Women on top

Take 1:

I went for a traditional malay massage, complete with hot stone pressed all over your body. Before the session commenced, the lady was surprised to know that I am a mother of one. Upon pulling down the batik cloth to massage my stomach, her jaws dropped, paused and said;
"Ya cantiknya badan Cik Puan!" (You have a beautiful body!)
When she continued with the massage, she kept saying that I have no fat. Even after the session ended, she told her supervisor and my mom that I have a nice body. Well, mom added that I eat a lot.
I felt like a beauty queen. *winks*

Take 2:
I went to the hospital for a medical check up. While filling the form, the nurse asked, "are you married miss?"
"I even have a daughter."
The nurses had a surprised look on their face.

Take 3:
My friend mentioned to her office mate, who used to work in the same department with me a few years back, that she was meeting me for dinner. The guy, known for his outspoken mind, said to my friend out loud, "Ms B, she's MILF". (kindly google the term if you have not heard of it, like I did until my friend explained it to me just now.)

I suppose all three should really make my day, among other things. Also, sorry for not being able to reply everyone's messages. Internet is damn slow!

ps: Yes Kak Teh, I am having fun! Miss u loads!

Pss: Why men (some) are just freakingly idiots??!!!! Breathe in breathe out.. I need some therapy.. can I secretly wish to dream both McDreamy and McSteamy tonite? *winks*

Gossip & men

Many things happened over the last few days, both good and bad. Mostly good, thankfully.

My schedule has been very packed, back to back meeting. Managed to catch up with many friends, including the significant ones (it kind of makes me having a moment of emotional roller coaster).

On another note, met a good friend and hubby who were both in London a few months ago. The hub aka Mr Fairlady, told me that his friend has been telling everyone that he met the most happening lady in London. To my surprise, his friend meant me! WTH! We’ve only met few times while his friend was there on holiday. Of all people, I could be the most unhappening person. I seriously cant remember the last time I went out late nights, checking the cool places. Anyway, his friend told Mr Fairlady that if I am in town, he should let them (his circle of friends) know. I suppose Mr Fairlady wanted to see my stamp of approval. Mind you, they are very successful, above average looking and single.

Sigh. I don’t know. So far, I’ve managed to avoid dates. I mean, the men I’m hanging out these days are all close friends (ie the Significant Ones). One particular Little Fish has been very persistent. I tell you, these boys really don’t know when to slow down. Yup! BOYS! We are talking more than 5 years of gap! Probably I’ll let them take me out for breakfast. Safe option. *LOL*

At the moment, I am in no position to say nor decide anything. But if I were, it will be a tough one.

So please let me have a peaceful holiday, especially since the package includes yummy men. *LOL*

Ps: pls excuse Ms B. She is trying to cheer herself up as it is hard to change people’s perception. No matter how much you’ve achieved, the stigma is always there. Oh well, at least my Tods and Ferragamos aren’t fake. *winks*

Touchdown

I was so excited to write this post but got annoyed by the slow connection! I mean, I'm sure the broadband we have at home is many times of the speed to the one I'm using in London but seriously, I cant describe how slow the connection is.

Oh well, flight was smooth but I didnt eat at all as I wasnt feeling bright. Mom made super delicious food which compensated the 12 hrs fasting. Went to bed at 10pm and woke up 2 hrs later, jet lag obviously.

What else? Bro wants to bring me to watch Dark Night. Everyone says it's a great movie. He said, that's if no one has asked me out on a date to watch it. *LOL*

I think it'll be quiet the next few days as I will be busy preparing for my girl's birthday bash. Also, want to check out the big malls. (Momster, I'm taking ur advice to experience our shopping plcs).

ps: Mr Big texted out of the blue and I replied, saying that I just touched down. He really has strong 6th sense. *winks*

Pre-holiday

Think I'm done packing. Just need to tidy the house a bit and off to the nearest cafe to have light meal. Luckily I decided to take the day off. Usually I still go to work if I'm catching the evening flight. Hopefully it will be a smooth journey.

Take care everyone!

Of waxing and holiday

Today at my usual beauty salon:

Beautician: Is it ok to have your daughter in here?

Me: Yes. Why not?

Beautician: You are here for Brazilian wax, right?

Huh? Luckily she asked, otherwise I’d have spent my Sunday in pain. *LOL* Anyway, not that my girl isn’t used to it. I think she has seen too many jungles each time she and her BFF (best friend forever) go for their swim. The women at the changing room bare all! The girls have fun commenting on them.

Besides, she knows I do it on my own. Only when I want to pamper myself, I get the professional to do it. I don’t think there is any difference between doing it on your own or spend an extra £15-30 for each treatment. Well, perhaps when it comes to, ehem certain difficult angles. If you are planning to wear a Brazilian bikini, then it’s a wise choice to get the professional. Otherwise, if you do it right, you can pass wearing a normal bikini.

Is it getting hot in here? *winks* Trust me. It’s the weather. It has been really warm these days. The past two days, I wore my beach style dresses with slippers. Wanted to wear sandals but knowing I had to finish my shopping list along Regent Street to Oxford Street, I resorted to slippers.

I’m 80% packed. Mini B is excited, more because she wants to see her friends and her second birthday bash. This year, her party here was more matured than last year. We had it at the bowling centre. I took the party package; an hour of bowl followed by party, complete with goodie bag. Stress-free. Last year, her theme was Pirates of the Caribbean.

As for me, I am actually looking forward to go home. I sense that it will be an interesting one, opportunities to explore.

Also, I am looking forward to see a few fellow bloggers, especially Simah as we have been gossiping tru the phone all these time, as well as D who indirectly knows me tru Simah and Kak Teh. Insya-Allah, we’ll meet.

Not my time

Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and love and all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the currents slowly pulling me down
It's getting harder to breath
It won't be too long and I'll be going under
Can you save me from this

It's not my time, I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh, I won't go

I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
All this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have, it's what we believe

It might be more than you believe
It might be something you can't see

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you can see

I won't go!
No I wooooon't gooooo down!

Dreaming of you...

She's tough. She tries to hide it. She's difficult. But if you make an effort, she's worth it. She's worth the effort.

People keep telling that I look radiant and full of life, or from those who listen to my tone of voice, I sound chirpy and smiling ear to ear. Apparently they can sense my smile through the way I speak. People seem to think that I am in love.

I dont think I am in a relationship. I mean, I am not seeing anyone exclusively. I have friends, tho these days I am re-arranging my patterns. I am keeping my distance from negative minded people. They are pretty contagious. A friend said, it can be lonely at the top. I am learning my lesson but at least I am grateful to have my girl by my side.

People always underestimate me. Instead of letting them continue bugging my life, I slowly disengage myself from them. Perhaps some people love living on others’ misery. Like a leech, instead of sucking blood, they suck our soul and spirit.

Anyway, I can spend ages writing about the leeches but I rather use my time to say how good it is to have a friend who supports your dream. Funny enough, I told my desire to achieving something to two people. One simply laugh at it (ok, maybe not to that extreme, more like a smirk from the tone of voice), the other gave a very sound advice, pushing me towards achieving it.

I choose the latter.

Now I know you are the reason why I am smiling these days. Unknowingly, you have been touching my life all these while. I shall hold on to that dream.

ps: can I secretly wish of dreaming of you? *winks*

Love, loss and loneliness

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
Namun ini hanya ada di bibir
Di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
Walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban di hidupku
Biarkan saja biar saja
Hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
Penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
Untuk tetap kuberdiri

Oh! ada saatnya kubicara
Bila hatiku t'lah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
Aku tetap diam

“Don’t you feel lonely with just you and your daughter here?”

Back then, I was surrounded by many people. I was constantly meeting them. It was the loneliest time I ever felt. To keep myself not feeling that way, I ensured my mind was preoccupied. First it was the education, then the career together with professional exam, subsequently the lil one came along and I juggled between her and my career.

It was the hectic lifestyle that made me feel less lonely.

Somehow, being away from people, having time for myself, not having to meet people’s expectations, make me feel at peace. Through my girl’s eyes, I learn that simplicity is the key to love and happiness. For all what we went through and the things that we are blessed now, always the simple stuffs that bond us together. Walking together to school, hanging out at the park, saying “love you” while she’s busy playing with her games (wii/ds lite/pc) and expecting me to say it back, the hugs and cuddles whenever we can etc.

Your love and faith has brought us this far, and it will lead us further. And now, when you are about to celebrate your birthday, remember that you will always be my baby girl. May all your wishes come true. May all your prayers are heard. And yes my dear, if mummy gets married, you will have the honour to hold my veil.

Gossip & hubby material

Come to think of it, the only reason I love watching Gossip Girl is the love that these two have for each other, even after 20 years! The scene when Rufus gave Lily away on her wedding (literally speaking) would have been the sweetest moment these two will ever share.

Speaking of gossips, rumours has it that I’m going to X city for an assignment. The truth is I don’t even know that I am part of the team. But hey, any news is still good, right? It shows that people think of me. *smiles*

Had an interesting text exchange with Mr Big:

Me: Your boss, The Armani Man, is really yummy. For his age, he looks really damn good.
Mr Big: Tell me about it. He’s quite a candy hubby material.
Me: Yeah. Tall, lean body, handsome looking in a suit to die for! Seriously yummy.
(I actually asked Mr Big if he could help me out. *LOL*)

Another interesting conversation with mom. She tried to promote someone through the phone! Told her that if I decide to get married, preferably he’s a friend i.e. someone I can talk to (of course it’s a bonus if he comes with a certain package.) *winks* In the last two months, including mom, quite a number of people think that I’m getting married soon (i.e. this year). If this keeps going, even I myself will end up believing. Oh yeah, even my horoscope said the same thing! “It’s a good year for your soul-mate to appear”. Something along those lines.

Goosebumps all over but who wouldn’t want a candy man, especially when he respects you as a person, a woman and a friend? Someone who protects your values and virtues.

Now, that’s totally priceless.

Anything but ordinary

“Why do I have to apologise for being successful?”

I met a young woman today. Only 22 years of age, and she is already a successful businesswoman. She is here on holiday, taking some time off from work (after ensuring future revenues are secured). I told her that she should be proud of herself. More than half of my friends around my age are nowhere close to where she is now.

When she shared her story of how hard it was when she first started her business, I could see she was trying to keep her tears from flowing. She related on how her friends looked down at her for not achieving the paper qualifications and for judging the way she appears when her values are much stronger and intact compare to her friends. Somehow, the woman who was sitting opposite me reminded me of me.

Now, when she has achieved this far, she feels she no longer has friends. I told her to not undervalue herself. As long as you put your heart and soul into something you believe in, and have a conscious mind that it is for the greater good, you will go far. She should be proud of her success, being able to come here on holiday for a few months, taking extra course to fill up her time and buying high end items for her family. The more you give, the more you receive. I believe her life is blessed because she shares it with her family.

So I shared my story with her.

I work with a large corporation, with presence worldwide. In my department, female makes up to 20% and from Director and below, only 4 of us are mothers. Of course I am proud with my achievement. We shouldn’t feel guilty for our success. We work hard for it. We earn it. Never let anyone make you think unworthy of your own success. Never let anyone pull your spirits down.

On a lighter note, I am now a proud owner of a Tods handbag. I hardly go to Tods as the price after sales is still way costly than a Ferragamo. But I went, found a nice one and took it (after much persuasion from Ms Versatile!). Even my sifus agreed it was a well deserved treat.

Always remember that you are anything but ordinary.

Of a wish

Sometimes you make a wish. And a wish falls as “a desire, longing, or strong inclination for a specific thing”. I made some wishes and best to say that, one by one, it was realised.

There are times that you just have to follow your gut feeling, trashing away all advice from your so-called friends and the “what ifs”. As humans, we analyse too much. As women, we do that twice more.

We are responsible for our own happiness. We have to trust our heart. Even when others fail to see, as long we know, that is all that matters. Some things are best left unspoken. As long as you both know it is there, it makes your day. It makes life more meaningful.

I had my wish granted today. I had some good news to share and all I could think of, how nice it'd be to have a good friend around. And I did, even if it was a short visit.

Counting my blessings each day.

Two become one

Booth: Here we are, all of us basically lone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some they just give up hope, because in their mind they think: "Oh, there is nobody out there for me." But all of us we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while, every once in a while two people meet and there is that spark. And yes Bones, he is handsome and she is beautiful and maybe that's all they see at first. But making love, making love, that's when two people become one.

Bones: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.

Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right we get close.

Friendship revisit

"Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives." The Zahir: Paulo Coelho

I read the book a few months ago but somehow, recent events reminded me the above statement. I have this feeling that some people are not happy with the good things in my life at the moment.

There are times that you just can’t be bothered with some friends. Then again, if the above statement is true, are they exactly your true friends?

I believe we are capable to achieve the impossible dreams, or even better, our wish list. The only thing that is stopping us is ourselves, specifically, our minds. Good things do not come easily. I worked hard for the promotion. I had my fair share of late nights, thorough self review, taking more responsibilities from my directors etc. I have been managing home affairs on my own ever since the lil one came into my life. I know it took me longer than others to get recognised but I feel the time is right. I am in a better position to balance both roles, being a mother and climbing the career ladder.

It helps when you are surrounded by successful friends; Mrs Rock, Mrs Dior, Ms Versatile, Mr Milan, The Godfather etc. Every little thing helps, from treating us dinner to taking care of my lil one when I am away.

I am grateful for all the good things in my life; a lovely daughter, a good (or great) career and a dear friend (yet to be defined). Yet, it amazes me when people say things that make me feel I don’t deserve them.

Maybe I should consider the meaning of friendship. Maybe I should consider who should be my friends. I think I need a mental break from these people.

Seriously.

To be thankful

Today, I am thankful for people started to congratulate me for my promotion. From my peers to the top, and the compliments were sincere, spoken from the heart, with soft tone of the voice and the look from their eyes. I was not around when the announcement was made, thus I am touched that these people remembered.

Today, I am thankful that we are given a token of appreciation for our hard work. I guess we can call it as mid year bonus. It came just few months after we had our bonus. For people at my level, it is not much but I am sure it meant a big deal to our secretaries and staff. Still, getting free money is always good and like what best friend said, it covers my ridiculous amount of shopping for the past 2 weeks (hey, it is the sale season! My favourite brands were selling at 70% off). I have also treated myself a new purse after few years of wishing and browsing. An elegant white Loewe purse. It goes perfectly well with the new white Ferragamo handbag.

Today, I am thankful for having good friends around. I took Mrs Rock and family out last week to celebrate my good fortune. Today, the kids played at my home until 9pm. Mr & Mrs Rock waited patiently at my place so that the kids enjoyed themselves. My mom always says that having visitors at home brings blessing.

Today, I am thankful for a dear friend is thinking of me, that I am in his thoughts. Regardless how busy he is and whichever continent he may be, he drops me a line. Tho secretly, I was wishing for him to do so as I was missing our friendship. Also, who wouldn’t mind to get warm and fuzzy messages, right? *winks*

Today, I am thankful for everything that I have and I look forward for more good things to come.

Right person vs timing

Sepi



Sometimes it is all about timing. You could probably meet the right person but circumstances make it impractical or impossible to be together. You probably were with another person or vice versa, live in another city (or country) or have other (achievable) things to think of. Sometimes, you have fallen for that person all these while and only realise it at a much later stage of your life. Sometimes, no matter how strong you feel for each other, you know you are best being friends.

Giving without expecting. To love unconditionally...But somehow.. the more you give, the more you receive... We just need to have faith in it.

ps: Why do I feel that I can relate myself to this movie even when I know the possibility of watching it is very remote????

Definitely Maybe

Another movie recommended by a friend...



Somehow I have this strong feeling that the lil one will lead me to my soul mate. She is the best thing that has ever happened in my life; my happy ending in the previous chapter, and also the new beginning of a new one.

Good night my lil angel. Love you always and forever...

The verses of love

A dear friend suggested me to watch this movie.



Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segersang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara
Cinta yang rumit

Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekadar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung
Kupertaruhkan

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu

Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus kutinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud

The Fringe Benefits of Failure

Excerpt from JK Rowling speech at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni:
.......
Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

......

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

......
Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

........

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

............
One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

......
So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom: As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

Full speech can be found at:
http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html

Viva La Vida

I should feel ecstatic that I found out about my promotion officially today or that I met the prominent business figure for an important deal. Instead, it took me off guard that the thing that made me smiled the whole day was the meeting with the financial advisor (for the business figure) aka The Banker.

They arrived early and my MD asked me to keep them company while waiting. There were only two of them and I couldn’t help noticing how yummy The Banker was. Too yummy that I forgot to give my business card!

The Banker: Do you have your business card with you?
MI: Yes.
The Banker: Well, can I have it? *with a gorgeous smile*

At that point, I felt like smacking my head. I couldn’t believe I could be so blur in the presence of a handsome looking man.

He comes from mixed parentage, very European look and clearly speaks 2 to 3 languages (he grew up in one of the posh areas in UK and now lives in another European city). Taller than me, could be almost 6 feet (I’m 5 feet 6-7, with heels add 2 more inches). Nice lean body, maybe equivalent to Tom Cruise.

Check list, no RING (very important, right? *winks*) . Wears a fine Breitling watch and definitely a smart suit (could be from Saville, yeah Lee?). He is almost 40 but like they say, 40 is the new 30s (he actually quoted that).

Oh well, it was an awesome day. Of course I feel great about the promotion but I was really surprised that what actually made my day was the presence of a seriously yummilicious guy. Clearly I love my life!

Viva La Vida everyone!

Compartmentalising and lying

It was Father’s day on Sunday and funny enough, I stumbled into these two articles published on the same day:

1. Sex on demand:
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2008/6/15/lifefocus/21459006&sec=lifefocus
A fubu is someone that you have a relationship with which is not committed, but if you want sex, he is there for you. But the fubu can be the partner of another person too.
This is the new age in which hedonism and nihilism reign supreme. Morality has been tossed into the rear seat. Pleasure has taken over the wheel and is taking young Malaysians on a wild ride on the fast lane.

2. Have a fine affair, Dad
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/rachel_campbell_johnston/article4136727.ece
Overall, 47% of married men are likely to get involved with someone else and 35% of married women. “They can’t all be bad people so, faced with these statistics, I set out to try to understand why so many perfectly decent men and women are unfaithful and identified 17 reasons why people have affairs.”
“It’s because they’re good people that they lie awake at night feeling guilty and scared, agonising about how to avoid hurting the people they care about,” Kirshenbaum says.
“and while women are better at lying, men are brilliant at compartmentalising. They think that if the infidelity was in Bradford with a waitress and they’ve brought the kids presents and the wife flowers, then it doesn’t count.”

One of the conversations I had with my girl friends is that, no matter where we are or how “posh” we appear, some things remain unchanged. Putting religion aside, some things are just against our values. Yet, we are always judged of being the opposite. If we treat ourselves with respect, then we earn the respect from others.

Oh well, call us romantic fools but I believe intimacy should come after love and respect. Even Doc Love aka Uncle Lee will agree on this.

Unless of course if the guy happens to be Patrick Dempsey. *LOL* *smack my own head*.

Stepping outside

"Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head and remind yourself of who you are. And where you want to be. And sometimes you have to venture outside your world in order to find yourself."

You know you (almost) made it when you are the key contact person between your Managing Directors and a prominent business figure back home. It was definitely a great day, better than having a man (even yummy men to some extent). *winks*

To think that I almost gave up all of these for uncertain promises.

My single 30 something girl friends think I am lucky. While all of us have great career, I have a daughter to share it with. I must say that sharing my success with her is more satisfying than having a companion. I guess the fact that we have always stick together, through thick and thin, makes us closer and appreciate life more than others. We all have different benchmark set in life and I do feel that I could have achieved more. Instead of trying to meet people’s expectation, I decided to throw them away and do what is practical and best for me and my girl. Slowly, but surely, I will climb that ladder, at my own pace, without the expense of my lil girl.

There are many things that I am grateful for. Living here is one of them. As much as I am missing home (more because of the Nasi Lemak Kerang, Kari Kepala Ikan etc), my Sifus are right. I can gain more by staying here longer, at least for another year.

For me, it is all about balancing motherhood and being a woman.

Ps: I need to curb this shopping temptation! Just when I thought I had enough of shopping, I walked past my favourite suits’ shop and they are on sales. The average suits of £400+ are going under £200! How many suits does a woman need, especially when she just purchased 3 in less than 2 months? *winks*

Expectations

"But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives."

Taking chances

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular.


"Does he love me?"

"You are asking the wrong question. What you need to know is are you in a position to give him the love he needs. And whatever happens or doesn't happen will be equally gratifying. Knowing that you are capable of love is enough. If it isn't him, it will be someone else. You've discovered a wellspring; simply allow it to flow and it will fill your world. Don't wait to be certain before you take a step. What you give, you will receive although it might sometimes come from the place you least expect"

The land (and house)

What would you do when he tells you that he's purchasing a piece of land, and eventually building the house..? Even after not meeting nor speaking properly to you for more than a few months...

It is not helping when he still calls you by the sweet nicknames....

I cant afford to be emotionally drained again. I just wish you let me go.

note:
Thank you Mr Big for listening to my ramblings (even when there was a queue outside your room when we were on the phone). As much as I should be thrilled for knowing that a land has been bought, you and I both know that it doesn’t matter. And once again, you always make time to listen. When the time comes, I will tell you about the new guy.

Men may come and go but you are still there for me. I am counting my blessings.

*thinking* I'm watching too much Grey's. Sigh...

The date (or not so)?

The moment I received his text saying he has arrived, I started to panic. At one point, I wanted to call it off. But how could I as all these while, we always meet up whenever he is in town.

That night we met. I decided to upgrade my outfit. Instead the regular jeans and plain t shirt I always wear each time we hang out, I chose the new floral dress (which I bought just for this summer and trip back home). It is knee length, A-shape, slim cutting. It looks very demure and sweet (bro says so. I trust his words). Still, I didn’t wear any make up. Just a little bit of lip gloss. I was still in my plain Jane mode, just wearing a dress instead.

I was a nervous wreck. I rehearsed what to say over and over inside my head for the last few days. Yet, that night, the moment our eyes set on to each other, I lost my words. Somehow, the feeling of being at home was the right way to describe.

And it was the best three days I ever had. Being in a company of a dear friend.

Do you know the feeling of being on cloud nine, the spark you feel for someone, the chemical reaction etc. The feeling you usually have when you are going out with someone you really like/fancy/love .

Well, honestly speaking, I didn’t feel any of the above. As far as I remember, in the last 11 years of dating or in a relationship, I usually have those feelings with the guys I adore. Now it makes me wonder, since the relationships failed, could it be the feelings was not a strong indicator to make judgement?

The past few days, I reflected our dates. Somehow, we are new to this i.e. dating each other, yet, the way we were behaving, from dining out to trying to catch a movie at two different cinemas (the tix sold out), it was as if we have been a couple for a long time. The comfort feeling. Just being ourselves.

A few months ago, I decided to focus my energy and mind on my own wellbeing. I had enough of the McDreamy types and didn’t want anyone around. In other words, I stopped looking and focussed on my inner happiness. I never felt calmer.

But he showed up. Well, he didn’t show up, he has always been there. But somehow, this time, I noticed him and vice versa. Since he is a friend, I made it clear that I am not ready to be emotionally attached to anyone.

And what makes it weirder, I realise he has the qualities I always wish for in a man (and I know these men never exist!). He is a simple, straight forward person. He may hold a senior post, but he prefers simplicity when it comes to stuffs. From cars to clothes to food. He has only one watch, just like me! (I had mine for 10 years and only changed it this year cos the Godfather gave me a new one as a birthday gift). And he finds it interesting that I am a girl who enjoys her regular morning breakfast, teh tarik and roti canai at the usual mamak, eating there all by herself while reading the newspaper. It’s my routine each time I go back.

Like I said, I am not ready to be emotionally attached. So I will not fall (or trying hard not to). All I can say is that, the past few days, I felt I was at home.

ps: Of course it is a bonus that he is a "Candy Man". *winks*

Lead the way

I’m leaving tonight
Going somewhere deep inside my mind
I close my eyes slowly
Flowin’ away slowly
But I know I’ll be alright
It’s coming stronger to me
And I know someone is out there
Lead the way Lead the way
Show me the answers I need to know

What I’m gonna live for
What I’m gonna die for
Who you gonna fight for
I can’t answer that

All my life/love it is
It is all my love
All my life/love it is
I know it is a life to live lately
From above I hear
I hear the sound of them sinkin’
I feel numb, I’m alive
I know I’m getting closer

My life has had it’s share of troubles
And now I found a place to go
I’ve said goodbye to all my troubles
’cause now I’ve find my place to go

I have done this before. I have been on a date for a few times. Yet this time, I am nervous and cant think straight. Even working like crazy last week is nothing compare to what will come for the next few days.

I just dont want to lose a beautiful friendship.

For the first time, I actually remember all the times we spent together. From the first time we met, to the times I went back after graduation, to my first few months moving here.

Did fate play with our cards? Guess I wouldnt know until I give it a try.

Wet Wet Wet

It was a hectic week. Midnight runs from Tuesday to Thursday due to submission. Got home after 1am, called best friend during the cab ride and continued just before I went to bed. I think I slept at 3am. Took Friday off to spend time with my girl and brother (he’s around for a few weeks). We went to Oxford st, shopping what else. *smiles*

On Saturday, we headed to Legoland with Ms Versatile and brother’s friend. Despite a few hiccups (I forgot to print the confirmation email and went to the office at 7AM to do so! The ticketing officer said Legoland was closed but she got it mistaken with Windsor Castle. Duh!), we reached there around 11ish. The “adults” wanted to try the cool rides, leaving me and my girl exploring the places together. But little did they know that we got the awesome rides.

We took the river splash. “It will take you on a wet and wild voyage, surging down churning rapids and through a fantasy Viking world constructed by nearly two million LEGO® bricks. Watch out for Nidhogg, the terrible dragon with a staggering six metre wingspan or the four meter long Midgard sea serpent and prepare to get wet!” On the same ride, there was a father with his 8 year old boy (very cute, the boy I meant. *smiles*).

The second ride we took was the pirate falls. “Heed the warning of the LEGO Pirates and creatures as you make your way along the Pirate Falls River deep in the Wild Woods, for there is a something big coming your way! Prepare for a soaking!” Anyway, while queuing for the ride, the same parent-boy was in front of us (about 10 metres ahead). The boy kept asking us to join them. At this point, I was absolutely sure that he had a huge crush on my girl. Cute, eh? Since the ride itself can accommodate 4 people, I took his offer. I think the dad was quite embarrassed with his son’s persistence. But hey, no guts no glory, eh? After the ride, the boy asked whether we’d want to join them the whole day but I had to decline cos Ms Versatile wanted to join us.

All in all, we were soaked! Lil enjoyed herself, especially seeing her mom got wet. We managed to watch the “Revenge of the Aztec Queen” and lil got onto other rides. We left at about 5pm and reached London by 6pm, just in time for dinner but none of us could eat as we were too knackered.

Next time, make sure you bring a rain coat and swim suit for the lil ones.

Pole dancing and falling in love

I did the pole dancing.

Not that “pole dancing”, but the Maypole dance. (what were you thinking?)

Maypole dancing is a form of folk dance from western Europe, especially England, Sweden and Germany, with two distinctive traditions. In the most widespread, dancers perform circle dances around a tall pole which is decorated with garlands, painted stripes, flowers, flags and other emblems. In the second, dancers dance in a circle each holding a coloured ribbon attached to a much smaller pole; the ribbons are intertwined and plaited either on to the pole itself or into a web around the pole. The dancers may then retrace their steps exactly in order to unravel the ribbons.
Yesterday, the children at Mini MI’s school performed their dance, from nursery to Year 6. Mini MI’s class did the Virginia Reel dance, a folk dance that dates from the 17th century. Though the reel may have its origins in Scottish country dance and the Highland reel, and perhaps have an even earlier influence from an Irish dance called the Rinnce Fada, it is generally considered to be an English country dance. I think it took them more than a month to learn and practice the steps. It was much more difficult than the one she performed last year. The kids had so much fun dancing and they did it really well.

The highlight was of course the Maypole dance, which was performed by Year 6. As described above, it is not an easy dance and the kids really did a splendid job! After the performance, they invited the parents to give it ago and me being me (or probably the state of mind I am experiencing for the past few weeks), I went for it. Dancing around the pole with other mothers, all giggled and smiled. I felt like a child, for just being able to let go and seize the moment.

When the performance ended, the kids went back to their class. As I entered her classroom, her class teacher said, “let’s clap to mini MI’s mummy for dancing just now”. She was so proud of it, shown all over her face, all because her mom danced. It was a moment that both of us will cherish.

As for falling in love, remember my posting back some time ago, that one day I shall get that dream? No, it was not referring to a man but rather a car, a Bentley to be precise. Yup, today we went to our fav shopping place in Oxford with a Bentley! The Godfather took us there. A convertible Bentley and at one point, we had the roof down and mini MI laughed out loud. Who says that dreams do not come true? Mine was adjusted but still, what are the chances of me getting a ride on a Bentley? I was smiling ear to ear.

Anyway, as for the shopping part, we shopped until we dropped! Girls will be girls, eh?

What am I gonna say..

I've been awake for a while now.
You've got me feeling like a child now.
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face,
I get the tingles in a silly place.

It starts in my toes,
And I crinkle my nose.
Wherever it goes I'll always know,
That you make me smile.
Please stay for a while now.
Just take your time,
Wherever you go.

The rain is falling on my window pane,
But we are hiding in a safer place.
Under covers staying safe and warm.
You give me feelings that I adore.

What am I gonna say...
When you make me feel this way...
I just... mmm

I've been asleep for a while now.
You tucked me in just like a child now.
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms,
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth.

It starts in my soul,
And I lose all control.
When you kiss my nose,
The feeling shows.
'Cause you make me smile.
Baby just take your time now,
Holding me tight.

Wherever you go, I always know,
'Cause you make me smile even just for a while.

Addison: I want to hear you say it out loud.
Pete: You didn't move down here because I kissed you.
Addison: [walks away] Thank you.
Pete: You so moved down here because I kissed you.

*in her own thoughts* remind me why have I decided to take this trip back home (besides that it is paid for)?

Shall we dance?

Mini MI : Mummy, are you coming to my dance?
MI : I dont know baby. I hope so.
Mini MI : Let me write a letter to your boss. “Dear Mummy’s boss. Please let her come to my dance this Friday. From Mini MI.”

I already told my secretary to block half day leave in my diary and my Director knew it too. So today I told him about the letter. He laughed and said I will definitely have to go to my lil girl’s party. Even he couldn’t resist my girl’s adorableness.

Of another dance, according to Lee’s rating guide, I know I am a “more than 5” lady *cough, chuckles* (give me a chance to go inside the lift and press the button, yeah? heheh). On average, I usually look like a 7, on an excellent day i.e. when I have a big meeting, with fine wool skirt suit and a city fitting shirt, nice combination of make-up and pray to God that my hair will be on her best side, I will look like an 8 and a half.

As I know where I stand, the choices of men are usually at par or even less. Except for Mr Milan (for his age, he looks really damn good. He is definitely an 8), the rest of the men (past and present) are 7 and below. On occasion when an 8 or a 9 comes into the picture, I always “hide” myself by showing the plain jane mode. I brush away any potential crush as I know I am not in their league. No matter how many times my beloved two best friends and the Buddy say otherwise, I still have that tiny feeling of not being at par.

So when suddenly, a 9 appears, a definite Candy Man (as endorsed by many people), I am still struggling with the idea of a proper date. Hell, I have done this before! Why suddenly I feel that I am going to be tongue twisted when the date actually happens? Gessh...I seriously feel like I am in high school. You worry about what to wear, shades of make-up to go with your attire, which perfume etc.

Is it because that he has known you for a long time? He has seen you transformed from being a girl to a woman and a mother. He knows all the “scars” and “wounds”, and how you heal them. The idea of going out with someone who has seen you growing up (more than any of your family members!) makes it awkward?

I think too much. I deserve to go out with a Candy Man (and I better make sure that I look like a hot babe on our date). I have to be more “zen”.

The Buddy said the way I call these men is as if they are food. Of course! Who wouldn’t bite yummilicious men? Wouldnt you agree with me on this, ladies? *winks*

Candyman anyone?

It was a choice of writing “big love” (affairs which are common these days), the book that I’m currently reading or an incident that annoyed me today. I chose to talk about men.

"You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done! All the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cares? I was done. You left me. I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."

Obviously when people think that they have broken up, some of us choose to cry our lungs out and be in the sorrow state. Some try to be positive and move on. I choose to achieve a well defined target which will lead to a balanced lifestyle for me and my girl. So instead of being happy like the reaction of other people upon me sharing the news, you had the guts to say that I can’t do what is best for me and live the life as I like. That I should consider the effect of my action towards my loved ones.

As far I know, the lil one is my only concern, there is no other loved ones. And I know the opportunities will actually work best for my girl. Is it the fact that my plan is very well defined that it actually makes you intimidated that I can actually move on?

Wishful thinking always ends up into broken promises. If a change was wanted, it could have been done a long time ago. There is no point of making plans when there is no proper blueprint in place. It’s like making the perfect design of a house when you haven’t even purchased the plot of land.

Typical McDreamy type. Seriously. They simply cant make up their bloody mind.

I am not saying it is easy but I feel it is more bearable compare to what I experienced the first time around (which was like a few years ago!). I guess it comes with this age (here we go again of being in our 30s) that there is more to life than letting these things taking control of you.

So lesson to me, never think that you are not good enough to date the McSteamy type. You are as beautiful as you want to be to date with a truly Candy Man (a friend keeps scolding me for thinking I am not good enough to date those seriously good looking and equally nice at heart men). If a Candy Man decides to give his number, DO call!

Note:
McDreamy is the knight in shining armour. He pretends to be a nice guy, but in fact he is selfish. He doesn't know what he wants.
McSteamy is plain dirty and naughty. but hot n sexy. He’s brutally honest and doesn't try to hide it. Beneath the bad boy exterior is something worthy.

Ps: Author is fine, just ventilating herself for the sheer stupidity of a few men (a few only, I am sure there are plenty of good men out there). *winks*

never see me cry...

I’m not the type to get my heart broken
I’m not the type to get upset and cry
Coz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don’t get deep to me
Never get the whole in love thing
If someone could say love me truly
But at the time it didn’t mean a thing

My mind is gone I’m spinnin’ around
And deep inside My tears I’ll drown
I’m losing grip What’s happening?
I stray from love This is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I’m in this condition
And I’ve got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you’ll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
coz its hurting me to let it go
maybe coz we spent so much time
and I know that it’s no more
I should have never let u hold me baby
Maybe why I’m so sad to see us apart
I didn’t give it to u on purpose
Gotta figure out how u stole my heart

How did I get here with you?
I’ll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do
To stay away from love with you
I’m broken-hearted
I can’t let you know
And I Won’t Let It Show
You won’t see me cry

The remedy is the experience

The weekend was awesome. Met Ms Versatile on Saturday. Had iced mocha, chatted and strolled along Regent St. Two single ladies, enjoying conversation, mainly around the topic of dating. All of a sudden, she said “at least you were married before. There is no pressure for you to do so. You’ve got good excuses to just be happily dating.”

FYI, Ms Versatile is just slightly older than me. Single, successful and a babe. Yet, I think I have more dates than her.

Then it occurred to me. Does being a single mother make me yummy? I mean, 10 years ago, hardly anyone in uni noticed me (remember the late bloomer posting?). Yet now, somehow, I am getting hot dates with seriously yummilicous men. Is it because being in this position, I look less intimidating compare to single 30 something ladies?

There is some truth in it. Perhaps men assume that the main agenda for 30 something women is marriage. Not to mention the expectation to be met by the successful ladies i.e. the perfect dinner, wine, dine etc. Somehow, the pressure on dating is high.

As for me, being in a good company will already make my day. Having a great date i.e. romantic dinner, the chemical reaction, nice pressies, is a bonus. With my present situation, I have less expectation. Of course since I am in a good position (balancing motherhood and a good career), I guess it attracts certain kind of men. So far, it seems they have one thing in common. They are usually in suit and deal with high level people. Yup, quality and no-nonsense men (when it comes to their profession. Somehow they can be idiots when it comes to handling a woman!).

Still, I told her to keep her heart and mind open. Give men a chance. Go on more dates. For all she knows, she is not ready to settle down.

Which then leads to me i.e. happily dating. I suppose I should stick to that for the time being. I am not restricted to one routine. I love my life, being a mother and having a good career. Having someone now could probably disrupt the momentum.

Speaking of momentum, today I received 3 good news. It started with a text from The Guy Next Door in the early morning, saying that he might be coming next month. Best fren said he must be looking forward to this trip, especially after the hot dates we had previously. I still find it weird i.e. having a “thing” with someone who knows you for a long time. Kinda reminds me of Rachel and Ross.

Then at the office, I presented my business case to a managing Director of my previous work experience. It seems he wants to tap my skill for the Global initiative. It means I might be dealing the super senior managing Directors (those who have their own private jets!). He said there could be opportunity for me to “tag along” if they do their roadshow back home. My jaw almost dropped (but of course I had to remain cool, right? *winks*).

At the end of the day, Mr Nice Guy shared a critical piece of information in relation to my work. I am not going to believe him until it is official. Please pray that it goes tru (God’s will).

Hopefully a few more hot dates and better things work wise. It’s all about the journey. The experience is the remedy.

If I could be like that, I'd give anything

And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream, is that too much to ask?
With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a quiet little street.
All she wants is just that something to hold onto, that's all she needs.

I started the day feeling good about myself. I was in my new beige trouser suit. My asset has always been my legs. The suit emphasises my height and the slimness of my legs. The weather was brilliant. It was another good reason for a nice day. Also, I was getting constant sms from someone, something that has been going for the past few weeks. *smiles*

Then slowly, I was beginning to feel the pain. It was bound to happen, especially when it was a sudden end. Despite the pleas, I managed to stand on my grounds. It is for my own good. I need to do this.

Instead of remembering the losses, I focussed on the things that I have.

I thought about my beautiful lil girl. She has her big exam this Friday and today after school, I gave her a call. She said she had her practice test. She could not finish the last question. At least she was aware of what she did best and what she needed to improve. She told me she found the “wishing” flower and made a wish. She wished that she was not thin. I asked why. She wants to be like her best friend, who is bigger (and stronger) than her. I told her that I was thin at school, yet I played sports, did long runs, etc. There is no reason for her to be sad for being thin. She also wished that there will be a good prince to take care of mummy. She has been wishing and praying that for some time, usually before she goes to bed. I think she is the sweetest girl.

Then I thought about my friends. Best friends who are miles away, my “sisters” here who constantly offer their support especially when it comes to the welfare of the lil one. What would I do without Mrs Dior and Mrs Rock? Sometimes when I am torn with my emotions, they will quickly pull me out and remind me that I deserve better. Mrs Dior said that if both of them are lucky enough to have a good partner, why should I not deserve the same?

I am also lucky to have a good career, one which balances my role as a mother and a woman. It pays well. Once in a while I can splurge on the latest gadget for the house, holidays for me and my girl, awesome outfits. Never thought that I would one day wear a few hundred pounds suit with fine Italian designer handbags and shoes (with my hard earned money). Not to mention the gifts received from dear Mr Milan and the Godfather (uncle D). Like Kak Teh always says, different people have different luck or “rezeki”.

By appreciating all of the above, the pain started to slip away.

Sometimes people forget that at the end of the day, I need to be reminded that I am still a girl. And if that person wants to make me feel so, just let it be. Even if it means that I have to travel half way around the globe. Not many people can spare their time for me and for him to do so, I am thankful. When others fail to see, at least he knows that no matter what, I am still a girl.

Thirty, flirty and thriving

Mercy - Duffy

I don't know what this is
But you got me good
Just like you knew you would
I don't know what you do
But you do it well
I'm under your spell

You got me begging you for mercy
Why won't you release me
You got me begging you for mercy
Why won't you release me
I said you better release me

There is another saucy video clip with the same song but I think it'll raise the eyebrows of my fellow readers (especially the women as it is just way too hot!). So I better stick to this version. Hope you’ll excuse me to have some quality time with my fantasy. *winks* Tomorrow is a public holiday, thus good excuse to stay in bed and.....

Oh yeah, in response to Manal’s recent posting, I’m doing my bit of contribution:
If you think sex at 30 is good…just wait. Your teens and twenties are all about trial and error. Good boyfriend, bad sex; great sex, terrible boyfriend. But in your thirties, when you’ve finally figured out who and what you like, your sexual confidence booms. You’ll be reaping the rewards in bed for a long time to come. Enjoy them!
http://www.glamour.com/sexmen/articles/2006/12/sexage30?currentPage=1

Under your spell

You walked away, and now it's too late. There's too much water under the thing, or whatever.

I am trying hard to close this door. It is just shut, not locked and at any point of time, that person can just walk his way in. But I am trying hard to stand on my grounds. I am not sad, when I know I should. I guess it is partly due to the current roller coaster of my state of affairs. You know, like they always say, one door closes, another opens. In my case, there are two.

One of it involves serious thinking of my career aspiration. I have to decide where I want to go from here. Back in uni, I had this vision of working at one of the big institutions in one of the financial cities. Now, I have the opportunity. I have that “break”. The question is, am I ready?

I consider myself lucky for having such strong support from my mentors. Yet, I know I owe this to myself. It is not easy to be given this opportunity. If I don’t push myself or take up the challenge, who would. I need to get out of my comfort zone.

I have until tomorrow to decide. For now, I shall leave the men out of my life. I am not saying they are bad. We all love the attention, to be pampered, just to have someone by your side. For me, it is about the companionship. I cant deny that I am still smitten from the dates. But I need to wake up soon from this cloud nine, for my own good. Yet, I dont want to let go of this feeling. Somehow, it makes everything light, as if you are floating your way around. And suddenly life is a bliss. Somehow, when you feel generally good about yourself, it attracts more positive things in your life.

So I am letting myself float for the time being....

ps: Oh yes, I am under a spell. *winks*

i dont know what this is
but you got me good
just like you knew you would

i dont know what you do
but you do it well
I’m under your spell

An hour to live, an hour to love

For the beautiful people in my life, especially to my lil princess, Ms Achemist and The Dragon Lady. With your presence, I am where I am today. I hope I have been there for you as much as you have been there for me.

An hour to live, an hour to love by Richard Carlson.

"People experience tragedy, and it makes their life have greater meaning."
"In this experience of losing Richard so suddenly and grieving his loss, it has just given me so much strength and comfort to feel so complete in our relationship," Kris says. "Just to know that he felt so complete when he left. Just to know that he walked out the door that day, he had said it all—he had appreciated us so fully."

"If I could live this life over again, I'd spend less time talking and more time listening. Saying goodbye to the girls, I cried when I realized I hadn't listened nearly enough to them over the years and they have so much to say. In my attempts to share my own wisdom, I've missed out on hearing theirs.That's something I'd change for sure and it would have been easy to do."

Live as if each day were our last. If you had an hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would it be to, what would you say, and why are you waiting?

Commitments

There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make, true commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully.

After a few days (could be weeks) of long hours, I managed to leave early yesterday. The danger of doing so is that I usually end up buying something. But I think I deserve some splurge. Spent an hour at the book store, got 4 books, 2 for each of us (had to call the lil one to confirm which books she wanted). The lingerie boutique had some items on sale. I got 2 nice and comfy nightwear for summer. Kept telling myself that it was a good splurge. Correction, an educational splurge. Books are good and the amount I spent on them was more than the lingerie. No guilt. *winks*

I am keeping myself busy with work, the lil one and my passion i.e. reading. When a girl is spoilt with choices, all she needs is a good book and relaxing songs to keep her mind off. No wonder this week alone I already purchased 4 books for myself (and read 5). A good distraction (at least it works for me). *smiles*

ps: Thank you to my lovely blogger friends for their never ending support on the idea of dating. *winks* I need to take mental note on each advice. Now where is my black book. *LOL*

Over You

I'm out of my element here. I handle transations worth millions for a living, I used to live in the basement, most days I just have few minutes to make myself look good, and I don't give a crap about what other people think of me. Because I'm a happily independent and successful single mother and I like it that way, only when you say stuff like this, it just makes things too hard. So please, don't chase me anymore, unless you're ready to catch me.


Over you - Chris Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done. I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down. Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left. Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep. Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running
A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you. More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years. Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see.
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running
A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you. More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years. Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Of a date(s)

Two dates, two different men, two opposite settings.

One I had the chance of being a lady, wearing an elegant red satin silk knee length dress, with black cardigan and stockings, matched with black high heels. The day before, I just went to the salon and did my hair. So the hair still looked nice (blow dry effect by stylist). In other words, I looked like a babe and turned heads (which I did as I bumped into people I know).

One I was in my plain jane mode. Simple clothes, no make up, romance-free place.

So which date was the best? Unbelievably, it was the second. It was with someone who never had a place in my heart (romantically speaking).

I am still amazed with the outcome. The beauty of simplicity, the respect one has on friendship and how this evolves to the unknown.

It is like how Mary’s dad (the Wedding Planner movie) explained to her on how he fell in love with her mother. It was an arranged marriage with neither party ever set eyes on each other and how her mother dreaded the marriage. Something like “from respect to care, from care to like, and from like to love”.

I will cherish this moment. For being myself, enjoying conversations, for just being a girl.

Funnily enough, at one stage, I felt my life was reflecting this:

Fantasy?

Ok, so maybe my fantasy is not anywhere close to that, but having both Mr Big and McSteamy in town next week will be the hightlight of my life for the past few weeks. Seriously, what more can a girl ask, right? Two yummilicious men, ah...a girl can just drool. *winks*

The Match Maker

My fav secretary said the darnest thing today, “maybe we should hook you up with The Most Eligible Guy?” TMEG is one of the TWO good looking Directors whom I mentioned in my earlier posts.

I looked at her with horror! I told her that he is the George Clooney type, dates different girl every night (okay, I’m exaggerating. But he is the type who can pick any gorgeous babe he meets at a club or a pub).

Fav Secretary said, “he just portrays himself that way so that people think he’s doing ok. Deep inside, he wants to find The One, to settle down.”

Well, if he wants to be seen as serious, he needs to pull his act together and stop being a serial dater or equivalent to that. How on earth is he going to find The One? Of course, this was between me and FS. I’ll be nuts to tell that straight at his face, especially since he is sitting on the Board of Directors committee aka The Management i.e. higher than the other good looking Director.

Apart from him appearing to be the playboy type, there is nothing horribly wrong with him. I mean, FS is right. He is the most eligible guy in the department. An aussie who came here for a temporary posting, ended up staying for 10 years and got promoted at the highest level i.e. The Management. He is in mid 30s, and has a body like....Brad Pitt? He’s not fat or skinny. He is just nice and it matches well with his good looking features.

I hate mixing business with pleasure. Not my thing at all. But then again, I have never worked with him directly. There are a few office romances going on in the department. Two directors got married last year (the lady gave birth a month ago to a cute baby boy), two directors are dating and I’m sure there a few, present and past (need to dig more gossips from FS).

It is the craziest idea. I am not his type at all.

But then again, maybe I do need to get a match maker?

Better person

You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who doesn't complicate your life. Somebody who won't hurt you... He's the better guy. I'm walking away.

How can you be nice to a horrible guy like me?

But what if I dont want you to walk away? What if your presence has given me more courage and strength, and that I am a better person when you are by my side? I dont want you to be there for me just when I am down. I want you to be there for no reason.

You are my zahir....I just wish you realise that..

Keep me close

Dedicated to sweet Fizzy. Here's your McSexy! *winks*

Look at me, I'm so far away
Out of the way of rain
Far from the pain, yeah
And if you see me in your dreams
Would you still believe
All that you see, yeah

And only you and me, and only you and me
Well even though I'm not there with you
It's good to keep me close

I never thought that it would come down to this
That I would be so missed
So quickly dismissed, yeah
I want nothin more than to be with you every home
yeah, i know its been so long
What i did was wrong, yeah

And only you and me, and only you and me
Well even though I'm not there with you
It's good to keep me close

Closer to your skin, you gotta keep me deep within
Cuz where I am right now I couldnt be tomorrow
Close enough to see, Close enough to hear you breathe
Close enough to feel the warmth of you, cuz I am so cold, yeah

And only in me, and only in me, oh its only in me, yeah
And even though Im not there with you
Its good to keep me close
And even though Im not there with you
Its good to keep me close
And even though Im not there with you
Its good to keep me close

Cross roads

Sometimes I feel I am in the middle of a cross road. Most of the times, I know which road to take but occasionally, I am torn.

Sometimes I am in pain. Most of the times, it is manageable and only affects me alone. Like being hurt, intentionally or not, by people who mean a lot to me. But the most unbearable pain is when seeing my loved ones get hurt.

I can’t bear seeing my lil girl cry...for her pain is greater than mine.. for she deserves to have a happy childhood.

I hope I have given her one of the best moments of her life. I know she had a great time the past few weeks.

And all these lead me back to the cross roads again....

Ramblings

I have been busy these days. Work was demanding (more because my Director will be away for a few weeks, holiday with his family). Friends are in town so I had to find some time to meet them. Met a few celebrities too (and some royalties). So I guess despite the hectic schedule, I managed to do most stuffs.

Oh yeah, its mid season sale. Shopping again but not as bad as before i.e. during boxing day. Still, the items bought are seriously good bargain. No regrets. *winks*

Been playing Wii sports these days. I realise I am soooooo unfit (for that matter. I think I'm fit enough to do some other physical work out *LOL*). I think it is kinda addictive. For example, when one plays bowling, they will show the points to reach professional level. Each time you want to stop and you see the points keep increasing, you just want to continue to improve the points.

Will write again. Loads to say but I will do so when I'm in my relax mode.

I am my mother's daughter

I watched Spanglish today. It's about a single mexican mother, Flor (Paz Vega), who crossed the border into the United States with her young daughter Cristina, in search of a better life. She becomes a housekeeper for a rich Clasky family. The story is narrated by her daughter, who towards the end became so closed to family that she wanted to live their life. Seeing how Mrs Clasky treated her daughter like a trophy, showering her with gifts and private school, Flor then quitted her job. Perhaps it was also due to the fact she was falling for Mr Clasky (Adam Sandler) who is so nice and down to earth person, yet the wife isnt appreciating him enough (and sleeps around).

In the last scene, while the mother and daughter made their walk towards the bus stops (1 mile from the Clasky's house), the daughter had much anger and hurt with her mom's decision to quit the job which gives her (the daughter) the life she always wanted. After a moment of silence at the bus stop, Flor tearfully asks Cristina a question that will define the rest of her life: Does she really want to become someone very different from her mother?

Cristina responds by silently boarding the bus with her mother, initially sits away from Flor, then comes close to her mother again and ends up embracing her for the duration of their ride. At the background, Cristina as an adult narrates, acknowledging that “all she is today” rests on the simple fact that she is her mother’s daughter.

A beautiful story. I hope my lil girl will one day understand the sacrifice we make together. I love you my love...

A date with McDreamy

I got back early from work. Had my shower, pampered myself with body lotion, top to toe. Put on my sexy lingerie and sprayed my favourite perfume. I made sure the room was warm and cosy. As I waited for him to arrive, I sat on the couch, wrapped myself to maintain the heat.

Then at 10pm, he came. He looks the same, sexier than ever. I swore to myself that I shall make sure I keep my Thursday nights free just to be with him.

Oh yes, Greys Anatomy is back! Better than ever! McDreamy is one hell of a guy.

Ps: what were you thinking? *winks*

Dating

"Enough! This is not dating. I want moonlight, and flowers, and candy, and people trying to feel me up. Nobody is trying to feel me up. Nobody is even looking at me. Do you have any idea how much effort it takes to do all this? I am waxed and plucked and I have a clean top on. No talking until you figure out how to put on a date. I want heat! I want romance! Damn it, I want to feel like a freaking lady!"

I seriously dont have time to dress up or groom myself. So when I do, they better take note. Especially the body lotion (top to toe), perfume at the right spots, killer dress with heels and stockings, WAXING!!! If they have any idea how much hell we have to go through, they will surely appreciate the effort. Seriously..

ps: Most of the time, he does. *winks*

Wounds and pain

"People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers."

Sometimes it feels that the pain is making me hesitate in letting him in....

Here without you

I love this song and I love the clips and I am missing him....

Political tsunami

GLANCE at the front pages of Malaysia’s newspapers the day after the general election on Saturday March 8th and you would assume that the opposition had won. “Political tsunami” is how the Sunday Star summed things up. Even the prime minister, Abdullah Badawi, seemed to accept the analysis. “We’ve lost; we’ve lost” was all he could muster when confronted by baying pressmen at 4am.

In fact, the Barisan Nasional (BN) coalition he heads had done nothing of the sort. It won 140 of the 222 seats in the federal parliament—in most places, that would be a thumping majority. In the concurrent elections for assemblies in 13 states, it had won majorities in eight. Yet so big was the upset that the stockmarket fell by 10% on Monday as investors worried about the danger of unrest and instability.

The fears seem overblown. But this was a remarkable rebuke for Mr Badawi. At the last elections, in 2004, he profited from his amiable manner and apparent promise of a less acerbic style than that of his long-serving predecessor, Mahathir Mohamad. The BN won 64% of the votes, 90% of the parliamentary seats and all but one of the other assembly elections.

In this election, it won just 51% of the votes; and 63% of parliamentary seats. This was its worst performance ever in Malaysia’s 50 years of independence, and crucially, for the first time since 1969, the BN lost the two-thirds majority in parliament it needs to amend the constitution.

Nor was this a truly free and fair election. The government enjoyed many entrenched advantages: huge resources; a docile, even sycophantic, press; permission more readily granted for big rallies; a ban on the candidacy of Anwar Ibrahim, a former deputy prime minister who is now the opposition’s best-known figure.

The government has denied Mr Anwar’s allegations of vote-rigging in close-fought constituencies. But sceptical opposition supporters were made even more suspicious last week when the Election Commission went back on its decision to use indelible ink to identify those who had voted. (It said it had uncovered a plot in which some of the ink had been smuggled into the country, apparently in an opposition attempt to dupe potential voters into disqualifying themselves through premature inking.)

One reason for Mr Badawi’s debacle is that, for once, the opposition did not cut its own throat. Its three main parties—Mr Anwar’s, now led by his wife; an Islamist party and the Democratic Action Party, which appeals mainly to the Chinese minority—on the whole did not compete with each other.

There are also worries about a slowing economy and rising prices; and a feeling that after 50 years of impressive economic growth, too many of the benefits have accrued to a small elite, and the Mr Badawi has not done enough to tackle corruption.

There is also anger among the minorities. Many Chinese, who make up about a quarter of the population, feel that policies of affirmative action in favour of the Malay majority are no longer necessary—if they ever were. And the Indian minority, only about 8% of the population, feel discriminated against and have turned against the BN’s main ethnic-Indian component, the Malaysian Indian Congress.

Whatever the reasons for it, the result places Mr Badawi’s future in doubt. Dr Mahathir has said he is “100% responsible” for the defeat and should resign. Unusually, Dr Mahathir admitted to a mistake of his own—having selected Mr Badawi as his successor.

Mr Badawi’s spokesman has said he has no intention of resigning. If he does not, he may come under pressure when his party, the United Malays National Organisation, holds its next congress. Since UMNO’s chief always becomes prime minister, that gathering has always been far more important than the general election in choosing Malaysia’s leaders. One of the many startling possibilities opened up by the latest election result is that this arrangement may not be immutable.


http://www.economist.com/world/asia/displaystory.cfm?story_id=10833119

Robin Hood

Robin Hood is a figure in archetypal English folk tales, whose story originates from medieval times. In popular culture he is painted as a man known for robbing the rich to provide for the poor and fighting against injustice and tyranny.

It doesnt matter if he wins or loses, he has already won by just going to the battle. A simple man who has nothing superficial on his CV and takes the courage to fight for the welfare of the people, deserves my respect. Good luck Che Gu Bard. You are the modern version of Robin Hood.

I am doing my bit of community service. If you can vote, please do so. I agree with the Old Wise Man that we need strong leaders on both sides to ensure the country progresses for the benefit of our people. EVERYONE, and not for certain group's benefit. Otherwise, we will end like some of our neighbours, the gap between the rich and the poor is so huge that the country finds it difficult to compete with others. And Yes, I believe we should try to be at par with Down South.

Ms Coach made an interesting statement the other day, seeing how passionate I am with this election. "Ms Istanbul, let me know if one day you decide to run for election. I will be your supporter and gather all my friends to vote for you." Errr, I am sure her funds alone can cover my election campaign and better, her networking is damn good. *winks* Anyway Ms Coach, hope you have a nice time at Bali for your friend's wedding. I hope you will follow her footsteps so that on your wedding day, I get to go to nice places, fully sponsored by you. These bankers really make huge money to make a splurge for their friends! Psst, let me know if you get any goodie bags. (heard that on some occasions, the guests get seriously nice high end handbags.)

Love actually

Yesterday, my lil girl gave me a card. It was Mother’s day on Sunday. So yesterday, at school, she did the card. Inside it read,

“ To Mummy. I am sorry for not giving you anything on Mother’s day. I love you and I hope you get better. Love from Mini Ms Istanbul”

She drew a picture of me lying on bed and her standing next to.

You see, I got sick over the weekend. Really bad. It wasnt fever or flu. Just seriously bad stomach ache and vomiting. The pain was unbearable that on Sunday I decided to see the private doc. Thats me. I don’t compromise on our health. If a private GP is needed, so be it. And on Sundays, it’s an extra 50% charge. Apparently, according to him and my fellow doc friends, there is a bug running around. Weird English bug I reckon.

During this period, I must say that the lil one did her best to make me feel better. While I rested on the sofa, she took the blanket and covered me. I made sure that the snacks and drinks were on the table so that it would be easy for her to reach. The nanny came and took her out for a few hours so that she wouldn’t get bored.

When I read the card, it touched my heart. Her words show how much she loves me. I told her, “the best gift is your presence. And last weekend was the best mother’s day ever because you spent the day with me.” She smiled.

He came as well. Spent the whole afternoon, made pizza for the lil one. What more can I ask for? Thank you to both of you for taking care of me. I am blessed.