Life after divorce

For the past two days, I’ve been calling my ex. Don’t know why. Maybe I just miss talking to him. Sometimes I wonder whether you ever get over with someone who used to be a part of your life. I guess it’s hard, especially in my case. Being in a foreign land, with families and friends miles apart.

This year is the first year I’m celebrating raya as a single mom. I mean, officially as a single mom. I realised about my zakat ie who has to pay for it. Today, he asked about it. My reply was, I could ask my father to pay for it. So guess he just has to pay for the little one.

It did occur to me that if I go back home, there is possibility that I may reconcile with my ex. My friends would kill me if I ever suggest the idea, knowing what I’ve been through. Being me, my daughter comes first. Despite having men knocking the door, if she doesn’t like them or the situation will create complications, I rather stay single.

Men on the other hand, they have the opportunity to do whatever they want. I mean, like my ex, he doesn’t take care of her. Even his house resembles a bachelor’s pad. There is no clue that he used to be married or a father of one. He goes out with anyone he likes, without thinking whether this woman could be the potential step-mother to his daughter. Men just take the risk, without thinking of the consequences.

My best friend said, I have taken into account all risk when I filed for divorce. I stayed married for her sake and it didn’t help me. I was miserable, unhappy and emotionally drained. I felt my soul was being sucked away. She was right. I am feeling better and more positive about myself. I could see my daughter is happy too. Just that, once in a while, you feel that there is no life after divorce, especially when you have children. You want to be with someone but chances are small.

My best friend also reminded me that I’m still young (not sure under which dictionary), and kids or no kids, men will look beyond those factors. The right guy will come at the right time. Sometimes, they come at a wrong time and once again, you are stuck in a limbo.

Like my daughter keeps saying, ‘your prince is out there, mummy…’.