Monday, October 06, 2008

Sweet child of mine

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry

I emailed one of my Sifus that I met his ex-colleague. The Flying Dutchman knew a lot about him and I presumed they were close. However, Sifu couldn’t recall who Flying Dutchman was and asked for some description. All I said was that he is really good looking and looks young for his age. He could be almost a decade older than me but he looks like in early 30s, quite a catch, Orlando Bloom’s body (of course I didn’t disclose these details to Sifu).

My Sifu on the other hand replied, “Single? Available? Go for it!” huh??? I felt like smacking my head when I read his email. I know Sifu meant well. All of them are. During my trip back, another Sifu said something similar, “for now, you have the lil one but she’s growing up. One day, you would want to have a companion.”

I have been a single parent for a few years now. In fact, close friends said that I have been managing the family by myself ever since the lil one was born. For as long as I can remember I have been on my own, literally speaking. The only difference between now and then is that I have my girl by my side.

And you know what? Despite there were times that I felt my life was falling apart, I had many sweet memories. My girl was a cheerful baby. She was always smiling and laughing. They were contagious, mind you. Even at my lowest point, a look at her face would make me smile. Sometimes when I was studying late night (for my professional exam) and felt stressed out, I just crawled in bed and snuggled next to her. I would probably be the only mom who would wake her daughter up after coming home late from work (due to unrealistic deadline) just to play with her. Others would be glad that their kids were already in bed but me, I would try my best to wake her up and spend some time to play. The moment she opened her eyes, she’d giggle and smooch me.

Now my baby is a young girl, doing extremely well. She has built a strong confidence level over the years. People speak immaculate things about her. Today she received the “School Council” badge. I think the Student Council works closely with the Principal in organising school events and liaising students’ issues. I can see she’s happy with her achievement.

I know my life is blessed, especially with a beautiful daughter. Yet, even she wants me to have my happily ever after.

The truth is, I dont even know whether I am capable to be committed in a relationship. My priority will always be her and if a man decides that he wants to be with me, he has to be prepared for that.

Or perhaps because of that, they will make their exit...

14 comments:

*fizzy* said...

posted an entry on a similar topic [being single]..lol..but with a different point of view.. hehehehehe..

Anonymous said...

I am sure if a man wants you, he will accept the l'il one with open arms...

she is one girl hard not to love, you know! :)

Anonymous said...

so sweet..i'm sure she'll be proud of u coz u r such a great mum :)

D said...

You are certainly blessed with an angel! Congratulations to Mommy and Daughter!

You know, we only deserve the best, so if there is someone good enough for us - he will come one day. If not, then, we're better off without. Pray for the best, and the best will it be.

(macam bagus je advise orang!LOL!!)

Melb said...

Insyaallah, this is all about jodoh.

Lee said...

Hi Ms B, you certainly have a wonderful daughter.
How was she when you took her balek kampong, having grown up in the West?
I guess we all feel kind of like fish out of ayer when balek kampong, ha ha.

Ms B, you just stay easy...be yourself, and thru ahemmm, experiences, someone will come into your life....its just your stars not in right alignment.
Or sometimes maybe you missed him.

One of this days will bring out a story of a friend of mine, almost similar to your story...
and today happily married, add two kids too.
Anyway, you just look beautiful and smile...have a great week, best regards, Lee.

Ms B said...

fizzy dear,

*smiles* read and commented. *winks* As long as we are happy with our choice, what people think should not matter.

U take care k.

Ms B said...

momster,

I hope so. But not many men expect me to bring my girl on a date.

So far, only one man expected so and asked about my girl on our first date. But ok lah kan. At least one out of many means there are still good men out there.

*smiles* my girl is very sweet. I pun cair. *LOL*

Ms B said...

Hi inah,

Thank you! What matters is that she believes and trusts that I am a good mother to her, when others think otherwise. Her love and faith keeps me going, and in return, we have a good life together.

Ms B said...

d,

"macam bagus je advise orang!" Well, at least ur advice is free. *LOL*

Thats the thing! You know, I thought I'd be miserable without someone. Instead, when I focus on my own needs and wants, my life seems to be sailing. With all the things on my plate, I find it hard to be in a relationship. I have a chance to make a great career and not just a job (it is a good job pun).

Besides, how would I know having "him" is better than reading a good book? *winks* I better stick to things I know best. *rolling eyes*

SYUKS said...

to be in a relationship..not just about accepting only the other party in our life but accepting the person's precious things in our life too !

Ms B said...

Hi ms curvy,

Jodoh is out there but surely one must put some effort, which I for one, lack of.

Ms B said...

Hi Lee,

Both of us love to balik kampung and we both feel out of place, in some ways.

It is not that I missed "him" but my circumstances makes it close to impossible to proceed it to the next step. So when I meet a good guy, I dont even get the chance to get to know him better because of my lifestyle.

For me, my career is important as it provides the security and stability for me and my daughter. Unless of course if I get a windfall out of nowhere. *smiles*

Ms B said...

Syuks,

Ideally that would be the case. But it is not exactly an ideal world, right? I have to be practical and remind myseld that to find that rare gem is close to impossible.

Well, I am sure there are people who accept their loved ones and whatever comes along with them, which could be responsibilities attached, health, work conditions etc.

I still believe in fairy tales, tho I am adjusting mine to a realistic one.