Sunday, August 31, 2008

The story of Tom & Hannah

Few weeks ago, I had this conversation with the best friend:
Me: You know, things will be different if I remarry. It will be difficult to meet up.
Him: No it wont. Hmm, probably. We wont be able to see each other and hang out as much as we both want to. Remember there was a time when we hanged out a lot, when I had more time? (before he started having jet-setting life-style)

It has been a week after the bombshell was dropped. I have been given ample time to decide. My life has been progressing well, especially career wise. Yet I owe my daughter a chance to try living in Malaysia. My Sifus are against with the idea. They believe I have a shot to make my mark here. Getting a job back home is easy, what matters is finding one which balances my role as a mother and a career driven woman.

I am prepared to let go of what I build so far here to give my daughter a chance to be happier. Then again, like my brother said, "I dont want you to sacrifice what you have for uncertain future and unfulfilled expectations."

The bombshell is certainly not making my decision easier, especially when I have many reasons to say yes.

Give me a reason to say no...

It rained heavily tonight, perhaps marking the commencement of the holy month. A few years ago exactly in the same month, when I faced the most difficult decision to make, I asked The One Above to give me guidance on what to do. It was the lowest point of my life. Now, again when I am torn for a good reason, I hope He can give me some answers....


Both me and mini Ms B would like to wish everyone a blessed Ramadhan. May we find peace during this month.

(It is strange to not have you around this time).

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Flirtation 101

“How do you do it?”

My girlfriends keep asking me this question on how of all people, I manage to have an “interesting” life, when in reality I am the most unlikely to have one. Anyone who knows me and my routine would understand that my life is hectic. Being a single parent and a corporate financier in a major financial city is no joke. Back in the old days, I worked 70++hrs a week for at least 8 weeks straight while still breastfeeding my girl (once I worked from 9am till 5 am for 5 days in a row! Yup, 3 hrs of sleep on average.). These days, I am lucky. Hours arent as bad as before.

And no, I dont have the supermodel look but somehow, I hang out with men who can easily get those kind. So how do I do it? Beats me but I think the following article can help most women out there:

Should you put the breaks in flirting?

Scientists tell us that females of all cultures make sexual connections through sequences of specific flirting behaviors. The ethologist Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt captured this on film some 30 years ago, with a camera that appeared to point in one direction while actually shooting in another. He found that women of all languages, classes and religious backgrounds attracted men through the same gestures.
The bottom line (pardon the pun) is that buttock tilting and back swaying come about as naturally to me as spaceflight. Though flirting is supposedly wired into our brains, my brain appears to have shorted out in regard to giggling and licking my lips. And yet even I have stumbled upon a set of seductive behaviors that work surprisingly well for me. If you share my chronic back spasms and total lack of sexual self-confidence, you too might find them useful.

Step 1: Identify a specific person with whom you really, truly want to have sex
Now, that I can understand. To actually have sex, I must be not only in love but also in full legal possession of the other party's medical records. The advantage of this approach is that what you miss in casual thrills, you gain in long-term compatibility. That initial spark of interest leads not to the nearest motel room but to the prolonged scrutiny you would give an unrecognizable substance before deciding to include it in a cake.
If you consistently wake up next to people you no longer respect, try doing deliberately what I do involuntarily: Hold in your mind a vivid picture of a genital wart. (The Internet provides plenty, and I am here to tell you, they're the opposite of pornographic.)
Superimpose this image over the dashing smile of that cute guy at the bar. This should give you pause -- a pause you can use to investigate whether the dashing smile is backed up by kindness, humor, honesty, and other qualities you probably want in a mate.
If you do this, you're on the verge of discovering something amazing: Simple, sustained attention can be more powerfully seductive than all the eyelash-fluttering, tongue-flicking, back-swaying displays that make men want to fondle the likes of Cathy and prescribe seizure medication for the likes of me.

Step 2: Lust for the other person's subjective experience
Here is the secret of sexual success for the confidence impaired: While people will decide to have casual sex with you based on how you look, they'll decide to have meaningful sex with you based on how you see.
The reason I've managed to make the connections I desired is that I'm fascinated by people's stories. Beneath the small-talk surface, every life is a fascinating novel, so I always follow the suggestion from Proverbs 4:7, "With all thy getting get understanding." This directive means stand under, in the relatively lowly position of student, and let whomever we're trying to understand occupy the high ground of teacher. And -- this is key -- the body language we use to do this overlaps significantly with the biology of flirting.
Anthropologist David Givens, author of the book "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship," says that a crucial sexual-attraction message is "I am harmless." We communicate this with "submissive displays," such as turning our hands palm up, tilting our heads, exposing our vulnerable necks. A tilted-head half-shrug is typical of sexually attracted people having their first conversation. It's also a posture you'll unconsciously assume when you're trying to understand another person's experience.

Step 3: Get a life
I favor reality shows in which people do things that require skill, talent, or daring: crab fishing, singing, clothing design, Latin dance. The popularity of these shows suggests I'm not the only person tuning in. Generally, the harder the participants have to work, the more interesting the process.
Even when cameras aren't rolling, people love to watch others work hard, learn skills, and take risks. Remember the old "Peanuts" cartoons in which Lucy mooned endlessly over Schroeder, whose only interest was the piano? That stereotype is based in truth: People who are mastering something that fascinates them become fascinating to others. If you want to capture people's attention, put your own attention on something that has nothing to do with them: oil painting, cooking, wildlife rescue. The more you get lost in what you're doing, the more interesting you'll become.

Best Practices: The one-two-three-punch combination
If you use the three steps above in quick succession, you'll become an attention magnet. It's like a trick move in martial arts: Target your person of interest, focus entirely on them, then abruptly divert your attention. Pow, pow, pow!
These steps allow any flirtatiously challenged person to bypass the whole complicated, alarming world of sexual tension and attraction among normal people. You can do the dance of seduction without even meaning to -- simply by letting yourself be openly drawn to people, their stories, and your own deepest fascinations.
Happy flirting everyone! I'm off to my Cashmere mafia session with Ms Versatile.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Beautiful mess

Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
Based on your body language,
your shouted cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
'Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

Happy birthday to a dear friend. Thank you for making me part of your life, for this beautiful friendship. I wish you happiness and peace. You are always close to my heart.

Btw, I love the song. *smiles* Thank you.....

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Cashmere Mafia

Four ambitious, sexy women who have been best friends since business school, Mia, Zoe, Juliet and Caitlin, try to have it all. They aren't just powerful and intelligent as singular executive sensations in a man's world; they've bonded into a formidable unit  a female "boys' club" -- to support and counsel each other through good times and bad. How better to climb up the corporate ladder than with your buddies at your side?

Set in glamorous New York City, where titans of media, finance, advertising and publishing reside, these driven women, who daily share their relatable and relevant problems dealing with both the boardroom and bedroom, combine their smarts, wit and humor to deal with personal and professional misfortunes and stunning triumphs. Whether it's coping with rocky marriages, fending off scheming colleagues or just trying to find themselves in the midst of chaotic lives, these compelling women use their valuable friendship to keep centered.


I bet this is going to be an interesting series, especially when I can relate myself to it. *winks*

So which character do you think I am?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The chase

Meredith: It’s the chase, isn't it?
Derek: What?
Meredith: The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell-bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss. You know it’s against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It’s the chase.
Derek: Well it's fun, isn't it?
Meredith: You see! This is a game to you, but not to me. Because, unlike you, I still have something to prove.

Recently I said to someone, that I was tired being chased. Sometimes I cant stop feeling that I am just a trophy. Sometimes I wish they see beyond all that, I am still a person.

They say be careful of what you wish for...

Recent events led me to a new plan, which probably works best for me and my girl. So I set up my mind to focus on the new plan and enough with the roller coaster, so to speak. Up until today when a bombshell was dropped.

Any sane single woman would probably want to be in my shoes at the moment. But here’s a thought, how do I go back to where I left behind? It was hard enough to pull myself and put the broken pieces together. I have moved on. I have a new plan. I am willing to give up what I have here in order to give Malaysia a chance to be a home for me and lil. Somehow my life functions better without a man in the picture (I meant a serious partner. I still look forward to the company of yummilicious men. *winks*)

Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any more exciting.

ps: I hope there is no more drama this week. If it happens, I need another holiday, probably a trip to Tuscany. *rolling eyes*

Saturday, August 23, 2008

On a lighter note

Ok, enough feeling melancholic. Here are some interesting comments from people during this trip:

"U have an 8 year-old daughter?!?!" (scratching their heads)

"U are one hot mama" (from a girlfriend. Also the same person who explained MILF)

"Try to look like locals." (But I do look like one!!! Darn! The cab drivers were asking me stupid fares.)

"I like hanging out here, checking out people, the way they dress up, and when I'm lucky, I get to see a yummy mummy like today" (this is the closest I get of a compliment from a dear friend).

"It's the way you carry yourself. Ur selection of clothes, the way u walk, straight and not slouch, the look on ur face. Other people walk alone at the malls but u do it with an air of confidence". (On why people think I'm foreign.)

"I think you dated too many good looking men over there that when you come here, a handsome local guy in our eyes seems decent to you" (A friend commented on my reply on whether so and so is good looking or not. Maybe I need to get my eyes checked)

"U do realise that your first few sentences, u have the british accent. Then after a while when you know who is on the other side of the line, u speak like one of us." (by my Sifus aka The Senior Partner upon calling me using an unknown number)

"U dont need a man. If u want to have a baby, just ask for a catalogue. Less headache. Plus u get to choose the attributes" (from Mama Goodfood and Hubby on man/hubby/baby topic. A donor is a better option. Now, how do I explain to my parents if it happens. *LOL*)

"We think that ur decision was probably the best thing u had done. U look more radiant, joyful and full of life, even without a man." (came from my favourite couple, Mr and Mrs Cooper)

"U know, ur life may be like a roller coaster this year but u really manage to compartmentalise them well." (a girlfriend commenting on the things I've experienced this year and how I am dealing with them. She now has proven that I think like a man.)

The last two are not helping! No wonder our men dont look at me twice. They think I have a man in my life, when I dont! Hmm, do u think it'll help if I try to make myself look unhappy, needy, or better, a typical blonde babe? *LOL*

Clearly I dont need a man for whatever reason. I just want one, The One.

*in her own thoughts* am I jinxed or something? Cos each time a good catch passes along, timing is always off.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Of being a mother

My mother cried, asking for forgiveness if she has made me worried with her problems as she feels my burdens are greater than hers and for not being able to be there for me whenever I face a challenge...

I whispered to her ears, "mummy, you know I am strong.. All I need is your prayers."

My girl saw my tears, the first in a long time. Later in the car while driving, I could hear her crying. I turned back and saw her tears rolling down on her cheeks..

I held her tiny hands and said, "remember, we will always have each other. Dont be sad and dont worry about me. As long as we are together, Allah will always protect us."

Being strong is not an option to is a must...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A happy ending in every story

In a few days time, we will be going back, to a place that for now is home to both of us. Things will be back to reality. Back to the things that I am certain of. Being a single parent to a wonderful daughter, having a high flying career and the opportunity to make it big there. For now, those are the things that I have...

My holiday started low with some (un)expected events. My emotions were mixed, struggling to find where my life will lead me next. Some things remain unchanged, things that I have no control of. I tried my best to not let it interfere with my life by focussing on what I do best. So the past few weeks, a friend of mine opened up my eyes that my gift would probably be touching a person's life in a way that they need it at that point of time. She explained on why people still remember me, despite the years of absence. I have been bumping into people from the past and I could not recall them, yet they remember me and the little things I did.

And like every summer break in the movies, there will be an event that will make your holiday worthwhile. The last few days have been great, spending time with a new friend. I hope the person enjoyed my company as I did. Probably it was the highlight of my holiday. *smiles* and just like the movies, it will always come to end. For what its worth, I hope I have touched your life in a way you feel it best. Open your heart to new happiness within yourself and it will come to you.

Both me and Mini B look forward to go back, to our cosy flat. It may be nothing to what we have here but it is our home, where me and my lil girl build our memories together. A place full of love and laughter, always welcomes the company of good friends. Back to the things we love doing; a walk to the park, having coffee at Starbucks, hours at the book shop, making her favourite dishes (yes honey, I know you miss mummy's cooking)..

My holiday may have started low but like every story, it does have a happy ending... Thank you for making it memorable..

ps: this post is dedicated to House. Perhaps one day our paths will cross again.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Women on top

Take 1:

I went for a traditional malay massage, complete with hot stone pressed all over your body. Before the session commenced, the lady was surprised to know that I am a mother of one. Upon pulling down the batik cloth to massage my stomach, her jaws dropped, paused and said;
"Ya cantiknya badan Cik Puan!" (You have a beautiful body!)
When she continued with the massage, she kept saying that I have no fat. Even after the session ended, she told her supervisor and my mom that I have a nice body. Well, mom added that I eat a lot.
I felt like a beauty queen. *winks*

Take 2:
I went to the hospital for a medical check up. While filling the form, the nurse asked, "are you married miss?"
"I even have a daughter."
The nurses had a surprised look on their face.

Take 3:
My friend mentioned to her office mate, who used to work in the same department with me a few years back, that she was meeting me for dinner. The guy, known for his outspoken mind, said to my friend out loud, "Ms B, she's MILF". (kindly google the term if you have not heard of it, like I did until my friend explained it to me just now.)

I suppose all three should really make my day, among other things. Also, sorry for not being able to reply everyone's messages. Internet is damn slow!

ps: Yes Kak Teh, I am having fun! Miss u loads!

Pss: Why men (some) are just freakingly idiots??!!!! Breathe in breathe out.. I need some therapy.. can I secretly wish to dream both McDreamy and McSteamy tonite? *winks*

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Gossip & men

Many things happened over the last few days, both good and bad. Mostly good, thankfully.

My schedule has been very packed, back to back meeting. Managed to catch up with many friends, including the significant ones (it kind of makes me having a moment of emotional roller coaster).

On another note, met a good friend and hubby who were both in London a few months ago. The hub aka Mr Fairlady, told me that his friend has been telling everyone that he met the most happening lady in London. To my surprise, his friend meant me! WTH! We’ve only met few times while his friend was there on holiday. Of all people, I could be the most unhappening person. I seriously cant remember the last time I went out late nights, checking the cool places. Anyway, his friend told Mr Fairlady that if I am in town, he should let them (his circle of friends) know. I suppose Mr Fairlady wanted to see my stamp of approval. Mind you, they are very successful, above average looking and single.

Sigh. I don’t know. So far, I’ve managed to avoid dates. I mean, the men I’m hanging out these days are all close friends (ie the Significant Ones). One particular Little Fish has been very persistent. I tell you, these boys really don’t know when to slow down. Yup! BOYS! We are talking more than 5 years of gap! Probably I’ll let them take me out for breakfast. Safe option. *LOL*

At the moment, I am in no position to say nor decide anything. But if I were, it will be a tough one.

So please let me have a peaceful holiday, especially since the package includes yummy men. *LOL*

Ps: pls excuse Ms B. She is trying to cheer herself up as it is hard to change people’s perception. No matter how much you’ve achieved, the stigma is always there. Oh well, at least my Tods and Ferragamos aren’t fake. *winks*

Friday, August 01, 2008


I was so excited to write this post but got annoyed by the slow connection! I mean, I'm sure the broadband we have at home is many times of the speed to the one I'm using in London but seriously, I cant describe how slow the connection is.

Oh well, flight was smooth but I didnt eat at all as I wasnt feeling bright. Mom made super delicious food which compensated the 12 hrs fasting. Went to bed at 10pm and woke up 2 hrs later, jet lag obviously.

What else? Bro wants to bring me to watch Dark Night. Everyone says it's a great movie. He said, that's if no one has asked me out on a date to watch it. *LOL*

I think it'll be quiet the next few days as I will be busy preparing for my girl's birthday bash. Also, want to check out the big malls. (Momster, I'm taking ur advice to experience our shopping plcs).

ps: Mr Big texted out of the blue and I replied, saying that I just touched down. He really has strong 6th sense. *winks*