Sunday, September 28, 2008

of Eid wishes

Forgiveness is something we should all practise. Not just for Hari Raya but every day.
We should celebrate it and embrace it as an essential part of our lives.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven.
Hurt will never heal until you forgive.
If you are at war with others, you cannot be at peace with yourself.
You can let go and forgive. It takes no physical strength to let go, only courage.
Forgiveness is the single most important process that can bring peace to our souls and harmony to our lives.
Forgiveness is not something we have to strain ourselves to do.
Forgiveness helps you move forward.
No one benefits from forgiveness more than the one who forgives.
Give yourselves the gift of forgiveness today.

Ms B and mini Ms B would like to wish everyone a blessed eid.

Special wish to Kak Teh, Ruby, Fizzy, Simah, D and Momster. Thank you for being part of our life for the past year. Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. Maaf zahir batin from both of us.

To new friends: Cosmic Girl, Pak Idrus, Akmal, Syukur, Darlene, Ms Curvy, Hazia, NJ, Aporn, Hannan, Inah. Thank you for this friendship. Hope you have a lovely time on this day.

To uncle Lee and Daphne, hope you get to try our rendang in Canada.

To my silent readers, thank you for reading my blog. If you celebrate eid, may you have a nice time with your loved ones.

For some of us, this could be a solemn Eid, to celebrate without a loved one by our side, either by circumstances or by choice. Some would probably have met a new person, while others are still hoping and searching. We should not give up on hope. Yet at the same time, we focus on what we have and how blessed our life is.

As I look back at my journey for the past 9 months, there were moments that my life was touched by beautiful people. Regardless what was the outcome, I am glad to have met them. Sometimes we have to take risk and open ourselves to new opportunities. Maybe that person or that moment could teach us a thing or two about life.

*after their passionate kiss*
Christina Yang: I don’t even know you!
Major Hunt: So?

Sometimes, there are things that you cannot explain. No matter how hard you try to rationalise, it simply does not work. There are moments in life that you probably wonder on how you can be yourself to a person, not being pretentious or put a wall around you. Just a moment of peace...a moment when all your worries seem to be swept away...

Thank you for being one of the highlights of my life. I wish you lifelong happiness and peace. May you have a blessed Eid.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A sweet ending for Ramadhan

As I entered home today, there she was in front of the door, greeting me, fully clad in her prayers attire. She was learning and practising prayers from start to end. It was her first to learn it thoroughly. Her face clearly showed signs of joy and satisfaction.

I kissed her forehead, telling her how much she has made my day.

A sweet ending for our Ramadhan.

I hope the month has given you happiness and peace too.

And they are back!

"There is a moment in every great love story that makes us believe anything is possible. If only this moment could last forever.”

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
They are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

-Broken , Lifehouse -

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Chocolate sauce & whipped cream

I was physically and mentally exhausted today. Before I left work this evening, my secretary said I look like crap. Usually, I dont, no matter how late I work (unless if it is almost midnight or early hours in the morning).

I should have taken the day off, work and fasting. Perhaps the combination of not physically fit and extra workload made the day challenging. So I thought. Up until I read my mail.

"Now I can see why there are McDreamy, McSteamy etc". Was that a compliment dear? *winks* My next trip, we shall have tea at my fav cafe, Aseana KLCC (I think that's the name).

Thank you for making my day, dear Fizzy! Now for my stress relief, I hope I can dream of him:

Of course, it would be nicer if he appears like this in my dream:

I think chocolate sauce and whipped cream will make him more yummy. *LOL*

*Ms B hopes both her and the lil one sail through the week*

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Of being anonymous

I've been wanting to write this for quite some time but just didnt know when.

Of late, I've been receiving kind gestures from people to get to know me. Kind gestures, hopefully. Thank you, you know who you are. I am just another human being, trying to make life works for her and her girl.

I just prefer to be anonymous, that is all. Perhaps it is also due to certain experiences which led me not to get close to people (in this scenario, it means bloggers). Plus, my dear Kak Teh and Ruby always share their words of wisdom of the blog world.

So please dont take it personally if I dont share my email address/contact details to you.

Besides, it is a small world after all. For all you know, I could be the girl next door.

*Ms B might tone down this week. She's not feeling bright. Trying to be emotionally strong for her girl but physically weak.*

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Tarawih story

Last night at the prayer's hall, my lil one and me sat next to each other when a familiar old lady asked:

Elder woman : "Anak siapa ni?" [Whose daughter is this?] (referring to my girl)
Me: "Anak saya, makcik" [Mine aunty]
Elder woman : "Dah besar yer. Tak perasan makcik. Dulu kecik jer. Bagus dia, senyap waktu sembahyang" [She's big now. I didnt realise. She used to be small. Such a good girl, well behaved while prayers]

The lil one performs Isya together but for tarawih, I usually ask her to sit at the end of the saf, me praying next to her. She usually reads a book while waiting. When she was smaller, she would bring along her colouring book. After she followed the Isya prayer, she would do her own thing quietly. The Makcik remembered that we used to sit at the back.

The lil one always looks forward to the variety of desserts which we have after the prayers. And being me, I just colour coded them when she asks for one; green kueh, yellow kueh. *grins* Sometimes they prepare meals like curry mee, fried rice, briyani etc. My lil one calls these as "proper food".*smiles*

I paid the zakat last night too. I dont know why but each time, there is a tinge of sadness...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dating like a man

Matt launches right away into a lesson that acting like a man and dating like a man are two very different things. Dating like a man, Matt says, will teach me to meet the type of guy I'm interested in and also make sure he calls.
Lesson one: Sex.
"Don't sleep with a man for 90 days," Matt orders.
This sounds a bit masochistic. But Matt insists men are hunters by nature, and the "game" is what keeps them coming back for more. Unlike women, he says, men's physical and emotional intimacy grows at different rates. You need to let them get emotionally attached then physically attached, if you want them to stick around. Dating like a man, he says, is understanding what a person wants and not giving it to him.
Lesson two: Compliment Men.
Even the most financially successful and good looking of the bunch love compliments and don't think they reek of desperation. "Men are horrible at reading cues from women," he explains. "You have to throw your Manolo Blahnik at him to let him know you're staring."
Lesson three: The Hit-and-Run Approach.
Matt explains that when guys see a girl they're interested in, they don't hang around too long--they leave an air of mystery. Women need to do this, too. It seems I use the "hit" approach, but I never run.
Matt says this is when I need to kick in my game. "You need to plant the seed for future correspondence," he says. "If you don't show all your cards at once, you'll keep them guessing."
Lesson four: Confidence.
Matt says I'm probably so concerned with not appearing desperate that I'm not clear about what I really want. He says I need to let down my guard. I need to know what I want, and I need to go out and get it. If a guy doesn't want me back, then I should just forget about him.
And lo and behold, it works. Guys love it when you approach them, when you compliment them and when you give them your number.
I'll probably accept a few dates, but I'm not worried about having to test that 90-day rule.

Full article can be found here:
Dating like a man
I find it interesting to find this article posted at Forbes' website, one of my daily indulgences. Probably they know that there are increasing numbers of women reading their articles, hence make it more lady-friendly. *smiles*

I think I can pass lesson one without a blink. What is the whole point of having a hot bubble bath, right? Remember Sharon Stone in Sliver? *winks* Oh well, probably because I'm juggling a few roles at the same time that I don't even have time to take that hot bath!

Lesson two is easy but I am fair to both sexes. I compliment my girlfriends as much as I do to my male buddies. People appreciate when they are noticed.

Lesson three and four is tricky. I have done it before i.e. approached a guy, asked for his name and left my number. Probably my mental state was questionable at that time. People do crazy things when they don't think straight. *LOL*

I'm sure we all have our own dating techniques and how a method works depends on individual. Some men find it intimidating when a lady looks aggressive. But surely if he looks like Patrick Dempsey or Eric Dane or my latest crave, David Boreanaz aka Seeley Booth in Bones, the risk is worth taking.

So what's your dating style?

Ps: By the way, the guys always call back. *winks*

Monday, September 15, 2008


Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you, it's like being invisible... your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans, big plans... to find your perfect match... the one that completes you... but as you get older, you realise it's not always that easy... it's not until the end of your life that you realise that the plans you made were simply plans… because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you, you want to believe that you're leaving something good behind… you want it all to have mattered.

The Sexy Professor asked about my past during one of our dinners. We’ve been friends for almost a year now. This is another yummy mummy. She may be almost a decade older than me but she looks early 30s with a slim body. Bet she drives her male students crazy. *grins*

I started sharing my stories to her. What I didn’t realise was, by going back to memory lane, tears started to roll. I told her I am fine but I suppose it did hit me that things were tough back then. Perhaps that was why I felt melancholic.

Then she said, without knowing my past, she wouldn’t have thought I had those written. For a person whom she has known for the past one year, she wouldn’t expect that I had my rough moments. “Knowing what you went through and still be where you are at this day, achieving so much in life, I salute you.” said the Sexy Professor.

Sometimes it takes another person to open your eyes and think outside the box. When she spoke those words, I realised I had a lot to chew. Yet, it never occurred to me to give up or feel that things were challenging. How could I when I have one precious angel by my side? She places her trust and faith in me.

I am thankful for my past as it led me to where I am now, with a lovely daughter and good friends to share my life with.

Ps: Of course it is a bonus when you are surrounded with yummy men. *winks*

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Live High

Live High - Jason Mraz

I try to picture a girl
Through a looking glass
See her as a carbon atom
See her eyes and stare back at them
See that girl, as her own new world
Though a home is on the surface, she is still a universe

Glory God, oh God is peeking through the blinds
Are we all here standing naked
Taking guesses at the actual date and time
Oh my, justifying reasons why
Is an absolutely insane resolution to live by

Live high, live mighty
Live righteously
Takin it easy
Live high, live mighty
Live righteously

Try to picture the man
To always have an open hand
And see him as a giving tree
See him as matter
Matter fact he's not a beast
No not the devil either
Always a good deed doer
And it's laughter that we're making after all

The call of the wild is still an ordination why
And the order of the primates
All our politics are too late
Oh my, the congregation in my mind
Is this assembly singing of gratitude
Practicing their lovin for you

Take it all, and just take it easy
And celebrate the malleable reality
You see nothing is ever as it seems
Yeah this life is but a dream

Lift me up to the almighty
Raise your hands and start acknowledging

So live life everyone! We dont get many chances in life. When we see one, seize the opportunity. Some things are worth the risk.

Friday, September 12, 2008

What did you want to be?

"I ask Jules if she'd like to do that, but she remains committed to a career in the ballerina industry. "I wanted to be a ballerina when I was 5," I say, pirouetting to the refrigerator for a couple of eggs. "So what stopped you?""

I am sure eventually we will be asked the same question by our lil ones. I cant remember what I wanted to be when I was a child. Actually, there are many things of my childhood that I cant remember. Perhaps it is my ability to block certain memories. One thing for sure, whatever was related to my late grand parents, I seem to remember every single details. The trip to Pasar Tani near the river banks, daily visits to the wet market where we normally had our breakfast, the making of pickle sator (petai), etc.

I have been fascinated with numbers since young. I suppose my dream back then was to be anyone who sees figures on daily basis (oh yeah, ultimate nerd!).

It is different with my lil girl. She wants to be a jazz dancer. Of course, mummy dearest said that she can be whatever she wants to be once she completes her degree in architecture and starts earning her own money. See, am I smart or what? *LOL*

But then again, her interest in performing arts runs in the family. I too was a dancer, as well as a musician. I started performing when I was about her age, did almost every type of traditional and modern dance. As I entered high school, I always got to play the "man" role because of my height. When I finally got to perform as a lady, I did the candle dance (tarian lilin). Gosh! It was hard work ok, moving your butt slow and steady while balancing the candles.

My lil girl can really dance. Now this term, she gets to learn to play violin (and she still wants me to sign up piano and martial arts lessons!). Busy girl indeed!

As we grow older, our dreams change and we set a practical target. Some dreams are shattered but we pick up and move forward, using whatever information and resources to make it work. But hey, it is good to fantasize once in a while.

"You make the choices you make based on what you know about yourself and what you think you know about the world. And sometimes the world will turn around and break your heart, but other times, a 5-year-old will saunter in with three dolls wet from their swim lesson. The five of you will sit down to blueberry muffins, and the reality of what you wound up with will suddenly seem like the only possible choice -- it just couldn't have turned out any other way. "

Full article can be found here:
Daughter causes mom to ponder 'what if?'

So what did you want to be when you were young?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Soap drama

Me : I received a text from McSteamy this morning. He has just arrived at Heathrow. I didnt know he was coming.
Ms Trader: Man, your life is like a soap drama! *grins*
Me : Ok, seriously, do you think he wants to meet up?
Ms Trader : I presume so. Otherwise why would he bother to tell you upon his arrival? So is he warm or cold?
Me: How on earth would I know? It is not like I have a device to check his feelings without seeing him.

We met by the way. *winks*

*Ms B is having so much drama. She needs to smack herself on the face and prays hard that there is no more, if she can avoid so*

Monday, September 08, 2008

Making choices

It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been. But what of a man who’s faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer? Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better. Or when something better finds its way to us.

This morning, one of my Managing Directors (let’s call him Mr Bond) came to see me and wanted to have a quick chat. Mr Bond forwarded my CV to the lead Asia MD, who used to head one of our divisions in London. Apparently, the lead MD was interested with my work experience. Mr Bond said that the lead MD wanted him to call ASAP about this candidate i.e. me. So while we were in the room, Mr Bond went ahead with the phone call (on speaker) and I had to keep silent.

So there they were, two bosses, talking about me. The lead MD said he was impressed with my CV and that it was something he was looking for. He asked Mr Bond about me, which he then replied by saying that, although I just got promoted, it was long overdue. He also said that I am one of the best people among my peers.

The lead MD wants to send me to Singapore to manage our clients as well as building our business.

I was gobsmacked!

Mr Bond mentioned about my daughter and how important for me to stay one more year here to obtain my PR (ie her university fees will be at resident’s rates). The lead MD said probably it wouldn’t be an issue as I will be on UK payroll and it will happen after Christmas.

2 bombshells in a fortnight. What are the odds for that to happen?

Door 1: To work in Singapore on a UK salary and an expat’s package. We will be closer to home and get to meet family and friends more often. The experience will build up my profile and accelerate my career ladder.

Door 2: Too many uncertainties....

How do I choose....?

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Baby blues

Our conversation tonight before she went to sleep:

Mini B: My friend, Laura, her mom is having a baby without a prince. Why mummy?
Me: Well, maybe some princes don’t want to take care of the baby.
Mini B: Then, you can have a baby without a prince too mummy.
Me: But don’t you think it is better for me to have one? That we have a prince in the family like some of your friends.
Mini B: I know... It is just that I want a sister or a brother so bad.
Me: I know honey. *pause* Does Laura have a daddy?
Mini B: I don’t think so. She has her mommy. Her mom takes good care of her. Just like you and me.

I wished she just asked about the birds and the bees. It would have been easier to explain. Being independent gives creative ideas to my girl. It is like she’s telling me “why on earth do you need a husband to get pregnant? Clearly we are doing fine just as it is”.

Huge dilemma...hmmm.....


Brennan: (close to tears) You know, I'm just...I'm just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family.
Booth: Listen, Bones, hey. There's more than one kind of family. (He looks at her with concern, holding her chin. They're having a moment when Zack knocks at the window and signals them to come in) Well, Zack got the job, right?
Brennan: Come in and congratulate him.
Booth: Nah, he's your squints, not my squints.
Brennan: No, Booth! (takes him by the arm and drags him to the door) We are all of us your squints. Do me a favour and pat Zack on the shoulder with an open hand.

Over the last few days, when we were out and about doing our regular routine, I couldn’t stop smiling when familiar people greeted us. Among those were, the man with two daughters whom we normally bump into on our way to school. He asked about our holiday. Then Mrs Brazilian (she is so hot! Has 2 kids, 12 and 6 years old. Olive skin, with an hour glass body!). She was in front of the school door with her eldest, who is now in secondary school (Spanish). She mentioned how much she loves being here, away from the family. The cashiers at Tesco and Boots, the butcher, the fragile lady who does her daily walk accompanied by her dog, etc. Oh, even the girls at La Senza greeted us while we passed their shop! Yes, I am a regular there. Being single doesn’t mean I should not indulge myself with the latest design. If my friends have shoes/handbags fetish, mine would be lingerie. *winks* A girlfriend saw my collection and had this weird look on her face, “why on earth do you need this? You don’t even have a man.” Hey, who knows one day there will be a return on investments? *winks* Besides, I love being a woman. In addition, if you look good outside, shouldn’t you pay attention to what’s underneath too? *smiles*

Anyway, it just feels good that people around notice you. I mean, it’s a big city yet in my neighbourhood, I feel like I am living in a small village where everyone knows everyone.
I have friends and family back home but I guess part of the reason they spend time with us is because we are there for a short trip. Mr & Mrs Rock said people usually take it for granted when they know they are around for good. There is less effort to meet up. Usually the typical excuse given is that we are busy. Well, everyone is busy but surely if one wants to make time, it can be done.

Often we are caught up with our daily routine that we forget to smell the roses along the way.

We do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.

Ps: Fasting has been quite a challenge, especially the past two days when I almost fainted. Thus yesterday I forced myself to eat more, made baked fish mediterranean style and choc pudding as desserts. Today, chicken briyani with lamb kurma (special request from the lil one and I'm only cooking for two!).

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Test drive, anyone?

“The reason why some men can’t commit is probably because they don’t know how to handle a woman who has been through a lot and on top of that, win her daughter’s heart.”, said the Wise Man.

Just because I am capable of leading the life that I want with my daughter, it doesn’t mean I am a superwoman nor that I look intimidating. Behind the four figure suit and accessories, I am still a person. I dont bite. Seriously. Well, maybe I do but only at certain parts especially if you are yummy. *winks*

I have nothing against going out with European men. But it is my personal choice that, should I ever remarry, he should come from the same background. I realise my chances are slim since it is very rare to find malay men who share the same values like I do (like the Significant Ones).

That was before I met The Date.

You see, I thought I’d be touching his life by sharing the life experiences I had. Yet these days I realise that he did the same to me. He opened my eyes and heart that there are good eligible malay men (with the qualities I want and compatible personality) out there. He restored my faith in our men!

So ladies, dont give up. I know it is frustrating to find a good match but trust me, he is out there, waiting to be discovered. If I manage to meet one during my short trip back home, I am sure there are plenty.

As for me, I have a deadline to meet. Before I submit my results, I want to do my own research and analysis. Like the fav couple always say, “you have the option to test drive. Just enjoy the ride”.

Yikes! Now I make them sound like cars. But cars are sexy too, eh? *winks*

Ps: School has started and finally I regain possession of our LCD tv. She's been using it to play Nintendo Wii. At least I get to watch my shows on weekdays since she has to go to bed by 9pm. *smiles*

Monday, September 01, 2008

Of a kiss

Bones: I'm only telling you out of professional courtesy.
Booth: What?
Bones: So that you won't be surprised.
Booth: Yeah but when you say kiss you mean like, kiss kiss on both cheeks?
Bones: No the lips.

A kiss is more than the sharing of lips and breath. It is a mingling of hearts and souls. A slight tingle, a funny feeling in the tummy, a racing heart, is to be expected. A kiss is an intimate connection to another human being and a simple way to express love and affection.

The anticipated first kiss is one that we both long for and dream about. And, whether remembered as sweet and tender, shy and hesitant, or as bumped heads and noses, we don't forget it. A kiss is a thing of wonder. We wonder if and when the object of our affections will bestow us with a kiss. We wonder if our knees will get weak, our pulse will race, or if it will be a dud. So much depends on a kiss.

Passion is a wonderful thing. It makes us feel more alive, more connected to our partner. But, realistically, one cannot expect passion in every kiss. Kisses can range from slow, sweet ones to urgent, fiery ones. Moreover, it is unrealistic to expect passion every single day of our lives.

Sometimes I forget how it feels to be a woman. The importance of a kiss and how one can tell of a person; the tenderness of their touch, the kindness of their heart. A person can tell by just one kiss...

ps: I cant wait for Bones Season 4. Got myself season 2 DVD boxset. That will be my weekend do. Oppss, I just realise I'm hosting iftar for friends, a yearly routine.