Mona Lisa's spell

Picture from wiki

Why does everyone like her so much?
Because of her hands, folded one over the other?
Or her smile?
Or her eyes that follow me around?
She has bewitched me.

~My Little Louvre, Musée du Louvre, Paris ~

Perfecting a mask

pic from discoveryouritaly.com

Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem.
— W. Somerset Maugham, The Moon and Sixpence

Many moons ago, I had a discussion with a dear friend on image portrayal. For example, a perfect couple who seems to have them all and leads a lifestyle one can only dream of; the cars, the house, the holidays and of course, the must-have handbags. We would think that Lady Luck is on their side and undeniably for some of us, we wish for something similar.

Yet, when the portrayal of the lifestyle becomes excessive, it becomes unclear whether such act really reflects what lies beneath. It feels as if one tries so hard to be or appear happy. Somehow, those flashy appearances hide away the unwanted thoughts and feelings.

As another friend points out, indulgence serves as a quick fix for temporary happiness. Tangible things are pursued to compensate for the things we long for but unable to have. We seek for the company of others to take away the loneliness, even when their presence annoys us.

Sometimes I feel such indulgence hides one’s insecurity for not being able to have the things that truly matters.

A home, no matter how small or remote it may be, feels warm and bright with the presence of our loved ones. A holiday can just be a trip to a nearby park or beach, capturing the Kodak moments which would be treasured most. A gift becomes more meaningful when effort is placed to make it unique, even when it costs close to nothing.

A couple who appears that they can’t stand one another may have more romantic nights than a pair who looks perfect. A family who dines at a fast food place and grabs each other’s meal would probably have a great time compare to one who eats at a posh restaurant with little interaction.

Wearing a mask can be wearying. I suppose when one feels insecure by the lack of things that makes them happy, one is left with no choice but to do so.

Dangerous delight

Oh dear, where do I begin?

I am aware of the lack of writing for the past few weeks. Time was indeed not on my side. When they did, my juice couldn’t flow as much as I wanted, thus I left the idea trapped inside my head. I realise how much I miss writing and I’m not talking any random entry to fill up the space (although I must admit most of them weren’t unrelated. You just have to be clever enough to read in between the lines, and I know most of you do. *winks*).

First of all, we had a girls’, or perhaps mothers’ night out. I cant remember the last time I had this much of fun. The concert was awesome! If a genie grants me a wish, I would happily ask for a night of passion with Mr Mraz. All I want is for him to serenade me all night long. *dreamy eyes* Although, I dont think I’d mind if he wants to strip tease as well. He does have a lean body and not too muscular, just the way I like them. *winks*

Reality wise, my social life has improved. I try to squeeze some “me time” and sometimes we adjust to our circumstances, thus the kids tag along. Thankfully, all girls have the same wavelength. Moms and kids enjoy books and coffee, which makes the outing easier. Yet, on that topic i.e. social life, my friends would probably be more interested on the dates, if any. Actually, that would be the main topic in most of our conversations, as far as I can recall.

I had. Although one was technically coffee with a new friend without the presence of other friends, thus I am unsure whether it qualified as a date. Nevertheless, it is refreshing to hang out with another human being. Ok, an adult, preferably male.

Coffee didn’t come easily. I took me awhile to digest that it was in the menu but as I am bad at reading signs, I had to ask friends whether it was. A smack was given of course. It was clear that coffee was intended without others tagging along.

One day, out of the blue, I finally said yes. I blamed it on the pressure I had at work which led me to such reckless act. I knew how he looked like as we’ve met a few times before, both of us in our plain Jane and John mode. As I got off from the lift, I saw a guy smartly dressed in his suit searching for a familiar face. Our eyes met and we smiled. It wasn’t what I expected. The suit emphasised his features and I realised how good looking he was. For awhile, I had to catch my breath and regained my composure.

Coffee went surprisingly well that both of us lost track of time. I suppose I should thank this bold side of mine. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had a good time and would keep on guessing his age, which by the way, wasn’t as young as I expected.

Perhaps, once in a while, we should be reckless in our journey. For all we know it might turn out to be a dangerous delight.

The love letter

I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and he pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Tinker's facts and dummy guide

I was tagged by Cosmic Gurl to share Tinker Fairy’s facts. Here goes...

1) She’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
-Music video i.e. UK top 40.
2) You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does she get on her salad?
- None.
3) What’s one food she doesn’t like?
- Onions (err..does that count? She’s not a fussy eater)
4) You go out to eat and have a drink. What does she order?
- Water.
5) Where did she go to high school?
- I haven’t decided on that yet.
6) What size shoes does she wear?
- Size 11
7) If she was to collect anything, what would it be?
- At present, build-a-bear soft toys. She has about 10 Barbies and a few Bratz. Oh yeah! BOOKS! She has at least 30++ books of one fairy series, +- 10 books on the other 2-3 collections.
8) What is her favorite type of sandwich?
- Tuna
9) What would this person eat every day if she could?
- Roast chicken or lamb

10) What is her favorite cereal?
- I think it’s the plain cornflakes. She usually takes pain-au-chocolat or butter rolls for breakfast.
11) What would she never wear?
- Anything that can’t be matched with her outfit.

12) What is her favorite sports team?
- Too early to tell. *grins*

13) Who did she vote for?
- Are we talking about American Idol here?

14) Who is her best friend?
- her class mate.

15. What is something you do that she wishes you wouldn’t do?
- what else if not nag.

16. What is her heritage?
- huh? Malay.

17. What is her favourite colour?
- Red or brown. Actually, it depends on the colour for the season’s collection.

18. What is her habit?
- Once she picks a book, it’s hard for her to put it down. She’ll make time to complete it, even while waiting for me to get ready before we leave for school in the morning.

19. What is she proud of?
- That she has me as her mom. Apparently I am one of the coolest moms at school. I was told that her friends admire me. (there aren’t many career moms sending their kids to school)

20. Lastly, do you think she will read this?
- She would like to I think, given the chance.

I am not tagging anyone but feel free to do. *smiles*

What have I been up to these days? Work, as always. Last week was quite challenging as both home and work demanded my attention. When you are required to supervise your peers, you are expected to perform a level above. Thankfully the home affair was sorted with the help of the nanny. I am just glad that I didn’t crack during the chaos of juggling both affairs. The only reason I can write at the moment is because I am on leave. I try to take a day off every 5-6 weeks to unwind. Ideally, it is in my diary but half of the time, I have to cancel if work is demanding. Even so, I am tempted to check my emails and catch up on my work but I am trying hard to resist the desire. How pathetic can I be? Even on leave, I still think of work. *rolling eyes*

I have much to tell but probably towards the end of the week, if time permits. Sometimes I feel I should write a book, “The dummy’s guide on dating single mums”. Please don’t expect us to accept a date within a few hours notice. As much as you think we need adequate time to make ourselves presentable (or probably a love goddess) i.e. wax, shave, hoping the miracle cream will hide those stretch marks etc; our main concern is to make nanny arrangement for the kids. Please don’t be surprised if we simply decline, no matter how hot you are.

The love story so far

picture from tulipworld

As I entered the living room, there it was on the coffee table a bouquet of red tulips nicely arranged in a vase and in front of it, a handmade card. She has been performing this ritual over the last three years without fail. Once it was a bouquet of pink roses and another was a stem of red rose.

Over the weekend I was given a VIP treatment which meant I could do as I pleased and she would just tag along. On Saturday, off we went to do some damage on the card, followed by coffee at our favourite place and squeezed some time for an ice cream session in between our stops. It was a quiet affair on Sunday where we had lunch at a cosy place chosen by her nearby, the first for us. The place is definitely a hit for us as the atmosphere was groovy and the food was simply delicious. When our meal came, Mini B was practically in silence, enjoying every bit on her plate.

We spent our nights over the weekend early in bed with a good book. Occasionally she’d come closer to sniff my hair and when her eyes got too tired, she fell asleep while resting her head close to me as I was still enjoying my book.

It seems her favourite tune these days is Love Story by Taylor Swift and she keeps humming the song. I suppose the title fits this posting instead of stating the obvious. Mother’s day was definitely lovely this year as it was in the past, but perhaps it gets more creative and has more sense of personal touch, reflecting her personality. With her selection of flowers, her words in the card and things to do, I could see how much maturity she has gained and how she pulled her thoughts together to make the day special.

So thank you my love for the story so far...

Happy mother’s day to D, Kak Teh, Momster, Simah, Ruby, n.i., Naz and Touch Cookie. Here’s to being a yummy mummy. Oh by the way, it is Kak Teh’s birthday tomorrow. Kak Teh, if you are reading this, Happy Birthday! May you have more romantic days with AG.

Ps: this post is dedicated to a dear friend who reads silently (and sms without fail when my post entertains her). Look forward to more sunshine. After all, it is already spring.

Ménage à trois

I am not referring to the physical act itself, but more of being caught in sticky situation, either visual or audio.

Apparently I found out that the visual accidents are common when you are a full time student due to the nature of sharing a place with others. Perhaps you had a bad day or felt ill that you decided to go home earlier than usual. Little did you expect that you will walk into a stress-relief activity by your house-mate. So you learn your lesson and make sure that you get back as planned or at least give a heads up, just in case.

However, the audio incidents are difficult to predict. Sometimes the neighbours forget that the walls have ear, or probably they do but simply couldn’t be bothered. Hey, when it's time to flush it out of the system, people will just drop everything. We get it but what's wrong by putting the music on? Not only it'll make it more pleasurable, it also serves as a filter for any sound effect to your neighbours (unless they happen to be one of those who enjoy tapping).

And then, there is the art of technology.

A 'hello' over the phone should be greeted by one as well. The last thing you need is to hear sound similar to a professional actor/actress (in that industry) or worse, the props involved. Definitely you do not see that coming. You try to shake off the audio effect but the more you try, the worse it gets and somehow, slowly the images start to emerge. You feel like a tape player for the whole day and the noise keeps rhyming in your head.

Word of advice, if you are busy at it, please, for heaven sake, make sure that your phone is far away from reach. You might accidently press the accept button instead of reject. Sometimes multi tasking is not advisable during ahem, certain activities.

Give this woman a break, will you? Not only she has been hibernating long enough, she has to endure such experiences. *rolling eyes* Why oh why do these things happen to me? *bury herself under the desk*

*Ms B hopes that there will be no more blunders in future, or at least for the week. She now has to think twice whenever she makes a phone call and probably resorts to a pair of ear muffins when she goes to bed.*

Bedtime snippets

While tucking her into bed, she saw me yawning and asked, “Why mummy?”

“I’m just tired honey.” I answered.

“Then come to bed with me and sleep.” She said with a hopeful look on her face.

“I can’t baby. I still need to do the dishes, fold the clothes and do some work” I replied while stroking her hair gently.

“Then when are you going to rest?” she asked with a concerned tone in her voice. I smiled and said, “I promise you that things will get better for us, ok?”

“You mean, when you have done all your work? When will that be?” by now, she had a cheerful smile and her eyes reflected signs of joy.

She does have a point, although I must admit her reason to get me to bed is to cuddle her and for her to fall asleep with my arms wrapped around her body. A good trick I must say, especially with those pair of hopeful eyes that one could not simply say no to them. Sometimes her action reminds me the Puss in Boots in Shrek. Truly adorable.

*Ms B wanted to write about ‘the kitten in us’ which she thinks her friends will look forward to read. Perhaps a neck and back massage will help the idea flowing but first she needs a strong pair of hands.*

Nostalgia #3

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so very special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

The glass slippers story

I remember some time ago, I had a chat with one vogue lady aka The Godmother (but she looks like a sister!) about a well-known designer. It was more about his personality and nothing to do with his design. I always bump into him but never had the nerve to say hi. The Godmother always assures me that he’s a lovely person but still, I am sure I will hesitate the moment I try to strike a conversation with him.

Then The Godmother said something unthinkable, “why don’t you go to his place and get something custom made?”

Right…as if that will ever happen. I told her there was no way I would ever step into his place, knowing I was no where close of getting something as exquisite. The idea never crossed my mind. The Godmother said I should, saying that one day my turn will arrive.

Then a few days ago, a friend who is also a colleague told that she hasn’t browsed for her wedding items and wanted to check out some of the couture designers. I mentioned his name and obviously my friend was interested. She intends to get an appointment at his place and wants me to accompany.

I suppose The Godmother’s prediction is coming true, well almost. I am not getting anything for myself but stepping inside the boutique is one step closer of reaching there. I suppose it is just a matter of time for me to own a pair of glass slippers.

Have a good weekend friends!

Journey of desire

As we strain to grasp the things we desire, the things that we think will make our lives better---money, popularity, fame---we ignore what truly matter--the simple things-- like friendship, family, love--the things we probably already had.
Lucas, OTH

There were many moments in my life that I experienced how people became caught up in their desire to pursue their ambition. Ambition is good. It shows that we want to achieve more in life and we are determined to reach for our dreams.

However, sometimes during our pursuit towards bigger goals, we forget the important things in life. Should we fall under this group, no matter how much we’ve achieved, it will never be enough. There will be more excuses for not making the calls, for not making time, for not taking that trip....

By the time we realise how much we have missed, often they are too late. We can never turn back the clock and capture those moments. Some of us might be lucky enough to be given a second chance. The damage has been done but perhaps the wounds have healed, hence another opportunity is given. However, the scar remains as a reminder to them how life was when we were not there when they needed us the most. We try to repair the damage but usually, things will never be the same. A broken doll glued together is not as good as the one in perfect condition, no matter how immaculate our art of piecing them. Yet, the imperfection of a broken doll should make us handle them with better care. Similarly, if we realise of the scars we created, hopefully we become a better person when given a second chance.

For some, it could be a lifelong regret as the person might no longer be around...

But then again, it is better to be having regrets than still be lost in our journey of never-ending desire....

TGI...Monday

My favourite singer will be having his concert here next month. Unfortunately, none of my friends are available to go. Either they are away on that week or it is just not their cup of tea.

Just my luck, eh? Sigh...

For today I wished how nice it’d be if I had a boyfriend. Not only I get to drag him along, he’d be paying for the tickets. *grins*

To add salt to my wound, I was told that I’d have a new deal this week, with structure I’m not familiar with, on top of my current work. I was already on the verge on thinking why I am still in this role. That was up until the meeting I had this morning. The MD leading this project looks like:

pic: gossipgirl

He looks damn good in his suit and I could sense he has a nice built underneath. (Un)fortunately, there was no ring in sight, which makes it harder to focus. Complex or not, I’d definitely not mind to be involved in this deal, especially knowing I’d be working closely with him. *fanning herself*

It was probably the best Monday I had so far. *winks*

So if next time I feel like leaving my profession, can you please remind me why I shouldn’t? *LOL*

Now, back to this concert, maybe I should put up an advert, “boyfriend for hire for a night. To accompany to a concert. Must portray he enjoys the show i.e. memorises most of the popular songs and sings along. Must send the lady back to her home. Whether she invites him for coffee is up to his performance throughout the concert.”

Nostalgia #2

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

Fashionista, me?

On my out of the tube station this morning, a lady approached and asked, “Excuse me. Where did you get your boots from?”

“I beg your pardon?” I replied.

“Your boots. Where did you get them?” she continued.

“oh, from XYZ.” I said.

“Thanks. I’ll find the shop.” She answered with a smile on her face.

That made me smile whole day. Never thought that anyone would stop me and ask about my shoes or any fashion item for that matter. Clearly a good sign, eh? *winks* Especially since I am meeting a model cum broadcaster for coffee later. I was already gobsmacked when I met her a few days ago. No ageing signs at all! To add to her beauty, she has such a great personality; down to earth and so laid back.

A rare gem indeed.

Have a good weekend friends!

A cup of mocha

Derek: Yep. I should have called.
Sam: No...
Derek: I should have stayed in touch. It's my fault.
Sam: Hey, people move, they change. You know, we all do.

The weekend was spent with an old friend, sharing conversation about our past and present life. We talked about the things we did which would probably raise the eyebrows of many. It wasn’t bad or sinful. They were just daring, especially for girls like us. On face value, we would probably be the least to do such acts. Maybe we didn’t portray to have such energy, courage or perhaps, crazy thoughts. *lol*

Admittedly, I am no longer the same person as I was before, hence explains why I could only reconnect to a handful of people from the past. I dont pretend to be nice. However, the nature of my work teaches me to be civilised or handle sticky situation with due care. If I have to deal with someone I dislike for a good reason, I shall be diplomatic. Else, I just don’t bother. I could easily erase a person’s contact details without conscious.

For some people, those who truly deserve my friendship, it takes no effort for me to remember all the nitty gritty details about them. I memorise a friend’s phone number over the last 6-7 years and just realise that I never actually saved her detail in my mobile. I call her at least once a month or two and met her once in the last 5 years. I remember a few friends’ birthday and they are never recorded in my outlook diary or pda. I could recall the love stories of some and even that surprised them too.

We could not help ourselves from changing. Whether we like it or not, the experiences we had, the path we chose, they mould us to who we are. We should not expect people to accept us as chances are, most of them dont.

But for those who do, those who take effort to maintain the bond, those who let us shine and take pride that we have probably changed for the better, they are the ones who truly deserve our friendship.

And for these friends, I shall be by their side whenever they need someone to lift their spirits up, even if it is just making a cup of mocha.

*Ms B is still having problem sleeping, but at least she is not physically tired or mentally stressed. She managed to catch up two episodes of GA and Gossip girl last night, which was a true remedy. Oh, she also had a good time playing ‘cooking mama’ with Mini B.*

Twitch of the eye

I was planning to go to bed by 10pm but since I have been sleeping after midnight these days, my body clock couldn’t adjust that easily. How I miss those times when I could easily sleep for 8 hours straight. In fact, I remember during my third year, I had one or two evening classes and I usually went straight to bed after those 2 hour seminars, which was by the way ended at 8pm and journey from campus to home was 10 minutes walk.

Fast forward, I’d be lucky if I get 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night is a norm and when I’m more tired than usual, I tend to get disturbing dreams. Dreams are fine as long as they are not about work. When they do, it usually means I need to control my stress level.

I suppose the older you get, the less sleep you need.

Although I was sleep deprived for the past few days, at least I wasn’t stress. Up until last night when a colleague mentioned about anxiety attack and the twitch of the eye of being a sign of strain.

I thought the cause of the twitch was because of the lack of sleep or something else and had nothing to do with stress. Clearly my body contradicted how I felt, or so I thought. Perhaps I was under pressure subconsciously. The body wanted to tell me but I was clueless, as always.

Maybe it is high time to rejuvenate myself. I have yet to use the spa gift given for my birthday. Probably it makes sense to do it soon.

For now, I could settle with a good rest. The lil one would probably advise me to have a bath with her bedtime bath lavender, followed by lavender lotion. It seems it works for her.

Nostalgia

More than a decade ago:


Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
wake up who cares about
Little boys that talk too much
I've seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you

First blog award

Guess who got her first blog award? *smiles* D seems to think that I deserve this. I am still scratching my head on how she got that figured out. Just like her, I dont care how other perceive about my way of raising the lil one. Without her love, patience and faith, I would not be where I am. Anyway D darling, thank you.

It seems that the award comes with a set of rules which are:
1. Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom). Once you have written it down, you are no longer allowed to feel bad. Remember you are a good mom!
2. List 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.
3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be. Remember to send them a note letting them know you have selected them, and also add a link to your post that directs people back to the person who nominated you.

1. I am having a hard time to think of one as I have MANY that makes me feel awful. A combination of being strict, juggling my career, trying hard to be a super mom etc. For now, let’s just stick to one.

Being strict. She knows very well how much emphasis I place on education. She makes sure that she does her school work the moment she gets it and does not wait until the day before submission to do it. Sometimes she takes time to answer and my level of patience can be very low (as proven by my siblings as I used to coach them. They think I am harder than my parents). Occasionally it leads to tears and yup, it breaks my heart each time, especially when there is no one to comfort her. Dont get me started on drawing the line when it comes to buying unnecessary things, no matter how cheap they can be. I dont believe in wasting money. Saying no is always hard and I end up feeling guilty each time.

Having that out of my chest still doesn’t make me feel good. Maybe just a little less bad.

2. The wonderful 7:

1. She wakes up with a smile on her face and places a kiss on my cheek every morning. We often take our time to cuddle or her saying, “a few more minutes, mummy”. That usually leads me leaving home without breakfast as we have to rush to school. Now you understand why it is very important that I have comfortable shoes, no matter how nice the stilettos will look on me.

2. She writes love notes all the time and when I least expect. She is good with artwork (the opposite of me) and takes time to create it. When she was younger, she used to hide them in my bag or under the pillow.

3. She never complains no matter how challenging life may be. Sometimes when I am away, she often tells me not to worry about her and the nanny will take good care of her. She never cries during our phone calls but apparently, sometimes she does after we hang up. She just does not want me to worry.

4. She rarely asks for anything. If she likes an item, she will look at it and ask about the price, even a £2 magazine/book. If she has gotten something earlier, like 2-3 weeks before, she’d ask if she can get the magazine next month. I am always touched by her gestures and of course, I’d get the magazine on the spot.

5. She makes me feel that I am a great cook. Sometimes after our meal, she’ll come to me and hug, saying thank you for making such a lovely dish, even when they were just sardines and omelette!

6. I learn to live life through her. She guides me to feel young and appreciate the roses along the journey. She tells me to let my hair down and just dance. Sometimes we sing and dance in a mall or at the park, oblivious of other people.

7. She picks me up when I am down. When I am ill or sad, she makes a card or asks the nanny or the aunties to get me flowers.

3. I now award this to:
D – I know I’m supposed to find 5 new moms but I dont care about the rules. You deserve the award again and always remember you are a babe!
Simah – You’ve done well dear! Being there, raising your kids, driving and now lecturing. You go girl!
Kak Teh – You might think you are crazy but I’m sure somewhere along the way, you have had the right magic potion that your kids turn out great.
Momster – I simply love the way you talk about the lil one. Always a pleasure to hear news about him.
n.i. – This woman will go extra length to make sure her kids are well fed, even making her own nuggets!

Tag

Finally I have time to write and blog-hop. I know I owe some of you things to do. First is the tag from Darlene. I’m going to have a hard time finishing this tag but here goes:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog/Facebook note with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment or tag them in your note to read this.

1. I recently realised that when I am stressed, I lose weight, have sleepless nights, bad breakouts and dark circles under the eyes. To counter attack, I am starting to eat twice as much or stuffing more cheese. Thankfully the breakouts and circles disappear within a few days. I have yet to figure out on the sleeping part.
2. I was feeling a bit lost a few days ago.
3. I managed to put some cheerful vibes by Friday.
4. While doing my undergrad studies, I was about 15 kgs heavier.
5. I was once a UK size 4 or US size 0. Thankfully it only lasted for a few months.
6. I did a close version of backpacking holiday around the UK for about two months when I was an undergrad. It was a solo journey from the land down under to here.
7. I used to subscribe Cosmo more than a decade ago. I remember having at least two years of subscription (there goes my pocket allowance).
8. These days, my daily reads are Forbes and Fortune, almost without fail. An obvious sign of ageing. *sigh*
9. I drink mocha every day.
10. I miss nasi lemak kerang (and thank you dear for thinking of it and knowing it is an impossible item to request from home).
11. I am looking forward for my day off this Friday and meeting a dear friend.
12. I wish I can cook more often for my girl.
13. I wish for a long hot bath.
14. I cant get rid of this Lily Allen’s song out of my head! Hence I decided to put it on my playlist, hoping it’d disappear soon.
15. I took revenge today by getting myself a phone in RED! I think it was payback time for the amount of stress and energy I experienced. (yeah right! That should not be an excuse to shop.)
16. It seems romance is still alive and kicking in my life. I take back my word. *smiles*

Phew.. I managed to complete the tag. *pat on the shoulder* I think I’ll skip the tagging part.

Smooching roses

Picture from latimes.com

Mini B: Mummy, are we going to get roses?
Me: Why?
Mini B: It is Valentine’s Day!

I totally forgot about it up until a few friends mentioned the subject two days ago. I was so tied down with work and other things e.g. school meeting that it slipped away from my mind.

Blimey! Am I losing my sense as a woman? Or perhaps romance has definitely died in my world. *rolling eyes*

Anyway, wish you happy love day! Smooch your loved ones.

And no, we didn’t get the roses. Instead, it was home cooked meal for the two of us. Roast chicken with mashed potatoes served with mushroom and black pepper gravy.

The match

I am exhausted, sleepy and probably stressed judging by the amount of sleep or worse, dreaming about work. Why can’t it be simpler i.e. sexy men giving me back massage during my sleep?

At least I managed to squeeze some time for a lovely dinner on Monday, wearing that red cocktail dress. A friend was in town for the most talked about match and I was invited to join him for dinner. Not that I had the opportunity to sit with him as he was hosting dinner for the five rings games committee of his country, including The President. I was seated with his English speaking business partners and thankfully, they talked about the economy and not sports. Before I left, I went to his table to say goodbye and he introduced me to his friend, the VP of the committee. The guy said that he heard so much about me. Indeed I was flattered.

Then the next day, I managed to leave early from work and headed to his hotel to go to the match together. Apparently, the Brazilian team was staying at the same place. There were 8 of us going to the match; his close friends, business partners and his MD. I didn’t manage to get a glimpse of the players as we left early (there was a queue outside the lift).

The traffic was bad as expected but we arrived at a reasonable time. I knew we were going to get good seats but it didn’t come across my mind that we’d get a box. Well, for me of course. I’m sure he always gets the box whenever his country or his team is playing.

Anyway, the view was awesome! I took some pictures of the match but I think there were more photos of the box. *LOL* And don’t get me started on the food. Yummy! Entree and main course were served before the match and during half time, we had dessert.

I really had a nice time and made new friends. One of his business partners is an MD of a large company in Europe and told me to let him know if I decide to come to his city. Mrs Ferragamo, the wife of Mr Ferragamo, his close friend, invited me and the lil one to visit them in Venice.

I better get some sleep now. Apology for not being able to be more creative with this post. All I can say is that Italian men can be very charming. It does not help when they don’t have the ring on the finger or that they happen to be good looking. (Notice the plural in that sentence? *winks*)

Too much information

Dean: Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Dean: Too much information.
Sam: Hey, I told you I was coming clean.
Dean: Yeah, but now I feel dirty.

I realise when I’m in a company of a younger man, he tends to reveal too much information. Things that you wouldn’t want to hear as a friend, let alone as a date. It feels like he is trying too hard to prove that he is worthy (or matured) enough to go out with you.

Trust me, any rational women would not want to hear about your past encounters, or that you actually have done it. Neither the experience nor the quantity proves anything. It does not define how manly you are. You can claim that you have credentials just by stating the obvious but it doesn’t mean that you have what it takes to please a woman.

More often than not, men who boast about their encounters don’t have a good GPS. In fact, some may not even have one.

I probably can chew most stuff because it’s just me. I know my friends find it easy to blurt things out, even if the subject discussed requires an open mind. I have no problem to listen or give my opinion.
But.... I really find it odd when I barely know that person or perhaps I do but not that close, that he starts to tell about his glorious past (or current encounters). Seriously, do you reckon that I’d be impressed to see a foil nicely tucked in your wallet? I wonder how exactly it reflects you; that you are prepared for an opportunity. So that’s a good thing, really? *rolling eyes*

For some of us, your experience is irrelevant. As I said, some men, no matter how good looking they are, do not have GPS. Otherwise, why do you see so many manuals out there on the book shelf? Through trust, communication and love (yes, I am a romantic fool!), it will be an earth shattering moment.

But seriously, it is so uncool to show your “Durability, Reliability, and Excellence” packet in the wallet. Huge turn off, at least for me. No more dates.

Snow etc

Each time we see snow, we get all excited. It snowed three times today and by the third fall (which was not long before I’m writing this), it was so heavy that the roads, lawns, cars were covered by the white flakes. What a beautiful sight! I had to carry the lil one so that she could get a better view through our window.

It was a good way to end our weekend or perhaps, to start the week with. The lil one is feeling much better today. I got a phone call from school on Friday saying she wasn’t feeling well. It was just an hour after I dropped her off. It took me by surprise when I arrived at the school’s office and seeing how poor condition she was. She had high fever.

So when we reached home, she asked, “mummy, why am I sick?”

“Probably you are going to get bigger”, I replied.

“Hmmm, I think God heard my prayers. He knew I have to go to the deep end today. I get to skip it and stay home instead”, with a grin on her face. She was referring to her swimming class. Even when she’s sick, she still makes me laugh.

So it was a stay-at-home session for both of us for the past two to three days. We both ended up reading and me cooking three days consecutively, which was by the way a big deal to her (and me). Finally I got to complete one book and glad that I bought it despite I was not familiar with the author. The moment I picked up the book, I couldn’t put it down. There was so much about the story that I could relate myself to. Perhaps I shall tell more of the book on another day.

But for now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to spend the night with the two new lovers of mine; Dean and Castiel. They are on tonight. *winks* *naughty thoughts*

Updated @ 915am: The school is closed and we only found out after we arrived (they hardly close no matter how bad the weather can be)! Snow is about 5 inches++. Apparently my colleagues are still in bed and here I am worried about getting to work on time. *rolling eyes*

Scary is sexy

On my way back to London, I had a post composed in my thoughts. Once reached, I decided to have a cup of tea at a nearby cafe. As I sipped my drink, a guy stood in front of me. I just looked straight at him, thinking where we have met before. It took me awhile to figure out that he was one of the boys. He said hello and mentioned my name.

Darn! I didn’t even know his. But at least I remember where we met. *LOL* Once again, the girlish feeling crept into me and I felt so wobbly that I couldn’t manage to stay long at the cafe.

So my nicely composed post seemed to have lost when the moment struck. The good thing was it took my throbbing headache away as well, at least for awhile.

On another note, I realise my taste has gone weirder and weirder. I find the new character, Castiel, simply irresistible. I doubt we’ll see him in any sexy mode. It is ok I guess since Dean will share his steamy moments with us in the new season, as if he hadn’t already done so in the past. *grins*

Got It, Don't Flaunt It

“Think about it this way: If a person buys a monogrammed Gucci handbag, or diamond earrings shaped like Chanel's double Cs, everyone knows where she made the purchase. If, instead, she chooses one of Bottega Veneta's braided satchels, or a handbag from Proenza Schouler's new line--which has no visual branding--she doesn't look like she's showing off.”

I'm always amazed by the need of some people to have designer stuff. Yes, need. For some, it is a must to be in possession of certain brands, even when the design is not great or the use is impractical.

I realise that there are only a handful of women working in the same building as me carry LV or Gucci handbags. In fact, on my floor, there could probably be one or two ladies. None of my MDs carry them. Not that they can’t afford one. On average, most of them have at least two to three homes around UK and a holiday home either near the beach or ski spots in Europe.

Yet, I must admit they have fine taste when it comes to handbag. Their collections are stylish and classy, with no obvious brand. For all I know, it could be the Birkin.

Apparently the sales of glaring designs have fallen in Europe and US. Some are cutting down their work force and closing down their factories due to lack of demand. During tough times, the last thing you want is to attract unnecessary attention. Probably it makes little difference in this country as jobless are entitled to dole. However, I doubt it is the same back home. A friend who called me today said that she has become more vigilant each time she goes out and about. She even changed her handbag to a less known brand to minimise risk.

Despite the recession, some people remain unchanged and continue to buy. Perhaps it is good that they are playing their role to the economy by spending but seriously, how many designer handbags does a person need in a year? Like an article I read in Forbes today, instead of buying 10 obvious brand handbags, why not getting one limited edition bag equivalent to the price of 10. Usually the value of these bags increases over time.

Or why not just follow Warren Buffet’s philosophy? He still lives in the old house which he purchased 50 years ago when his net worth stands at USD62 billion as reported in 2008.

Oh well, if you have the means to buy, then why not? Only that, I find it very amusing when these people make a huge noise upon knowing the meal costs at decent Malaysian cafes in London or insist that their kids should get scholarship or loan to pursue their studies. If you can buy handbags worth hundreds or thousands of sterling, surely you can afford those mentioned.

Unless of course, they were charged to cards or worse, fake goods.

You can read the full article here.

*Ms B would like to wish everyone Happy Chinese New Year and Happy Holidays!*

The age dilemma

During a meeting with an MD, he said, “thank you for helping us today. I understand your schedule is pretty tight.” I wasn’t sure what he meant but I told him I have already completed one deal last week. When I checked my schedule later, I found out I’m on 3 deals, 2 will take place this week and I’m swamped til mid March!

Oh well, at least the big kahunas acknowledge my hectic schedule, not that I play a big role to the department. In a way, I feel relieved that they know and appreciate that I’m busy. It does boost your morale, especially since a restructuring took place recently.

After months of ‘hibernation’, clocking 55 hours per week (60 if you include lunch time) over the past two weeks took a toll on me physically. Somehow the hours felt longer today and I was just feeling so fatigue that I told myself to leave work by 7pm. My body needs to adjust and I’m sure it gets there eventually.

Now you understand why I feel old. *sigh*

On a cheerful note, last weekend I managed to have a girls’ day out with mini B and friends. While trying to find a place at a cafe, a guy offered us to sit at his table, enough to accommodate our group and his. Probably he took pity seeing the lil one.

He asked, “is she your daughter?” I answered yes. He then said, “Ah, was about to ask you out.” My girlfriends had a wide grin on their face and quickly said, “but she is still single”.

“I suppose I can still ask you out then”, he responded with a smile.

I was triggered to share this incident as one of my favourite bloggers wrote a piece about dating younger men. This guy is tall (close to 6 feet), dark (a malay!) and deliciously handsome. Oh, he happens to be a player. Not that kind of player but like those professional sportsmen. So you can imagine his physical attributes. *winks*

As for the age gap, it is close to a decade! *gasp* Almost as long as my career. Very ikan bilis.

Two different snippets; one makes me feel old, one makes me feel younger (but 10 years age gap! You got to be kidding). *smack her head*

*Ms B is in dire need of a back massage. Perhaps it'd be a good idea to go out with The Player. She reckons that his hands must be firm.*

What keeps you awake?

“Sleep. It's the easiest thing to do. You just... close your eyes. But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp. We want it, but, we don't know how to get it. But once we face our demons, face our fears, and turn to each other for help, night time is not so scary, because we realize, we are not all alone in the dark.”

Once I was asked, “what keeps you awake at night?” The question was posed as that person thought my life was stress-free.

I suppose I don’t strike as a person who worries a lot just by the way I live my life. Perhaps the combination of my upbringing and past experiences led me not to reveal my emotions too much. Surely a rational person has something to chew but it is how we want to handle it makes us different from one another.

I could list down many things that keep me awake; my role as a mother, a daughter, the eldest sibling, a woman or a friend. Of course on top of the list is my responsibility as a mother. I learn to prioritise the rest or at least, make them understand why I can’t possibly meet their expectations (and sometimes, my own).

There were moments that I felt I was a disappointment to myself. Probably it was because I pushed myself too hard. I was (and still am) a perfectionist, trying to be a constant juggler. As a friend mentioned recently, our line of work is very demanding and she takes her hat off for my willingness to join the wagon. I reckon I was plain stupid or lost my mind when I decided to take this path.

She was right by saying that I have strong support that makes this journey easier. I still have a long way to go by my own standard. Of late, I realise I am making progress such as speaking more during client’s meetings or conference calls, making myself known to jet-setting seniors MDs, learning to delegate my work to others etc.

So when my family and friends suggest that I should consider prolonging my stay, my initial response was “will I still be able to manage?” I understand their advice is for my own benefit. The experience I gain here is far valuable than what I could probably achieve back home. In addition to that, I get to cherish the wonderful moments with the lil one. As someone mentioned, the under-the-duvet moment with them is something that would be missed as they grow older.

We shouldn’t let fear stop us from pursuing our dreams. If we stumble during the process, we should not feel guilty for asking for help. Even if that fails, we should gather our inner strengths and trust our capabilities.

After all, if we don’t believe in our own dreams, how can we make others have faith in them?

Barely breathing

Picture taken from privatepracticeinsider.com

While I was having lunch at my desk, I felt someone touched my back. As I glanced, he came next to me and went down on his knees. Barely inches away, he whispered, saying he realised that my birthday fell over the weekend and wished.

All I could think of was pulling his head closer and placing a kiss. He is (un)fortunately damn good looking, with a nice set of lips and beautiful blue eyes. Of course I was more focused on his lips. They were soft pink, smooth and sweet. *drooling*

It took me by surprise that he knew my birthday as well as the breathtaking gesture. I was so smitten by the whole thing that it didn't matter to me that I'd have another late one this week. Tell me, who needs a boyfriend when fine-looking friends/colleagues keep doing things that a lover usually fails.

Shake it off woman! Just shake it off. He is just another regular colleague (who happens to be hot, inside out!).

But you bet it was a sweet touch to mark my birthday. *on cloud nine*

Of turning 35

Oh well, I lied. I still have a few years to reach there. I am still in my early 30s, blessed with the looks of a late 20s but sure as hell feel like 35, or probably more. Not that I want to turn back time. As much as I feel age is catching up on me, I doubt I’ll trade this journey.

I didn’t do much on my birthday. The night before, I took my girl out for a nice dinner. At midnight, I received a long distance phone call from a dear friend, probably a first in a very long time. In the morning, mini B greeted me with a card on her hand. Oh, I received another card as well. Thank you dear! I wouldn’t have minded the breadcrumbs, you know. *winks*

Then sms started to flow. It came from the usual people; family and a few friends. Mom wished that I’d get frequent promotions. I reckon she wants more Ashley’s stuff. *grins* A friend was being witty when I told him I felt old. His response was “women only reach their prime age in their late 30s.” Does this mean that I have at least five years to go to be considered exquisite? I thought I was already one, judging by the drama I had so far. *LOL*

Truthfully, I had a lovely time on my birthday. I was greeted by my loved ones, near and far. The phone call and cards made the day special. To add colours to my day, a friend felt I had a flare for language just by judging on the way I write. If only she knew that I was inspired by her to have better grasp in language. I remember back then how I wished my English was as good as her. In a way, I should thank her for leading me here.

So what did I wish for? I am not entirely sure. I mean, what would you ask when you have almost everything that you want?

Perhaps I should follow the rest and just make one. We never know when the fairies will grant our wish, eh?

So I wished for love. But this time, a little less drama will be much appreciated.

*Ms B needs to complete reading the Pixie Hollow’s collection soon if she doesn’t want to get into trouble with Mini B. Mini B keeps asking her questions about the fairies which she has no clue of, except for TinkerBell of course.

Light a candle

Picture from allposters.com

"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."

My birthday is just around the corner. As much as I love to get presents from you, especially those home made cakes, cookies or muffins, I’d rather have my gifts delivered here. So if you have any spare cash hidden under the mattress (does anyone do that these days?), please donate some to those in need. But if you still have money to spend or time to bake, I still look forward to those cakes and cookies. *winks* *hint hint*.
**********************************

MERCY Malaysia has initiated an emergency response assessment team on the 30th December 2008 to Egypt in response to the humanitarian crisis resulting from the Israeli attacks on the Gaza Strip, which has killed more than 300 people and wounded more than 1,500 people.

The team, aimed at conducting a rapid assessment of the humanitarian needs, will be led by MERCY Malaysia President Datuk Dr. Jemilah Mahmood and EXCO Member Norazam Ab Samah.

We appeal to concerned Malaysians to send in cash donations.

MERCY Malaysia's basis of assistance to the beneficiaries relies on the support and generosity of individuals such as you to contribute to the PALESTINE RELIEF FUND.

It will support our efforts to procure emergency surgical kits, additional medicine and hospital equipment which will be channeled to the affected communities in Gaza.

PALESTINE RELIEF FUND

Cheque payable to MERCY MALAYSIA
CIMB Account No : 1424-000-6561053

For more information, please visit here.

Tragic romance

Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do? Give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are... and that pain you feel, it's life. The confusion and fear, that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better... and that something is worth fighting for.

It was snowing while I was on my way to work. After almost two weeks of break, it was nice to start my first day back by those soft white flakes. Geared in my new leather knee high boots with the horseshoe charm attached to its zipper, I was ready to begin the week with a positive mind.

I have been meaning to write but each time, something seems to stop me from publishing my post. Sometimes I felt the post was not relevant to the current situation, thus I simply did not hit the publish button.

The snow was much welcomed, at least that was how I felt this morning. The morning walk felt a bliss. Perhaps it is a sign of hope that there will be better days. Not that I have been having rough moments but my days could be better.

A song discovered today prompted me to ask myself, ‘must I always be waiting for love?’ What if love has slipped away from your fingers due to circumstances, will you still be holding on to it? There are times that I feel I am too practical for my own good. I used to put my life on hold for others but now, the only person I am willing to do so is the lil one. So if love slips away, somehow it seems to lead to new opportunities (and these are not restricted to new love. Opportunities are subjective).
I would have to say no to that. Perhaps it hurts the people who used to be a part of my life. But then again, I always felt I was second best by them. Surely they would understand where I was coming from.

Or maybe they don’t, thinking that love should be a tragic romance.

La Ville-Lumière

The City of Lights, Paris. That’s where we were over the long weekend. Only for a day though. We spent three days at Marne-La-Vallée or commonly known as Disneyland Resort Paris. It takes only 35 minutes by rail from there to Paris city and costs only €13 for an adult daily ticket, covering 5 zones (including the metro in the City).

The architecture in Paris reflects attention to detail. You know you are in Paris just by looking at their windows. It makes me realized how fussy some of my British friends and colleagues can be on getting a Victorian style house. The Europeans are proud of their history, as seen on how they preserve the old designs.

Anyway, I’m sure you can read more about the city elsewhere. Personally, part of me feels that the city is a bit ghetto (is that right?). Their metro reminds me of New York. Not that I have been there but from what I can see in CSI NY, it has some resemblance. The people are carefree or perhaps, unruly. On that day alone, I’ve witnessed at least three people jumping over the ticket barrier gates in the metro. Blimey!

As for Disneyland, it’s a magical place. *smiles* Despite the freezing weather (at one point, the temperature dropped to minus 7 degrees. The ponds froze and the Skull Cave had icicles.), we had a great time. The shows, especially the ones held just for Xmas and New Year, were awesome. I think we covered all the special performances and parades, whilst the routine shows, only missed two. We also managed to get on more rides this time, tho we made sure that the waiting time was 15 minutes or less. Our toes would be numb by then, hence the cut-off time.

I thought we would come back to a warmer place but oh boy, how wrong we were. It seems that the freezing weather followed us back to London. However, it didn’t stop us from shopping. What do you expect? It’s Boxing Day sales and discounts were up to 70% (sometimes, up to 90%)! *grins*

It was definitely a well deserved break for both of us; the trip to Paris and shopping spree. Now I need to get a book shelf as Mini B got herself more books. We couldn’t resist good books, especially when they were selling 1/3 of their original price. Oh, I behaved. No handbags (thank God!).

I hope it is not too late to wish everyone Salam Maal Hijrah. Both of us would like to wish everyone Happy New Year! We would probably be in bed on NY eve, making sure the duvet keeps us warm. Perhaps we shall try to keep ourselves awake with a mug of hot chocolate. (yeah right?!?)

It also means that I'll be a year older next month. I wasn't planning to celebrate as most of my close friends have gone back for good (in the past, it was more for our kids to sing birthday song and have cakes). Mini B is still trying to get me to have a party but I reckon it is just an excuse for her to dress up. She's such a girl. *smiles*

Revisiting 2008

"The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; Because some ties are simply... meant to be."

It is about a week before we say goodbye to 2008. The year has taught me a lot on relationships; friends, family, love. *chuckles on the last bit* Looking back, I think the subject that was revisited most was friendship.

There were moments that the subject was tested. A friend told me that over the years, we change as a result of our circumstances and sometimes, we could not connect to the people we were close to before. Unless they are a part of our present life, they can’t appreciate on the things that we go through.

I have also learnt that we have friends and acquaintances. I may know you in the past but you may not belong in the first group. I make no apology for wanting to be cautious when people from the past try to be reacquainted with me. As I replied to someone, once bitten twice shy. We never know the people we claim as friends are more than capable to throw us down, literally speaking. Perhaps it is also a reason why I stay away from Facebook. *LOL* I know it is a lame excuse but I think friendship is too precious to be declared to the whole wide world. I rather have my friends text, call or email (not forwarded emails of course! By the way, I usually delete them without reading).

I fail to understand the need for some people to think they have the luxury to criticise others when they don’t like to be criticised. Just because a person appears different, what gives us the right to comment on the way they look? Does that define their happiness? More often I see people who have them all; beauty, fame, wealth; seem to be lacking of that area. From a friend’s observation, some people may have lost the perfect look that they had but somehow they appear content with life.

I believe in the importance of being in a company of positive minded people. A good friend should have no problem to tell us that what we are doing is wrong. It keeps us grounded. Just as my friends and I tell each other we are yummy mummy or hot babes, we would tell each other idiots if we do something berserk.

Then, there are binds that we could not explain. I have friends for decades and probably see them once in a few years. Yet, we try our best to keep in touch and these days it seems I am able to call them more often than before (and I hope they are not bored yet with my constant phone calls.*grins*). Somehow, despite the time and distance, the moment we meet and catch up, it feels we pick up just where we left. I hope the ties that bind us remain strong.

I will be taking a long leave and as much as I hope to write before the year ends, past experience indicates that I usually don’t when I become a SAHM. Mini B takes most of my time (shopping, coffee, cooking etc). I would like to take this opportunity to wish you happy holidays. Make the most of the remaining days of 2008.

What do you wish for?

Christmas is just around the corner. We decided to go to The Shopping Mall of the West End. We didn’t have anything planned for the day and I thought to check out the new place. The crowd was manageable. The lil one felt it reminded her of the malls back home. We went in and out of shops, trying to find a pair of boots for me but as always, we always find things that we want and not that we need. I found a few very nice pairs of shoes. It was very tempting to grab them but guilt consumed me, thus I managed to control those urges. Perhaps it could be the reason why I can’t sleep tonight as the image of the shoes keeps appearing. Hopefully I won’t dream of them.

I know it is not easy to prioritise our shopping list. The way we handle the list will usually correlate with our circumstances; students, working persons, singles, couples, parents etc. It is expected for grown-ups to have that thinking.

Yet, to see the same process is applied by my girl touches me. After all, she is a child who has many things in her wish list. She hardly asks for anything, even when we are in a shop full of fancy toys. All she’d do is to have a look and explore. The exception is books, whereby if she likes something, there is no need for her to ask. I will get them as I know she never gets bored.

I also realise how much she appreciates other things in life. Just the other day she had her school play and she knew I’d be coming along. She didn’t expect to see her “sisters” to be there. It really made her day. She was smiling and full of cheerful vibes for the whole day.

For this Christmas, I know what she is wishing for. I am sure that will make her happy. As for me, I suppose Christmas came early with the presence of good friends and warm thoughts from loved ones afar.

So what do you wish for?

Forgive yourself

I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.'

If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that.

The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.
-- Maya Angelou --

It takes courage to ask for forgiveness. We try to be a good person but as human, we sometimes make mistakes. We then ask for forgiveness, whether or not the person will accept our apology. The idea of forgiveness is not only to acknowledge that we have done an error, but also to give peace to ourselves. If we hold on to our past, we can never move on.

Similarly, we don’t have to wait for the person to apologize for their mistake. It is easier to forgive without being asked.

Just by taking the step to say that you are sorry, you have become a better person than before. Even if they choose not to accept, the least you can do is to forgive yourself.

Men - vinegar or vintage?

“Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”

When we are in our 20s, I reckon most of us will never consider going out with guys who are more than a decade older than us. In fact, I’d think again if the age gap is more than five years.

Then we reach our 30s and somehow, the idea of dating older men seems not bad at all. In fact, it is probably because by then we have more things in common to talk about. When we are at our peak of climbing the corporate world, who would be the best person to give advice other than those who have been there before? Our taste in arts and entertainment slowly shifts and merges closely with men in this age group. Also, by then our topic of discussion starts to revolve around bigger life issues (instead of handbags and shoes).

Some people think that middle aged men have nothing in common with women who are almost half of their age, hence they criticise. Who are we to judge on maturity? I have seen men who act like boys with no sense of responsibilities. At the same time, some girls have the maturity twice of their age as a result of life experiences. Sometimes love can be nurtured, with patience and respect. The qualities are usually found in fine men.

Some women hesitate to go out with these men even when they are eligible with great personality as they are concerned of what people might think. As one of you highlighted, happiness is subjective. Besides, what is there to talk about when the guy has no strings attached? I am only wary of men who claim to have mid life crisis (tell me why is this only applies to men? I have yet to hear women with similar issues). These men never seem to stop at one. As a guy once mentioned, “it’s no longer mid life crisis. That’s considered as perpetuity.” *LOL*

Anyway, don’t you want to go out with them if they fall under the most eligible bachelor with personality one can only dream of? If a single middle aged man looks like below, I’d gladly put on that red cocktail dress and accept a date. *winks* Well, I think he’s hot, thus explains why I rather spend my Friday nights at home and watch him.

- Gibbs in NCIS -

Is he yours?

Booth: Caroline went through a lot of trouble to get you private visitation with your father and now you don't want it.
Bones: The Federal Detention facility already has visiting areas.
Booth: Yeah, behind two inch glass, I mean, now you'll be able to give your old man, you know, a hug. (He hugs her from the side as they are walking)
Bones: I didn't ask for special treatment, Booth.
Booth: That's because you don't have to, because you are special.

My arms and thighs are sore. As much as I’d like to claim that it was due to an activity which had elements of kinkiness and sexiness, I have to disappoint you. They are in pain as a result of me taking care of my director’s baby. She had nanny crisis and took her son to work as she couldn’t reschedule her meetings. The boy somehow clicked with me instantly and since I wasn’t that busy, I looked after him while my director attended her matter. He is HUGE for his age! When I whisked him off to my director’s room, a colleague of mine said how natural I was with the baby. I replied by saying, “I should as I have one myself.” My colleague had a blank face and he wasn’t the only one. My secretary later told that some people asked if I indeed have a child.

One of the things that my senior MD shared during my interview was how she managed to climb the corporate ladder and juggling her life as a mother. She kept them separate and information was shared on need to know basis. People should judge you by how you perform. At least you know that whatever rating you get, you are benchmarked against your peers and assumed to have similar circumstances.

Anyway, back to this other director. When she came back from her meetings, she poured her heart out and thanked me for managing her son well. It kept her mind at peace and she could focus on her tasks. I understand where she was coming from. At present, her partner is away on business trip and she just couldn’t imagine how I manage. I said I have the support from people around me; friends, nannies, etc. It felt weird to be comforting and advising your superiors when usually they are the ones who play that role.

So that was another highlight for the week, being the nanny while at work. *grins* Tho someone asked if he was my child and that my partner must be really white that the boy has no Asian looks at all. *LOL* Mini B wasn’t that pleased knowing I spent the day with him. “I thought I am your only baby”, she said.

Yet she keeps asking me for a baby. Hmmmm.....

Collide

We enter the world alone and we leave it alone and everything that happens in between we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help, we need support, otherwise we are in it by ourselves. Strangers, cut off from each other, and we forget, just how connected we all are. So instead, we choose love, we choose life, and, for a moment, we feel just a little bit less alone.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today. We talked about life as a single woman. We agreed that it has some perks. It is not that we are discounting the life of a married person. It is just that for some of us, being single give us more flexibility to do things. As we are both close to family and love hanging out with friends, we can spend more time with them with less guilt or no question asked.

Undoubtedly, some of us prefer to remain solo due to responsibility such as taking care of family members. In these circumstances, it applies to both genders. I have seen a few men who choose to lead a life without a partner as they put their loved ones first. Factors include ageing parents, dependent siblings or being the sole breadwinner for the family.

Then you have people like me who choose to be single again as we put our children’s needs above ours. My whole life is about the lil one and her needs are my priority. It gives me joy to be able to be a part of her life, to see her growing up, to watch her school performances (and make sure that my secretary blocks my diary for her school’s events) etc.

My friend said perhaps our status works best for our situation. No two persons are the same. We could relate how a friend has a wonderful partner who shares her values and interests. We reckon that until we meet someone who understands and accepts us for who we are, we are doing fine with the way things are.

Strange enough, sometimes I feel I already have that person, touching my life in a way he possibly can. My eid was special this year as I had a good friend to spend it with.

Sacrifice

A willingness to make sacrifices in our lives in order to stay on the Straight Path. Each of us makes small sacrifices, giving up things that are fun or important to us. A true Muslim, one who submits his or herself completely to the Lord, is willing to follow Allah's commands completely and obediently. It is this strength of heart, purity in faith, and willing obedience that our Lord desires from us.

I am grateful to be given the opportunity to be here, especially with the current state of the economy. I could see how it benefits the lil one. She has transformed from a fragile and timid little girl to this confident young lady. She has achieved a lot for her age and for this year school play, she’s going to be the narrator. Apparently it is a big part but mummy dearest was a bit clueless until she stressed out the importance of the role.

Knowing that I am considered as an asset means that I should maximise this opportunity. I shall continue staying here and contribute as much as I can. I understand that it also means we have to sacrifice other aspects in life. For both of us, it is being away from our loved ones; family and friends.

Yet, knowing the sacrifices that some of my friends have to make, mine is nothing. If our heart and mind is at the right path, somehow things will be ok.

Salam aidil adha from both of us. May you have a blessed eid.

Crazy rumors

I have never tried this lip balm before but the name and description sounds ironic. *winks*

Rumour has it that something bad happened to me today. Some people saw me kept going to the toilet and thought something must have made me upset. I suppose it was as it prompted a director to approach me and asked if everything was ok.

I blame it on the curry that I had during lunch and the annoying zits on my forehead when I need to look gorgeous for my date tomorrow. I reckon the latter made me checked the mirror at the loo often and tried to minimise the damage. My director laughed and said how people simply love to speculate.

Now, if I show up at work on Friday with a glow on my face, will that mean people think that I may have gotten lucky the night before (since some know that I have a date)? Or better, the big O? *lol* *evil thoughts*

Ah, perhaps I shall leave them guessing. Too many depressing news in the market that I think I should make the department livelier with my almost non-existence love life.

Right, about these zits. *mulling over on how to make it less annoying*

We are not together, are we?

picture taken from Elizabethtown
Claire Colburn: You know, you’re always trying to break up with me, and we're not even together.
Drew Baylor: I know... We're not?

What would you do when you realise you have a crush on someone and that person happens to be a good friend? Do you keep your feelings hidden for the sake of friendship, or would you take the risk and finally let that person know how you truly feel for him/her?

There are moments in our life that we’d meet someone and instantly feel connected to them. Somehow the chemistry seems right and we’d end up being good friends. Yet the same chemistry could also lead to falling in love and some only realise after years of knowing each other.

Why is it easier for us to profess our feelings to a person we’ve only met, say for a few months, than to a person who has known us for our lifetime? Could it be of the idea of familiarity? Is it because we have known each other inside out that make us hesitate to let our feelings known? Or perhaps the idea of rejection should the feelings is not mutual? What will we lose should that happen? I suppose it is our friendship that has been built over the years. The rejection will somehow affect the relationship and to go back where we left before will probably be awkward.

Yet, if that person is really worth it, surely we should take the risk. After all, what is more worst, to be rejected and impair the friendship which could probably be repaired after a few months of reconciliation between two good friends, or to not know what would have been if we had taken the risk?

There is nothing worse than missing an opportunity that could probably lead to a lifelong happiness.

*Ms B hopes this answers another question posed. She reckons it could be a quiet week due to work commitment. She will continue blog hopping for stress reliever.*