Massage theraphy

I seriously need a massage!!!!!

My back has been aching for the past 3 days. I think it’s partly due to work, excessive walking and potentially PMS. My nanny thinks I work too hard. I think it’s becos the crazy hormones. Whatever it is, I really need a good massage, like the time after I gave birth. The painful, malay style, rubbed with hot oil. Each time the bidan (traditional malay mid-wife) did her thingy, I would fall asleep after her session. Nanny told me that Holiday Villa has a spa and I should go there to get some relaxation. I know I don’t have any excuse not to do so as it is only a few minutes walk from home. Maybe I should pen it down in my diary.

Met up with an old friend over the weekend. Well, she’s actually my ex-boss, one of the top management in the largest company back home. Apparently she has a few meetings line-up in London and Europe and would like to spend her weekend with me and my girl. As they often say, people at top management (esp ladies) are known for their notorious behaviour and my friend is no exception. But we somehow clicked and I was honoured that she wanted to spend her free time with me.

As for my fairy tale, Mr Milan is coming this week, business meeting and a football match. He’s bringing me and the lil one to a theatre show on Friday and Saturday, to the football match. Hmm, I am concerned with the latter event. Ms Alchemist thinks we will be seated in the VIP box. I think she’s right. I told her I don’t know what to wear as I have nothing at par with the WAGS (kindly google this term). Also, we’ll be meeting his friends or people in his world. Maybe I should skip this and meet him after the match. But that’ll be rude, right? Arrghhhh!!!

I really need to get that massage appointment.

Ps: the parcel is not coming. Instead, Mr Milan will deliver the gifts himself.

Faith in fairy tale

"But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away."

Missing my brother

I call my mom on daily basis (almost), unless of course if I’m away or very tight down with work. Usually I will warn her if there’s any change in frequency. Same goes to my baby brothers, whom I adore dearly, simply because they are very lovey dovey with me despite standing 6 feet tall.

One of them is coming here, fully sponsored by me (even when dad earns more than I do, after conversion!). But what the hell, I miss him too much that absorbing the ticket cost seems nothing. He plans to come in 2 months time, which is good as he can be the babysitter during my lil girl’s school break.

Let me tell you about this baby brother of mine.

He is the sweetest person on earth. He never judges people, including me. He always makes me feel I’m such a high achiever (maybe in his eyes). He accompanies me whenever I need someone to tag along with. Be it to the salon, shopping, having midnight supper, “mee goreng mamak” (fried noodle). At the age of 19, he has performed haj. Yup, he is religious yet cool. On top of all, he has great personality, which makes him popular among the crowd and thus, gains leadership position in school/uni clubs.

Despite living on student loan and reasonable allowance from dad, he tries to call me every week. Each time he calls, I’ll say that I’ll call him back (so that I’m the one who absorbs the call cost). But no. He said he can afford the phone call. When he found out I never actually have a proper baju kurung for Eid (a malay dress), he went to browse for one. The last time I had a new baju kurung for Eid was 13 years ago. Last Eid, I wore the dress he bought for me.

When I told him about Mr Milan, he was excited about it. He was the first to know the details of our holiday. He is now more attentive to the world of European football so that he gets to educate me (and I wont be so blur each time Mr Milan talks about his football friends, business trips, matches etc). He analyses Mr Milan gestures, his daily phone calls, wherever city he may be, and said this to me, “maybe Mr Milan is a blessing from the Almighty for all the hardship you and the little one went through.”

I’m counting the days to meet my brother.

Ps: Mr Milan’s PA emailed, saying that I should be expecting a parcel tomorrow. Hmmmm, what could it be?

Denial

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"

Carpe Diem

“Dum loquimur, fugerit invidaAetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero”

“While we're talking, envious time is fleeing: seize the day, put no trust in the future”

Sometimes we worry too much about the future that we forget to live each day to its fullest.

I am taking each day as it comes, enjoying sweet moments with my loved ones, to love and be loved by people who cares for me. Having a stroll with the lil one, calling mom and little brother, constant sms to my 2 best friends who live in 2 different countries, gathering over the weekend with my caring “sisters” here, catching up with friends when time permits.

The rest is just a bonus…

Have a good weekend!

Walking to school

This morning we walked to school together. It was the first time after her school break. The last time we walked together was 3 weeks ago. Work has been tough and she has been missing me. My report was reviewed on Tuesday and I was told that I could go home earlier than expected as I have completed most of my stuffs. When I reached home last night, she was very excited. I told the nanny not to inform her of my arrival.

As we walked to school, holding hands, she sang non-stop. I knew she was happy, knowing my lil girl too well. When she gets excited or full of joy, she just sings. I asked her, “do you miss walking to school with me?” She replied, “yes mummy. I miss you a lot.”

It made my day. No matter how tired I was with the travelling, seeing the look at her face took away those feeling.

I am happy to be home, in the arms of my girl…

Napoli part III

Usually after the dinner, we would spend time in the living room. The lil one will watch her cartoon and me and Mr Milan chatted (with some help from the phrasebook). The good thing about this trip was we got to know a lot more about each other. Our first meeting was in Dusseldorf, where we both there for business purpose. Usually our character at work is different and more serious compare to outside. This trip helped us to get to know the other side of each other.

Mr Milan said that the person he met in Dusseldorf was such a different person, someone who has many issues or had a rough past. He would not know that I am single parent, struggle between a career and being a mother, and we are such simple people. All he saw was a “high-flying career” woman. Guess his perception of me changed.

So on this third day, knowing that we would be leaving on that day, I asked him about our check-out time and about our luggage. He just smiled. He told me not to worry about checking out. Well, usually hotels have this policy of checking out before 12pm and our flight was about 6pm. Of course I was worried. On our way out, he went to see the manager and I presumed they were talking about our check-out time. The manager went to the pc and voila, he extended our stay for free! The benefits of staying in suite, huh?

Before we left, Mr Milan already told the lil one that today, they would go on a shopping spree and I would not have any say. I no longer had an excuse. He already bought us another bag. If you remember a scene in Pretty Woman, well, that was exactly how he treated my daughter. Three sales assistants helped her with a selection of clothes to try on. My lil girl felt like a model, cat-walking with the clothes each time she tried them on. She simply loves the clothes. Very groovy! And also pricey. The clothes included Armani. Even on sale, they were still very costly.

The lil one suddenly asked, “Mr Milan is shopping for me. How about for you mummy?”. S heard her question and told me, “I think the boss wants to bring you somewhere special, madam”. We strolled along the shops and stopped somewhere in the middle of the gallery (open air building with nice shops inside). He adjusted my coat and the loose thread of my buttons. He took my hand into this shop which did not display their price tag. A sales assistant greeted him and he told what he wanted. The girl came with a selection coats. I tried a black long coat. Elegant and classy. It felt lovely, just like when Cinderella got her beautiful dress from the fairy godmother. I fell in love with the coat instantly.

The girl took the coat and Mr Milan just nodded. We went to the counter and the girl took out the calculator. I think it was on sale. What I did not expect was the price even after discount. It was ten times more than what he spent on the lil one! I looked at Mr Milan, told him it was too much. He said it is a gift and he knew I love the coat.

Before lunch, we visited the old church and its garden. The garden had mandarin trees, full of fruits. In the middle of garden, there were ceramics with blue and orange designs. The setting was peaceful. During this time, Mr Milan had a 10 minute business phone call. He kept apologising for being so long on the phone. One thing about Mr Milan is that, when he was with us, he gave his full attention.

After lunch, we went back to the hotel and rested. Left at about 4pm to the airport. Mr Milan kept telling me to let him know once we reached home. Our journey together ended at Milan airport. By this time, I felt a bit sad. It was a lovely holiday. For the first time in such a long time, I did not have to worry about anything. It was good that we were being taken care of by someone else. I am glad that I took this chance, to get to know Mr Milan.

As I said, it was a perfect fairy tale…

Napoli part II

The next day, we wanted to go to Pompei. I simply love the journey as the view and scenery was awesome. For those of you who have watched “the sisterhood of travelling pants”, it’s exactly like the Greek village where Lena went to visit her grandparents. The small lanes, cute houses within the hills, cars parked along the road to enjoy the view.

However, half way through the journey, my little girl threw up. Twice! I couldn’t save the first one. It was all over her clothes. She cried as it was her favourite shirt. Mr Milan said not to worry and tried to calm her down, saying we would go shopping at Positano, a tourist village.

When we reached there, Mr Milan went on a shopping spree for her. We went to a few shops, got a few t shirts and very nice jeans skirt for her. Part of the bottom of the jeans has knitwear of colourful flowers. Very girlie! She changed on the spot and just loved her new style. As we strolled along the village, my lil girl couldn’t help noticing all the cute stuffs on the walls or in the shops. She asked me to take a picture of her in front of a shop that had mermaid carvings. We found a place which sells ladies garments and Mr Milan asked me to try a few typical Italian clothes. Mostly long skirts with matching blouse. Tried a few and Mr Milan chose the ones that look nice on me. I was quite stunned on the amount he spent on us on that day. For throwing up, we got a few hundreds euros of new clothes. The happiest person was of course my girl.

Since she wasn’t feeling well, we decided to change our plans and headed back to the hotel. Mr Milan told me not to worry about the little girl’s clothes and get the hotel staffs to clean it. He said, “when you are with me, you don’t have to do anything.” Something along that line. His english vocab is quite limited, remember?

After getting the chamber-maid to pick up her clothes, we rested for a while. The little one couldn’t stop running from one room to another, jumping on Mr Milan’s bed. We promised her ice cream and after we had our rest, we decided to take a walk outside the hotel. It was refreshing to take a stroll. Mr Milan took us to a café about 10 mins walk and saw good selection of gelato. Me and the little got our ice creams (I think Mr Milan was watching his diet. Heheh). We strolled the places nearby, enjoying our desserts. Mr Milan then decided to take a taxi. I thought he wanted to browse or shop a pair of shoes.

When we got out of the taxi, he took us into a shoe shop and surprise! He actually wanted to get a new pair of shoes for moi. But everything in Italy was too fancy! I like simple designs. So he took us to another shop, selling Chloe, Channel etc. Yup! The shop which I cant afford. Still I couldn’t find anything that I like. We ended up buying stuffs for our friends back in London and some savouries to bring back. He paid everything as usual.

We got back to our hotel. S said he would pick us up at 730pm for dinner. By this time, we were famine. The little one ordered margarita and I asked for grilled fish. Again we were entertained with a musician and Mr Milan sang along. We talked more about my past, through S of course. Brought back some painful memories. S was promoting Mr Milan, saying he’s a good man. After dinner, we had another tour of the city.

End of part 2

Napoli pt I

The first thing I noticed about our flight to Milan was the style of Italian people. Eccentric! Most of the passengers on my flight were wearing weird stuffs. Different colours on each shoes, shocking colours outfit, some kind of remind me Boy George time. But hey, it was Milan Fashion Week. I think these people were most likely involved with the show.

We met Mr Milan during the stopover, where we then continued our journey to Napoli. During that flight, Mr Milan couldn’t help noticing how “motherly” I am. “Very mummy”, he said. My handbag was filled with choc and snacks, mineral water, wipes, extra underpants. I made sure the little one was drinking enough water and munching reasonably. He was also impressed that I got the Italian phrasebook (also in my handbag).

When we arrived, we were greeted by our chauffer who was wearing a suit. We headed to our hotel and the traffic was as bad as KL or Bangkok. But being in a nice car, you can easily cut your way through. As we approached the hotel, it was exactly as I imagined.

The hotel faces the bay. There were small yachts parked nicely in rows. I could see Mount Vesuvius and the Capri. As we entered into the hotel, we were greeted by the hotel staffs and management. Everyone seemed to know him. One of the managers showed us our room.

As she opened the door, me and the little one were shocked. We got the suite! Our rooms were connected with a living room. Me and the little one’s room was bigger than our apartment in London! So you can imagine how huge this suite is. The best surprise was, our suite has a balcony. Mr Milan opened the balcony door and showed us the view. Simply breathtaking…. The view of the sea, Mt Vesuvius and Capri, the yachts, boats were sailing across, the sea breeze. Not to mention the lovely sunshine. The little one was very happy knowing how much she loves sea and boats.

After we have freshen up, we were picked up by the chauffer for dinner. He made a mini tour of the city. It was more relaxing to drive at night as there were less cars. But before we reached our restaurant, Mr Milan had another surprise for the little one. We went to a toy shop. The little one was beaming with smiles and her eyes glowed. I told her to choose only one toy, the one she likes most. After browsing through, she saw her favourite doll, a Winx character named Bloom. Sort of a Barbie but Winx is a cartoon series of good witches. Mr Milan wanted to get more for her but my excuse was our bag was small.

After the pit-stop, we went to the restaurant. It is small and cosy but had lots of pictures hanging on its wall. According to S (the Chauffer), the restaurants had many famous guests. Unfortunately, due to my hunger, I was more interested in getting food than looking at the pictures. Had no idea who they were. We ordered pasta fruitti di mare. Mr Milan ordered entrée for us, consisted of mixed platter of seafood. The little one loved fried small fish. You wouldn’t believe what Mr Milan did? He took out the bones of these small fish so that the little one could eat with ease. They were really tiny, about the size of your thumbs. It was so sweet of Mr Milan.

When our seafood pasta came, once again, he took our plates and took out the shells/clams/all the hard bits. For the first time I could enjoy the juicy lobster without hassle. While we ate our food, the musician came to our table and entertained us with lovely Italian songs.

End of part one.

Perfect fairy tale!

We are back! We had a lovely holiday. Perfect fairy tale.

The cosy weather in Naples, the beautiful view and surroundings, chauffer throughout our stay, the hotel suite bigger than our apartment in London, shopping like in Pretty Woman....

I shall tell more. Another week of outstation. But I'm sure the above give plenty of hints and room for imagination...

Angel

We are leaving to Naples tomorrow. The little one is very excited. She even asked me to pack last night. I know I should be feeling the same.

The truth is, as much as I’m looking forward to this trip, spending time with my girl, exploring a new city as we always do, I feel a bit of emptiness. I am missing someone…

How do you let go those sweet memories? Those acts of kindness which then lead to a beautiful friendship? And sometimes those actions speak more...

I know it’s not easy for me to let go. But I must. For my own good…

God sent me an angel during my difficult times, and I’m thankful that it was you.

I hope me and the little one will have a good time.

Au revoir mes amies! Will update our fairytale story.

Men who really understand women

I read this article over the weekend at a friend’s place, “The 50 men who really understand women”.

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/woman/story/0,,2007664,00.html

Now, I believe every woman would love to know who made it (and how the hell do they actually understand us!). So that kept me reading the whole article.

The #1 man was George Clooney. He’s 45 by the way and still looks hot! “What he does know is how to make even sensible women go wobbly at the knees, and he has a startlingly cross-generational appeal.”

Surprisingly for me, most of the guys who made the cut are above 50. Do they get better as they age or is it because at their age, they just couldn’t be bothered with our complexity? I’m sure every girl has had their fair share of being labelled as “complex” by their other half.

At my age, the men around me can be divided into 3 groups. The young or my friends always term them as “toy boy”, the peers who seem to-be-there-but-cant-figure-out-what-they-want and lastly, the matured or simpler terms “old”.

The young ones, hmmm, well, simply adventurous, full of life and you have to admit, if you go out with this group, it boosts your ego. I’m sure people envy Demi for nailing Ashton. The bad part, it just annoys you that every decision he makes, he seeks your advice. Kind of feel like a brother than a boyfriend.

The peers are the ones who are at least at your level or above. They have been there, done that. Most of they have achieved their goals or tasted some sweet successes. Unfortunately, these men still have ego problems. Any misunderstanding, they still expect us to compromise. To some extreme, they can go for weeks being silent until we apologise. Sigh…

As for the old men, well, they are old, most likely bald or definitely white hair, big tummy, and of course no hot looking like the other two groups. However, maybe because of their age, they just give in. Life is too short (especially for them). Why do we need to make a big fuss of little things? Most importantly, they make us feel like queens! You just melt each time they do those romantic gestures. I’m sure we wouldn’t mind dating an old guy if he looks like Sean Connery. For his age, he still looks yummy!

To those 50 guys who made the list, thank you for understanding us!

ps: Happy Chinese New Year!

Something to smile

Got an email from a senior partner today saying that the firm released a report to public. It has something to do with market trends. She thanked the people behind the research and publication of the report (less than 10 people) and you wouldn’t believe who was in that list. Me!!!!!! I’m surprised! Couldn’t remember when did I help out but after reviewing the report (nicely done, with all the right corporate colours), I saw a section that had my touch, contributing 30% of a page (this report was only 4 pages, and one page was dedicated to “contact persons” which was her and another director).

A very happy ending for this day.

Fairy tales land

Told my mom about Mr Milan and asked how she feels about it. She said, “after what you’ve been through, you and your daughter deserve to be pampered.”

Mom has always been hopelessly romantic. I think she read too many romance novels during her school days.

“The five-star hotels include Hotel Excelsior, which is situated on Via Partenope. This is an example of elegance, luxury, and tradition, and the rooms have the best view of the bay. Its majesty and refinement make it the ideal place for wealthy guests who know exactly what they want.”

For a few days, we will feel like “rich and famous” people. :D I’m already happy to stay at this hotel! I wonder what other surprises in store for us. I think we might go down to memory lane. It is his hometown. He must have lots of stories to tell, if only I can understand them or he can express it better. Bought Italian phrasebook but doubt I can master the language within the next few days. At least I know how to order frutti di mare (seafood).

Sent a picture of us to his PA. She said now she understands Mr Milan. As usual, my daughter gets more compliments than me. She looks really lovely in that picture.

One week to go…..

ps: I bought a bouquet of pink roses for her. She was very happy! Made her day.

Love is in the air

There is love in the air. I haven’t been celebrating this occasion for the past few years. It just slips away. Well, I did have a good reason to celebrate but never did. It was my engagement anniversary.

You see, over time, people just forget. Birthdays, anniversaries. Maybe that’s why I stop expecting anything. I’m quite good with numbers, esp dates, phone numbers etc. These days, I develop the willingness to forget. Maybe it’s because it helps to block the unwanted memories.

But last year, the little one is aware of this special day and made me a card, with the help from her teachers of course. This year, I shall get her a bouquet of flowers. She’s very girlie. I bet she will love it.

We should be celebrating love.

“Love is wisdom in action. Love is action and no action together. Love is all that is. Love knows nothing but love. Love transcends mind. Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you're feeling a feeling you never felt before. Love is the inner substance of light. Love is an effervescent feeling that seems to escape definition. “

Tips

• If you feel the flutter of butterflies in your stomach, Cupid has probably shot you with his arrow.
• Make sure it's not lust, but love.
• Be aware during those moments when you feel love towards anyone or anything.
• Capture that feeling with metaphors, and string them all together into a poem.
• Put your description of love to a melody and write a song.
• Find objects that symbolize your love (rings and roses are classic examples) and give them to whomever you love.
• Lust could lead to love.
  
  

Warnings

• When you find true love, be careful. That type of love remains with you forever.
• True love may come only once in a lifetime.
• Just because you feel this way doesn't mean the other person does!
• If someone tells you true love only happens once, they have seen too many Disney films. People are capable of loving many times, so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, don't hang on just because you think you will never love this way again.
• Remember that your friends love you too, and if all of your friends think there is something wrong or unhealthy with your relationship/infatuation, you should really examine that. You may think that they don't see what you see in someone. However, they may see something that you don't too. They love you and want you to be happy, and that's what you need to remember when thinking about the concerns they express about your chosen partner.
• Remember there are many levels of love, and pure love is unconditional love. Just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they love you purely nor that they don't love you. Their actions will tell.

Extract from: http://www.wikihow.com/Define-Love

Happy love day everyone! Cherish it with your loved ones!

Ciao Napoli!

I bought the tickets last Friday after hours of browsing. Going next week for 2 nights, cost around £200. If I come back on Sunday, it’s an extra £90. I think it should be enough ie sightseeing Napoli in 3 days.

So I told his PA of my flight details and she came back with the rest.

Here’s where we will be staying:

http://www.excelsior.it/

The hotel faces the bay! Not to mention the facilities they have to offer. But like my best friend said, we’ll be busy sightseeing than enjoying the facilities.

Oh yeah, there’s an English speaking driver waiting for us at the airport. I’m not sure it’s part of the hotel services (they have limousine service!). I’m sure the little one will be very very excited. She will feel like a princess for the weekend.

Ps: don’t worry. I have forwarded all my travelling details to my secretary, few friends.

Pss: Yes Kak Ruby, I LOL when I read Idham’s advice.

Chantal Kreviazuk - Time

Mr Milan

I’m quite overwhelmed with the persistence of Mr Milan. His PA called me yesterday (the one whom I spoke to during my trip to Germany). She wanted to know whether I have decided on the trip. She needed our details. Told me not to worry about the expenses. But being me, I told her my concern of accepting this offer. I’m not used of having people being this nice to me. She said she has worked with him for 20 years and he’s very generous, especially to the people he cares/likes. He just wants me and the little one to have a good break, get to know Italy.

I told my best friend, Ms Alchemist, that maybe he finds it peculiar meeting this lady, on a business trip in Germany, working and raising her child in a big city with no family connection nearby. Plus, I couldn’t care less that I was having dinner by myself. Perhaps some guys find it weird to find a woman dining alone? But I’m so used to it ie dining or having coffee by myself. My own space.

Perhaps my simplicity strikes him?

I’m sure at his age and position (he has something to do with UEFA), he is surrounded by gorgeous European ladies. Why would he even want to hang out with me and the little one!?!?!

Hmmm, even if I go, I told his PA that I will pay for the tickets. I have another 2 hours to decide… For all I know, it will be a good break for me and the little one.

Enjoy the song!

Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments as they pass
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
So wait for me this time
I’m down I’m down on my knees
I’m begging for all your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion)
you don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you)
Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer
I’ll take what you give me.
please know that I’m learning
So wait for me this time
I should’ve know better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I’m going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)
I’ll take what you give me.
please know that I’m learning
I’ve looked in the mirror
My world’s getting clearer
So wait for me this time

Ps: It’s snowing today. We made snowballs on our way to school. The little one had a blast!

Holiday in Naples, Italy

Continuation from my new Italian friend post…

We (me and the little one) have been invited to Naples, his hometown. Her school break is in two weeks time and it’s been a while since we last had our holiday. All I have to do is to give him our full names and the tickets will be delivered, all expenses paid for.

My dilemma, hmmm, I wouldn’t want to be seen as taking advantage of him. I actually told him that I would visit him in Milan and pay for the expenses. But he said he wants to bring us to Naples (I think it’s more beautiful. Milan is just another European city, good for shopping). And, well, the trip to Naples is more costly (beyond my budget). Milan would only cost me £350-500 for 2-3 nights stay. Naples, the flight alone is 30-40% more since there is no direct flight from Heathrow.

Good things do come along, sometimes take us by surprise. Question is, how should I handle this? To go or not to go… ;-)

Malaysians abroad

I saw this article today:

"Our students in UK just ‘so shy’ and so lose out", NST, 6 Feb 2007

Summary of the story, it’s about Malaysian students not maximising their experience and potential while studying abroad. Everything about this article is true. Malaysians, in particular, Malays, hardly mix with others. It’s not just overseas, but also in our local institutions.

What I disagree with this article is this statement:
"Universities must have a top-down approach in fostering greater integration to expose them to British society.”

Once again, we are blaming others (or in this context, the UK institutions) for not encouraging our students to mix around. Why can’t we see that the problem lies in our education system? If Malay students are not mixing around in their own country, what makes us think that they will behave differently abroad?

I know our education system is good in most areas. Part of my success is due to the high level of education which I received during primary and secondary schools. But I also realise that it took my own effort to ensure I’d be “crème de la crème”. We can’t depend on the government on everything, especially in grooming our inter-personal skills.

And unfortunately, this problem does not stop at education level. I could see my fellow professional Malaysians stick to their own groups (even Idham made some remarks on this matter in his blog).

Thank God that my daughter’s circle of friends is a mix of everything! British, Brazilian, Spanish, Asian. I just have to prepare myself mentally that she might end up with one of them, which means I’ll have cute grand-children.

Dinner in Milan?

I’ve been invited to dinner…in Milan!

During my recent trip to Germany, I made a new friend. I was having dinner by myself when he came and sat at the table opposite of mine. The head waiter served him, spoke in French and Italian. A few minutes later, he came to me and said, “the gentleman would like to offer you a glass of wine.” But I don’t drink, so I ordered coffee instead. Knowing that we both didn’t have any company, I decided to join him.

The toughest part was, he spoke little English and my French was dusty. But we managed to survive, with the help from the waiter and his PA all the way from Milan.

The whole hotel staffs knew him, so did some of the guests. I assumed he must be someone well known.

Anyway, when I got the dinner invitation, I had to check the sms a few times. Dinner in Milan???? Hmmm, thought he was kidding but then again, I think he meant what he said.

You know…these things only happen in the movies. Like in Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts took the private jet to have dinner in God knows where. And it’s actually happening to me.

Guess super rich guys with a good heart exist after all.

The Pursuit of Happyness

The Pursuit Of Happyness


“You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you can't do it. You want something? Go get it. Period.”

I don’t know when I’m able to find time to watch this movie but it’s definitely in my to-do list. Either that or getting the DVD when it’s out. I know my life is no where close to this movie. I wasn’t homeless but I understand how a single parent goes thru a difficult phase.

There were times when people told me that I could never achieve my dreams, that I was wasting my time here in London, that I left a luxury life and lived in “rags” for nothing, that I could never make it as a single mom in a foreign land. No one supported my dreams. People kept criticising my decision.

I’m going to make sure that my daughter gets everything that I’ve been missing as a child, time with her mother. She’ll know that I’ll be there for her school’s performances and parties. We plan for our weekends and holiday trips. If work is getting overload, I’ll make sure that I put some time off after each deadline so that we spend time together.

In pursuit of my dreams, I wont leave my daughter behind. And I thank her for believing in me.

"It's the story of my life, but it's not about me. It's about every father who had to be both the father and the mother. It's about every mother who had to be the mother and father," he said. "It's about anybody who ever dreamed big and had someone tell them, 'No, you can't do it.' You can."

Chris Gardner story can be found via here:

http://www.chrisgardnermedia.com/main/biography.htm

Being a girl

It’s a busy month. Just got back from a residential course on Wednesday. Going to Germany on Monday morning and returning on Friday, touching Heathrow at 1645. The same routine for the following week.

My work keeps my mind busy. The little one gives me strength and hope. She even reassures me that she’ll be fine with the nanny. I know I’m going to miss her, my teddy bear, our cookie monster game in the morning, bedtime stories at night.

Being away makes you appreciate the little things. Some people say that it’s all about quality and not quantity i.e. it doesn’t mean when you spend less time with your loved ones, they care you less. But, never take it for granted. Your loved ones maybe able to cope without you or be independent but they still need you.

When I see how independent my lil girl is without me, it worries me. I’ve been there, coping without people by my side. I stop enjoying life or be matured for my age, showing people that I’m fine without them. I don’t need them. Reality is, I do.

I want my daughter to cherish her childhood, to play, to have fun. I want her to know that she has me by her side and not worry about our life. I want her to be full of love and joy and let others feel her warmth.

Take care my love. Mummy will be home soon…

Unfaithful pt II

My dad was the first to wish me. Just after midnite, Malaysia time. Followed by my two best friends. The lil one got confused, on why I have two dates as my birthday. Told her the other day was just to celebrate, people wont be able to attend if we do it on school days. She concluded that the other day was a ‘pretend’ birthday. Kids. :D

Called mom. Then I think the server went nuts. I was wondering when my brothers would sms their wishes. They came later that night, tho the times said otherwise. I almost gave them “spanking”, being the eldest sis, a big bully. Hehehhe.. Hey, I’m a good sis. Strict, but nice at heart (my brothers would LOVE to make their comments here).

An old friend also wished me, which was touching as we both have busy lives and the last time I saw her was a few years ago. She’s a magistrate now, always complaining how our society is getting worse each day.

TD is very busy with work nowdays. Kept apologising that he couldn’t celebrate my birthday. But he showed up at the party and we spent time two days before my birthday. It was more than enough. He still feels bad. Hmmm, these things always make me melt. I’m romantic at heart but people always think otherwise. A girl is a girl. Even the lil one knows how much I love flowers. She got some on her way back from school a few days ago. She asked the nanny to get it for me. Isn’t she sweet?

Work-wise, we are having post-completion dinner for a job that we did a few months ago. I cant attend as I’ll be away somewhere in Europe. The Director for that job told me to cancel my work and join them for dinner. Hehehhe… I’m sure it’ll be lovely. I just love post-completion party. Usually my options are limited to seafood meals which means I get to order LOBSTERS. Yummy!

Talking about unfaithful.....

Relationships take a lot of work. It takes effort to maintain, to nurture more love. Sometimes people just fall out of love or found love when they least expect. Sometimes people just find excuses to be out of love. Which is worse, physical or emotional affair? Men (and sometimes women) think they can just get away by having physical affairs. To them, it’s nature and they don’t have emotional feelings for these people. To make matters worse, society (in certain parts of this world) seems to agree with them, especially for men. It’s expected that men will have affairs but it’s a taboo if a woman does it. What a bias!

Wouldn’t it be nice to be in love with someone and thus leading to physical emotions? Wouldn’t it be more meaningful? But different people might have different perspective.

Unfaithful

Pothole # 4: The Seven-Year ItchExperts observe that this phase is often characterized by feelings of restlessness and unhappiness over the state of your union. "Over time, people can find themselves drifting further and further apart and communicating less," says Nick Stinnett, Ph.D., professor of marriage and family studies at the University of Alabama. "The other greatest threat to [long-term relationships] is materialism. We place a great deal of value on having good jobs, making a lot of money and having a lot of nice things, but we often neglect our partner in the process."

Expert advice: After studying 6,000 successful marriages, Stinnett has concluded that the success of a marriage (or other long-term commitment) can be directly linked to acts of kindness. "That's as easy as sending flowers or taking the time to write a letter that expresses how you feel," he says. Make dates for just the two of you. This isn't being self-centered — it's essential to you and your family's well-being. "Think of your marriage like a business," says Simpson. "You still have to show up and put in the time and effort. A marriage doesn't run on its own. You have to look at ways to make it better."

I'm snowed down with work. Leaving to Europe in 2 weeks time. The lil one has already asked for toys upon my return from my business trip. Have fun reading the full article!

Rihanna - Unfaithful

Embracing the new age

I’m hosting a party tomorrow at a restaurant selected by the lil one. Birthday party and pay rise. Just among good friends. It’s a way of thanking them for being there for us, the good and not-so-good times. I don’t like using ‘bad’. I try not to use the ‘negative’ words. Don’t know, just trying to be more positive.

Anyway, how does it feel to be 30? Old I guess. It’s the prime age. Most of the time, you know where you are heading. I’m not entirely sure I’m one of them. A few years ago, I had a different thinking cap. I had everything planned. Family, career etc. I thought by now, I would have had 2 kids, having a senior post back home, staying a nice 4 bedroom condo with a maid and a driver.

Somehow…. I took a turning point.

I come from a good and maybe well-off family, had a perfect marriage (in everyone’s eyes), high flying career etc. Yet, it felt empty. I was more lonely back home than being here. Strange indeed. I mean, you are surrounded by good things yet you feel you are not connected to anyone.

Someone told me, ‘I want to be as successful as you.’ My advice was, ‘in your pursuit of success, don’t lose sight of your loved ones. What is a success if you don’t have anyone to share it with?’

I’m blessed with a beautiful and lovely daughter, good friends who treat us like family. Even when I’m miles away from home, I don’t feel as lonely as before. To find your true self, your inner peace, it’s not an easy task. My journey of finding inner peace was difficult but during that process, I found my courage. More strength than I could ever imagine. Sometimes when I feel things are not as smooth as I want them to be, I remember the times when I felt the whole world was collapsing and how I managed to go through that phase.

Maybe in order to find happiness and peace, one must go through sorrow and pain.

So here’s to my 30th birthday! To the lovely people in my life, thank you…

Ps: I thought of treating myself either a Bally handbag or a new TV. I chose a brand new LCD tv. At least the lil one and her friends get to watch their shows. Like my girl said last nite, ‘now the cartoons look bigger, mummy’.

pss: I realise the advice I gave to my friend a few months ago is close to 'Cinta' movie's script. Only mine was in English. :-)

Holiday season part 2

Spent Christmas at a friend’s place. They made roast lamb. Yummy! We couldn’t do anything on that day as there was no transportation and the shops were closed. My friend’s place is just walking distance.

Boxing day….now that’s when all the action started. We went to Bicester Village. My first time there on Boxing day. It was packed!!! For example, FCUK shop had a queue of 10-15 metres long. I couldn’t be bothered to go in, especially when the lil one was with me. I got myself a nice pair of Ralph Lauren jeans, CK handbag and a shocking pink bed sheet set. It was 60-80% off! I also found out that the bed sheet brand is sold at Harrods, but I got them at a VERY good price. :D Too bad for my girl as we couldn’t find anything for her. She needed a pair of boots but couldn’t find her size in Timberland or Clarks. So I bought her a cute handbag from Monsoon and lots of books. They were £1 each!!! But I promised her that we get her stuffs the next day.

So there we were. Off to Oxford St on Wednesday. Went to almost all kids store they have. Hamleys, Espirit, Quicksilver (they apparently have kids’ stuffs), Zara, Disney Store, M&S, Mothercare. I kept to my promise. She has been very patient when it comes to toys. All these while, I told her that I will get her toys during sale. We got the Little Mermaid bridal costume, Alice in Wonderland toy set, sticker machine, boots, clothes, curtains for her room etc etc. It was very tiring! Yet the lil one seemed to never run out of energy (maybe it’s the toys’ boost).

On Eid, we followed our friends to their friend’s house. They hosted Eid celebration and their daughter’s birthday party. Had roti jala, lemang, lodeh, rendang etc. I think I had 3 rounds of roti jala. The house was packed with kids. The host themselves had 4, 3 of them are boys. So you can just imagine how ‘cheerful’ the place was with 10 kids. :D

I spent the New Year Eve on my couch, watching Nicholas Cage in ‘Gone in 60 seconds’.

Hope your holiday season was as good as mine!

Holiday season part 1

I watched Happy Feet with my girl. It was hilarious! Good for emotional therapy, apart from shopping. Hehhehe.. Being on leave is bad for me as my money flows like a running tap. But so far, the things I bought are essentials. Heater for the house, sweaters and casual handbag for me, jeans and long sleeve top for my girl. Most of these items were on sale, 50% off, except for the heater. I shall prepare myself for the Boxing Day’s damage. It’ll be three times more than what I’ve spent so far.

Most likely I have to travel to Europe in January. Before I went on leave, the Director asked whether my visa allows me to go to Europe. I think that’s a hint.

A few things happened past days. Some were good, some could have been better. I try not to be bothered by the not-so-good events. I find it hard when someone gives ‘no time’ as an excuse for not doing something which only takes 5-10 minutes of their time. Sometimes I wonder if we swap roles for just one day, maybe it’ll be an eye opener for defining ‘no time’ excuse. Different people have different priority I guess.

The other day, my girl watched an advertisement for donation to some charity meant for abused or neglected kids. The advert had a girl, trying to open a can of food on her own in her house. My girl saw this clip a few times already. But that night, our conversation went like this:
My girl: “why there is no mummy and daddy in her house?’
Me: “Sometimes mummies and daddies don’t want to take care of their children.”
My girl: “like my daddy?”

There was a pause…

I asked, “are you sad honey?”
Her answer, “no mummy because I have you. You take care of me.”

How one advert affects her thoughts… how she relates her situation with the girl in that clip. A simple question but touched my heart.

A friend lost her father recently. It was difficult for her to find a seat to go back due to festive season and the bad fog in London. Most flights couldn’t take off. She got back the day after her father’s death. I hope she will find strength during this difficult time.

Cinta

I saw this video clip. Though I doubt I will have a chance to watch this movie, I think it’s a good one. It’s about reality of life, five stories to share. I like Kak Ruby's comments about the film: http://rubyahmad.blogspot.com/2006/12/cinta-love.html

How many of us have remained in a relationship simply because you thought it’s the right thing to do? or leaving the love of your life to make others happy? Or not taking second chances in life because you are scared to do so?

Life is about taking chances. No one will change your fate unless you do something about it.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been had I stayed back home. Will I still be disillusioned, thinking that everything will turn out fine? Will I still think that I’m unworthy, unable to be the perfect person everyone wants me to be? Will I ever find happiness and peace….?

I have the best thing in life now. My daughter, the love of my life. She never judges me. She always appreciates the things I do, be it cooking simple food, sending her to school, making simple lunch pack. She never complained when we stayed in a tiny flat or when I couldn’t afford to buy her favourite toys. Maybe that’s why our life has got better. Her patience paid off.

Today another good friend has gone back for good. I wish him all the best with his new undertakings. Thank you for your time. Look forward for this new journey in life.
Anuar Zain-Perpisahan

Closing doors..

I’ve been away. Out at client’s place, on leave and on course. I only have four more working days before I start my Christmas break. It’ll be two weeks leave. Looking forward to it.

My course for the past two days was about report writing. There was a session on grammar and surprisingly, I knew all the answers! The facilitators said, usually the non-English speakers are aces when it comes to this session. I just love it! J Funny funny.

My favourite Ghost Whisperer series is now over. There goes my Tuesday night entertainment. Oh well, I still have CSI to watch. I’m tempted to buy the box series on Sex & The City. It’s on sale for just £50 for the complete series. That’s a bargain! I’m trying really hard not to buy anything until sale starts which is just 13 days to go.

Mama S has asked when I’m free to hang out (without our kids). She said we should ask Kakak Rock to come along and just have mommies’ night out, leave the kids with the nanny. The last time I watch a movie was a few months ago, Cars. Anyway, it’ll be good to have a day with the moms. Kakak Rock wants to bring me to the salon she usually goes to. Apparently it’s much cheaper as the beauticians are still on training, thus charges are below market price. J

Also, I got feedback from my previous assignment. Overall, the Director gave ‘outstanding and excellent’. I’m very pleased! There were specific and lengthy comments but I was really surprised with the feedback. My friends keep saying that I always under-rate myself. I should have more faith in my capabilities.

It also applies to love. I need to have more faith in TD, his sincerity. I guess what I went through made me sceptical. I shouldn’t judge him, I shouldn’t keep my doors closed.

31 days...

31 days to 2007. Have you achieved your resolutions for this year?

Well, if you haven’t, you’ve got 31 days to do so (30 days since it’s already 5pm UK time).

I achieved all except one. I have yet to watch a theatre. Yup, I’ve been here for more than 2 years and I have yet to watch any! Tickets are cheap and you can always get discounted ones online. Even my girl watched one already. Mummy is yet to appreciate this.

Anyway, we’re going to have Indian meal tonight. Tomorrow, I need to take another picture of her for our visa. I just realised her picture had shadows and apparently, it’s not allowed under immigration guidelines.

What’s my next year wish-list? Here it goes:

1. Visit:
a. Disneyland Paris – mummy is more excited to go than the princess.
b. Granada, Spain – see Alhambra Palace
c. Istanbul and Bodrum – I cant get enough of Istanbul. Bodrum is just to bring the little one to see TD’s boat.

2. Work hard and get promoted. More shopping and holiday trips for both of us. :D

3. Polish my French. It’s VERY rusty. How can I help with my kid’s homework?

4. Learn either Spanish or Turkish, depending where I’d like to go for my international posting. But if Turkey, I have my new friend, Simah, to give survival tips.

5. Be happy!

Take care people! Have a good weekend and spend time with your loved ones!

Ginger bread man

I’m done for today and it’s only 4pm. My report is due at 4.30pm (first draft). Nothing much I can do anyway since I don’t have access to the rest of the information. Going to review the stuffs next week. Guess I’m going home early tonight (was expecting to be working late).

My girl made me a ginger bread man! Yup! Like the ones in Shrek. She decorated it, with smarties chocolate and icing pen. I had it for tea just now. It was as big as my palm! She actually told me to show it off at office (which I did. My secretary thought it was so sweet of her to do so).

Did my long overdue waxing (at home of course). When you are a mom (in my case, a working single mom), it’s just hard to find time for yourself. My routine starts at 7am and ends at 10-12 pm, sometimes way past midnight if I have to continue work at home. This week, I’ve been making sandwich and boiled sweetcorn for my girl’s packed lunch. Today, I even made fried rice for my own lunch (there were some leftovers. Might as well bring it to work). I try to make it a point to put some time for myself once a month, either for body pampering, shopping for my own things (which usually ends up with her stuffs), coffee with friends, etc. It’s also her time to catch up with her friends as they go to different schools. They will compare notes, exchange gossips ie who is the cutest boy in their class.

Despite my rush to complete this report, I Googled TD during lunch time. Hehhehe… I was surprised that it came out a few, most in his language which I couldn’t comprehend. Well, not really that surprised since he was actually quite prominent in his profession back home. But the best part was I got his picture! Hahahhaha… Published by the university. I get to see his course-mates, mostly investment bankers. There are only 30 of them I think. He looks good (ehheheh… bias again). Well, he always looks good in a suit.

Thinking what to do this weekend. Ms Alchemist suggests that I watch Casino Royale. I’m not a fan of James Bond movies. I only watch it because of Pierce Brosnan. :P This week’s Ghost Whisperer was kind of eerie, to be continued next week.

Also, this year I shall attend the department’s/firm’s Christmas dinner. Thus, I shall find a dress. I’m sure the first person who will look forward shopping for my dress will be none other than my girl. I’m sure that she will look forward to see me dressing up. Speaking of dresses, once I saw a lovely maroon dress from Monsoon. It’s actually for kids aged 13+. My friends persuaded me to try but I was sceptical (I didn’t think I’d fit). Surprise surprise! I did! And yes it was lovely… (and hell lot cheaper).

Supergirl

I’m having my second mocha for today. I must be stressed. I actually wanted to get a snack but I ended up with coffee. Damn that cashier. He just knew how to melt me with his smile. Ahhaha.. Lame excuse. I think I’m just stressed and need a coffee break. Plus the café downstairs serve good and CHEAP coffee. My mocha (which I have every morning), only cost £1.50 compare to Starbucks of £2.30. Life is good. :D

Also, today I saw our secretaries went shopping for one of the Directors. I think it’s a gift for his wife/kid. Don’t know. I said to my secretary, “what would they do without you?”. When I was a kid, most of my birthday gifts and cards were prepared by my dad’s secretary. He just signed them. I hope I won’t become one of them. I’ll try my best to choose my kid’s stuffs. Most of the time, she picks her things. I just pay for them.

Update on my girl:
Called her after she got back from school. She said her right knee hurts (I think she seeks for attention). I said, she’s a supergirl, very strong. The pain will go away. Plus, I’ll give her a hug when I go back later. She was being very lovey dovey. Hehhehe… My beautiful angel. Even when she’s in pain, she brightens my day. What would I do without you by my side?

It’s been a long day. I’m going to do some body pampering tonight.

She fell!

My baby girl fell on our way to school today. She cried a bit, her lips were cut. There were a little bit of blood. I'm sure there could be bruises underneath her tights. So I carried her to school, consoled her, despite my migraine (my head still aches today. Damn that donut!). My poor baby. She hugged me, feeling safe, knowing that mummy will always be there for her.

Then I remember the times when she fell asleep in the bus on our way home from the nursery/child-care centre. The nursery to our old house was just 5-10 mins bus ride but that’s long enough for a child to fall asleep after a tiring day. I carried her, with my laptop in my backpack, from the bus stop to our home. Lucky me, she only weighs under 15kg.

Maybe that’s why she feels safe, knowing each time she falls, mummy will be there to lift her.

And I hope God gives me the strength to raise her until she is old enough to be on her own.

Krispy Kreme

It’s been a tiring day. Maybe it’s because I was actually working. :P I’m having a bad headache. I think it’s due to my excessive eating of Krispy Kreme donuts. I had 4 in the last 2 days!

Also, something bugs me today. Sigh.. I know I know. I shouldn’t let those things bug me. But I’m still human, right. I just feel strange, knowing the person who used to be part of my life has become such a different person.

On another hand, TD suddenly called! :D See, he likes to do these unexpected gestures. It’s like, he just knows that I need TLC! Hey, a phone call is still TLC to me. He said the wedding was splendid but the worst part was he had to dance. This I have to see. He said it was recorded and he’ll show me if he gets his hands on it.

I better go. I’m missing my little angel. Geesh! I actually miss her everyday!!!! Even when I had to go away for business trip, I called her twice a day!

Of course I miss TD. And that phone call made me miss him more.

Monday note

This week, I'm assigned on an energy-related project. I've made my preference to specialise in financial service and energy industry. Today has been a good day. I was given a bunch of information and documents and it was up to me to design the report format and template. Cool! It’s much easier to outline your own report. I’m sure it’ll be cut and sliced by the bigger fish but at least I get the chance to put my creative mind into that report.

So for the past 3 weeks I did FS work and the next 1-2 weeks, I’m getting into energy stuffs. Hopefully it adds up my market value. The good thing of specialising FS is that most of our assignments are based in the city. The cons – I have a lot of reading (regulated industry).

Hope you enjoyed the video clip. Sometimes I think part of the clips (certain parts), kind of reflecting my life.

I’m done for today. Leaving now. Looking forward to be greeted by my baby.

Would you lie with me...?

Chasing Cars (Grey's Anatomy Version)


I like this clip.

TGIF

I'm almost done for today. Actually, my report went out last night so I didn't have much to begin with.

My Director treated us lunch (I got to choose the place). Had calamari and lobster. Yummy!

Asked my girl what to do or where to go tonight. She said she wants to go to Boots. I was!??!?!?!? Last week, I asked her to go to Hamleys . FYI, it's a 5 storeys toy shop. She declined!!! My God. Her cartoon was far more important than going shopping at this place. And tonight, she wants to go to Boots!?! They dont even have toys there. Hmmm, maybe she wants to get that Barbie perfume. Her friend has one. Hmm, now it makes sense.

Also, two of my Directors were made Partners today. I'm so happy for them. I worked with one of them. Very good chap! He works really hard and still makes time to explain to little fish like me. The other guy is also a nice fella, keeps talking about his baby daughter and keeps reminding me to let him know if I have problem juggling between work and home.

Oh yeah, I got my work permit extension. 5 years. Need to renew my visa now. That should take a day. Not sure how long I'm going to be here.

We'll see how it goes.

Have a good weekend!

ps: I miss TD......

I'm here

TD called last night upon knowing the ‘issue’. At the end of our conversation, I thanked him for calling. “There is nothing to thank for. I’m here, ok?”.

I hope his trip goes well.

We'll do it all
every thing on our own
we don't need
anything or anyone

if i lay here, if i just lay here,
would you lie with me, and just forget the world

i don't quite know
how to say how i feel
those three words are said too much
they're not enough

if i lay here, if i just lay here,
would you lie with me, and just forget the world

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden
thats bursting into life

let's waste time chasing cars
around our heads
i need your grace
to remind me to find my own

if i lay here, if i just lay here,
would you lie with me, and just forget the world

forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden thats bursting into life

all that i am
all that i ever was
its here in your perfect eyes
they're all i can see
i don't know where
confused about how as well
just know that these things
will never change for us at all

if i lay here, if i just lay here,
would you lie with me, and just forget the world


Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars (acoustic)

Learn to live..

Things didn’t go too well today. Family issues. Luckily my bosses didn’t bother me much (I was on the phone for 2-3 times, trying to resolve the issues).

The strangest thing was, I didn’t feel much troubled compare to before. I mean, each time any family issue arises, I do get stressed out. Today, I was calmer. I think I handled it ok (for one party, I need to reach out and explain to the other party).

Of course, I wrote an email to TD, explaining how I felt with the whole issue.

It reminds me of this last scene in CSI Miami last Tuesday.

The girl said, for the past few years, she was trying hard not to die (she has cancer, thus all the treatment etc). In her effort to do so, she forgot to live.

I remember how my life was last year. I was emotionally drained, trying to figure out what went wrong with my marriage and how to make things work. At one point, I cried day and night, for almost 2 weeks. I lost my soul…

But this year, my life has changed so much, even I could spot it through my daughter’s eyes. One day, while re-arranging our stuffs, I saw her old pictures. I looked at her picture taken middle of last year and compared to the pictures taken recently. When I looked into her eyes, I could see the sadness in the picture taken last year. The pictures taken this year, her eyes glowed….

Despite how many issues you encounter in life, take a step back and breath… learn to live….and life isn’t so bad after all…

Phone call

I was pretty tied down with work today and decided to call TD (stress reliever. Hehhe).

He’s been working late these days. I told him that he might as well camp at office. :P Oh well, he’s going back this Friday to attend his brother’s wedding. I wanted to follow but he said he’s going to rush from one place to another. It’s another 3 hours drive from the airport, on top of 3 hours of flight. But he’s coming back on Monday.

“Do you want anything from ‘City’?”

Actually, I wanted to tell him that the only thing I want is his time (and him of course but that’s also a wishful thinking). I finally said to get me anything, if he has time to do any shopping. He said he will cos he will arrive at his city on Monday morning and his flight is late afternoon.

Sigh… now I miss him. I just need to bear for a week.

Something good going...

My friend said this to me, “you’ve got something good going now. Don’t spoil the mood.”

He has a point. I mean, I shouldn’t let this melancholic feeling take over my day. Most importantly, I don’t want this feeling to affect the people around me.

And that crazy guy has also made me fall for this song. It’s an oldie. Kind of make me think of TD too. Yes dear, I understood what you meant by ‘something good’.

Enjoy the song!



Al Green Let's Stay Together

A daughter's love

My daughter's words last night, before she went to bed,

"Mummy, u are a good mom. I love u".

It made me cry. I hide away the tears. Knowing her, she feels sad when she sees me cry.

She is an angel.... I love u too baby.

Thank you...

I’m feeling melancholic today.

My friends have been very supportive throughout the difficult times in my life. No words could express how much I appreciate their encouragement, their faith in me, their hopes for the best thing in life for me and the little one.

As much as I try to be strong, I crumble sometimes.

I wish I could make things easier for my girl. I wish I could tell her things will be the same between me and her father. I wish that he was still the same person whom we used to know.

But it is only wishful thinking.

My friends keep saying, it wasn’t me that led the changes. Maybe who he is now is the real person. Me and the little one was just a constraint for him to lead the life he always wanted...his true colours.

I have to be strong. I am blessed for having people who care a lot for me and my girl. I should be enjoying each day as it comes, especially with someone who is willing to share his life with me and the little one. For that, I am thankful.

Thank you for:
- being there when I needed someone to listen,
- being a shoulder to cry on,
- lifting me up when I was down,
- making me smile when I was sad,
- bringing me medicine and food for the little one when I fell ill and incapable of doing anything,
- accepting me for who I am, my weakness and strength.
- seeing us after spending 4 hours on a day-trip travelling,
- finding us the best chocolate cake in town, even if it was out of your way simply because you know we love them.

I don’t know what lies for us in future but I appreciate the time that we have spent so far.

Flowers

The sight of a man with a bouquet of flowers. I was speechless.

You see, I hardly receive flowers. I remember once I told 'the ex' that women love to be pampered and receive flowers, he told me off. Since then, I never asked anything from him.


Last night, TD came all the way from another city. He had a meeting there, a day trip. Journey would have taken him 4 hours in total (minimum). Yet he came to see whether me and the little one was doing ok (remember being sick part).

When someone puts aside his time for us, despite his hectic schedule, it really means a lot. The fact how tired he was, with the travelling and the meeting, yet managed to drop by at my place, after a pit-stop to get some flowers, really touched me.


I'm being swept away.......

This is how I feel:

For once in my life
Ive got someone who needs me
Someone Ive needed so long
For once unafraid I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know Ill be strong

For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Could make my dreams come true

For once in my life I wont let sorrow hurt me
Not like its hurt me before
For once Ive got someone I know wont desert me
And Im not alone anymore
For once I can say: this is mine you cant take it
As long as Ive got love I know I can make it
For once in my life Ive got someone who needs me

michael buble and fiorello

Hugs

I need a hug!!!

Well, from a man of course. I get hugs all the time from my angel. She simply loves snuggling with me.

But right now, I really need a hug from that special someone. Being sick makes you a bit emotional. I dont normally ask anything from TD but at the moment, it'd be nice to spend time with him. If only he knows a spell to split his time between work, his masters and me (like Hermione in her second or third year, having loads of classes to attend).

For now, I'm settling with a hug from princess.

Flying fairies

Third day being sick.

I finally decided to give myself a break. Called my director, said I’m unwell. Went to see the doc. She gave me antibiotics and MC for today. I know I cant possibly sleep. Might as well fill up my blog.

When I went back a few months ago, I asked my little bro to compile some malay songs. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to listen to it until today. He knows the type of songs that I’d like to hear. He also has good fashion sense. I love shopping with my bro!

Ok. So things like that make me miss home. I have nothing against going back. But I’m tired meeting people’s expectation. Life is so simple here. Maybe because I only focus on how to make my life with the little one better.

Why people like to make things difficult? Why people like to make things hard on others? Why people can be so selfish?

Daddy was complaining about some things. I told him, I will try to remember to do that on the little one, among other things I have to remember. I have been raising her since she was born, 90% by myself, trying my best to be a good mom. Why do people love to comment or criticise? Why cant they see beyond the picture?

Why cant they feel and proud that I managed to pursue my chartered profession while raising a baby (with an absent husband) and working 60-80 hours a week? Why cant they appreciate I got myself a good job with a big firm in a big city (despite being a single parent)?

Things like these make me nuts to go back. Hell! Never mind. People will continue with their way. I cant stop them from criticising and complaining. I know whatever I say, it will fall on deaf ears. No one listens nor help. So why bother? I’ll be wasting my energy. I should focus my mind on happy thoughts like planning that Disneyland trip with the little one. She said, ‘we can see fairies flying at Disneyland, mummy’. Hmmm, I cant seem to make her think otherwise.

So for now, I believe there are fairies flying in Disneyland! Keep things simple yeah!

Blimey!

I lost my report!!!! Sigh. Luckily it was only a few slides but I have to re-write the whole stuffs again. Plus, I'm not feeling very well. TD called and I missed it (not on purpose). I told him that I think I have fever. Got to go back to office for confirmation on my rating. Couldnt be bothered since I just joined. Heard that I'm entitled for salary increment. :D Good huh? And I've only been with the firm for 5 months or so.

Also found out that my client (who is in his early 30s ) gets €200k++ per annum in remuneration!!! I must be in the wrong profession.

An old friend

I received an email from an old friend. She’s expecting her first child. I’m very happy for her. I’m sure she’s counting the days (like I did).

My friend thought that I’m planning to go back to be on track on my career path, “Knowing how strong and ambitious you are, I'm sure you'll do well in yourcareer no matter whatever your decision is!!! That is something that is very admirable about Ms X I've known for 16 years.”

Hmmm, has it been that long ie our friendship? Time sure flies. Part of her statement was right. I am ambitious. I don’t believe I cant achieve my goals. It’s whether how much I want it.

You see, now, my career progress is a bit slow (compare to what I used to). Yet, I also realise how much I miss the little stuffs. Reading a book before her bedtime, making roti canai over the weekend, experimenting food etc.

So I guess, at the moment, I have the best of both worlds. I have time for my girl and a good career. It may not be a great job but it’s still a good one. It’s enough to cover our 2 bedroom apartment in central London, her nanny, our shopping, our holidays (we’ve travelled 4 times this year!).

Of course, deep inside I wish I have someone apart from a 5 year old kid to share my life with. A companion. Someone to share my thoughts, my feelings, my fears, my achievement etc.

I think I have found that someone. But maybe I’m scared of being hurt again. Maybe that’s why it’s still hard for me to open up.

It takes time to heal the pain, to trust, to love and be loved…

In darkness, you shall find light

TD has always made me feel safe, that everything will be fine. His words have always calmed me. Despite his hectic schedule, he makes time for us, he takes time to listen.

He told me not to be hard on the little one. I know. Sometimes I think I’m too hard on her. I just don’t want her to be disappointed. I just want to be a responsible mother.

Maybe I’m being protective. I don’t want her to get hurt when people fail to meet her expectations.

Sometimes I have to be strict on her, often on solid grounds why I have to do so. But it hurts me back when I see her sad. Because each time I try to impose rules or restrictions, there is no one to console her. In a typical family, you have a disciplinary and a consoler. When a parent scolds the kids, the other parent will be the ‘good cop’. She doesn’t and I have to live with the guilt.

She knows why sometimes I have to be strict. I always explain to her why I was upset. For example, you need to learn to share things with your friends (even when they don’t), don’t push boys for no reason (only do that when it is necessary. Hehhehe), don’t waste your food (because some people don’t even have food on their plate).

I may pamper my girl like a princess but she must always remember to be humble. Despite raising her by myself, we are fortunate that I’m able to provide good things for her. Some single parents are not so lucky.

Each night, I spend some time with the little one chatting how our day went by. I’m open to her and we talk almost everything. From her crush on boys to finding a prince for me. Hmmm, I wish it was that easy ie shop for a prince. If only you can buy them in stores, selecting which qualities you want them to have.

I’m enjoying this journey, one step at a time.

Have a good weekend!

Expectations

Daddy has left.

Last night, me and the little one had a heart-to-heart talk, about life, our home, our hopes. Funny that it’s easier to talk to a five year old kid than to an adult.

I ask for her forgiveness. For being here, for not going back. I told her, there is no guarantee that life will be better for me and her if we go back. There is no guarantee that we will be taken care of.

People back home miss her. But at the end of the day, the responsibility of taking care of her will fall on me. I remember the times we struggled, when she was sick and I drove her in the middle of the night to see the doctor, or when I was hospitalised, the constant ringing on the phone when I left her for a few hours at the grand-parents place (with my maid) when I had to study for my exam, the times that I woke her up in the middle of the night to spend some time with her because I was working late.

Never again will I go through that phase. Never again will I allow people criticise the way I raise my girl. Never again will I allow guilt for leaving my girl in their hands, even if it’s meant for a good cause.

If they miss her, where are the phone calls? Where are the birthday wishes? Why complain when she’s left at your care? Don’t give excuses. Try to be there when they need one the most.

Family is important. It hurts when you are surrounded by people who should be caring for you but they don’t bother. At least by being away, I have excuses why they don’t seem to care. At least by being away, we stop having expectations.

I learn that love and care comes from the unexpected. A simple act of kindness always brightens your day. When you stop hoping and having expectations, any gestures will make your day.

We are happier here. Home is where we have each other, me and the little one.

Mungkin bila nanti

Saatnya ku berkata mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
Sudahlah lepaskan semua kuyakin inilah waktunya
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua disini

Dan bila hatimu termenung bangun dari mimpi2mu
Membuka hatimu yang dulu cerita saat bersamaku
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin saat semua disini

Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi simpan untukmu sendiri
Semua sesal yang kau cari semua rasa yang kau beri

Mask for every occasions

We had a blast this Eid. Friends came over, in three batches! We didn’t go out on the first day except to Malaysia Hall for prayers and followed a friend to Mawar restaurant for their open house. Food was good (according to guests). I had to make another round of pulut kuning. The little one loves it a lot. I think she ate most of it.

Do you sometimes wonder how people can lead two different lives? Like wearing different masks on different occasions.

I believe things happened for a reason. Like landing a career in London when I was the least to leave the country, filing for my divorce and going through it without the support from my family.

I believe God gave me a better life by coming here…

Despite how close the little is with her father, the reality is, he will continue back with his lifestyle once he goes back. At the moment, he has time for her. Once he’s back to his routine, the little one will feel neglected. As for me, I can’t accept his way of life. I may not be religious, but there are limitations on things that I can handle. I can’t handle knowing what he does, and knowing he will not change.

Strange… you think you know a person after being with them for so long. Honestly, people are prone to changes. Some may resist and continue to be the same old person. I believe I have changed, though there are certain aspects of me that are still the same. I only have one watch which I bought 10 years ago. I don’t have any branded stuffs. I only shop in three stores: Zara, Gap and Espirit (simply because it’s hard to find my size and suitable designs).

I’m counting my blessings. A daughter who adores me and vice versa, friends who continue supporting me in every way they can, that special someone who believes things will be better for me and the little one.

Have a nice weekend!

When two is better than one

I find this article touching. Enjoy reading!

A recent poll in a Turkish newspaper included an eye-catching statistic. A substantial majority of the population, 63%, thought it perfectly acceptable for a man to have more than one wife. Although polygamy itself is relatively scarce in the modern population it still exists, primarily in the ethnicallly Kurdish section of the population and amongst some older ethnically Turkish couples. My neighbours at the first house I occupied upon moving here were polygamous, Ali Osman Kaya was living with Hadiye and Bedriye and had been since 1956. Their story was moving but I am sure not unique.
Ali Osman Kaya, now 82, was born in the year that Turkey became a republic and two years before Mustafa Kemal Ataturk outlawed multiple marriages. A good citizen of the new country, he completed his military service on the Greek border during the Second World War and returned honourably to his village ready to marry his sweetheart Hadiye. He was 24, she was 22 and she had waited for his homecoming for four years . Ali Osman sold most of the flocks he had been given by his father and together they moved from Ekincik to the village of Çandır where he bought 40 donums of overgrown uncultivtated land. The young couple set about the back breaking work of clearing the land, uprooting scrub and trees, using donkeys to till the earth and planting the citrus and olive trees that were to ensure their economic survival. Hadiye tended to the sheep and goats with a passion, livestock are still amongst her greatest pleasures today when at the age of 80 she is still herds their small flock up and down the mountain.
The farm prospered, they got chickens, ducks, a few cows, a couple of dogs and Ali Osman rode a horse when he had to travel to and from the village. Their home was not luxurious but it was comfortable and they had won the friendship and admiration of their fellow villagers with their hard work and cheerful manners. The only thing that was missing was a child. No matter how often they tried, despite the endless folk remedies suggested to Hadiye she never fell pregnant. They appealed to Ali Osman’s brother to give him one of his sons to rear as their own but he refused. For 15 years they stayed together in their childless marriage until at the age of 37 Hadiye accepted that she was now too old to ever have children. Unable to deny Ali Osman the sons he coveted she suggested that he divorce her and take another wife. She said goodbye to the farm and moved alone to a smaller house in the village. Ali Osman married again and the marriage swiftly failed, he divorced wife 2 and then took 16 year old Bedriye as his third wife. Within months she was settled in well on the farm and was pregnant with their first child.
When the baby girl was born everyone was overjoyed except Bedriye, she was unable to shrug off a nagging sense of guilt she had had since moving in with Ali Osman.With a child successfully delivered she was now secure as his wife and able to make an audacious move that no-one expected of a 17 year old young woman with a new baby. Bedriye went into the village and found 39 year old Hadiye in her pitiful small house and confessed to her the feelings she had kept bottled up inside. Hadiye listened in disbelief as the teenager explained that she felt that it was not fair that after 15 years working on the farm and being wife to Ali Osman that Hadiye should be living alone in straitened circumstances. She almost dropped her knitting when Bedriye asked her to return and live with her and Ali Osman, Bedriye’s only proviso was that there was to be no jealousy but peaceful family relations and to this day Bedriye repectfully calls Hadiye ‘aba’ the word used to indicate respect for an older sister or female relative.
To my knowledge the situation between the three of them has always been calm, Bedriye went on to have 4 more children, two more girls and two boys and all 5 children refer to both women as mum. They shared the chores and field work between them, Bedriye tended to the home, washing and cooking and looking after guests and Hadiye looked after the animals, shearing them, milking them and herding them. Bedriye had her own bedroom, always a light sleeper, she was unable to tolerate Ali Osman’s snoring every night and Hadiye and Ali Osman shared a room but not a bed. In the winter the three of them often share the heat of one room together. They are living proof that women can share a marriage and that polygamy is not always the male led enterprise it is made out to be.
Polygamy is thus encouraged in certain situations where there is a problem within an existing marriage. The problem must be perceived to be legitimate for example, as with Hadiye and Bedriye, if the first wife isn't able to provide children. She may not necessarily want to be divorced from her husband and she would like to be part of a family, in cases like these first wives may actually encourage their husbands to get married again and find a wife for him that she thinks would be suitable. The first wife has an important say in the matter as she is considered to best understand the husband and know his personality and she also chooses somebody that she feels personally she will get along with. The second wife has the children but both wives would take turns in looking after them. In the UK’s muslim community arrangements such as these exist and allow second wives to maintain a career or a profession and the arrangement can work out very nicely if it has been carefully discussed and structured.

Selamat Hari Raya

Syawal kunjung tiba..

Somehow, this raya feels more cheerful than previous years. I’m hosting open house. Menu will be chicken rendang, nasi himpit/ compressed rice cakes, satay sauce, pulut kuning/ glutinous or sticky rice.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. The three of us will head to China Town to get the ingredients. Good that Daddy is here so that he can carry the stuffs. Need to go the market too. Feel like having grilled fish for iftar tomorrow.

Tonight, we shall have iftar at Holiday Villa. Hopefully the food is good.

I wish you Selamat Hari Raya, Happy Eidul Fitri, Ramazan Bayram.

Daddy is coming!

Daddy will arrive tomorrow.

The little one is excited! She even puts aside her favourite cheese (it’s the last piece) so that her daddy gets to eat it when he arrives. She’s so sweet! That’s one thing about her that truly amazes me. Her thoughtfulness. She always thinks about others. Something we adult sometimes lack off.

I can never hate my ex. How could I when he has given me the most wonderful gift of all? I know some friends will find it odd that he is coming to spend raya with us (one friend even called to confirm his arrival). But I’m sure he misses his daughter (in his own way). I’m sure despite being surrounded by beautiful girls and other distractions, it can never beat the feeling of being with the little one.

We have grown so much apart over the last 2 years, especially for the past one year. I truly feel that he’s a stranger. Maybe that’s why when the ‘get-together’ dilemma pops up, I know I can’t do it. I know somehow I can never live with this man again. I just wish I’m ready to go back home so that the little one gets to spend more time with him.

But again, it takes two people to make it work. There is no point of going back when he has limited time for the little one.

Anyway, I promised myself to have a good time this raya. Odd or not, I’m inviting friends for open house, with his presence. I even have a special request to have petai in the menu. Who serves petai on hari raya?!?!? Guess I’ll be the first.

Wishful thinking

Tonight we’re having iftar outside. Thought of going to Holiday Villa but heard it’ll be packed with politicians and politicians-wannabe. We might head to elsewhere.

Last night, I realised that if anything happens to me, what will happen to the little one? I mean, there are times that I feel her father will be the last to know about her whereabouts. He doesn’t call nor email to ask about her. It has always been me. If one day I stop calling, will he call? Will he know what happened to us? Most importantly, will he know the welfare of the little one should something happen to me?

Being a single parent, you can’t afford to make mistakes at work. You know how important your job is, to provide for your dependants. You can’t screw up. You constantly worry whether you did the right report or provided the right analysis. You worry about the bills and whether we have sufficient funds during rainy days. You always look at the clock to ensure all your timing is right, from making her packed lunch to arriving to work on time and be home at a reasonable hour to tuck her to bed.

I wish one day I can wake up without worrying, that everything will be fine.

Ayam Masak Lemak

Last weekend, I hosted iftar (on both nights). Saturday was meant for my ex-colleagues whilst Sunday, for close friends of my friend. My friend and his family has left for good on Monday after two years on secondment. They spent 4 nights at my place. It was really nice to have them around. There were 3 kids in the house, so you could imagine how cheerful my place was.

Anyway, I made Ayam masak lemak, udang goreng cili and sambal bilis petai on Saturday. Heaven! How I miss sambal bilis petai. On Sunday, just made sambal tumis sotong and fried sea bass (sort of our ikan siakap). Accompanied with sweet soy sauce and sliced chilli. My kid was totally spoilt. I dont cook a lot nowdays. On weekdays, my nanny will do the cooking. Weekends, if we dont have guests, I'd prefer to eat out. It's only me and her. But I try to cook if I miss certain food.

I wish my friend and his family best of luck and a new beginning at home. They have been there for me during the good and bad times. No words could describe how much I appreciate their thoughts and help.

Good bye dear friends...

The opportunity of being selfish

I saw this from someone's blog. That's a reason why I dont own Gucci. Have fun reading!

I'm waiting for the movers to come and pack my stuff, and on tv, there's this chat show discussing Australia's current low birth rates and why people are putting off having babies. The audience who join the discussion are made up of a mix of professionals (demographers, fertility experts, activists etc.) and the average persons. One after another they cited their reasons for not having babies. Mostly it is about that checklist of personal accomplishments and things to do which people want for themselves. Finances, resources and all that lot are secondary to 'what I want for myself first'. One woman cited her hatred for children. Several experts pointed out that the developed world has moved away from a family-oriented focus to a individualistic, materialistic one. One of them spoke of how in 'the good old days' popular tv shows were the likes of The Brady Bunch and later The Cosby Show, whereas in these modern times, it's Friends, Sex and the City, and Will and Grace. The two he could think of that had 'families' were Desperate Housewives and Everybody Loves Raymond, but how many people can actually remember the children's names from these series? On the other hand, I still remember Rudy, Theo, Denise, Vanessa and Sandra Huxtable.
Over and over again, the audience in this talk show admitted to being selfish when it comes to what they want in life. They are living the good life, why mess it up with children?
Then, one young lady who is a mother of three at the age of 24, was asked her point of view. She was not a professional, she told her story about having a young mother and loving the idea of being one herself and has no regrets. She said that now that she has had her three children, she is now juggling some goals for herself - a part-time job and full-time schooling. What she said next made me respect her so much, mostly because she stood up and spoke out to the many high-flying career people around her. She said, because she had her children so young, she was never at a living standard that was so high that she had to 'come down to' a level where it feels like a sacrifice. She said, (and I love this), I never had the opportunity to be selfish. What I love more was how she said that with confidence, and how as the audience applauded her, her husband's arm came up around her offering support and a show of pride.

Birth date

Your Birthdate: January 10

Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations.You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you.Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans.You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot. Your strength: Your ability to gain respect Your weakness: Caring too much what others think Your power color: Orange-red Your power symbol: Letter X Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Quite true...

Missing nasi lemak kerang..

TGIF!!!!

Well, not that I have anything to do to begin with. :D

I have dinner with my ex-colleagues from my old firm back home. It’s a treat from one of them for his promotion and farewell dinner for another friend as he’s going back for good.

Got an iftar invitation for tomorrow in Surrey. Not sure whether I’m going or not. I need a car. Well, not really but when you have friends living miles away or it’s quite a hassle to use the public transport, then it just feels nice to have one. I’m trying to save money, hoping I might buy a property. I need to decide where, here or KL. Once I make my choice, then I guess that will be my home.

There are things that I love about here but there are also things that I miss back home. The nasi lemak kerang, mee goreng mamak, teh tarik, lepaking at mamak, etc etc. I’m really a simple person. Not that I don’t like going to fancy places or use designer brands. It is just not me. A Gucci bag is just a fraction of my salary but I don’t even have one. I can’t remember how many times my friends have tried to get me into buying stuffs. But I don’t mind splurging on my little one. She usually gets the best of everything, within my means of course.

Unless they suddenly open a mamak here, serving mee goreng and nasi lemak kerang, maybe it’s a good thing to stay here permanently.

Have a nice weekend!

Which city do u belong to?

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome. Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong In?

Hmm, interesting. Truly describe me.

3rd day jobless

I'm unassigned today. Sigh! It's my third day so far. My friends have warned me that my new job will potentially have very 'off-peak' period. I'm experiencing it now.

I'm fully aware that not everyday people decide to go listing or sell or buy companies. But being me, I cant stand being unassigned. Saw one of my colleagues today. Cute boyish look, messy hair, nice accent (he's from Jersey). He joined almost the same time like I did. He said he had that for a few weeks. He's thankful that they got him booked on an assignment.

My time cost is almost double compare to old job. It's £320 per hour! Thats £2.4 k per day and it's my 3rd day. This firm really makes money with the amount they charge. Not that I'm reaping the benefits. I'm sure the precentage of my salary over the charge-out rate is small. It goes to the BIG FISH. Hopefully one day I get to be one of the BIG FISH. hehhehe... no harm dreaming yeah.

On another note, TD will start his Master today. I really dont know how he juggles his time. Being one of the BIG FISH with hectic work schedule and now attending classes 2-3 times a week. Plus, he tries his best to make time for me and the little one. He's something...

Hmmm, maybe me being unassigned gives me time to fill this blog.....?

Leaving now..

Ramadan day 9

TD came for dinner last night. Haven’t seen him for a month! He was away for 2 weeks on holiday and before that, he was rushing out for report. Accountant + accountant = limited time. Still, we try to meet up and spend some time together. Yesterday was really nice. He just got back the day before and decided to meet us.

The little one was excited. She put away her things, rearranged the living room. She also helped out to set the table. TD was so impressed!!! Oh yeah, TD got her a jersey from his home country. She loves it! While I prepared dinner, she asked TD to do some drawings. Pity her that she has me as a mom who couldn’t even draw a circle! TD has a flare with arts. Had he not become an accountant, he’d be an architect. No wonder my kid loves him dearly.

Anyway, I made mee bandung. Wasn’t sure TD was up to it. Bought some curry puffs too. He bought desserts but we didn’t manage to eat them. Ramadan…you feel like eating everything but truth is, a decent meal will do.

The whole dinner made us happy, the three of us. Something so simple but gives so much. The act of togetherness, a family. Something we longed for.

Hope your Ramadan is as meaningful as mine.