of Harry Potter

Last night while doing some research, I found an interesting fact about a school which she applied for. One of the characters in Harry Potter went to that institution. She got so excited and claimed that it'd be her dream school.

And so today when I got home, there was the much anticipated letter which had her exam results. The young lady passed the entrance test and got invited for an interview.

It doesnt matter if she gets accepted or not. All I know is that by passing the exam (these are really hard papers), she has demonstrated that she has achieved a level above her peers.

Of course it'd be a bonus if she does well in the interview and get accepted, right? Then she can claim that she goes to the same school as the witch. *winks*

Well done my dear. We are proud of you.

Winter is here

Most of the time I am ok, taking each day as it is, trying to find a glimpse of ray through those grey cloudy skies or changing the tune of the raindrops to a soothing rhythm, so that winter doesn’t feel as cold as it should.

However there are days that I feel at total loss, not knowing what to do or whether I have enough strength to support those who need me. All I want is to hide myself under the duvet and let the dam break, allowing those suppressed emotions flow freely.

Sometimes it only takes a message from someone who appreciates your gesture to keep them in the loop, thinking you are brave and rational to plan things ahead, and that if they were in our shoes they would probably sink than swim, to break you.

It is hard when the person who held your hands and guided you when you were young is now relying on you to be their rock. The roles are now reversed and your mind has to be focussed to keep them going. You have to assess the situation from all angles and give suitable advice, hoping that it would be the best course of action.

Winter is here but the worst is yet to come. When it does, I pray I am ready…

The extended break

I have decided to extend this break until I feel things are more certain. At the moment, I am needed by my loved ones and to put aside my career is a small price to pay. I do not want to wake up one day feeling regretful for not taking this chance to be there for them. I am blessed for having friends who have been giving strong support during this troubled time, some have taken up my role by physically being there for my loved ones. I cant thank them enough and wish the Almighty to repay their kindness.

Most importantly, I am blessed for having a supportive partner and daughter to keep me going.

I had better days

I lost count on the number of times when I had to face or handle challenging situation. So whenever someone asks if I am ok, I prefer to answer, “I had better days.”

Who am I to complain of my circumstance when I know some have far difficult obstacles and my worries are peanuts compare to theirs? I can make the situation worse by whining or moaning and add more misery to this world which has enough depressing stories as it is. Instead of putting another shot of coffee, why not add sugar or mocha and make it less bitter?

For the time being, I am focussing on the things that I am grateful for.

I am thankful that we have a comfortable home in a safe environment.
I am thankful that the young lady still maintains her adorable personality even when I know she can easily step up and be like the rest of her peers who are chic and trendy.
I am thankful that despite of my countless worries which have led to visible wrinkles, I have been mistakenly taken as being in 20s.
I am thankful that my friends have been there for me through thick and thin, despite our crazy ways. I am thankful that I took (calculative) risks which took me to soul-searching journeys.
I am thankful for being given a second chance in love.

So I hope I will remain strong and positive for those who need me now. The list should keep me going and smiling...

*Ms B dedicates this post to her mum whom the young lady inherits her passion for writing.

Diary of a SAHM

It is always assumed that SAHMs have the luxury to do whatever they desire but after taking this position twice in my ‘career’ life, the theory is yet to be proven. While enjoying my leftover chicken rice and waiting for the laundry, I am trying to squeeze a post to my neglected blog.

Our day starts with preparing kids’ packed lunch which varies from making puffs from last night’s meals (so far, lamb stew has been rated excellent by the young lady as the meat is tender and goes well with pastry) to freshly made salad pasta (imagine nasi goreng but rice is substituted with Italian staple). Breakfast usually consists of something warm such as sausages, scrambled eggs or pancakes.

After we drop the kids to school, there is the morning coffee session with other SAHMs or ladies of leisure. I usually take this opportunity to read the daily newspaper and catch-up on the latest issue or gossip for that matter. This can last up to 2 hours depending on the topic of discussion, especially if it’s about politics or economy. Then we’re back to our homes and tend to domestic routine. In my case, I was busy with her school’s needs (the agony of transferring to secondary school, both state and public) which saw me doing lots of research, attending open days and narrowing them down to those that met our requirements. Lately I have been performing pro-bono work reviewing documents for the partner and my dining area has been turned into a mini office. Not forgetting the volunteering role at school and as it is Xmas time, we have loads of activities to do. We have the school fair and performances coming soon.

Later during the day it is time to pick our kids who look forward to a nice tea at home. So far I have been creative, making tuna melt, mini pizza or smoked salmon with bagel. There are days where I’ll get something from M&S bakery (their donuts are so fluffy!). When I am up to it, nasi goreng will be served.

As for dinner, thankfully she’s not fussy but she loves variety. Our oven is highly utilised with a selection of pasta, roast chicken or lamb, baked fish, etc. Stew is another popular dish, best served with garlic bread. Twice a week we’ll have rice on the menu and Sunday is always the day we’ll make traditional malay meal.

In between tea and dinner, it’s time to go through her homework. Well, I’ll watch my Ellen show while she comes to me if she gets stuck. If she’s done with her work, we usually have an extra tutoring session where we’ll discuss complex maths or comprehension.

Just before she goes to bed, we’ll have a chat on school’s stuff (e.g. anyone is giving her a hard time) or girlfriend talk. Somehow, that’s the time when I am mentally alert and able to absorb her stories. The rest of the day I get lost in her bubbly chat no matter how interesting the topic may be.

As for night time, it’s when I indulge myself in guilty pleasures watching sexy vampires or hot agents in action. I see myself getting attracted to Damon each day. He can be a real sweetie…

Somehow being a SAHM I have no reason to decline social obligations, hence coffee and lunch sessions are common. The day just goes by before I know it!

So there are times when I miss working and have the ability to delegate everything. Packed lunch to the hands of the school dinner ladies, homework and house chores to the nannies, reasonable excuses to decline invitation etc.

Right, I better get going as the laundry is calling.

Expectation

It was a heart-breaking scene for me, to see the young lady broke down and expressed her frustration. It was only then that I realised how much pressured she felt all these while.

“My teachers and classmates expect me to do well and I simply couldn’t handle,” came the words out from her mouth.

We were walking back to the station and I stopped halfway to give her the longest hug, oblivious to our surrounding.

It’s good to be recognised as gifted and able but along with it comes responsibility. She knew what it meant to perform well on that day; that her school is capable to produce bright students like her.

Regardless which school she attends, she has demonstrated that she is able to excel. Yet in her case, the reason she has managed to do so is because she feels tests are fun. Since they are done randomly, there is no preparation involved which makes it more exciting (her words, not mine. I feel exams are horrendous).

That night while I tucked her into bed, I told her that it is pointless to be academically strong when you are clueless about life. I want her to be culturally rich, understand and appreciate her religion, able to connect with other people, remember her roots no matter where our journey takes us.

Above all, I want her to cherish her childhood and explore things which might lead to her passion.

I am proud of her achievements and thankful for what she has become. I hope she knows that too….

But if you never try, you’ll never know
Just what you are worth

Cafe revisited

I wonder why people assume cafés are the best place to discuss issues not meant for the light-hearted. Ellen once highlighted this and recently I had an unpleasant encounter of such meeting which didn’t end up well.

I presumed this couple was on the verge of separation or finalising their divorce. The topic was the guy’s access to the kids which I think was increased from fortnightly to weekly. It was a good thing, however, the guy lives quite far and commuting to London weekly was not practical.

Imagine his horror when the rationale for this proposal was to give mum more time with her new beau.

Then the next topic was trust funds which the lady wanted to increase age of full access so that she has control of the money. Somehow image of that Beetles’ guy and his ex-wife crossed my mind. At this point, the guy was fuming mad and stormed out. I don’t blame him as I would probably go nuts as well.

I had to keep a straight face reading the newspaper when this couple was right behind me, trying to keep their conversation under control.

Totally awkward!

Splurge of the day

Out of the blue, I decided to head to the nearest HMV store and got myself the following:


I totally love their latest single, hence it was just a matter of time to get the album and check it out. I’ve only listened to it once but I feel it was worth it.

No doubt the song that makes people sway their hips has got my attention to get their CD. Unfortunately I have yet to play it.

As for the young lady, this was her choice:

Obviously her album has conquered the stereo. Hmmm…..

Perhaps I should come up with a chart and both of us have equal slot time to play our songs. Then again, that wouldn’t stop her from singing her heart out.

Enjoy the weekend!

House-warming

I am back!! *smiles*

Our home broadband was up and running since yesterday and I must say that the speed is one those things that I miss when I am back in Malaysia. Our place feels homely with pictures and adornments placed on shelves and walls. Her red bookshelf couldnt cope with her collection and they have occupied the corridor's spare shelf. I figured out how to set up the home theatre system (someone should have warned me that the speakers' base weight a tonne!) and all the channels are crystal clear.

As we will be hosting our house-warming this Sunday, I have started the preparation by making kerisik from scratch today. We are changing the menu slightly. Instead of soto, we will probably make nasi jagung which will go well with salad for my vegetarian friends. Pulut is a must and the young lady looks forward to it. Not forgetting chicken rendang and beef curry.

Happy Eid everyone!

Home away from home...

We are home.... and somehow I'm taken on a ride of yesteryears, back to where I had my first taste of live concert. It was worth every penny.

I cant wait for our things to arrive and I'll probably play their CDs the moment I get my hands on them.

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go

oh sunny days...

Due to the scorching hot weather, we decided to head to Southbank and checked out the area. On the river bank it was packed with street performers which ranged from sketch artists, group orchestra, hiphop dancers etc. Right before Royal Festival Hall, it had stalls set up like our typical street market. The young lady, together with the rest of the kids there, had a blast playing with bubbles which turned out as wide as your stretched arms.

Then on Sunday, as I made a wok of bihun goreng, it was fair enough that I took her and friends for a picnic at Kensington Gardens. I packed grapes, donuts, juices and Oreos and off we went. While the girls ran around silly and made up games, I sat on the mat and had a book to keep me company. It had been a long time since I last did so.

I believe the young lady deserves a break from her normal routine and as much as I want to prepare her for the upcoming entrance exams, she should be allowed to be a kid. Enjoying the buzzy atmosphere of the city and getting herself dirty at the parks are healthy and probably make her a better child.

So I’m maximising the remaining sunny days with lots of outdoor activities, though I think my legs should rest for a bit as I did too much of walking for the past week.

September luck

The young lady has settled well at her old school and feels slightly pressured as her class teacher read her Year 5 year-end report to the whole class. We’ll be sitting with him to discuss her secondary school option which includes both state and public institutions. I think I have covered enough grounds and reached to a point that I couldn’t be bothered anymore. The idea is for her to be able to nail either top public (i.e. fee-paying) or good state school. Naturally we prefer she gets into those top fee-paying places, subject to she likes them. There is no point sending her to these schools if she doesn’t. So she has started her own research and whether these places have what she wants – Arts, Music, Science.

We managed to secure a place which is even better than what we had before and closer to the school. The young lady cant wait to move in and starts decorating her room. Our things are still in warehouse and since the storage fee is only GBP10 per week, I decided to let them stay there until we move to the new home.

Job wise, interview with the headhunter went well and she has highlighted which areas will be good for me. It seems she has to do her own research to find suitable roles for me due to my ‘colourful experience’ and seniority. Oh well, she gets good commission, so I am sure it will be worth her time.

At the same time, barely a week ago I received a phone call from a company back home who was interested in me. They were willing to cover my airfare and few nights of accommodation for the interview. However, I told them that since I’m back in UK, it is best that I focus on the job market here. If any of their bosses are in town, I am more than happy to have a quick chat over coffee to discuss future opportunities with the company.

On top of that, another ‘durian runtuh’ came to our lap and while we are thankful for it, it would have been nice to find out before us adjusting to London’s life. So for now, we’ll be based here and travel frequently to KL.

Oh, and we found out the young lady will have another addition to her cousin clan, probably with blonde hair and blue or green eyes.

September has really been kind to us. Thank you…..

Holiday review

Generally it was a good holiday and we managed to catch up with family and friends. The young lady spends every week with her cousins, strengthening the bond they share. Her group has been dominated by girls until the arrival of two nephews. The little ones are not amused and have been keeping everyone on their toes with their constant demand of attention. The young lady and her closest ally are sensible enough to mind their own business.

It also gives perspective to the young lady on why she prefers to live in London. Having big families requires time management, often results to the sacrifice of our ‘me slot’. Sometimes all she wants to do is to stay in the bedroom and enjoy her own company!

Perhaps I should consider doing contracting roles like some of my friends as they are able to squeeze 3 months of break in a year with their family, a good choice if they live on the other side of the world like Down Under. Some posts can lead up to double the remuneration of permanent jobs. Smart people tend to set up their own firm and engage headhunters to outsource contracting jobs to them in view of favourable tax. Perhaps I should explore this option if I want greater flexibility.

On the hand, I am also looking at possibility of returning given the right opportunity. Hence, I have spoken to friends if something comes up in their radar and mention my name to the party.

Hmm, my life seems to have constant changes. I am not sure if it is a good thing. Yet friends envy me for having some freedom to pursue what’s best for me and the young lady. In their eyes, I have wider options to go beyond. I should thank the path that was guided to me 15 years ago and just like a chess game, I made the right moves. Not all of them turned out well but the end results have led to where I am now.

Anyway, I am glad I caught up with my closest friends. The Professors – Fox and Chic, The Crazy Bunch, Ms Sixty who looks damn sexy despite giving birth a month ago, Single Lady, my trendy ‘adik-adik’ who are now working in the same line which I had 10 years ago, and Mrs Rock & family. Oh yeah, I managed to meet Momster briefly (we’ll catch up properly in few weeks’ time, ok?).

So I’ll keep you posted once we are back in UK. *smiles*

of Eid

I feel there is a lump in my throat, wishing to be freed and let the world know without thinking of the consequences. Yet here I am in a society where one can only share so much. One should know when it is ok to speak up.

So I remain silent and pray that I can survive the next few days without losing my mind.

Strange enough, I don’t feel the enthusiasm to celebrate Eid as others. While some rush to get new clothes or shoes, revamp their house or pamper themselves to look good for the day, I simply make do with what I have. Last year’s dresses were only worn once or twice and they still look awesome. It didn’t even occur to the young lady to request for new stuff as she knows she has more than enough.

In fact, I felt more blessed when we were in London; feeling thankful with what we had and having her by my side was more than enough to make Eid memorable.

I suppose the feeling is normal when you have spent a number of years away on this special occasion.

As long as the young lady is happy that she gets to spend Eid here, I know I am doing the right thing. What matters is her happiness and I try to fulfil as much as I can, even if it means our actions may not conform to the ‘right’ way of doing things.

Yet culture is subject to change and if our action does no harm, in fact brings people together, I do not see the problem of doing so.

I hope you have a blessed Eid.

what's your name?

What do you get when three old buddies get-together after years being apart? One awesome night full of crazy stuff! From singing birthday song together with the service crew to eyeing good-looking boys, it was as if we never left and didn’t age.
Of course the fact a friend happens to be VVIP of the restaurant due to her frequent trips there made the whole thing great. We felt at home and simply were being ourselves, which involved dance moves and being super-friendly with their team.

The bonus was a huge piece of delicious Pavlova for us to share. I settled for Tiramisu. The double-blow was too much to handle that I couldn’t sleep last night. Sugar and caffeine over-dosed.

Once again I became the victim as my friends ‘humiliated’ me with their constant questions about a particular guy who was serving us. It wasn’t easy for the handsome looking with nicely built body Uzbek that he blushed for a few times. As he’s pursuing post-graduate course, he definitely knew how to keep the conversation going.

Anyway, it was a great night. Lovely food and in company of good friends. I hope we’ll continue this tradition in years to come. Our group was incomplete as a friend is in Perth and it would have been crazier if she was there.

And it all started with a question to the Miller look-a-like, “what’s your name?” His smile made our day (me in particular). *grins*

New toy(s)

After searching high and low, days of pondering, I finally decided to get myself this new gadget. Our baby has served us for more than four years and since the young lady was given a Tab from her dad, I thought it’d be better to invest in a sleek machine for myself due to our constant travelling.

Easy to manage, light to carry even in my arm candies, I do feel it is worth every penny.

The sale assistant couldn’t believe that I was serious about getting this toy that he reconfirmed many times. I made my decision within minutes but little did he know that I have been searching for days at different places. As my negotiation skill was displayed at its fullest, added with the slight inconvenience caused by their card reader, I managed to get more freebies than anticipated.

It is also a bonus when your brother happens to major in computer-related courses that I got quite a number of software.

Suffice to say I was a happy woman yesterday.

Presenting our babies:

Of holidays, home and ramadan

It's been 3 weeks since I last checked my gmail or blogs which I usually frequented. Life has been hectic catching up with family and friends near and far. Lil A and mom decided to pay us a visit and the four of us had a lovely girly time. The girls havent seen each other for a few years yet they are as close as ever despite the age gap, probably due to Lil A's sharp memory. The young lady also spent more time with an old friend of hers which included a sleepover at their place. I think she deserves to do whatever she wants to do this year, instead the normal routine.


It feels different to be here, agreed by both of us. The emotional attachment is slowly disappearing, a topic which I have been discussing heavily among close friends. I suppose we have our lives to lead and try not to dwell into petty issues.


Whatever it is, I am thankful with what I have, which includes true friendship. Perhaps the young lady is also learning this life's lesson and as such, looks forward to our new beginning. We feel his absence and wish we can be together, although it means high level of tolerance on my side due to the annoying tease between those playful two.

Anyway.... I hope it's not too late to wish everyone a blessed ramadan. Let's enjoy the bazaar! *smiles*

What's in my head

Apart from 'balik kampung' tune playing inside my head, I'm also experiencing flashes of the following:

*all pics were googled*

Cant wait!!!

Perks of challenges

I’m having the place all to myself at the moment. I cant believe that I was actually missing this. Once in a while it’s good to be left alone and do your own things as you please. In my case, it helps the creative juice flow easily and let me enjoy the train ride of thoughts.

We are counting our days to go back to the land of nasi lemak and teh tarik for a good six week break. There are still many things to do before we leave. A twist of fate seems to be encouraging our move and perhaps the situation was a blessing in disguise. As some people say, the best is yet to come.

I learn that being tested in whatever form has its perks. When you have gone through so much in life, there is high possibility that you will sail through on your next challenge with ease. It is only when you are faced the hurdle for the first time that it’s hard to digest but once you complete that bumpy ride, you’ll realize things aren’t that bad.

It helps you to appreciate the more important aspects of life which many take it for granted as they are caught under the whirlpool of tangible or material race.

One day last week, the young lady came home with a glowing face and a cheeky smile. I couldn’t stop wondering what she had under her sleeves. Perhaps it was another day of girls chit-chatting in the toilet which seemed a growing trend among them at school. She handed a few papers to me, certificates to be precise. She was extremely pleased with her achievements and remarked that it was better than having ice-cream on waffles for tea!

Later that day, I crept into my bed and reflected silently. Tears of gratitude and happiness were flowing. She has blossomed into a lovely pre-teen, with her craze of pin-ups and passion for doing well in subjects she loves. She’s an idol to her young cousins and god-sisters, and has lots of patience for them even when they drive her nuts with their constant babyish demands.

Moments like this makes me feel it is all worth it. I am blessed.

Like a St Trinian

After watching this movie, I wonder whether I should think twice in sending the young lady to a school in UK, especially since I am also considering independent institutions which dominate the top spots in GCSE and A levels results. For some, they even publish the percentage of leavers who attend Oxbridge and facilitate the application to Ivy League should the students want to pursue in the States.

Surely they have their own culture which may or may not reflect St Trinians (the extreme side of course). Each school has their own mantra and I am sure the ‘elite’ ones are not spared. As parents, we can research, interview and select whichever school suits our kids’ requirements but the end results boil down to their effort.

I notice that in UK, we have the opportunity to be selective as long as we put in the initiative. No doubt the grammar schools are competitive but they accept all applications regardless your home address. Generally they have two exams where on the second sitting, approximately 500 will make it with a final interview to follow and only 100 will be offered a place. Tough indeed but hey, it’s free education and who wouldn’t want to send their kids to these places where two thirds obtain all As in GCSE.

For most middle class, private education is affordable but those with excellent academic (like the ones which publish percentage of Oxbridge!) are not easy to get in. One still has to go through entrance exam and interview to be selected. If you think you might stretch yourself on fees, fret not as some schools offer scholarship or bursaries. Just as the Trinians, they expect you to be all-rounder and I think the young lady has set her eyes on drama (yup, whichever school we choose must have performing arts as after-school club).

I still cant believe that I am researching high schools for her. It feels that she’s growing up too fast. If only we can freeze time…..