Thursday, April 26, 2007

Messy home

The little one has been stressed for the past few days. She started tidying up the house and stopped playing. She just refused to play or touch any of her toys. She said she didn’t want the house to be messy. When I coaxed her to play, she actually cried. She stopped playing. The house looked like a bachelor’s place, no sign of a kid living there. As if it lost its soul.

When she is down, she does these odd things. She doesn’t know how to express her anger or sadness. Usually, she does it by doing something differently. This was different. This was odd. This has been happening for the past few days and I was beginning to get worried.

Mum told me to be patient and wait for a few more days. So did the nanny. We all knew pretty well the cause of her sadness.

So yesterday when I got home, God knows how relief I felt when I saw the books and pencils scattered on the table. There she was, playing jigsaw puzzle with the nanny.

My baby is back and I know she is fine. Our house is full of life.

Going back to a messy home….priceless.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Men, people and change

I’m at office today. It’s Saturday by the way. The lil girl suddenly requested for a visit at my work place. So here we are. She’s next to me, doing her colouring while I’m just killing my time browsing the net. I might as well update this blog. I know it’s been a while. I’ve been very busy past weeks, getting a report out.

Let’s talk about men.

I find it really amusing that despite how powerful and intelligent a man is, they can be so brainless when it comes to relationship and love. Seriously. Sometimes, when I’m busy, I’m like a man. I shutdown myself from non-work related. So maybe I reply the sms or emails later than usual, or I don’t pick up phone calls because I’m stuck in a meeting or on the other line with a client. And suddenly, I am the bad guy? Like I committed a big crime? Hehhehe, oh well, maybe now they understand how women feel when they shutdown at us on ‘busy’ purpose. It is just so funny to be getting extra concern and attention, when there is actually nothing wrong with me. But hey, why not? I can pretend something huge has happened in my life. Maybe this extra TLC will last long.

As for people and change.

I know it’s hard to accept that some people will never change. Sometimes people are just too blind with love. They think, after a while, the person will get better and slowly the pain goes away. You just have to think positive. But patience also has its limit.

For how long will you endure yourself with an abusive partner, either physically or emotionally, or being with an adulterous partner? For how long will you allow the people who are supposed to be under your care be subject to torture from your so-called love? Seriously. Maybe I can understand if someone chose to be in that situation, so long as it doesn’t involve anyone else. But once it involves other people, especially little people, I really don’t know what to say. I really get annoyed reading kids being abused by people known to them, or worse, their own parents.

If you don’t love yourself enough, fine! Stick to that person, for better or for worse. But seriously….if kids are involved, if you love them enough, you’d do what’s best.

Pick up some courage… and move on.

Take care people! Hope you have a lovely weekend!

Ps: I’m trying hard to get the lil one out of this office! The weather is amazing today. Maybe ice-cream treat will do the trick.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Growing up

My brain is numb today. I lost my sense of writing, at a very crucial time! I am trying to wrap up a section of a report, a very important section, but I cant think! Crap! Both me and my neighbour is having a bad day, so we decided to get ourselves coffee downstairs. My colleague is more stressed out as she is flying to Spain tomorrow morning but she still has piles of work to be completed.

Luckily the weather has been brilliant for the past few days.

We went to the park yesterday. I practically had to drag the lil one out as she has been engrossed with her new play thing. I got her a laptop over the weekend. I promised her about 4 weeks ago but just couldn’t find a right time nor the right equipment. It was a lovely day. We just strolled, enjoying the sunshine, the ice-cream and ice mocha (for me of course). The park was packed with people, a common scene each time we get some sunshine.

This is why I love living in London. During spring and summer, we just chill out at the park.

Last weekend also brought me back down to memory lane.

I watched video clips of the lil one, when she was about 2 – 4 years. When most of her words were Malay and baby-talk. Unlike now, each time she speaks, it’s proper English sentence, with the Ps and Ts (please and thank you). When she looks like a baby boy, with her short hair. Now her hair is longer than mine, bouncy brown curls, with very girlish features. The times when life was difficult for both of us, compare to now when things are just beyond my dreams.

I hope I have not missed her growing up…and I pray I get to see more of her each day. I wish she becomes a better person than me.

ps: Enjoy the song!

How to Save a Life - Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Being a woman

It’s good to talk to someone who actually listens. They may not understand, but they listen. Sometimes that is the only thing you need when things don’t go your way. You just need to know that even when the whole world hates you, at least someone cares enough to listen.

Most times, people open themselves to me. Maybe they think I can understand or perhaps I just listen. I’m not exactly a good listener. I think it’s due to million of things rumbling inside my mind and I just cant get it out. But I try to understand.

People have different ways in coping with a broken heart. I had my fair share of difficult moments. Sometimes there is a big atmosphere of loneliness and you just do whatever means to cope with it. I don’t criticise how my friends intend to nurse their broken heart. What I can give is my thoughts.

If you want love in your life, you must learn to love yourself first. This is one of the hardest lessons I learnt. It took me a while to figure that out. Most of the time, I am a mom. There are times I feel I need a man in my life to fill the gap. Reality is, I don’t need a man to remind myself that I am a woman.

I enjoy going to the salon, get my hair done, get waxed, all the heavenly body treatment. I buy nice clothes (usually office suits) and matching shoes. I have my mocha on the weekends. I dress up when I go out with my girl or with my female friends. All because it makes me happy. I learn to love myself. It makes me more womanly than ever!

Despite having McDreamy or Mr Milan, my rule is, never let them be a burden to you (and obviously to your heart!). Maybe I am just lucky that these men have what it takes to be a man. They don’t mess up with your life! For what it’s worth, if they bring out the best out of you, just appreciate your days together.

So whenever a girlfriend complains the lack of love (ie men) in her life and intends to proceed with whoever comes first, I always tell them, make sure that he is worth it. There is no point having crappy men. It just brings more misery.

Ps: I spent my Easter helping McDreamy with his coursework at the library! Maybe I should consider taking MBA (but I seriously don’t know how to juggle between my girl, work and study at the same time).

Pss: I have been on shopping spree lately. Ferragamo handbag, Bally shoes, Ralph Lauren for my girl, etc. It actually feels good. Weird!

Thursday, April 05, 2007


I have a few hours to go before my flight to London. It’s been tiring, travelling at early hours in the morning, meetings lined up during the day, late nights, catching the evening flight back to home. Try doing it for a few weeks! Thankfully, it’s a long weekend this week. I’m looking forward to more sleep, hugging my teddy bear. I hope she wants to sleep in like I do. But knowing my girl, the moment she wakes up, she is full of energy. The only way I can tie her down is by agreeing to watch her favourite DVDs and I can cuddle next to her while we watch.

About truth….

My life is full of drama, sometimes is even mirroring some tv series! I find it quite strange as I find myself very composed. I’m a serious freak. My time is split between my lil girl and my career (back home, it also includes family). Thus, there is very little space for myself. There’s no fun in my life, which is why I envy my close friends and siblings as they are more care-free than me. My best friend takes the most dangerous ride in Aussie many many times! I on the other hand, try hard to avoid theme parks. Oh yeah, I don’t do sports. None! Not even to the gym.

But yet, people seem to find my life interesting, especially when it comes to fairy tale. Things that they could only dream or fantasise after watching a film or tv series.

Straight to the jackpot…

I have McDreamy. The guy who has been there for you, builds up your strength during the difficult times, lets you breakdown in front of him and nurses you, brings out the best out of you, makes you think you have more potential than you’d imagine, someone who can take your crappiness and actually lets you kick his ass (literally) if he does make mistakes, then you eventually fall in love with him, even after knowing you don’t have a future together.

Sucks, huh?

Even when I have this fairy tale going (which I must admit too good to be true!), I still cant let go of McDreamy. My lil girl can see stars in my eyes each time she mentions McDreamy’s name.


I think I should stop watch these romantic dramas. I’m beginning to act out exactly like the plot.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Sweet lies...

"No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie."

We lie for many reasons, to protect our family and friends, to protect a child’s innocence. Sometimes to protect our own heart. We chose to ignore what our heart desires because we believe it is the best thing to do.

So what do you do? To follow your heart or being practical.

In my case, I’m hurting both ways…. But it hurts more when I’m lying to my heart….