Tagged

1. When was the last time you ran? A long time ago.
2. Do your jeans have rips, tears and holes in them? Nope.
3. What are you dreading right now? Nothing in particular.
4. Do you celebrate 4/20? No clue.
5. When was the last time you saw your significant other? If you are referring to mini B, a minute ago. Otherwise, still wishful thinking.
6. Do you get the full eight hours of sleep every night? Rarely.
7. What is your favorite current song? Let me be myself by 3 doors down.
8. If anyone came to your house on your lazy days, what would you do? Entertain them. I’m used to having impromptu guests since uni.
9. Who last grabbed your ass? I’m not sure whether that person did. Hmmm, maybe. *winks*
10. Have you ever been in your school’s band? Yes.
11. Do you own a pair of Converse? Nope.
12. Did you copy and paste this survey? Of course.
13. Do you eat raw cookie dough? Sometimes.
14. Have you ever kicked a vending machine? Cant remember.
15. Do you hate it when a radio ruins a song by playing a slow one after it? Neutral.
16. Do you watch Trading Places? No clue.
17. Have you ever stayed on line a long time waiting for someone? If you have ever lived here, you’d know how their customer service is. A nightmare!
18. Are you ‘cocky’? Dont know.
19. Could you live without a computer? If you give me a candy man, definitely! *winks*
20. Do you wear your shoes in the house? Nope.
21. At what age did you find out Santa was not real? Like forever.
22. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are there in your home? 2 mobiles, 1 landline.
23. What do you do when you are sad? If around people, I’d smile. Otherwise, take a hot bubble bath and unwind.
24. Who would you call first if you won the lottery? Mini B.
25. Last time you saw your best friend? A few months ago.
26. Who, or What sleeps with you? Mini B and her “children” (5 of them).
27. Are you still in High School? No.
28. Is anyone on your bad side now? *thinking*
29. What jewelry are you wearing now? Earrings and necklace.
30. What is the first thing that you do when you get on line? Check my emails.
31. Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy? Definitely.
32. Would you ever wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? Yes, cos it would probably mean I’m having sleepover at his place. *grins*
33. Where do you work? London.
34. What are you doing on Friday? Dinner with friends.
35. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? If he’s considering plastic surgery, then yeah.
36. Favorite name for a girl? Mini B
37. Favorite name for a boy? Starts with A.
38. Will you keep your own name when you get married? Yes.
39. When was the last time you left your house? About 2 hours ago. Dinner with friends.
40. Do you return your cart (I assume trolley)? Yes.
41. Do you have a dishwasher? Nope.
42. What noise do you hear? The washing machine.

I now tag Fizzy, Darlene, Inah, Syukur and Akmal.

Vacatio

Booth: Can I make a lifestyle suggestion?
Brennan: Go ahead.
Booth: You know, vacation - it's from the Latin "vacatio" and means, you know, freedom and release - you might want to consider that next time.
Brennan: Learning Latin?
Booth: This is the opposite of vacation. I mean, no wonder you snapped, went insane and totally lost your mind.
Brennan: Oh, thanks for your understanding.

My planned leave is less than a week from now and I still have not decided on where to go. All I know is that I really need a break. Both of us do, tho probably not so much for the lil one as she is enjoying her life.

I better make up my mind soon.

Or maybe I should ditch both ideas and just head to Paris for a short break. Less of a headache.

Wounded souls....

I whisper to the moon
Please return to me
My companion
My lover
My heaven

Without him, night is my companion
Loneliness holds me in its embrace

Dear moon
Please do not let the sun come
Let the world be in darkness
Let it be lonely like me

- Sepi -

A good night sleep...

I know I should feel happy that:

- we might be going to the land of the emirates for our holiday, fully provided for. A high profile role is to be explored;
- an invitation was received to watch Andrea Bocelli's show in Naples, full VIP treatment. The trip will also include shopping at the no-price-tag boutiques and the lil one gets 3 sales assistants helping her to choose the outfits; and
- Mr Big will be in town.

All three in the same week (I havent decided which to choose).

But the truth is, I am not sure I want any of those. I want to rest. I havent been getting enough. I just couldnt sleep these days as much as I want to.

Maybe I am thinking too much....

Someone told me to follow my heart. Of late, it keeps telling that I should go back and it has nothing to do with men. It just feels right, that is all.

It is a difficult decision but for now, all I want is a good night sleep.

The fever is back!

When you have daughters (or nieces, god daughters, etc) between the ages of five to seventeen, the things that should be on your finger tips are:
- High School musical: it includes knowing Troy/Zack, Gabriella/Vanessa, Wild Cats etc;
- Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus; and
- Camp Rock, featuring Jonas Brothers.

Oh, you are expected to know the songs as well. Probably it wont be an issue knowing they’d be singing their lungs out day and night.

You should know that there is no point buying their clothes on your own as you’d end up returning them. It is best to bring them along and often they’d say, “you know that I like rock style”. If only they have a workshop for parents like me who has no clue of what rock style means. Thankfully, it meant following Hannah/Miley’s wardrobe. I was glad her choices today consisted of brown colours (I was afraid she’d choose black!).

Enjoy the trailer!

The Crush

The week has been manic. I was too tired today that I decided to go to bed early. Unfortunately, I couldn’t sleep but the lil one managed to enter dreamland within minutes. *smiles*

The crash of the stock markets and fall of the banks led my division busier than ever. Too many companies are signalling SOS that we are swamped. I suppose it is a good thing i.e. more money for us. I know I am not paid five figures USD per month to browse the net. But hang on, that was exactly what I did for the past few days. I had to ensure my MDs had the latest news. I think my fingers have 6 packs each as they have been tapping the keyboard endlessly.

Anyway, enough of financial distress.

Do you remember back in high school or uni, there is a group of elite people? The supercool type. They don’t have to act and prove to be cool. Fame is in their blood. They come from well to do family and the guys are good looking while the girls are gorgeous. Well, even if they aren’t, they know how to carry themselves and appear good. They lead a life just like the characters in Gossip Girls.

McSteamy and Booth were part of that group. Not only they were good looking, they were smart too. McSteamy was the best student for his year whilst Booth got dean’s list almost every semester. I never spoke to McSteamy as he was way much my senior, despite his room was next to mine (it was a mixed college). Booth on the other hand was in my year. Still, since I was not part of that group (a plain Jane with lack of effort to dress herself nice), I usually kept myself away from him.

Yet, despite being in that group, Booth was always kind to me. Other people would just say hi & bye upon meeting me at campus. Booth would always stop and make a conversation. Oh, I had a huge crush on him during that time. *LOL* But I knew my place, way out of that league. It was always nice to talk to Booth. Never failed to make my day.

Booth was here for awhile. We sometimes contacted each other via email. We usually bumped into one another either at our business functions or the usual restaurants. He is now back in KL and I totally forgot to keep in touch, up until I saw his picture at someone’s blog. It prompted me to drop an email. A short one, just to confirm I got the right address. He replied, with a very cheerful tone. I updated him with my career progress. He somehow managed to sum it up that I have not made up my mind to either stay in London, come home or take the Singapore’s offer. Yet, should I decide to come home, he wants to meet up and have a chat of what his firm can offer. Typical MD material. *LOL* They are groomed to poach good people when they see one. I think if he does make an offer, I’d accept without looking at the terms. *ROTFL* Hey, he still gives me that ‘jaw dropped’ moment. He looks exactly the same but in better packaging (suits of course).

Anyway, it was good to get an email from him, especially when it ended with “do take care” and “warm regards” phrases (also a smiley face). After a long week, it made my day.

Sometimes I think Mrs Cooper and the Sexy Professor were right. It seems that I am given the chance to make up loss time. *smiles*

Sweet child of mine

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry

I emailed one of my Sifus that I met his ex-colleague. The Flying Dutchman knew a lot about him and I presumed they were close. However, Sifu couldn’t recall who Flying Dutchman was and asked for some description. All I said was that he is really good looking and looks young for his age. He could be almost a decade older than me but he looks like in early 30s, quite a catch, Orlando Bloom’s body (of course I didn’t disclose these details to Sifu).

My Sifu on the other hand replied, “Single? Available? Go for it!” huh??? I felt like smacking my head when I read his email. I know Sifu meant well. All of them are. During my trip back, another Sifu said something similar, “for now, you have the lil one but she’s growing up. One day, you would want to have a companion.”

I have been a single parent for a few years now. In fact, close friends said that I have been managing the family by myself ever since the lil one was born. For as long as I can remember I have been on my own, literally speaking. The only difference between now and then is that I have my girl by my side.

And you know what? Despite there were times that I felt my life was falling apart, I had many sweet memories. My girl was a cheerful baby. She was always smiling and laughing. They were contagious, mind you. Even at my lowest point, a look at her face would make me smile. Sometimes when I was studying late night (for my professional exam) and felt stressed out, I just crawled in bed and snuggled next to her. I would probably be the only mom who would wake her daughter up after coming home late from work (due to unrealistic deadline) just to play with her. Others would be glad that their kids were already in bed but me, I would try my best to wake her up and spend some time to play. The moment she opened her eyes, she’d giggle and smooch me.

Now my baby is a young girl, doing extremely well. She has built a strong confidence level over the years. People speak immaculate things about her. Today she received the “School Council” badge. I think the Student Council works closely with the Principal in organising school events and liaising students’ issues. I can see she’s happy with her achievement.

I know my life is blessed, especially with a beautiful daughter. Yet, even she wants me to have my happily ever after.

The truth is, I dont even know whether I am capable to be committed in a relationship. My priority will always be her and if a man decides that he wants to be with me, he has to be prepared for that.

Or perhaps because of that, they will make their exit...

When was the last time you got away?

Booth: You ever just, you know, sit on the beach, pretend there is no such thing as skeletons?
Brennan: Is that in any way fun?
Booth: When was the last time you got away?
Brennan: Got away from what?
Booth: Oh, Bones. You know, cause what usually happens to me, I think about not coming back.
Brennan: Seriously?
Booth: Yeah, you know, you go with someone, you joke about not going back to your real life, the two of you laugh. But, when you're alone the world is full of possibilities.

I have taken a few trips on my own since university. I guess the idea of being away to a foreign place, where no one knows you, makes it appealing. You can be whoever you want to be, without being judged. Even if they do, you couldn’t care less. Chances are, they wont be seeing you again. As you are on your own, you are bound to ask the locals for directions, tips or advice. Most of them are helpful, especially since you try your best to speak their language using the basic phrases provided by the guide books. Even when I am away for business purpose, I make it a point to do some sightseeing, usually on my own. I just ask the receptionist to arrange for a cab and tour the city. Sometimes I will tell them to drop me off at the favourite spots where you can take a stroll endlessly.

Of course it is good to be on a holiday with a partner. You take a break from your normal routine and rekindle the passion. Still, you cant run away from expectations. You want it to be the perfect trip and somehow, with the pressure, it can ruin the moment.

A solo trip gives you an opportunity to explore new things. Every place has its own attractions, be it arts, history, food or shopping. Each has its own vibes and atmosphere. Somehow, it evokes certain thoughts and makes you reflect on your life.

Sometimes when I take that stroll at those famous boulevards, take that mocha at a cafe or dinner at a nearby restaurant, I will always end up in deep thoughts. I tend to reflect what I want without factoring anything.

Somehow, a trip on your own leads to many possibilities, as proven in my case many times. It is a matter of choice whether we want to explore the door. Besides, you wouldn’t know what is in store until you give it a try.

Anyway, today I explored one huge door. I know it is going to be a big stepping stone for me but at least I am giving it a try. If the firm has strong faith and is willing to take the risk on me, why should I not give myself a chance? My past sometimes makes me discount myself but over the years, I learn to shake them off. Sometimes I forget that many people see that I am already “there”. Like my MD said, there is no point for them to give an opportunity to someone who does not buy-in the idea.

So I guess I have to be a shopaholic, eh? *smiles*

*Both Ms B and mini Ms B look forward to their next holiday, although at present Ms B has yet to decide the location. She has booked her leave but undecided where to go. Either a trip to the beach or Florence just for the sake of visiting their designer outlets in order to get Italian handbags at just 200 euros.*

of Eid wishes

Forgiveness is something we should all practise. Not just for Hari Raya but every day.
We should celebrate it and embrace it as an essential part of our lives.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven.
Hurt will never heal until you forgive.
If you are at war with others, you cannot be at peace with yourself.
You can let go and forgive. It takes no physical strength to let go, only courage.
Forgiveness is the single most important process that can bring peace to our souls and harmony to our lives.
Forgiveness is not something we have to strain ourselves to do.
Forgiveness helps you move forward.
No one benefits from forgiveness more than the one who forgives.
Give yourselves the gift of forgiveness today.

Ms B and mini Ms B would like to wish everyone a blessed eid.

Special wish to Kak Teh, Ruby, Fizzy, Simah, D and Momster. Thank you for being part of our life for the past year. Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. Maaf zahir batin from both of us.

To new friends: Cosmic Girl, Pak Idrus, Akmal, Syukur, Darlene, Ms Curvy, Hazia, NJ, Aporn, Hannan, Inah. Thank you for this friendship. Hope you have a lovely time on this day.

To uncle Lee and Daphne, hope you get to try our rendang in Canada.

To my silent readers, thank you for reading my blog. If you celebrate eid, may you have a nice time with your loved ones.

For some of us, this could be a solemn Eid, to celebrate without a loved one by our side, either by circumstances or by choice. Some would probably have met a new person, while others are still hoping and searching. We should not give up on hope. Yet at the same time, we focus on what we have and how blessed our life is.

As I look back at my journey for the past 9 months, there were moments that my life was touched by beautiful people. Regardless what was the outcome, I am glad to have met them. Sometimes we have to take risk and open ourselves to new opportunities. Maybe that person or that moment could teach us a thing or two about life.

*after their passionate kiss*
Christina Yang: I don’t even know you!
Major Hunt: So?

Sometimes, there are things that you cannot explain. No matter how hard you try to rationalise, it simply does not work. There are moments in life that you probably wonder on how you can be yourself to a person, not being pretentious or put a wall around you. Just a moment of peace...a moment when all your worries seem to be swept away...

Thank you for being one of the highlights of my life. I wish you lifelong happiness and peace. May you have a blessed Eid.

A sweet ending for Ramadhan

As I entered home today, there she was in front of the door, greeting me, fully clad in her prayers attire. She was learning and practising prayers from start to end. It was her first to learn it thoroughly. Her face clearly showed signs of joy and satisfaction.

I kissed her forehead, telling her how much she has made my day.

A sweet ending for our Ramadhan.

I hope the month has given you happiness and peace too.

And they are back!

"There is a moment in every great love story that makes us believe anything is possible. If only this moment could last forever.”

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
They are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

-Broken , Lifehouse -

Chocolate sauce & whipped cream

I was physically and mentally exhausted today. Before I left work this evening, my secretary said I look like crap. Usually, I dont, no matter how late I work (unless if it is almost midnight or early hours in the morning).

I should have taken the day off, work and fasting. Perhaps the combination of not physically fit and extra workload made the day challenging. So I thought. Up until I read my mail.

"Now I can see why there are McDreamy, McSteamy etc". Was that a compliment dear? *winks* My next trip, we shall have tea at my fav cafe, Aseana KLCC (I think that's the name).

Thank you for making my day, dear Fizzy! Now for my stress relief, I hope I can dream of him:


Of course, it would be nicer if he appears like this in my dream:


I think chocolate sauce and whipped cream will make him more yummy. *LOL*

*Ms B hopes both her and the lil one sail through the week*

Of being anonymous

I've been wanting to write this for quite some time but just didnt know when.

Of late, I've been receiving kind gestures from people to get to know me. Kind gestures, hopefully. Thank you, you know who you are. I am just another human being, trying to make life works for her and her girl.

I just prefer to be anonymous, that is all. Perhaps it is also due to certain experiences which led me not to get close to people (in this scenario, it means bloggers). Plus, my dear Kak Teh and Ruby always share their words of wisdom of the blog world.

So please dont take it personally if I dont share my email address/contact details to you.

Besides, it is a small world after all. For all you know, I could be the girl next door.


*Ms B might tone down this week. She's not feeling bright. Trying to be emotionally strong for her girl but physically weak.*

Tarawih story

Last night at the prayer's hall, my lil one and me sat next to each other when a familiar old lady asked:

Elder woman : "Anak siapa ni?" [Whose daughter is this?] (referring to my girl)
Me: "Anak saya, makcik" [Mine aunty]
Elder woman : "Dah besar yer. Tak perasan makcik. Dulu kecik jer. Bagus dia, senyap waktu sembahyang" [She's big now. I didnt realise. She used to be small. Such a good girl, well behaved while prayers]

The lil one performs Isya together but for tarawih, I usually ask her to sit at the end of the saf, me praying next to her. She usually reads a book while waiting. When she was smaller, she would bring along her colouring book. After she followed the Isya prayer, she would do her own thing quietly. The Makcik remembered that we used to sit at the back.

The lil one always looks forward to the variety of desserts which we have after the prayers. And being me, I just colour coded them when she asks for one; green kueh, yellow kueh. *grins* Sometimes they prepare meals like curry mee, fried rice, briyani etc. My lil one calls these as "proper food".*smiles*

I paid the zakat last night too. I dont know why but each time, there is a tinge of sadness...

Dating like a man

Matt launches right away into a lesson that acting like a man and dating like a man are two very different things. Dating like a man, Matt says, will teach me to meet the type of guy I'm interested in and also make sure he calls.
Lesson one: Sex.
"Don't sleep with a man for 90 days," Matt orders.
This sounds a bit masochistic. But Matt insists men are hunters by nature, and the "game" is what keeps them coming back for more. Unlike women, he says, men's physical and emotional intimacy grows at different rates. You need to let them get emotionally attached then physically attached, if you want them to stick around. Dating like a man, he says, is understanding what a person wants and not giving it to him.
Lesson two: Compliment Men.
Even the most financially successful and good looking of the bunch love compliments and don't think they reek of desperation. "Men are horrible at reading cues from women," he explains. "You have to throw your Manolo Blahnik at him to let him know you're staring."
Lesson three: The Hit-and-Run Approach.
Matt explains that when guys see a girl they're interested in, they don't hang around too long--they leave an air of mystery. Women need to do this, too. It seems I use the "hit" approach, but I never run.
Matt says this is when I need to kick in my game. "You need to plant the seed for future correspondence," he says. "If you don't show all your cards at once, you'll keep them guessing."
Lesson four: Confidence.
Matt says I'm probably so concerned with not appearing desperate that I'm not clear about what I really want. He says I need to let down my guard. I need to know what I want, and I need to go out and get it. If a guy doesn't want me back, then I should just forget about him.
And lo and behold, it works. Guys love it when you approach them, when you compliment them and when you give them your number.
I'll probably accept a few dates, but I'm not worried about having to test that 90-day rule.

Full article can be found here:
Dating like a man
**********
I find it interesting to find this article posted at Forbes' website, one of my daily indulgences. Probably they know that there are increasing numbers of women reading their articles, hence make it more lady-friendly. *smiles*

I think I can pass lesson one without a blink. What is the whole point of having a hot bubble bath, right? Remember Sharon Stone in Sliver? *winks* Oh well, probably because I'm juggling a few roles at the same time that I don't even have time to take that hot bath!

Lesson two is easy but I am fair to both sexes. I compliment my girlfriends as much as I do to my male buddies. People appreciate when they are noticed.

Lesson three and four is tricky. I have done it before i.e. approached a guy, asked for his name and left my number. Probably my mental state was questionable at that time. People do crazy things when they don't think straight. *LOL*

I'm sure we all have our own dating techniques and how a method works depends on individual. Some men find it intimidating when a lady looks aggressive. But surely if he looks like Patrick Dempsey or Eric Dane or my latest crave, David Boreanaz aka Seeley Booth in Bones, the risk is worth taking.

So what's your dating style?

Ps: By the way, the guys always call back. *winks*

Plans

Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you, it's like being invisible... your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans, big plans... to find your perfect match... the one that completes you... but as you get older, you realise it's not always that easy... it's not until the end of your life that you realise that the plans you made were simply plans… because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you, you want to believe that you're leaving something good behind… you want it all to have mattered.

The Sexy Professor asked about my past during one of our dinners. We’ve been friends for almost a year now. This is another yummy mummy. She may be almost a decade older than me but she looks early 30s with a slim body. Bet she drives her male students crazy. *grins*

I started sharing my stories to her. What I didn’t realise was, by going back to memory lane, tears started to roll. I told her I am fine but I suppose it did hit me that things were tough back then. Perhaps that was why I felt melancholic.

Then she said, without knowing my past, she wouldn’t have thought I had those written. For a person whom she has known for the past one year, she wouldn’t expect that I had my rough moments. “Knowing what you went through and still be where you are at this day, achieving so much in life, I salute you.” said the Sexy Professor.

Sometimes it takes another person to open your eyes and think outside the box. When she spoke those words, I realised I had a lot to chew. Yet, it never occurred to me to give up or feel that things were challenging. How could I when I have one precious angel by my side? She places her trust and faith in me.

I am thankful for my past as it led me to where I am now, with a lovely daughter and good friends to share my life with.

Ps: Of course it is a bonus when you are surrounded with yummy men. *winks*

Live High

Live High - Jason Mraz

I try to picture a girl
Through a looking glass
See her as a carbon atom
See her eyes and stare back at them
See that girl, as her own new world
Though a home is on the surface, she is still a universe

Glory God, oh God is peeking through the blinds
Are we all here standing naked
Taking guesses at the actual date and time
Oh my, justifying reasons why
Is an absolutely insane resolution to live by

Live high, live mighty
Live righteously
Takin it easy
Live high, live mighty
Live righteously

Try to picture the man
To always have an open hand
And see him as a giving tree
See him as matter
Matter fact he's not a beast
No not the devil either
Always a good deed doer
And it's laughter that we're making after all

The call of the wild is still an ordination why
And the order of the primates
All our politics are too late
Oh my, the congregation in my mind
Is this assembly singing of gratitude
Practicing their lovin for you

Take it all, and just take it easy
And celebrate the malleable reality
You see nothing is ever as it seems
Yeah this life is but a dream

Lift me up to the almighty
Raise your hands and start acknowledging

********
So live life everyone! We dont get many chances in life. When we see one, seize the opportunity. Some things are worth the risk.

What did you want to be?

"I ask Jules if she'd like to do that, but she remains committed to a career in the ballerina industry. "I wanted to be a ballerina when I was 5," I say, pirouetting to the refrigerator for a couple of eggs. "So what stopped you?""

I am sure eventually we will be asked the same question by our lil ones. I cant remember what I wanted to be when I was a child. Actually, there are many things of my childhood that I cant remember. Perhaps it is my ability to block certain memories. One thing for sure, whatever was related to my late grand parents, I seem to remember every single details. The trip to Pasar Tani near the river banks, daily visits to the wet market where we normally had our breakfast, the making of pickle sator (petai), etc.

I have been fascinated with numbers since young. I suppose my dream back then was to be anyone who sees figures on daily basis (oh yeah, ultimate nerd!).

It is different with my lil girl. She wants to be a jazz dancer. Of course, mummy dearest said that she can be whatever she wants to be once she completes her degree in architecture and starts earning her own money. See, am I smart or what? *LOL*

But then again, her interest in performing arts runs in the family. I too was a dancer, as well as a musician. I started performing when I was about her age, did almost every type of traditional and modern dance. As I entered high school, I always got to play the "man" role because of my height. When I finally got to perform as a lady, I did the candle dance (tarian lilin). Gosh! It was hard work ok, moving your butt slow and steady while balancing the candles.

My lil girl can really dance. Now this term, she gets to learn to play violin (and she still wants me to sign up piano and martial arts lessons!). Busy girl indeed!

As we grow older, our dreams change and we set a practical target. Some dreams are shattered but we pick up and move forward, using whatever information and resources to make it work. But hey, it is good to fantasize once in a while.

"You make the choices you make based on what you know about yourself and what you think you know about the world. And sometimes the world will turn around and break your heart, but other times, a 5-year-old will saunter in with three dolls wet from their swim lesson. The five of you will sit down to blueberry muffins, and the reality of what you wound up with will suddenly seem like the only possible choice -- it just couldn't have turned out any other way. "

Full article can be found here:
Daughter causes mom to ponder 'what if?'

So what did you want to be when you were young?

Soap drama

Me : I received a text from McSteamy this morning. He has just arrived at Heathrow. I didnt know he was coming.
Ms Trader: Man, your life is like a soap drama! *grins*
Me : Ok, seriously, do you think he wants to meet up?
Ms Trader : I presume so. Otherwise why would he bother to tell you upon his arrival? So is he warm or cold?
Me: How on earth would I know? It is not like I have a device to check his feelings without seeing him.

*****
We met by the way. *winks*

*Ms B is having so much drama. She needs to smack herself on the face and prays hard that there is no more, if she can avoid so*

Making choices

It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been. But what of a man who’s faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer? Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better. Or when something better finds its way to us.

This morning, one of my Managing Directors (let’s call him Mr Bond) came to see me and wanted to have a quick chat. Mr Bond forwarded my CV to the lead Asia MD, who used to head one of our divisions in London. Apparently, the lead MD was interested with my work experience. Mr Bond said that the lead MD wanted him to call ASAP about this candidate i.e. me. So while we were in the room, Mr Bond went ahead with the phone call (on speaker) and I had to keep silent.

So there they were, two bosses, talking about me. The lead MD said he was impressed with my CV and that it was something he was looking for. He asked Mr Bond about me, which he then replied by saying that, although I just got promoted, it was long overdue. He also said that I am one of the best people among my peers.

The lead MD wants to send me to Singapore to manage our clients as well as building our business.

I was gobsmacked!

Mr Bond mentioned about my daughter and how important for me to stay one more year here to obtain my PR (ie her university fees will be at resident’s rates). The lead MD said probably it wouldn’t be an issue as I will be on UK payroll and it will happen after Christmas.

2 bombshells in a fortnight. What are the odds for that to happen?

Door 1: To work in Singapore on a UK salary and an expat’s package. We will be closer to home and get to meet family and friends more often. The experience will build up my profile and accelerate my career ladder.

Door 2: Too many uncertainties....

How do I choose....?

Baby blues

Our conversation tonight before she went to sleep:

Mini B: My friend, Laura, her mom is having a baby without a prince. Why mummy?
Me: Well, maybe some princes don’t want to take care of the baby.
Mini B: Then, you can have a baby without a prince too mummy.
Me: But don’t you think it is better for me to have one? That we have a prince in the family like some of your friends.
Mini B: I know... It is just that I want a sister or a brother so bad.
Me: I know honey. *pause* Does Laura have a daddy?
Mini B: I don’t think so. She has her mommy. Her mom takes good care of her. Just like you and me.

I wished she just asked about the birds and the bees. It would have been easier to explain. Being independent gives creative ideas to my girl. It is like she’s telling me “why on earth do you need a husband to get pregnant? Clearly we are doing fine just as it is”.

Huge dilemma...hmmm.....

Squints

Brennan: (close to tears) You know, I'm just...I'm just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family.
Booth: Listen, Bones, hey. There's more than one kind of family. (He looks at her with concern, holding her chin. They're having a moment when Zack knocks at the window and signals them to come in) Well, Zack got the job, right?
Brennan: Come in and congratulate him.
Booth: Nah, he's your squints, not my squints.
Brennan: No, Booth! (takes him by the arm and drags him to the door) We are all of us your squints. Do me a favour and pat Zack on the shoulder with an open hand.

Over the last few days, when we were out and about doing our regular routine, I couldn’t stop smiling when familiar people greeted us. Among those were, the man with two daughters whom we normally bump into on our way to school. He asked about our holiday. Then Mrs Brazilian (she is so hot! Has 2 kids, 12 and 6 years old. Olive skin, with an hour glass body!). She was in front of the school door with her eldest, who is now in secondary school (Spanish). She mentioned how much she loves being here, away from the family. The cashiers at Tesco and Boots, the butcher, the fragile lady who does her daily walk accompanied by her dog, etc. Oh, even the girls at La Senza greeted us while we passed their shop! Yes, I am a regular there. Being single doesn’t mean I should not indulge myself with the latest design. If my friends have shoes/handbags fetish, mine would be lingerie. *winks* A girlfriend saw my collection and had this weird look on her face, “why on earth do you need this? You don’t even have a man.” Hey, who knows one day there will be a return on investments? *winks* Besides, I love being a woman. In addition, if you look good outside, shouldn’t you pay attention to what’s underneath too? *smiles*

Anyway, it just feels good that people around notice you. I mean, it’s a big city yet in my neighbourhood, I feel like I am living in a small village where everyone knows everyone.
I have friends and family back home but I guess part of the reason they spend time with us is because we are there for a short trip. Mr & Mrs Rock said people usually take it for granted when they know they are around for good. There is less effort to meet up. Usually the typical excuse given is that we are busy. Well, everyone is busy but surely if one wants to make time, it can be done.

Often we are caught up with our daily routine that we forget to smell the roses along the way.

We do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could have changed your life.

Ps: Fasting has been quite a challenge, especially the past two days when I almost fainted. Thus yesterday I forced myself to eat more, made baked fish mediterranean style and choc pudding as desserts. Today, chicken briyani with lamb kurma (special request from the lil one and I'm only cooking for two!).

Test drive, anyone?

“The reason why some men can’t commit is probably because they don’t know how to handle a woman who has been through a lot and on top of that, win her daughter’s heart.”, said the Wise Man.

Just because I am capable of leading the life that I want with my daughter, it doesn’t mean I am a superwoman nor that I look intimidating. Behind the four figure suit and accessories, I am still a person. I dont bite. Seriously. Well, maybe I do but only at certain parts especially if you are yummy. *winks*

I have nothing against going out with European men. But it is my personal choice that, should I ever remarry, he should come from the same background. I realise my chances are slim since it is very rare to find malay men who share the same values like I do (like the Significant Ones).

That was before I met The Date.

You see, I thought I’d be touching his life by sharing the life experiences I had. Yet these days I realise that he did the same to me. He opened my eyes and heart that there are good eligible malay men (with the qualities I want and compatible personality) out there. He restored my faith in our men!

So ladies, dont give up. I know it is frustrating to find a good match but trust me, he is out there, waiting to be discovered. If I manage to meet one during my short trip back home, I am sure there are plenty.

As for me, I have a deadline to meet. Before I submit my results, I want to do my own research and analysis. Like the fav couple always say, “you have the option to test drive. Just enjoy the ride”.

Yikes! Now I make them sound like cars. But cars are sexy too, eh? *winks*

Ps: School has started and finally I regain possession of our LCD tv. She's been using it to play Nintendo Wii. At least I get to watch my shows on weekdays since she has to go to bed by 9pm. *smiles*

Of a kiss

Bones: I'm only telling you out of professional courtesy.
Booth: What?
Bones: So that you won't be surprised.
Booth: Yeah but when you say kiss you mean like, kiss kiss on both cheeks?
Bones: No the lips.

A kiss is more than the sharing of lips and breath. It is a mingling of hearts and souls. A slight tingle, a funny feeling in the tummy, a racing heart, is to be expected. A kiss is an intimate connection to another human being and a simple way to express love and affection.

The anticipated first kiss is one that we both long for and dream about. And, whether remembered as sweet and tender, shy and hesitant, or as bumped heads and noses, we don't forget it. A kiss is a thing of wonder. We wonder if and when the object of our affections will bestow us with a kiss. We wonder if our knees will get weak, our pulse will race, or if it will be a dud. So much depends on a kiss.

Passion is a wonderful thing. It makes us feel more alive, more connected to our partner. But, realistically, one cannot expect passion in every kiss. Kisses can range from slow, sweet ones to urgent, fiery ones. Moreover, it is unrealistic to expect passion every single day of our lives.

**********
Sometimes I forget how it feels to be a woman. The importance of a kiss and how one can tell of a person; the tenderness of their touch, the kindness of their heart. A person can tell by just one kiss...

ps: I cant wait for Bones Season 4. Got myself season 2 DVD boxset. That will be my weekend do. Oppss, I just realise I'm hosting iftar for friends, a yearly routine.

The story of Tom & Hannah

Few weeks ago, I had this conversation with the best friend:
Me: You know, things will be different if I remarry. It will be difficult to meet up.
Him: No it wont. Hmm, probably. We wont be able to see each other and hang out as much as we both want to. Remember there was a time when we hanged out a lot, when I had more time? (before he started having jet-setting life-style)

It has been a week after the bombshell was dropped. I have been given ample time to decide. My life has been progressing well, especially career wise. Yet I owe my daughter a chance to try living in Malaysia. My Sifus are against with the idea. They believe I have a shot to make my mark here. Getting a job back home is easy, what matters is finding one which balances my role as a mother and a career driven woman.

I am prepared to let go of what I build so far here to give my daughter a chance to be happier. Then again, like my brother said, "I dont want you to sacrifice what you have for uncertain future and unfulfilled expectations."

The bombshell is certainly not making my decision easier, especially when I have many reasons to say yes.

Give me a reason to say no...

It rained heavily tonight, perhaps marking the commencement of the holy month. A few years ago exactly in the same month, when I faced the most difficult decision to make, I asked The One Above to give me guidance on what to do. It was the lowest point of my life. Now, again when I am torn for a good reason, I hope He can give me some answers....

Ramadhan

Both me and mini Ms B would like to wish everyone a blessed Ramadhan. May we find peace during this month.

(It is strange to not have you around this time).

Flirtation 101

“How do you do it?”

My girlfriends keep asking me this question on how of all people, I manage to have an “interesting” life, when in reality I am the most unlikely to have one. Anyone who knows me and my routine would understand that my life is hectic. Being a single parent and a corporate financier in a major financial city is no joke. Back in the old days, I worked 70++hrs a week for at least 8 weeks straight while still breastfeeding my girl (once I worked from 9am till 5 am for 5 days in a row! Yup, 3 hrs of sleep on average.). These days, I am lucky. Hours arent as bad as before.

And no, I dont have the supermodel look but somehow, I hang out with men who can easily get those kind. So how do I do it? Beats me but I think the following article can help most women out there:

Should you put the breaks in flirting?

Scientists tell us that females of all cultures make sexual connections through sequences of specific flirting behaviors. The ethologist Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt captured this on film some 30 years ago, with a camera that appeared to point in one direction while actually shooting in another. He found that women of all languages, classes and religious backgrounds attracted men through the same gestures.
The bottom line (pardon the pun) is that buttock tilting and back swaying come about as naturally to me as spaceflight. Though flirting is supposedly wired into our brains, my brain appears to have shorted out in regard to giggling and licking my lips. And yet even I have stumbled upon a set of seductive behaviors that work surprisingly well for me. If you share my chronic back spasms and total lack of sexual self-confidence, you too might find them useful.

Step 1: Identify a specific person with whom you really, truly want to have sex
Now, that I can understand. To actually have sex, I must be not only in love but also in full legal possession of the other party's medical records. The advantage of this approach is that what you miss in casual thrills, you gain in long-term compatibility. That initial spark of interest leads not to the nearest motel room but to the prolonged scrutiny you would give an unrecognizable substance before deciding to include it in a cake.
If you consistently wake up next to people you no longer respect, try doing deliberately what I do involuntarily: Hold in your mind a vivid picture of a genital wart. (The Internet provides plenty, and I am here to tell you, they're the opposite of pornographic.)
Superimpose this image over the dashing smile of that cute guy at the bar. This should give you pause -- a pause you can use to investigate whether the dashing smile is backed up by kindness, humor, honesty, and other qualities you probably want in a mate.
If you do this, you're on the verge of discovering something amazing: Simple, sustained attention can be more powerfully seductive than all the eyelash-fluttering, tongue-flicking, back-swaying displays that make men want to fondle the likes of Cathy and prescribe seizure medication for the likes of me.

Step 2: Lust for the other person's subjective experience
Here is the secret of sexual success for the confidence impaired: While people will decide to have casual sex with you based on how you look, they'll decide to have meaningful sex with you based on how you see.
The reason I've managed to make the connections I desired is that I'm fascinated by people's stories. Beneath the small-talk surface, every life is a fascinating novel, so I always follow the suggestion from Proverbs 4:7, "With all thy getting get understanding." This directive means stand under, in the relatively lowly position of student, and let whomever we're trying to understand occupy the high ground of teacher. And -- this is key -- the body language we use to do this overlaps significantly with the biology of flirting.
Anthropologist David Givens, author of the book "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship," says that a crucial sexual-attraction message is "I am harmless." We communicate this with "submissive displays," such as turning our hands palm up, tilting our heads, exposing our vulnerable necks. A tilted-head half-shrug is typical of sexually attracted people having their first conversation. It's also a posture you'll unconsciously assume when you're trying to understand another person's experience.

Step 3: Get a life
I favor reality shows in which people do things that require skill, talent, or daring: crab fishing, singing, clothing design, Latin dance. The popularity of these shows suggests I'm not the only person tuning in. Generally, the harder the participants have to work, the more interesting the process.
Even when cameras aren't rolling, people love to watch others work hard, learn skills, and take risks. Remember the old "Peanuts" cartoons in which Lucy mooned endlessly over Schroeder, whose only interest was the piano? That stereotype is based in truth: People who are mastering something that fascinates them become fascinating to others. If you want to capture people's attention, put your own attention on something that has nothing to do with them: oil painting, cooking, wildlife rescue. The more you get lost in what you're doing, the more interesting you'll become.

Best Practices: The one-two-three-punch combination
If you use the three steps above in quick succession, you'll become an attention magnet. It's like a trick move in martial arts: Target your person of interest, focus entirely on them, then abruptly divert your attention. Pow, pow, pow!
These steps allow any flirtatiously challenged person to bypass the whole complicated, alarming world of sexual tension and attraction among normal people. You can do the dance of seduction without even meaning to -- simply by letting yourself be openly drawn to people, their stories, and your own deepest fascinations.

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/08/28/o.damn.im.hot/index.html
****
Happy flirting everyone! I'm off to my Cashmere mafia session with Ms Versatile.

Beautiful mess

Beautiful Mess - Jason Mraz

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
Based on your body language,
your shouted cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
'Cause I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

Happy birthday to a dear friend. Thank you for making me part of your life, for this beautiful friendship. I wish you happiness and peace. You are always close to my heart.

Btw, I love the song. *smiles* Thank you.....

Cashmere Mafia

Four ambitious, sexy women who have been best friends since business school, Mia, Zoe, Juliet and Caitlin, try to have it all. They aren't just powerful and intelligent as singular executive sensations in a man's world; they've bonded into a formidable unit  a female "boys' club" -- to support and counsel each other through good times and bad. How better to climb up the corporate ladder than with your buddies at your side?

Set in glamorous New York City, where titans of media, finance, advertising and publishing reside, these driven women, who daily share their relatable and relevant problems dealing with both the boardroom and bedroom, combine their smarts, wit and humor to deal with personal and professional misfortunes and stunning triumphs. Whether it's coping with rocky marriages, fending off scheming colleagues or just trying to find themselves in the midst of chaotic lives, these compelling women use their valuable friendship to keep centered.


*****

I bet this is going to be an interesting series, especially when I can relate myself to it. *winks*

So which character do you think I am?

The chase

Meredith: It’s the chase, isn't it?
Derek: What?
Meredith: The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell-bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss. You know it’s against the rules. You know I keep saying no. It’s the chase.
Derek: Well it's fun, isn't it?
Meredith: You see! This is a game to you, but not to me. Because, unlike you, I still have something to prove.

Recently I said to someone, that I was tired being chased. Sometimes I cant stop feeling that I am just a trophy. Sometimes I wish they see beyond all that, I am still a person.

They say be careful of what you wish for...

Recent events led me to a new plan, which probably works best for me and my girl. So I set up my mind to focus on the new plan and enough with the roller coaster, so to speak. Up until today when a bombshell was dropped.

Any sane single woman would probably want to be in my shoes at the moment. But here’s a thought, how do I go back to where I left behind? It was hard enough to pull myself and put the broken pieces together. I have moved on. I have a new plan. I am willing to give up what I have here in order to give Malaysia a chance to be a home for me and lil. Somehow my life functions better without a man in the picture (I meant a serious partner. I still look forward to the company of yummilicious men. *winks*)

Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any more exciting.

ps: I hope there is no more drama this week. If it happens, I need another holiday, probably a trip to Tuscany. *rolling eyes*

On a lighter note

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Of being a mother

My mother cried, asking for forgiveness if she has made me worried with her problems as she feels my burdens are greater than hers and for not being able to be there for me whenever I face a challenge...

I whispered to her ears, "mummy, you know I am strong.. All I need is your prayers."

My girl saw my tears, the first in a long time. Later in the car while driving, I could hear her crying. I turned back and saw her tears rolling down on her cheeks..

I held her tiny hands and said, "remember, we will always have each other. Dont be sad and dont worry about me. As long as we are together, Allah will always protect us."

Being strong is not an option to me....it is a must...

A happy ending in every story

In a few days time, we will be going back, to a place that for now is home to both of us. Things will be back to reality. Back to the things that I am certain of. Being a single parent to a wonderful daughter, having a high flying career and the opportunity to make it big there. For now, those are the things that I have...

My holiday started low with some (un)expected events. My emotions were mixed, struggling to find where my life will lead me next. Some things remain unchanged, things that I have no control of. I tried my best to not let it interfere with my life by focussing on what I do best. So the past few weeks, a friend of mine opened up my eyes that my gift would probably be touching a person's life in a way that they need it at that point of time. She explained on why people still remember me, despite the years of absence. I have been bumping into people from the past and I could not recall them, yet they remember me and the little things I did.

And like every summer break in the movies, there will be an event that will make your holiday worthwhile. The last few days have been great, spending time with a new friend. I hope the person enjoyed my company as I did. Probably it was the highlight of my holiday. *smiles* and just like the movies, it will always come to end. For what its worth, I hope I have touched your life in a way you feel it best. Open your heart to new opportunities...seek happiness within yourself and it will come to you.

Both me and Mini B look forward to go back, to our cosy flat. It may be nothing to what we have here but it is our home, where me and my lil girl build our memories together. A place full of love and laughter, always welcomes the company of good friends. Back to the things we love doing; a walk to the park, having coffee at Starbucks, hours at the book shop, making her favourite dishes (yes honey, I know you miss mummy's cooking)..

My holiday may have started low but like every story, it does have a happy ending... Thank you for making it memorable..

ps: this post is dedicated to House. Perhaps one day our paths will cross again.

Women on top

Take 1:

I went for a traditional malay massage, complete with hot stone pressed all over your body. Before the session commenced, the lady was surprised to know that I am a mother of one. Upon pulling down the batik cloth to massage my stomach, her jaws dropped, paused and said;
"Ya cantiknya badan Cik Puan!" (You have a beautiful body!)
When she continued with the massage, she kept saying that I have no fat. Even after the session ended, she told her supervisor and my mom that I have a nice body. Well, mom added that I eat a lot.
I felt like a beauty queen. *winks*

Take 2:
I went to the hospital for a medical check up. While filling the form, the nurse asked, "are you married miss?"
"I even have a daughter."
The nurses had a surprised look on their face.

Take 3:
My friend mentioned to her office mate, who used to work in the same department with me a few years back, that she was meeting me for dinner. The guy, known for his outspoken mind, said to my friend out loud, "Ms B, she's MILF". (kindly google the term if you have not heard of it, like I did until my friend explained it to me just now.)

I suppose all three should really make my day, among other things. Also, sorry for not being able to reply everyone's messages. Internet is damn slow!

ps: Yes Kak Teh, I am having fun! Miss u loads!

Pss: Why men (some) are just freakingly idiots??!!!! Breathe in breathe out.. I need some therapy.. can I secretly wish to dream both McDreamy and McSteamy tonite? *winks*

Gossip & men

Many things happened over the last few days, both good and bad. Mostly good, thankfully.

My schedule has been very packed, back to back meeting. Managed to catch up with many friends, including the significant ones (it kind of makes me having a moment of emotional roller coaster).

On another note, met a good friend and hubby who were both in London a few months ago. The hub aka Mr Fairlady, told me that his friend has been telling everyone that he met the most happening lady in London. To my surprise, his friend meant me! WTH! We’ve only met few times while his friend was there on holiday. Of all people, I could be the most unhappening person. I seriously cant remember the last time I went out late nights, checking the cool places. Anyway, his friend told Mr Fairlady that if I am in town, he should let them (his circle of friends) know. I suppose Mr Fairlady wanted to see my stamp of approval. Mind you, they are very successful, above average looking and single.

Sigh. I don’t know. So far, I’ve managed to avoid dates. I mean, the men I’m hanging out these days are all close friends (ie the Significant Ones). One particular Little Fish has been very persistent. I tell you, these boys really don’t know when to slow down. Yup! BOYS! We are talking more than 5 years of gap! Probably I’ll let them take me out for breakfast. Safe option. *LOL*

At the moment, I am in no position to say nor decide anything. But if I were, it will be a tough one.

So please let me have a peaceful holiday, especially since the package includes yummy men. *LOL*

Ps: pls excuse Ms B. She is trying to cheer herself up as it is hard to change people’s perception. No matter how much you’ve achieved, the stigma is always there. Oh well, at least my Tods and Ferragamos aren’t fake. *winks*

Touchdown

I was so excited to write this post but got annoyed by the slow connection! I mean, I'm sure the broadband we have at home is many times of the speed to the one I'm using in London but seriously, I cant describe how slow the connection is.

Oh well, flight was smooth but I didnt eat at all as I wasnt feeling bright. Mom made super delicious food which compensated the 12 hrs fasting. Went to bed at 10pm and woke up 2 hrs later, jet lag obviously.

What else? Bro wants to bring me to watch Dark Night. Everyone says it's a great movie. He said, that's if no one has asked me out on a date to watch it. *LOL*

I think it'll be quiet the next few days as I will be busy preparing for my girl's birthday bash. Also, want to check out the big malls. (Momster, I'm taking ur advice to experience our shopping plcs).

ps: Mr Big texted out of the blue and I replied, saying that I just touched down. He really has strong 6th sense. *winks*

Pre-holiday

Think I'm done packing. Just need to tidy the house a bit and off to the nearest cafe to have light meal. Luckily I decided to take the day off. Usually I still go to work if I'm catching the evening flight. Hopefully it will be a smooth journey.

Take care everyone!

Of waxing and holiday

Today at my usual beauty salon:

Beautician: Is it ok to have your daughter in here?

Me: Yes. Why not?

Beautician: You are here for Brazilian wax, right?

Huh? Luckily she asked, otherwise I’d have spent my Sunday in pain. *LOL* Anyway, not that my girl isn’t used to it. I think she has seen too many jungles each time she and her BFF (best friend forever) go for their swim. The women at the changing room bare all! The girls have fun commenting on them.

Besides, she knows I do it on my own. Only when I want to pamper myself, I get the professional to do it. I don’t think there is any difference between doing it on your own or spend an extra £15-30 for each treatment. Well, perhaps when it comes to, ehem certain difficult angles. If you are planning to wear a Brazilian bikini, then it’s a wise choice to get the professional. Otherwise, if you do it right, you can pass wearing a normal bikini.

Is it getting hot in here? *winks* Trust me. It’s the weather. It has been really warm these days. The past two days, I wore my beach style dresses with slippers. Wanted to wear sandals but knowing I had to finish my shopping list along Regent Street to Oxford Street, I resorted to slippers.

I’m 80% packed. Mini B is excited, more because she wants to see her friends and her second birthday bash. This year, her party here was more matured than last year. We had it at the bowling centre. I took the party package; an hour of bowl followed by party, complete with goodie bag. Stress-free. Last year, her theme was Pirates of the Caribbean.

As for me, I am actually looking forward to go home. I sense that it will be an interesting one, opportunities to explore.

Also, I am looking forward to see a few fellow bloggers, especially Simah as we have been gossiping tru the phone all these time, as well as D who indirectly knows me tru Simah and Kak Teh. Insya-Allah, we’ll meet.

Not my time

Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and love and all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the currents slowly pulling me down
It's getting harder to breath
It won't be too long and I'll be going under
Can you save me from this

It's not my time, I'm not going
There's a fear in me
It's not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Oh, I won't go

I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I'm in a world that tries to take them away
Oh, but I'm taking them back
All this time I've just been to blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend, this life we live
Is not what we have, it's what we believe

It might be more than you believe
It might be something you can't see

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you can see

I won't go!
No I wooooon't gooooo down!

Dreaming of you...

She's tough. She tries to hide it. She's difficult. But if you make an effort, she's worth it. She's worth the effort.

People keep telling that I look radiant and full of life, or from those who listen to my tone of voice, I sound chirpy and smiling ear to ear. Apparently they can sense my smile through the way I speak. People seem to think that I am in love.

I dont think I am in a relationship. I mean, I am not seeing anyone exclusively. I have friends, tho these days I am re-arranging my patterns. I am keeping my distance from negative minded people. They are pretty contagious. A friend said, it can be lonely at the top. I am learning my lesson but at least I am grateful to have my girl by my side.

People always underestimate me. Instead of letting them continue bugging my life, I slowly disengage myself from them. Perhaps some people love living on others’ misery. Like a leech, instead of sucking blood, they suck our soul and spirit.

Anyway, I can spend ages writing about the leeches but I rather use my time to say how good it is to have a friend who supports your dream. Funny enough, I told my desire to achieving something to two people. One simply laugh at it (ok, maybe not to that extreme, more like a smirk from the tone of voice), the other gave a very sound advice, pushing me towards achieving it.

I choose the latter.

Now I know you are the reason why I am smiling these days. Unknowingly, you have been touching my life all these while. I shall hold on to that dream.

ps: can I secretly wish of dreaming of you? *winks*

Love, loss and loneliness

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
Namun ini hanya ada di bibir
Di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
Walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban di hidupku
Biarkan saja biar saja
Hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
Penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
Untuk tetap kuberdiri

Oh! ada saatnya kubicara
Bila hatiku t'lah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
Aku tetap diam

“Don’t you feel lonely with just you and your daughter here?”

Back then, I was surrounded by many people. I was constantly meeting them. It was the loneliest time I ever felt. To keep myself not feeling that way, I ensured my mind was preoccupied. First it was the education, then the career together with professional exam, subsequently the lil one came along and I juggled between her and my career.

It was the hectic lifestyle that made me feel less lonely.

Somehow, being away from people, having time for myself, not having to meet people’s expectations, make me feel at peace. Through my girl’s eyes, I learn that simplicity is the key to love and happiness. For all what we went through and the things that we are blessed now, always the simple stuffs that bond us together. Walking together to school, hanging out at the park, saying “love you” while she’s busy playing with her games (wii/ds lite/pc) and expecting me to say it back, the hugs and cuddles whenever we can etc.

Your love and faith has brought us this far, and it will lead us further. And now, when you are about to celebrate your birthday, remember that you will always be my baby girl. May all your wishes come true. May all your prayers are heard. And yes my dear, if mummy gets married, you will have the honour to hold my veil.

Gossip & hubby material

Come to think of it, the only reason I love watching Gossip Girl is the love that these two have for each other, even after 20 years! The scene when Rufus gave Lily away on her wedding (literally speaking) would have been the sweetest moment these two will ever share.

Speaking of gossips, rumours has it that I’m going to X city for an assignment. The truth is I don’t even know that I am part of the team. But hey, any news is still good, right? It shows that people think of me. *smiles*

Had an interesting text exchange with Mr Big:

Me: Your boss, The Armani Man, is really yummy. For his age, he looks really damn good.
Mr Big: Tell me about it. He’s quite a candy hubby material.
Me: Yeah. Tall, lean body, handsome looking in a suit to die for! Seriously yummy.
(I actually asked Mr Big if he could help me out. *LOL*)

Another interesting conversation with mom. She tried to promote someone through the phone! Told her that if I decide to get married, preferably he’s a friend i.e. someone I can talk to (of course it’s a bonus if he comes with a certain package.) *winks* In the last two months, including mom, quite a number of people think that I’m getting married soon (i.e. this year). If this keeps going, even I myself will end up believing. Oh yeah, even my horoscope said the same thing! “It’s a good year for your soul-mate to appear”. Something along those lines.

Goosebumps all over but who wouldn’t want a candy man, especially when he respects you as a person, a woman and a friend? Someone who protects your values and virtues.

Now, that’s totally priceless.

Anything but ordinary

“Why do I have to apologise for being successful?”

I met a young woman today. Only 22 years of age, and she is already a successful businesswoman. She is here on holiday, taking some time off from work (after ensuring future revenues are secured). I told her that she should be proud of herself. More than half of my friends around my age are nowhere close to where she is now.

When she shared her story of how hard it was when she first started her business, I could see she was trying to keep her tears from flowing. She related on how her friends looked down at her for not achieving the paper qualifications and for judging the way she appears when her values are much stronger and intact compare to her friends. Somehow, the woman who was sitting opposite me reminded me of me.

Now, when she has achieved this far, she feels she no longer has friends. I told her to not undervalue herself. As long as you put your heart and soul into something you believe in, and have a conscious mind that it is for the greater good, you will go far. She should be proud of her success, being able to come here on holiday for a few months, taking extra course to fill up her time and buying high end items for her family. The more you give, the more you receive. I believe her life is blessed because she shares it with her family.

So I shared my story with her.

I work with a large corporation, with presence worldwide. In my department, female makes up to 20% and from Director and below, only 4 of us are mothers. Of course I am proud with my achievement. We shouldn’t feel guilty for our success. We work hard for it. We earn it. Never let anyone make you think unworthy of your own success. Never let anyone pull your spirits down.

On a lighter note, I am now a proud owner of a Tods handbag. I hardly go to Tods as the price after sales is still way costly than a Ferragamo. But I went, found a nice one and took it (after much persuasion from Ms Versatile!). Even my sifus agreed it was a well deserved treat.

Always remember that you are anything but ordinary.

Of a wish

Sometimes you make a wish. And a wish falls as “a desire, longing, or strong inclination for a specific thing”. I made some wishes and best to say that, one by one, it was realised.

There are times that you just have to follow your gut feeling, trashing away all advice from your so-called friends and the “what ifs”. As humans, we analyse too much. As women, we do that twice more.

We are responsible for our own happiness. We have to trust our heart. Even when others fail to see, as long we know, that is all that matters. Some things are best left unspoken. As long as you both know it is there, it makes your day. It makes life more meaningful.

I had my wish granted today. I had some good news to share and all I could think of, how nice it'd be to have a good friend around. And I did, even if it was a short visit.

Counting my blessings each day.

Two become one

Booth: Here we are, all of us basically lone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some they just give up hope, because in their mind they think: "Oh, there is nobody out there for me." But all of us we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while, every once in a while two people meet and there is that spark. And yes Bones, he is handsome and she is beautiful and maybe that's all they see at first. But making love, making love, that's when two people become one.

Bones: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.

Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right we get close.

Friendship revisit

"Our true friends are those who are with us when the good things happen. They cheer us on and are pleased by our triumphs. False friends only appear at difficult times, with their sad, supportive faces, when, in fact, our suffering is serving to console them for their miserable lives." The Zahir: Paulo Coelho

I read the book a few months ago but somehow, recent events reminded me the above statement. I have this feeling that some people are not happy with the good things in my life at the moment.

There are times that you just can’t be bothered with some friends. Then again, if the above statement is true, are they exactly your true friends?

I believe we are capable to achieve the impossible dreams, or even better, our wish list. The only thing that is stopping us is ourselves, specifically, our minds. Good things do not come easily. I worked hard for the promotion. I had my fair share of late nights, thorough self review, taking more responsibilities from my directors etc. I have been managing home affairs on my own ever since the lil one came into my life. I know it took me longer than others to get recognised but I feel the time is right. I am in a better position to balance both roles, being a mother and climbing the career ladder.

It helps when you are surrounded by successful friends; Mrs Rock, Mrs Dior, Ms Versatile, Mr Milan, The Godfather etc. Every little thing helps, from treating us dinner to taking care of my lil one when I am away.

I am grateful for all the good things in my life; a lovely daughter, a good (or great) career and a dear friend (yet to be defined). Yet, it amazes me when people say things that make me feel I don’t deserve them.

Maybe I should consider the meaning of friendship. Maybe I should consider who should be my friends. I think I need a mental break from these people.

Seriously.

To be thankful

Today, I am thankful for people started to congratulate me for my promotion. From my peers to the top, and the compliments were sincere, spoken from the heart, with soft tone of the voice and the look from their eyes. I was not around when the announcement was made, thus I am touched that these people remembered.

Today, I am thankful that we are given a token of appreciation for our hard work. I guess we can call it as mid year bonus. It came just few months after we had our bonus. For people at my level, it is not much but I am sure it meant a big deal to our secretaries and staff. Still, getting free money is always good and like what best friend said, it covers my ridiculous amount of shopping for the past 2 weeks (hey, it is the sale season! My favourite brands were selling at 70% off). I have also treated myself a new purse after few years of wishing and browsing. An elegant white Loewe purse. It goes perfectly well with the new white Ferragamo handbag.

Today, I am thankful for having good friends around. I took Mrs Rock and family out last week to celebrate my good fortune. Today, the kids played at my home until 9pm. Mr & Mrs Rock waited patiently at my place so that the kids enjoyed themselves. My mom always says that having visitors at home brings blessing.

Today, I am thankful for a dear friend is thinking of me, that I am in his thoughts. Regardless how busy he is and whichever continent he may be, he drops me a line. Tho secretly, I was wishing for him to do so as I was missing our friendship. Also, who wouldn’t mind to get warm and fuzzy messages, right? *winks*

Today, I am thankful for everything that I have and I look forward for more good things to come.

Right person vs timing

Sepi



Sometimes it is all about timing. You could probably meet the right person but circumstances make it impractical or impossible to be together. You probably were with another person or vice versa, live in another city (or country) or have other (achievable) things to think of. Sometimes, you have fallen for that person all these while and only realise it at a much later stage of your life. Sometimes, no matter how strong you feel for each other, you know you are best being friends.

Giving without expecting. To love unconditionally...But somehow.. the more you give, the more you receive... We just need to have faith in it.

ps: Why do I feel that I can relate myself to this movie even when I know the possibility of watching it is very remote????