’t have any romantic feelings for him. McDreamy will always be McDreamy. So it’ll take a very great character to take his place, if ever. Hey, it’s rare to find someone who can fly you to the moon. And to have that feeling for the last 1 year and ongoing is almost non-existence.

I wont be surprised if I remain single, seriously. Especially considering the career options on my plate.

Ps: Is it official that Hans is now single???? anyone has his number? Hehheheh… Simah will nag me for being so ‘perempuan’? Oh well Simah, he’s good looking, right?

Corporate lesson

My colleague, whom I’m seated next to, is working with a hot looking Director. He (the Director) loves to keep on hands on stuffs, thus always comes around looking for my friend, who always disappears each time. That leaves me talking to the Director each time, passing messages to my friend.

Damn! It’s just way too hard to act cool in front of a good-looking man. :-)

Me and another female colleague were talking about good-looking Directors in our department. There aren’t many I must say. The other Director, he is also good looking but he looks like a playboy type (and it’s a fact anyway. Just that he doesn’t date anyone from the office). Whilst this guy, he has charisma. Maybe because he’s always on the news, thus, being groomed with the right PR skills.

Nevertheless, he never fails to make my day. hahhahahah…..

Lesson to me when I become a boss: employ good looking men for the benefit of my female staffs. LOL!

Charity and magic number!

Saw this from Ruby’s and Idham’s blog and thought I can make small contribution by doing this meme (although I think my responses will be crappy! Hhhehe):

1. A person is only as good as how he/she keeps to his/her promises.........
2. Friendship is always warm ..............................................
3. To love is to make her feel safe and peaceful even when times are bad.
4. Money makes me worry...................................................
5. I miss nasi lemak kerang (hahahha… that’s the easiest one)
6. My way of saying I care is by giving lots of kisses and cuddles (note: only to mini ms istanbul)
7. I try to spread love and happiness by smiling................
8. Pick the flowers when you know how much your loved ones like it.
9. To love someone is to be able to spend time with them even when you have a busy schedule.
10. Beauty is fictitious. ...............................................................
11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was my first kiss (yeah right! I went to all girls school. :D answer: my first year at the boarding school)
12. When I was twenty one, I remember being in love ......
13. I am most happy when mini ms istanbul kisses me in the morning ............
14. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a smile on mini ms istanbul ..................
15. If I can change one thing, I will change nothing (err.. don’t have an asnwer. ).........
16. If smiles were contagious then I will smile more........
17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be friends?............................
18. If you want to make others happy then you have to be happy yourself................
19. Money is not everything but it is nice to have.....
20. The most touching moments I have experienced is giving birth..................
21. I smile when mini ms istanbul smiles at me.....................
22. When I am happy, I glow..
23. If only I don't have to work today, then I can go shopping at Harrods.
24. The best thing I did yesterday was cooking for my girl.....
25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title," coffee lover.."
26. One thing I must do before I die is perform hajj....
27. Doing this meme, I feel like I made a small contribution.......

Ok then, told you my answers were going to be crappy. :D

On another note, I just declined another opportunity. This time, it was harder to resist. Being the number 2 person for a high profile main board company back home. Package would be really good ie your typical CFO/CEO package. The person asked me to reconsider but I feel I need to gain more experience in my current field before I lead a huge company.

My parents are proud that I was given the opportunity at an early age. But like my dad said, maybe I should wait for the magic number ie age wise. Huh??? Being a CFO/CEO also has magic age number?

Till then, I’m counting the magic number. ;-)

Fly Me to the Moon

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

Close to somebody

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

Opportunity and holiday

A friend of mine, who just went back for good, sent me an sms over the weekend. He is now with one of the largest investment bank back home. Apparently the team is still looking for people and he mentioned my name to the head of department. That guy wants to get to know me. So my friend asked whether I’m interested and ready to settle down back in KL.

It took me a while to think about this opportunity. I politely declined. I think it’s not the right time yet. My current position allows me to gain valuable experience. Even after a year of experience, I have already increased my market value by at least 20%, excluding bonus (based on what head hunters have been offering me). Bonus would be between 30%-80% of annual salary (some banks/PE houses offer ridiculously high!). Also, I’d like to taste my bonus with the firm. I know it’s not as lucrative as others but I’m sure it’ll cover a few holiday trips for me and the lil one next year. But most importantly, time with my precious daughter, seeing her growing up. It’s not that I don’t get to do so back home but I seriously felt my life was hectic back then. I doubt it’ll change now.

I mentioned the offer to the Dragon Lady and her answer was, “do you want to get a slap from me?!? The question is not even worth to be considered.” Oh well, we both had our fair share of very late nights and stressful deadlines. She’s enjoying her work life balanced in the land Down Under. Doubt she’ll ever go back.

The lil one is planning for another holiday trip. I think it’s been only 3 weeks that we had the Disney trip. This morning, on our way to school, she said she wants to see Spain. We went there before, Madrid, some time last year. Our first holiday, just me and her. It was really cool! I mean, I was nervous of course. Praying hard that things would go well. Thankfully, it did.

We are going back to Malaysia some time in August but I’m hoping we can squeeze a holiday before that. Maximising summer and the sun. I would love to see Istanbul again but the flights are flying rockets. Otherwise, there is the term break in October or Christmas break.

I used to dream of travelling around the world. I just couldn’t believe that I’m actually doing it now and what makes it sweeter is that I get to do it with my beloved girl. Thanks love! You are truly mummy’s best friend.

Happy anniversary

Today is my one year mark with the firm. I survived so far. Late nights, travelling abroad, whilst at the same time, managing my lil girl. It is more challenging now as she is in proper school ie I have to remember her PE days, school library books, homework, spelling tests etc. Thankfully, it has been ok. I managed to attend most of her school’s functions. Happy indeed!

My daughter and I have formed ourselves a team. We do everything together. She keeps reminding me, “mummy, we are a team. X&X!” We both have the same initial, that’s how she came up with the team’s name. She aced herself again. Teachers have been complimenting her progress. Reading and spelling test. Of course, since she has a mean mummy (when it comes to school work only.), she really does her best to do well at school. Oh well, like my baby brother said, “you are always fierce when it comes to education.” All my siblings had a taste of me, flying off my sparks when they did something wrong, especially with maths.

Also, my baby brother has left. The lil one is missing him. Me too. He is a great uncle, plays with his niece, takes care of her during school break, makes sure our dinner is arranged etc etc. Our last night together, we talked hours and hours. He shared my difficult moments, things I didn’t tell him before. But now, since he is bigger (towering me) and wiser, he felt the need to share my pain.

We miss you already…

Disneyland Paris

Disneyland Paris was truly a magical kingdom, where all fairytales and dreams come to life. It’s a place that brings out the child of you. That’s how I can summarise our holiday. Truly awesome!

We took the 930am Eurostar from London Waterloo on Saturday. There was an earlier direct train but after a whole week of really late nights, I just couldn’t be bothered to take the early train. The journey took less than 3 hours and the train station is located exactly at the entrance of the parks (Disneyland and Walt Disney studios). The shuttle bus to our hotel was already there and we made our way to the hotel to check-in and leave our luggage. Took about 5-8 mins and the frequency is about 7-10 mins. My brother was really impressed with the whole trip, even before we entered the parks. We had lunch at Disney Village (just opposite the parks’ entrance) and entered Disneyland by 3pm.

The place was really packed! Most of them came with kids but we could see some couples and groups of teenagers/young adults. Surprisingly, there were groups of old people! I guess everybody, regardless their age, gender or race, would like a taste of the magical kingdom. The weather was really great! In fact, it was kind of hot. Unlike London a few days before, freezing!

The lil one was very excited and told me which rides/ places she wanted to try. On the first day, we covered Fantasyland and Adventureland. Went inside Sleeping Beauty castle, Alice in Wonderland labyrinth, tried Mad Hatter tea cups and Le Carrousel de Lancelot. In Adventureland, we went to Aladdin’s Passage, Pirate’s Beach, Adventure Isle, Captain Hook’s Pirate ship and the best part was, Pirate of the Caribbean. Even the lil one enjoyed the ride (it was quite action packed for lil kids).

After the park closed, we proceeded to Disney Village and had dinner at Planet Hollywood. Then, went shopping at the Disney stores (there were 2 huge stores!). The Village closes at about 2am I think. There were many restaurants, bars and a big McD. After minor shopping, we took the 1130ish pm shuttle bus and settled down for the day.

One thing I love about the hotel is that it is really child-friendly. They try to accommodate your children’s needs. Bottle warmers at the restaurant and rooms (by request). Breakfast was nothing fancy but we could pack the croissants and pain au chocolat, which was really handy cos you do get hungry with those rides and walk.

We arrived at Disneyland just before 1030am and our mission for the day was to take pictures with “celebrities”. The first one was Minnie Mouse. The queue took us 45 minutes (as expected) but we just couldn’t care. All we wanted was a piece of her. Of course the lil one was a bit clueless of her fame, unlike me and my brother. We grew up with her while the lil one is within the “princess” fairytales generation. We hugged, kisses and took pictures with her.

Then, we went to search for a princess. Lil wanted Cinderella but she was not due to appear that day (I think). Instead, we had Ariel and her prince. So we queued (again). After 20 minutes, they changed the characters to Aladdin and Genie. You could sense how frustrated the parents were. 90% of the kids who queued were girls and obviously they want a princess character! They should have placed Princess Jasmine instead of Genie. Anyway, since I didn’t want to disappoint my girl, I asked the cast members whether Ariel was due to come out again. Apparently she’d come in 20 minutes time. So we went to the back of the line. The effort and waiting time was all worth it. After almost an hour of queuing, she got her chance to hug, kiss and take a picture with Ariel. Of course, Prince Eric was there and I will write more about him. Hehhehe…
I think it was about 1pm when we entered Walt Disney Studio. Took the tram tour ride about the making of Disney movies. At one point, we were taken to a movie set, a truck on a rocky hill and waterfall. They created rain and thunder, explosions (we felt the heat of the fire in our tram), and the sudden pour of the waterfall. Me and the lil one got wet (cos we were sitting very close to the waterfall). It felt very real!

Then, we took the Flying Carpet ride but the queue was not as bad as the “celebrities”. While we had our lunch, they had actors and actress staging a show, with participants from visitors. Did another round of shopping at the shops before we went back to Disneyland to catch the 4pm parade.

The parade lasted about 30 mins. Started with Mickey and friends. There were Toy Story characters, Pinnochio, Peter Pan, Lion King, all Disney Princesses and their princes (they were in the same carriage/stage), the evil characters. I cant remember all. Need to check my pictures. Hehhehe… While waiting for the second show to start (at 6pm), we took the Snow White and Pinnochio’s passage ride. Also, I finally gave in to the idea of queuing Dumbo the Elephant ride. The queue was always long and I couldn’t disappoint my girl. After an hour of waiting, we got our turn. It was just in time to watch the second show, in conjunction with the 15th year of Disneyland Paris.

After the show, people started to leave which meant less queue to try things. So we went to Discoveryland and tried Honey I Shrunk the Audience. We also went into It’s a Small World musical indoor boat tour. Took us 5 mins queuing time!

All in all, it was worth the trip. You could feel the happy vibes. People were just smiling to each other. Kids (and some adults) were wearing costumes. I think I’ll do that for our next trip. It’s a great place to spend time with your family.

Will write more.. especially about Prince Eric. *winks*

2am

It's 2am (actually 2.27am to be precise!) and I'm about to leave office. The last time I worked this late was 3 years ago (could be 5 years ago).

Thankfully I'm having a long weekend. Taking tomorrow (or today cos it's Friday now) and Monday off. Spending time with my loved ones.

Disneyland Paris, here we come!

Just breathe

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,

can you help me unravel my latest mistake,

I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes

Like they have any right at all to critisize,hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable

and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button girl,

So cradle your head in you hands

And breathe, just breathe,

Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss

Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,

Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.

Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,

But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,

Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.

No one can find the rewind button boys,

So cradle your head in your hands,

And breathe, just breathe,

Woah breathe, just breahte

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout

But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again

If you only try turning around.2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life they belong to

And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button now

Sing it if you understand.

and breathe, just breathe

woah breathe, just breathe,

oh breathe, just breathe.

Break-up

I just watched that movie last night. Ever since I started working, I cant seem to find time to fit this activity. After being a parent (now a single one), it means this is almost impossible. So usually I get dvds. The thing I love being in this country is that their dvds are always on sale. 3 for £20 or sometimes when you are lucky, you can get a good movie for £5. I know I don’t get the same thrill as everyone else but if going to a cinema costs me more than an original dvd, then why not? I get to watch at the comfort of my house, pause anytime I like, etc.

The movie didn’t have a happy ending like your typical romance story. It just represents what most couples face during the first few months (or years) of their relationship. I cant remember the characters’ names but the girl (Jennifer Aniston) said something like, she has done so much for this relationship to work and all she wants is some appreciation ie flowers. Even when she mentioned from day one to the guy that she doesn’t like them (flowers) bcos they turn up dead anyway, a girl is just a girl. All girls love (or at least like) flowers. As for the guy, he was just trying to work hard to be the “provider” or be the best man for the girl but he just didn’t have the flare for showing his emotions. At one point, his best-mate told him that he always tag people to follow what he wants but he hardly wants to follow them (the things they love to do).

Part of being in a relationship is doing things together. It’s not whether you like it or not. It’s bcos someone very close and important to you likes it and you respect and being supportive with their decision. It’s not about the action or the environment. It’s the person you are with at that moment, knowing how important your presence is to them.

One of the episodes in Scrubs had this quote, “you spend less time for yourself so that you could spend more time with your loved ones”. The guy was going to the gym with his friends in order to be in shape. His friends go there on almost daily basis but they don’t have anyone to go back to, while he has his wife waiting for him at home. So in the end, he ditched his gym session.

After two hectic weeks with workload, not to mention being sick (lil and me) which further pushed me (and my health) to the limits, I am looking forward to our holiday this coming weekend. My brother is arriving tomorrow and we will be heading to Disneyland Paris on Saturday. I hope we will have a blast.

Ps: did some minor shopping with lil. She needed new pyjamas. We also bought Pirates of Caribbean dvds (1 and 2). That’ll be our activity tonight.

Away....

Sorry but I'll be away for a bit. I'm not travelling but workload is bad. Luckily I dont have to go to US for this job, simply bcos I dont have the visa. Good excuse!

ps: I am at work and it's SATURDAY!!!! :(

pss: But the boss agreed that I can take time off in 2 weeks time. I booked our trip to Disney Paris. The lil one is very happy!

The one who got away...

I’m a bit down today. Not really sure why. Could be the hormones or the fact that Raja Nazrin is getting married. :) I think it’s the hottest topic among us nowdays. I even called Ms Magistrate in Ipoh to talk about it. Heheh… Women will always be women. When one fine man is taken, we just couldn’t stop talking about it.

Ms Magistrate and I were thinking, how on earth can we be as lucky as Zara?!??!?! Surely there is a chance (even a tiny one) for us to meet our own prince (preferably a royal one like Nazrin).

I think Nazrin found his match. They look good together, and looking at their profile, wow! Perfect match! So I told Ms Magistrate, maybe that’s why it’s hard for us to find our prince. Not many fine men out there. (or maybe we are scaring them away???)

I hope this couple will have lovely days ahead and I’m sure they’ll have beautiful children who will inherit their traits, inside and outside.

Work has been hectic but this week, I had my break. Been leaving by 530pm everyday. Weather is bad. I’m not sure I should proceed with our holiday plans in 3 weeks time. I really hope it gets better. We have a bbq this weekend. Farewell party for a dear friend, who has a very good looking son who always gives his devoted attention to my lil one. I don’t mind if he’s a few months younger than my girl, as long as he is nice to her. Hehehhehe… my friend thinks I’m driving her nuts with this match-making idea. Hey, it’s hard to find reasonable in-laws and I’ve known my friend since high school! She is still the same person, even after 2 kids (and another one coming soon).

Ps: the little one has been reading on her own! She now reads at least a book a day. I’m so proud of her.

pss: Here's a true king! He's celebrating his wedding with villagers and orphans.
http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2007/5/11/nation/17698391&sec=nation

Sacrifices

"A wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right, and letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming, when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear."

Tuesday

I am tired. I am stressed. What's worse is that it is only TUESDAY!!!!!

This current project is taking a lot of energy. Not to mention people's request for my involvement in other projects. Both are equally good, one will make me as the lead manager, the other will make me a financial services expert. Both Directors wanted my presence! But I decided to take the FS work as I requested the Director to be involved in his future assignments a few weeks ago.

I need a long weekend! (and a hot bath!)

ps: is it possible to wish for a "McDreamy"? I really could use a good massage. ;-)

Messy home

The little one has been stressed for the past few days. She started tidying up the house and stopped playing. She just refused to play or touch any of her toys. She said she didn’t want the house to be messy. When I coaxed her to play, she actually cried. She stopped playing. The house looked like a bachelor’s place, no sign of a kid living there. As if it lost its soul.

When she is down, she does these odd things. She doesn’t know how to express her anger or sadness. Usually, she does it by doing something differently. This was different. This was odd. This has been happening for the past few days and I was beginning to get worried.

Mum told me to be patient and wait for a few more days. So did the nanny. We all knew pretty well the cause of her sadness.

So yesterday when I got home, God knows how relief I felt when I saw the books and pencils scattered on the table. There she was, playing jigsaw puzzle with the nanny.

My baby is back and I know she is fine. Our house is full of life.

Going back to a messy home….priceless.

Men, people and change

I’m at office today. It’s Saturday by the way. The lil girl suddenly requested for a visit at my work place. So here we are. She’s next to me, doing her colouring while I’m just killing my time browsing the net. I might as well update this blog. I know it’s been a while. I’ve been very busy past weeks, getting a report out.

Let’s talk about men.

I find it really amusing that despite how powerful and intelligent a man is, they can be so brainless when it comes to relationship and love. Seriously. Sometimes, when I’m busy, I’m like a man. I shutdown myself from non-work related. So maybe I reply the sms or emails later than usual, or I don’t pick up phone calls because I’m stuck in a meeting or on the other line with a client. And suddenly, I am the bad guy? Like I committed a big crime? Hehhehe, oh well, maybe now they understand how women feel when they shutdown at us on ‘busy’ purpose. It is just so funny to be getting extra concern and attention, when there is actually nothing wrong with me. But hey, why not? I can pretend something huge has happened in my life. Maybe this extra TLC will last long.

As for people and change.

I know it’s hard to accept that some people will never change. Sometimes people are just too blind with love. They think, after a while, the person will get better and slowly the pain goes away. You just have to think positive. But patience also has its limit.

For how long will you endure yourself with an abusive partner, either physically or emotionally, or being with an adulterous partner? For how long will you allow the people who are supposed to be under your care be subject to torture from your so-called love? Seriously. Maybe I can understand if someone chose to be in that situation, so long as it doesn’t involve anyone else. But once it involves other people, especially little people, I really don’t know what to say. I really get annoyed reading kids being abused by people known to them, or worse, their own parents.

If you don’t love yourself enough, fine! Stick to that person, for better or for worse. But seriously….if kids are involved, if you love them enough, you’d do what’s best.

Pick up some courage… and move on.

Take care people! Hope you have a lovely weekend!

Ps: I’m trying hard to get the lil one out of this office! The weather is amazing today. Maybe ice-cream treat will do the trick.

Growing up

My brain is numb today. I lost my sense of writing, at a very crucial time! I am trying to wrap up a section of a report, a very important section, but I cant think! Crap! Both me and my neighbour is having a bad day, so we decided to get ourselves coffee downstairs. My colleague is more stressed out as she is flying to Spain tomorrow morning but she still has piles of work to be completed.

Luckily the weather has been brilliant for the past few days.

We went to the park yesterday. I practically had to drag the lil one out as she has been engrossed with her new play thing. I got her a laptop over the weekend. I promised her about 4 weeks ago but just couldn’t find a right time nor the right equipment. It was a lovely day. We just strolled, enjoying the sunshine, the ice-cream and ice mocha (for me of course). The park was packed with people, a common scene each time we get some sunshine.

This is why I love living in London. During spring and summer, we just chill out at the park.

Last weekend also brought me back down to memory lane.

I watched video clips of the lil one, when she was about 2 – 4 years. When most of her words were Malay and baby-talk. Unlike now, each time she speaks, it’s proper English sentence, with the Ps and Ts (please and thank you). When she looks like a baby boy, with her short hair. Now her hair is longer than mine, bouncy brown curls, with very girlish features. The times when life was difficult for both of us, compare to now when things are just beyond my dreams.

I hope I have not missed her growing up…and I pray I get to see more of her each day. I wish she becomes a better person than me.

ps: Enjoy the song!

How to Save a Life - Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to Save A Life

Being a woman

It’s good to talk to someone who actually listens. They may not understand, but they listen. Sometimes that is the only thing you need when things don’t go your way. You just need to know that even when the whole world hates you, at least someone cares enough to listen.

Most times, people open themselves to me. Maybe they think I can understand or perhaps I just listen. I’m not exactly a good listener. I think it’s due to million of things rumbling inside my mind and I just cant get it out. But I try to understand.

People have different ways in coping with a broken heart. I had my fair share of difficult moments. Sometimes there is a big atmosphere of loneliness and you just do whatever means to cope with it. I don’t criticise how my friends intend to nurse their broken heart. What I can give is my thoughts.

If you want love in your life, you must learn to love yourself first. This is one of the hardest lessons I learnt. It took me a while to figure that out. Most of the time, I am a mom. There are times I feel I need a man in my life to fill the gap. Reality is, I don’t need a man to remind myself that I am a woman.

I enjoy going to the salon, get my hair done, get waxed, all the heavenly body treatment. I buy nice clothes (usually office suits) and matching shoes. I have my mocha on the weekends. I dress up when I go out with my girl or with my female friends. All because it makes me happy. I learn to love myself. It makes me more womanly than ever!

Despite having McDreamy or Mr Milan, my rule is, never let them be a burden to you (and obviously to your heart!). Maybe I am just lucky that these men have what it takes to be a man. They don’t mess up with your life! For what it’s worth, if they bring out the best out of you, just appreciate your days together.

So whenever a girlfriend complains the lack of love (ie men) in her life and intends to proceed with whoever comes first, I always tell them, make sure that he is worth it. There is no point having crappy men. It just brings more misery.


Ps: I spent my Easter helping McDreamy with his coursework at the library! Maybe I should consider taking MBA (but I seriously don’t know how to juggle between my girl, work and study at the same time).

Pss: I have been on shopping spree lately. Ferragamo handbag, Bally shoes, Ralph Lauren for my girl, etc. It actually feels good. Weird!

McDreamy

I have a few hours to go before my flight to London. It’s been tiring, travelling at early hours in the morning, meetings lined up during the day, late nights, catching the evening flight back to home. Try doing it for a few weeks! Thankfully, it’s a long weekend this week. I’m looking forward to more sleep, hugging my teddy bear. I hope she wants to sleep in like I do. But knowing my girl, the moment she wakes up, she is full of energy. The only way I can tie her down is by agreeing to watch her favourite DVDs and I can cuddle next to her while we watch.

About truth….

My life is full of drama, sometimes is even mirroring some tv series! I find it quite strange as I find myself very composed. I’m a serious freak. My time is split between my lil girl and my career (back home, it also includes family). Thus, there is very little space for myself. There’s no fun in my life, which is why I envy my close friends and siblings as they are more care-free than me. My best friend takes the most dangerous ride in Aussie many many times! I on the other hand, try hard to avoid theme parks. Oh yeah, I don’t do sports. None! Not even to the gym.

But yet, people seem to find my life interesting, especially when it comes to fairy tale. Things that they could only dream or fantasise after watching a film or tv series.

Straight to the jackpot…

I have McDreamy. The guy who has been there for you, builds up your strength during the difficult times, lets you breakdown in front of him and nurses you, brings out the best out of you, makes you think you have more potential than you’d imagine, someone who can take your crappiness and actually lets you kick his ass (literally) if he does make mistakes, then you eventually fall in love with him, even after knowing you don’t have a future together.

Sucks, huh?

Even when I have this fairy tale going (which I must admit too good to be true!), I still cant let go of McDreamy. My lil girl can see stars in my eyes each time she mentions McDreamy’s name.

Crap!

I think I should stop watch these romantic dramas. I’m beginning to act out exactly like the plot.

Sweet lies...

"No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie."

We lie for many reasons, to protect our family and friends, to protect a child’s innocence. Sometimes to protect our own heart. We chose to ignore what our heart desires because we believe it is the best thing to do.

So what do you do? To follow your heart or being practical.

In my case, I’m hurting both ways…. But it hurts more when I’m lying to my heart….

Being away..

I’m travelling again. It’ll be another hectic two weeks. I also realise for the past 3 months, I’ve been away 2 weeks each month. It must be difficult for the little one. It is harder for me too. Even today (I am still in London), I called her while at work, I can sense how much I miss her. Hearing my chatterbox talking how her day went simply cheered me up.

I must be strong for I know the purpose of my work, even when it means I have to travel. Being the only woman at my level does not mean I will get preference. At least I know I’m being treated equally (almost). If they can minimise my travel, they would. It just so happens that the job I’m being requested to do is out of the country.

Maybe it is a good thing too. Like my mom always says, whatever you do, it is ‘ibadah’, from work to taking care of your child. Take it as it is.

Going home to my lil girl’s hugs.

The price of....

2 hours after his arrival, he received a phone call. We (plus the lil one) were in Harrods, shopping and having tea. His PA, NC, called, said that there is an urgent meeting in Rome on Friday and his presence is required. There is no way he could miss it. He was upset. NC asked me to persuade him to attend the meeting as it is very important.

My first taste of being with someone very important. At any point of time, his presence is required, and I have to accept him leaving immediately. I had to reason with him, said that me and the lil one could spend time again with him. There will be other occasions or school holidays that will allow us to meet.

He left today just after lunch. Before we went to school, we stopped by at his hotel and had breakfast together. By the way, he usually stays at Savoy but because this hotel is closer to my house, he ‘downgrades’ his preference for our convenience.

Tonight, I invited a friend to join us to theatre. So it’ll be a girls’ night out. Mr Milan got us good seats, judging the price he paid for it.

Hmmm, I cant deny that I wish he didn’t have to leave. It’d be nice to spend time together, despite the language barrier (He thinks my Italian is improving).

The price of being with someone important…..it hurts…

ps: now the bag of goodies meant nothing. Yes, it was a bag of few gifts, nicely wrapped with ribbons.

Trying

"The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

Mother's day

Friday night, when I got back home:

Lil (with a low tone voice): Mummy, I have a surprise for you. I made you a card for mother’s day.
Me : It is not a surprise if you are telling me.
Lil : I’m not telling you. I’m just whispering.
Me : Aahhh. Ok then.

*I was trying hard to maintain my composure*

Saturday:
Lil : Is today Sunday, mummy?
Me : No, it’s Saturday.
Lil : So tomorrow is Sunday? It’s Mother’s day tomorrow.
Me : Yup.

Sunday, whole day busy. We both forgot about it. As I tucked her to bed at 8pm:

Lil : Mummy, I forgot to give you your card.
Me : hmmm, ok. You can take it out now.

She jumped out of bed, went into the living room and ransacked her school bag. She gave me the card.

Lil (while reading): Happy Mother’s day, mummy! There are 7 crosses for 7 kisses. All for you.
Me : Thank you baby!

I tucked her again, kissed her good night, I went to the living room and read my card in silence. Full of hearts and the 7 crosses for 7 kisses. I kept it safe, in my treasure box.

I’m so blessed…..

Massage theraphy

I seriously need a massage!!!!!

My back has been aching for the past 3 days. I think it’s partly due to work, excessive walking and potentially PMS. My nanny thinks I work too hard. I think it’s becos the crazy hormones. Whatever it is, I really need a good massage, like the time after I gave birth. The painful, malay style, rubbed with hot oil. Each time the bidan (traditional malay mid-wife) did her thingy, I would fall asleep after her session. Nanny told me that Holiday Villa has a spa and I should go there to get some relaxation. I know I don’t have any excuse not to do so as it is only a few minutes walk from home. Maybe I should pen it down in my diary.

Met up with an old friend over the weekend. Well, she’s actually my ex-boss, one of the top management in the largest company back home. Apparently she has a few meetings line-up in London and Europe and would like to spend her weekend with me and my girl. As they often say, people at top management (esp ladies) are known for their notorious behaviour and my friend is no exception. But we somehow clicked and I was honoured that she wanted to spend her free time with me.

As for my fairy tale, Mr Milan is coming this week, business meeting and a football match. He’s bringing me and the lil one to a theatre show on Friday and Saturday, to the football match. Hmm, I am concerned with the latter event. Ms Alchemist thinks we will be seated in the VIP box. I think she’s right. I told her I don’t know what to wear as I have nothing at par with the WAGS (kindly google this term). Also, we’ll be meeting his friends or people in his world. Maybe I should skip this and meet him after the match. But that’ll be rude, right? Arrghhhh!!!

I really need to get that massage appointment.

Ps: the parcel is not coming. Instead, Mr Milan will deliver the gifts himself.

Faith in fairy tale

"But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away."

Missing my brother

I call my mom on daily basis (almost), unless of course if I’m away or very tight down with work. Usually I will warn her if there’s any change in frequency. Same goes to my baby brothers, whom I adore dearly, simply because they are very lovey dovey with me despite standing 6 feet tall.

One of them is coming here, fully sponsored by me (even when dad earns more than I do, after conversion!). But what the hell, I miss him too much that absorbing the ticket cost seems nothing. He plans to come in 2 months time, which is good as he can be the babysitter during my lil girl’s school break.

Let me tell you about this baby brother of mine.

He is the sweetest person on earth. He never judges people, including me. He always makes me feel I’m such a high achiever (maybe in his eyes). He accompanies me whenever I need someone to tag along with. Be it to the salon, shopping, having midnight supper, “mee goreng mamak” (fried noodle). At the age of 19, he has performed haj. Yup, he is religious yet cool. On top of all, he has great personality, which makes him popular among the crowd and thus, gains leadership position in school/uni clubs.

Despite living on student loan and reasonable allowance from dad, he tries to call me every week. Each time he calls, I’ll say that I’ll call him back (so that I’m the one who absorbs the call cost). But no. He said he can afford the phone call. When he found out I never actually have a proper baju kurung for Eid (a malay dress), he went to browse for one. The last time I had a new baju kurung for Eid was 13 years ago. Last Eid, I wore the dress he bought for me.

When I told him about Mr Milan, he was excited about it. He was the first to know the details of our holiday. He is now more attentive to the world of European football so that he gets to educate me (and I wont be so blur each time Mr Milan talks about his football friends, business trips, matches etc). He analyses Mr Milan gestures, his daily phone calls, wherever city he may be, and said this to me, “maybe Mr Milan is a blessing from the Almighty for all the hardship you and the little one went through.”

I’m counting the days to meet my brother.

Ps: Mr Milan’s PA emailed, saying that I should be expecting a parcel tomorrow. Hmmmm, what could it be?

Denial

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"

Carpe Diem

“Dum loquimur, fugerit invidaAetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero”

“While we're talking, envious time is fleeing: seize the day, put no trust in the future”

Sometimes we worry too much about the future that we forget to live each day to its fullest.

I am taking each day as it comes, enjoying sweet moments with my loved ones, to love and be loved by people who cares for me. Having a stroll with the lil one, calling mom and little brother, constant sms to my 2 best friends who live in 2 different countries, gathering over the weekend with my caring “sisters” here, catching up with friends when time permits.

The rest is just a bonus…

Have a good weekend!

Walking to school

This morning we walked to school together. It was the first time after her school break. The last time we walked together was 3 weeks ago. Work has been tough and she has been missing me. My report was reviewed on Tuesday and I was told that I could go home earlier than expected as I have completed most of my stuffs. When I reached home last night, she was very excited. I told the nanny not to inform her of my arrival.

As we walked to school, holding hands, she sang non-stop. I knew she was happy, knowing my lil girl too well. When she gets excited or full of joy, she just sings. I asked her, “do you miss walking to school with me?” She replied, “yes mummy. I miss you a lot.”

It made my day. No matter how tired I was with the travelling, seeing the look at her face took away those feeling.

I am happy to be home, in the arms of my girl…

Napoli part III

Usually after the dinner, we would spend time in the living room. The lil one will watch her cartoon and me and Mr Milan chatted (with some help from the phrasebook). The good thing about this trip was we got to know a lot more about each other. Our first meeting was in Dusseldorf, where we both there for business purpose. Usually our character at work is different and more serious compare to outside. This trip helped us to get to know the other side of each other.

Mr Milan said that the person he met in Dusseldorf was such a different person, someone who has many issues or had a rough past. He would not know that I am single parent, struggle between a career and being a mother, and we are such simple people. All he saw was a “high-flying career” woman. Guess his perception of me changed.

So on this third day, knowing that we would be leaving on that day, I asked him about our check-out time and about our luggage. He just smiled. He told me not to worry about checking out. Well, usually hotels have this policy of checking out before 12pm and our flight was about 6pm. Of course I was worried. On our way out, he went to see the manager and I presumed they were talking about our check-out time. The manager went to the pc and voila, he extended our stay for free! The benefits of staying in suite, huh?

Before we left, Mr Milan already told the lil one that today, they would go on a shopping spree and I would not have any say. I no longer had an excuse. He already bought us another bag. If you remember a scene in Pretty Woman, well, that was exactly how he treated my daughter. Three sales assistants helped her with a selection of clothes to try on. My lil girl felt like a model, cat-walking with the clothes each time she tried them on. She simply loves the clothes. Very groovy! And also pricey. The clothes included Armani. Even on sale, they were still very costly.

The lil one suddenly asked, “Mr Milan is shopping for me. How about for you mummy?”. S heard her question and told me, “I think the boss wants to bring you somewhere special, madam”. We strolled along the shops and stopped somewhere in the middle of the gallery (open air building with nice shops inside). He adjusted my coat and the loose thread of my buttons. He took my hand into this shop which did not display their price tag. A sales assistant greeted him and he told what he wanted. The girl came with a selection coats. I tried a black long coat. Elegant and classy. It felt lovely, just like when Cinderella got her beautiful dress from the fairy godmother. I fell in love with the coat instantly.

The girl took the coat and Mr Milan just nodded. We went to the counter and the girl took out the calculator. I think it was on sale. What I did not expect was the price even after discount. It was ten times more than what he spent on the lil one! I looked at Mr Milan, told him it was too much. He said it is a gift and he knew I love the coat.

Before lunch, we visited the old church and its garden. The garden had mandarin trees, full of fruits. In the middle of garden, there were ceramics with blue and orange designs. The setting was peaceful. During this time, Mr Milan had a 10 minute business phone call. He kept apologising for being so long on the phone. One thing about Mr Milan is that, when he was with us, he gave his full attention.

After lunch, we went back to the hotel and rested. Left at about 4pm to the airport. Mr Milan kept telling me to let him know once we reached home. Our journey together ended at Milan airport. By this time, I felt a bit sad. It was a lovely holiday. For the first time in such a long time, I did not have to worry about anything. It was good that we were being taken care of by someone else. I am glad that I took this chance, to get to know Mr Milan.

As I said, it was a perfect fairy tale…

Napoli part II

The next day, we wanted to go to Pompei. I simply love the journey as the view and scenery was awesome. For those of you who have watched “the sisterhood of travelling pants”, it’s exactly like the Greek village where Lena went to visit her grandparents. The small lanes, cute houses within the hills, cars parked along the road to enjoy the view.

However, half way through the journey, my little girl threw up. Twice! I couldn’t save the first one. It was all over her clothes. She cried as it was her favourite shirt. Mr Milan said not to worry and tried to calm her down, saying we would go shopping at Positano, a tourist village.

When we reached there, Mr Milan went on a shopping spree for her. We went to a few shops, got a few t shirts and very nice jeans skirt for her. Part of the bottom of the jeans has knitwear of colourful flowers. Very girlie! She changed on the spot and just loved her new style. As we strolled along the village, my lil girl couldn’t help noticing all the cute stuffs on the walls or in the shops. She asked me to take a picture of her in front of a shop that had mermaid carvings. We found a place which sells ladies garments and Mr Milan asked me to try a few typical Italian clothes. Mostly long skirts with matching blouse. Tried a few and Mr Milan chose the ones that look nice on me. I was quite stunned on the amount he spent on us on that day. For throwing up, we got a few hundreds euros of new clothes. The happiest person was of course my girl.

Since she wasn’t feeling well, we decided to change our plans and headed back to the hotel. Mr Milan told me not to worry about the little girl’s clothes and get the hotel staffs to clean it. He said, “when you are with me, you don’t have to do anything.” Something along that line. His english vocab is quite limited, remember?

After getting the chamber-maid to pick up her clothes, we rested for a while. The little one couldn’t stop running from one room to another, jumping on Mr Milan’s bed. We promised her ice cream and after we had our rest, we decided to take a walk outside the hotel. It was refreshing to take a stroll. Mr Milan took us to a café about 10 mins walk and saw good selection of gelato. Me and the little got our ice creams (I think Mr Milan was watching his diet. Heheh). We strolled the places nearby, enjoying our desserts. Mr Milan then decided to take a taxi. I thought he wanted to browse or shop a pair of shoes.

When we got out of the taxi, he took us into a shoe shop and surprise! He actually wanted to get a new pair of shoes for moi. But everything in Italy was too fancy! I like simple designs. So he took us to another shop, selling Chloe, Channel etc. Yup! The shop which I cant afford. Still I couldn’t find anything that I like. We ended up buying stuffs for our friends back in London and some savouries to bring back. He paid everything as usual.

We got back to our hotel. S said he would pick us up at 730pm for dinner. By this time, we were famine. The little one ordered margarita and I asked for grilled fish. Again we were entertained with a musician and Mr Milan sang along. We talked more about my past, through S of course. Brought back some painful memories. S was promoting Mr Milan, saying he’s a good man. After dinner, we had another tour of the city.

End of part 2

Napoli pt I

The first thing I noticed about our flight to Milan was the style of Italian people. Eccentric! Most of the passengers on my flight were wearing weird stuffs. Different colours on each shoes, shocking colours outfit, some kind of remind me Boy George time. But hey, it was Milan Fashion Week. I think these people were most likely involved with the show.

We met Mr Milan during the stopover, where we then continued our journey to Napoli. During that flight, Mr Milan couldn’t help noticing how “motherly” I am. “Very mummy”, he said. My handbag was filled with choc and snacks, mineral water, wipes, extra underpants. I made sure the little one was drinking enough water and munching reasonably. He was also impressed that I got the Italian phrasebook (also in my handbag).

When we arrived, we were greeted by our chauffer who was wearing a suit. We headed to our hotel and the traffic was as bad as KL or Bangkok. But being in a nice car, you can easily cut your way through. As we approached the hotel, it was exactly as I imagined.

The hotel faces the bay. There were small yachts parked nicely in rows. I could see Mount Vesuvius and the Capri. As we entered into the hotel, we were greeted by the hotel staffs and management. Everyone seemed to know him. One of the managers showed us our room.

As she opened the door, me and the little one were shocked. We got the suite! Our rooms were connected with a living room. Me and the little one’s room was bigger than our apartment in London! So you can imagine how huge this suite is. The best surprise was, our suite has a balcony. Mr Milan opened the balcony door and showed us the view. Simply breathtaking…. The view of the sea, Mt Vesuvius and Capri, the yachts, boats were sailing across, the sea breeze. Not to mention the lovely sunshine. The little one was very happy knowing how much she loves sea and boats.

After we have freshen up, we were picked up by the chauffer for dinner. He made a mini tour of the city. It was more relaxing to drive at night as there were less cars. But before we reached our restaurant, Mr Milan had another surprise for the little one. We went to a toy shop. The little one was beaming with smiles and her eyes glowed. I told her to choose only one toy, the one she likes most. After browsing through, she saw her favourite doll, a Winx character named Bloom. Sort of a Barbie but Winx is a cartoon series of good witches. Mr Milan wanted to get more for her but my excuse was our bag was small.

After the pit-stop, we went to the restaurant. It is small and cosy but had lots of pictures hanging on its wall. According to S (the Chauffer), the restaurants had many famous guests. Unfortunately, due to my hunger, I was more interested in getting food than looking at the pictures. Had no idea who they were. We ordered pasta fruitti di mare. Mr Milan ordered entrée for us, consisted of mixed platter of seafood. The little one loved fried small fish. You wouldn’t believe what Mr Milan did? He took out the bones of these small fish so that the little one could eat with ease. They were really tiny, about the size of your thumbs. It was so sweet of Mr Milan.

When our seafood pasta came, once again, he took our plates and took out the shells/clams/all the hard bits. For the first time I could enjoy the juicy lobster without hassle. While we ate our food, the musician came to our table and entertained us with lovely Italian songs.

End of part one.

Perfect fairy tale!

We are back! We had a lovely holiday. Perfect fairy tale.

The cosy weather in Naples, the beautiful view and surroundings, chauffer throughout our stay, the hotel suite bigger than our apartment in London, shopping like in Pretty Woman....

I shall tell more. Another week of outstation. But I'm sure the above give plenty of hints and room for imagination...

Angel

We are leaving to Naples tomorrow. The little one is very excited. She even asked me to pack last night. I know I should be feeling the same.

The truth is, as much as I’m looking forward to this trip, spending time with my girl, exploring a new city as we always do, I feel a bit of emptiness. I am missing someone…

How do you let go those sweet memories? Those acts of kindness which then lead to a beautiful friendship? And sometimes those actions speak more...

I know it’s not easy for me to let go. But I must. For my own good…

God sent me an angel during my difficult times, and I’m thankful that it was you.

I hope me and the little one will have a good time.

Au revoir mes amies! Will update our fairytale story.

Men who really understand women

I read this article over the weekend at a friend’s place, “The 50 men who really understand women”.

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/woman/story/0,,2007664,00.html

Now, I believe every woman would love to know who made it (and how the hell do they actually understand us!). So that kept me reading the whole article.

The #1 man was George Clooney. He’s 45 by the way and still looks hot! “What he does know is how to make even sensible women go wobbly at the knees, and he has a startlingly cross-generational appeal.”

Surprisingly for me, most of the guys who made the cut are above 50. Do they get better as they age or is it because at their age, they just couldn’t be bothered with our complexity? I’m sure every girl has had their fair share of being labelled as “complex” by their other half.

At my age, the men around me can be divided into 3 groups. The young or my friends always term them as “toy boy”, the peers who seem to-be-there-but-cant-figure-out-what-they-want and lastly, the matured or simpler terms “old”.

The young ones, hmmm, well, simply adventurous, full of life and you have to admit, if you go out with this group, it boosts your ego. I’m sure people envy Demi for nailing Ashton. The bad part, it just annoys you that every decision he makes, he seeks your advice. Kind of feel like a brother than a boyfriend.

The peers are the ones who are at least at your level or above. They have been there, done that. Most of they have achieved their goals or tasted some sweet successes. Unfortunately, these men still have ego problems. Any misunderstanding, they still expect us to compromise. To some extreme, they can go for weeks being silent until we apologise. Sigh…

As for the old men, well, they are old, most likely bald or definitely white hair, big tummy, and of course no hot looking like the other two groups. However, maybe because of their age, they just give in. Life is too short (especially for them). Why do we need to make a big fuss of little things? Most importantly, they make us feel like queens! You just melt each time they do those romantic gestures. I’m sure we wouldn’t mind dating an old guy if he looks like Sean Connery. For his age, he still looks yummy!

To those 50 guys who made the list, thank you for understanding us!

ps: Happy Chinese New Year!

Something to smile

Got an email from a senior partner today saying that the firm released a report to public. It has something to do with market trends. She thanked the people behind the research and publication of the report (less than 10 people) and you wouldn’t believe who was in that list. Me!!!!!! I’m surprised! Couldn’t remember when did I help out but after reviewing the report (nicely done, with all the right corporate colours), I saw a section that had my touch, contributing 30% of a page (this report was only 4 pages, and one page was dedicated to “contact persons” which was her and another director).

A very happy ending for this day.

Fairy tales land

Told my mom about Mr Milan and asked how she feels about it. She said, “after what you’ve been through, you and your daughter deserve to be pampered.”

Mom has always been hopelessly romantic. I think she read too many romance novels during her school days.

“The five-star hotels include Hotel Excelsior, which is situated on Via Partenope. This is an example of elegance, luxury, and tradition, and the rooms have the best view of the bay. Its majesty and refinement make it the ideal place for wealthy guests who know exactly what they want.”

For a few days, we will feel like “rich and famous” people. :D I’m already happy to stay at this hotel! I wonder what other surprises in store for us. I think we might go down to memory lane. It is his hometown. He must have lots of stories to tell, if only I can understand them or he can express it better. Bought Italian phrasebook but doubt I can master the language within the next few days. At least I know how to order frutti di mare (seafood).

Sent a picture of us to his PA. She said now she understands Mr Milan. As usual, my daughter gets more compliments than me. She looks really lovely in that picture.

One week to go…..

ps: I bought a bouquet of pink roses for her. She was very happy! Made her day.

Love is in the air

There is love in the air. I haven’t been celebrating this occasion for the past few years. It just slips away. Well, I did have a good reason to celebrate but never did. It was my engagement anniversary.

You see, over time, people just forget. Birthdays, anniversaries. Maybe that’s why I stop expecting anything. I’m quite good with numbers, esp dates, phone numbers etc. These days, I develop the willingness to forget. Maybe it’s because it helps to block the unwanted memories.

But last year, the little one is aware of this special day and made me a card, with the help from her teachers of course. This year, I shall get her a bouquet of flowers. She’s very girlie. I bet she will love it.

We should be celebrating love.

“Love is wisdom in action. Love is action and no action together. Love is all that is. Love knows nothing but love. Love transcends mind. Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you're feeling a feeling you never felt before. Love is the inner substance of light. Love is an effervescent feeling that seems to escape definition. “

Tips

• If you feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach, Cupid has probably shot you with his arrow.
• Make sure it's not lust, but love.
• Be aware during those moments when you feel love towards anyone or anything.
• Capture that feeling with metaphors, and string them all together into a poem.
• Put your description of love to a melody and write a song.
• Find objects that symbolize your love (rings and roses are classic examples) and give them to whomever you love.
• Lust could lead to love.
  
  

Warnings

• When you find true love, be careful. That type of love remains with you forever.
• True love may come only once in a lifetime.
• Just because you feel this way doesn't mean the other person does!
• If someone tells you true love only happens once, they have seen too many Disney films. People are capable of loving many times, so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, don't hang on just because you think you will never love this way again.
• Remember that your friends love you too, and if all of your friends think there is something wrong or unhealthy with your relationship/infatuation, you should really examine that. You may think that they don't see what you see in someone. However, they may see something that you don't too. They love you and want you to be happy, and that's what you need to remember when thinking about the concerns they express about your chosen partner.
• Remember there are many levels of love, and pure love is unconditional love. Just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they love you purely nor that they don't love you. Their actions will tell.

Extract from: http://www.wikihow.com/Define-Love

Happy love day everyone! Cherish it with your loved ones!

Ciao Napoli!

I bought the tickets last Friday after hours of browsing. Going next week for 2 nights, cost around £200. If I come back on Sunday, it’s an extra £90. I think it should be enough ie sightseeing Napoli in 3 days.

So I told his PA of my flight details and she came back with the rest.

Here’s where we will be staying:

http://www.excelsior.it/

The hotel faces the bay! Not to mention the facilities they have to offer. But like my best friend said, we’ll be busy sightseeing than enjoying the facilities.

Oh yeah, there’s an English speaking driver waiting for us at the airport. I’m not sure it’s part of the hotel services (they have limousine service!). I’m sure the little one will be very very excited. She will feel like a princess for the weekend.

Ps: don’t worry. I have forwarded all my travelling details to my secretary, few friends.

Pss: Yes Kak Ruby, I LOL when I read Idham’s advice.

Chantal Kreviazuk - Time

Mr Milan

I’m quite overwhelmed with the persistence of Mr Milan. His PA called me yesterday (the one whom I spoke to during my trip to Germany). She wanted to know whether I have decided on the trip. She needed our details. Told me not to worry about the expenses. But being me, I told her my concern of accepting this offer. I’m not used of having people being this nice to me. She said she has worked with him for 20 years and he’s very generous, especially to the people he cares/likes. He just wants me and the little one to have a good break, get to know Italy.

I told my best friend, Ms Alchemist, that maybe he finds it peculiar meeting this lady, on a business trip in Germany, working and raising her child in a big city with no family connection nearby. Plus, I couldn’t care less that I was having dinner by myself. Perhaps some guys find it weird to find a woman dining alone? But I’m so used to it ie dining or having coffee by myself. My own space.

Perhaps my simplicity strikes him?

I’m sure at his age and position (he has something to do with UEFA), he is surrounded by gorgeous European ladies. Why would he even want to hang out with me and the little one!?!?!

Hmmm, even if I go, I told his PA that I will pay for the tickets. I have another 2 hours to decide… For all I know, it will be a good break for me and the little one.

Enjoy the song!

Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments as they pass
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time
I’m down I’m down on my knees
I’m begging for all your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion)
you don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you)
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
I’ll take what you give me.
please know that I’m learning
So wait for me this time
I should’ve know better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I’m going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)
I’ll take what you give me.
please know that I’m learning
I’ve looked in the mirror
My world’s getting clearer
So wait for me this time

Ps: It’s snowing today. We made snowballs on our way to school. The little one had a blast!

Holiday in Naples, Italy

Continuation from my new Italian friend post…

We (me and the little one) have been invited to Naples, his hometown. Her school break is in two weeks time and it’s been a while since we last had our holiday. All I have to do is to give him our full names and the tickets will be delivered, all expenses paid for.

My dilemma, hmmm, I wouldn’t want to be seen as taking advantage of him. I actually told him that I would visit him in Milan and pay for the expenses. But he said he wants to bring us to Naples (I think it’s more beautiful. Milan is just another European city, good for shopping). And, well, the trip to Naples is more costly (beyond my budget). Milan would only cost me £350-500 for 2-3 nights stay. Naples, the flight alone is 30-40% more since there is no direct flight from Heathrow.

Good things do come along, sometimes take us by surprise. Question is, how should I handle this? To go or not to go… ;-)

Malaysians abroad

I saw this article today:

"Our students in UK just ‘so shy’ and so lose out", NST, 6 Feb 2007

Summary of the story, it’s about Malaysian students not maximising their experience and potential while studying abroad. Everything about this article is true. Malaysians, in particular, Malays, hardly mix with others. It’s not just overseas, but also in our local institutions.

What I disagree with this article is this statement:
"Universities must have a top-down approach in fostering greater integration to expose them to British society.”

Once again, we are blaming others (or in this context, the UK institutions) for not encouraging our students to mix around. Why can’t we see that the problem lies in our education system? If Malay students are not mixing around in their own country, what makes us think that they will behave differently abroad?

I know our education system is good in most areas. Part of my success is due to the high level of education which I received during primary and secondary schools. But I also realise that it took my own effort to ensure I’d be “crème de la crème”. We can’t depend on the government on everything, especially in grooming our inter-personal skills.

And unfortunately, this problem does not stop at education level. I could see my fellow professional Malaysians stick to their own groups (even Idham made some remarks on this matter in his blog).

Thank God that my daughter’s circle of friends is a mix of everything! British, Brazilian, Spanish, Asian. I just have to prepare myself mentally that she might end up with one of them, which means I’ll have cute grand-children.

Dinner in Milan?

I’ve been invited to dinner…in Milan!

During my recent trip to Germany, I made a new friend. I was having dinner by myself when he came and sat at the table opposite of mine. The head waiter served him, spoke in French and Italian. A few minutes later, he came to me and said, “the gentleman would like to offer you a glass of wine.” But I don’t drink, so I ordered coffee instead. Knowing that we both didn’t have any company, I decided to join him.

The toughest part was, he spoke little English and my French was dusty. But we managed to survive, with the help from the waiter and his PA all the way from Milan.

The whole hotel staffs knew him, so did some of the guests. I assumed he must be someone well known.

Anyway, when I got the dinner invitation, I had to check the sms a few times. Dinner in Milan???? Hmmm, thought he was kidding but then again, I think he meant what he said.

You know…these things only happen in the movies. Like in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts took the private jet to have dinner in God knows where. And it’s actually happening to me.

Guess super rich guys with a good heart exist after all.

The Pursuit of Happyness

The Pursuit Of Happyness


“You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period.”

I don’t know when I’m able to find time to watch this movie but it’s definitely in my to-do list. Either that or getting the DVD when it’s out. I know my life is no where close to this movie. I wasn’t homeless but I understand how a single parent goes thru a difficult phase.

There were times when people told me that I could never achieve my dreams, that I was wasting my time here in London, that I left a luxury life and lived in “rags” for nothing, that I could never make it as a single mom in a foreign land. No one supported my dreams. People kept criticising my decision.

I’m going to make sure that my daughter gets everything that I’ve been missing as a child, time with her mother. She’ll know that I’ll be there for her school’s performances and parties. We plan for our weekends and holiday trips. If work is getting overload, I’ll make sure that I put some time off after each deadline so that we spend time together.

In pursuit of my dreams, I wont leave my daughter behind. And I thank her for believing in me.

"It's the story of my life, but it's not about me. It's about every father who had to be both the father and the mother. It's about every mother who had to be the mother and father," he said. "It's about anybody who ever dreamed big and had someone tell them, 'No, you can't do it.' You can."

Chris Gardner story can be found via here:

http://www.chrisgardnermedia.com/main/biography.htm

Being a girl

It’s a busy month. Just got back from a residential course on Wednesday. Going to Germany on Monday morning and returning on Friday, touching Heathrow at 1645. The same routine for the following week.

My work keeps my mind busy. The little one gives me strength and hope. She even reassures me that she’ll be fine with the nanny. I know I’m going to miss her, my teddy bear, our cookie monster game in the morning, bedtime stories at night.

Being away makes you appreciate the little things. Some people say that it’s all about quality and not quantity i.e. it doesn’t mean when you spend less time with your loved ones, they care you less. But, never take it for granted. Your loved ones maybe able to cope without you or be independent but they still need you.

When I see how independent my lil girl is without me, it worries me. I’ve been there, coping without people by my side. I stop enjoying life or be matured for my age, showing people that I’m fine without them. I don’t need them. Reality is, I do.

I want my daughter to cherish her childhood, to play, to have fun. I want her to know that she has me by her side and not worry about our life. I want her to be full of love and joy and let others feel her warmth.

Take care my love. Mummy will be home soon…

Unfaithful pt II

My dad was the first to wish me. Just after midnite, Malaysia time. Followed by my two best friends. The lil one got confused, on why I have two dates as my birthday. Told her the other day was just to celebrate, people wont be able to attend if we do it on school days. She concluded that the other day was a ‘pretend’ birthday. Kids. :D

Called mom. Then I think the server went nuts. I was wondering when my brothers would sms their wishes. They came later that night, tho the times said otherwise. I almost gave them “spanking”, being the eldest sis, a big bully. Hehehhe.. Hey, I’m a good sis. Strict, but nice at heart (my brothers would LOVE to make their comments here).

An old friend also wished me, which was touching as we both have busy lives and the last time I saw her was a few years ago. She’s a magistrate now, always complaining how our society is getting worse each day.

TD is very busy with work nowdays. Kept apologising that he couldn’t celebrate my birthday. But he showed up at the party and we spent time two days before my birthday. It was more than enough. He still feels bad. Hmmm, these things always make me melt. I’m romantic at heart but people always think otherwise. A girl is a girl. Even the lil one knows how much I love flowers. She got some on her way back from school a few days ago. She asked the nanny to get it for me. Isn’t she sweet?

Work-wise, we are having post-completion dinner for a job that we did a few months ago. I cant attend as I’ll be away somewhere in Europe. The Director for that job told me to cancel my work and join them for dinner. Hehehhe… I’m sure it’ll be lovely. I just love post-completion party. Usually my options are limited to seafood meals which means I get to order LOBSTERS. Yummy!

Talking about unfaithful.....

Relationships take a lot of work. It takes effort to maintain, to nurture more love. Sometimes people just fall out of love or found love when they least expect. Sometimes people just find excuses to be out of love. Which is worse, physical or emotional affair? Men (and sometimes women) think they can just get away by having physical affairs. To them, it’s nature and they don’t have emotional feelings for these people. To make matters worse, society (in certain parts of this world) seems to agree with them, especially for men. It’s expected that men will have affairs but it’s a taboo if a woman does it. What a bias!

Wouldn’t it be nice to be in love with someone and thus leading to physical emotions? Wouldn’t it be more meaningful? But different people might have different perspective.

Unfaithful

Pothole # 4: The Seven-Year ItchExperts observe that this phase is often characterized by feelings of restlessness and unhappiness over the state of your union. "Over time, people can find themselves drifting further and further apart and communicating less," says Nick Stinnett, Ph.D., professor of marriage and family studies at the University of Alabama. "The other greatest threat to [long-term relationships] is materialism. We place a great deal of value on having good jobs, making a lot of money and having a lot of nice things, but we often neglect our partner in the process."

Expert advice: After studying 6,000 successful marriages, Stinnett has concluded that the success of a marriage (or other long-term commitment) can be directly linked to acts of kindness. "That's as easy as sending flowers or taking the time to write a letter that expresses how you feel," he says. Make dates for just the two of you. This isn't being self-centered — it's essential to you and your family's well-being. "Think of your marriage like a business," says Simpson. "You still have to show up and put in the time and effort. A marriage doesn't run on its own. You have to look at ways to make it better."

I'm snowed down with work. Leaving to Europe in 2 weeks time. The lil one has already asked for toys upon my return from my business trip. Have fun reading the full article!

Rihanna - Unfaithful

Embracing the new age

I’m hosting a party tomorrow at a restaurant selected by the lil one. Birthday party and pay rise. Just among good friends. It’s a way of thanking them for being there for us, the good and not-so-good times. I don’t like using ‘bad’. I try not to use the ‘negative’ words. Don’t know, just trying to be more positive.

Anyway, how does it feel to be 30? Old I guess. It’s the prime age. Most of the time, you know where you are heading. I’m not entirely sure I’m one of them. A few years ago, I had a different thinking cap. I had everything planned. Family, career etc. I thought by now, I would have had 2 kids, having a senior post back home, staying a nice 4 bedroom condo with a maid and a driver.

Somehow…. I took a turning point.

I come from a good and maybe well-off family, had a perfect marriage (in everyone’s eyes), high flying career etc. Yet, it felt empty. I was more lonely back home than being here. Strange indeed. I mean, you are surrounded by good things yet you feel you are not connected to anyone.

Someone told me, ‘I want to be as successful as you.’ My advice was, ‘in your pursuit of success, don’t lose sight of your loved ones. What is a success if you don’t have anyone to share it with?’

I’m blessed with a beautiful and lovely daughter, good friends who treat us like family. Even when I’m miles away from home, I don’t feel as lonely as before. To find your true self, your inner peace, it’s not an easy task. My journey of finding inner peace was difficult but during that process, I found my courage. More strength than I could ever imagine. Sometimes when I feel things are not as smooth as I want them to be, I remember the times when I felt the whole world was collapsing and how I managed to go through that phase.

Maybe in order to find happiness and peace, one must go through sorrow and pain.

So here’s to my 30th birthday! To the lovely people in my life, thank you…

Ps: I thought of treating myself either a Bally handbag or a new TV. I chose a brand new LCD tv. At least the lil one and her friends get to watch their shows. Like my girl said last nite, ‘now the cartoons look bigger, mummy’.

pss: I realise the advice I gave to my friend a few months ago is close to 'Cinta' movie's script. Only mine was in English. :-)

Holiday season part 2

Spent Christmas at a friend’s place. They made roast lamb. Yummy! We couldn’t do anything on that day as there was no transportation and the shops were closed. My friend’s place is just walking distance.

Boxing day….now that’s when all the action started. We went to Bicester Village. My first time there on Boxing day. It was packed!!! For example, FCUK shop had a queue of 10-15 metres long. I couldn’t be bothered to go in, especially when the lil one was with me. I got myself a nice pair of Ralph Lauren jeans, CK handbag and a shocking pink bed sheet set. It was 60-80% off! I also found out that the bed sheet brand is sold at Harrods, but I got them at a VERY good price. :D Too bad for my girl as we couldn’t find anything for her. She needed a pair of boots but couldn’t find her size in Timberland or Clarks. So I bought her a cute handbag from Monsoon and lots of books. They were £1 each!!! But I promised her that we get her stuffs the next day.

So there we were. Off to Oxford St on Wednesday. Went to almost all kids store they have. Hamleys, Espirit, Quicksilver (they apparently have kids’ stuffs), Zara, Disney Store, M&S, Mothercare. I kept to my promise. She has been very patient when it comes to toys. All these while, I told her that I will get her toys during sale. We got the Little Mermaid bridal costume, Alice in Wonderland toy set, sticker machine, boots, clothes, curtains for her room etc etc. It was very tiring! Yet the lil one seemed to never run out of energy (maybe it’s the toys’ boost).

On Eid, we followed our friends to their friend’s house. They hosted Eid celebration and their daughter’s birthday party. Had roti jala, lemang, lodeh, rendang etc. I think I had 3 rounds of roti jala. The house was packed with kids. The host themselves had 4, 3 of them are boys. So you can just imagine how ‘cheerful’ the place was with 10 kids. :D

I spent the New Year Eve on my couch, watching Nicholas Cage in ‘Gone in 60 seconds’.

Hope your holiday season was as good as mine!