Wounds...

"What's worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again."

Party

This mummy rocks!

Why? Because she threw a great birthday party for her lil princess.

I promised to share with you of my lil girl’s party, so here it is.

The kids loved it! It was simple yet entertaining. We used our creativity to keep the kids entertained. The theme was Pirates of the Caribbean. The lil one had an awesome outfit (mummy is not sure when she will wear it again). Mama GoodFood helped out with face painting whilst I made the tattoo for the kids. We played the movie throughout the party. Lucky for us that the place had a plasma screen. Food was yummy, compliments to the restaurant’s chef. Parents enjoyed it (I didn’t know that kids’ birthday parties at this part of the world generally do not provide food). So parents were quite surprised that they could actually eat. Hehhehe…

Now my lil girl is all grown up. Sigh… She keeps reminding me on how many ‘grown-up’ things she can do. I told her, “don’t grow up too soon. Mummy will miss the ‘baby’ you.”

To my lil girl, I thank God for giving me the most treasured gift. You are indeed a special soul, who touches everyone’s life in her own special way. Your smile brightens up my day, your hugs make me feel safe and that everything will be alright, your kindness makes you a truly wonderful person in everyone’s eyes. A little soul that gives a lot. May all your wishes come true. May you have a wonderful year ahead.

Have a lovely weekend!

Idiot!

Me of course.

I believe in second chances (third or fourth etc etc), that people might change one day. Usually people like me need people like best friends, mom, brother, etc to pull me back to earth. Not every fairy tale comes true and sometimes, people wont change.

Like I said, lil was sick a few days ago. Who was more concerned about her? McDreamy!!!! He sent constant sms throughout the day and even the following day. Concerned about her progress.

As for her own father, I called twice to inform her well-being and he said he’d call back to check. I only received ONE sms, the following day that is.

My baby brother said, “isn’t that typical?”

Sigh… who am I kidding? Lil totally deserves better than this.

Seriously.

Ps: she’s much better now.

Being 6

My baby is sick. :-( I think it's because of too much partying. She had her birthday celebration over the weekend.

Will tell more about the party. Leaving office shortly. Just came in to grab my work and going home to spend time with my baby.

I think I'm in love....

with this!

Lately I cant stop myself from glancing a Bentley. And there are a few Bentleys in my neighbourhood! I’m not into cars but these days, Bentleys seem to make my heart stops. Hahhahah…

Now I understand why men prefer cars than ladies.

I guess this will be my motivation for the next few years. To own my first Bentley.

Ps: Lil prefers Porsche of course (the lady car in Cars movie).

Candidate

Message from my little brother this morning:
“I’m having dinner with my sponsor and their alumni. Maybe there is a boyfriend candidate for you.”

LOL! My little brother never fails to amuse me. I think he’s profiling my potential-to-be boyfriend.

Given a choice, I would like to have someone from the same background. However, it seems I keep bumping into people with differences in everything e.g. Mr Milan, McDreamy. Mr Milan remains a close friend despite me saying that I don’t have any romantic feelings for him. McDreamy will always be McDreamy. So it’ll take a very great character to take his place, if ever. Hey, it’s rare to find someone who can fly you to the moon. And to have that feeling for the last 1 year and ongoing is almost non-existence.

I wont be surprised if I remain single, seriously. Especially considering the career options on my plate.

Ps: Is it official that Hans is now single???? anyone has his number? Hehheheh… Simah will nag me for being so ‘perempuan’? Oh well Simah, he’s good looking, right?

Corporate lesson

My colleague, whom I’m seated next to, is working with a hot looking Director. He (the Director) loves to keep on hands on stuffs, thus always comes around looking for my friend, who always disappears each time. That leaves me talking to the Director each time, passing messages to my friend.

Damn! It’s just way too hard to act cool in front of a good-looking man. :-)

Me and another female colleague were talking about good-looking Directors in our department. There aren’t many I must say. The other Director, he is also good looking but he looks like a playboy type (and it’s a fact anyway. Just that he doesn’t date anyone from the office). Whilst this guy, he has charisma. Maybe because he’s always on the news, thus, being groomed with the right PR skills.

Nevertheless, he never fails to make my day. hahhahahah…..

Lesson to me when I become a boss: employ good looking men for the benefit of my female staffs. LOL!

Charity and magic number!

Saw this from Ruby’s and Idham’s blog and thought I can make small contribution by doing this meme (although I think my responses will be crappy! Hhhehe):

1. A person is only as good as how he/she keeps to his/her promises.........
2. Friendship is always warm ..............................................
3. To love is to make her feel safe and peaceful even when times are bad.
4. Money makes me worry...................................................
5. I miss nasi lemak kerang (hahahha… that’s the easiest one)
6. My way of saying I care is by giving lots of kisses and cuddles (note: only to mini ms istanbul)
7. I try to spread love and happiness by smiling................
8. Pick the flowers when you know how much your loved ones like it.
9. To love someone is to be able to spend time with them even when you have a busy schedule.
10. Beauty is fictitious. ...............................................................
11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was my first kiss (yeah right! I went to all girls school. :D answer: my first year at the boarding school)
12. When I was twenty one, I remember being in love ......
13. I am most happy when mini ms istanbul kisses me in the morning ............
14. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a smile on mini ms istanbul ..................
15. If I can change one thing, I will change nothing (err.. don’t have an asnwer. ).........
16. If smiles were contagious then I will smile more........
17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be friends?............................
18. If you want to make others happy then you have to be happy yourself................
19. Money is not everything but it is nice to have.....
20. The most touching moments I have experienced is giving birth..................
21. I smile when mini ms istanbul smiles at me.....................
22. When I am happy, I glow..
23. If only I don't have to work today, then I can go shopping at Harrods.
24. The best thing I did yesterday was cooking for my girl.....
25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title," coffee lover.."
26. One thing I must do before I die is perform hajj....
27. Doing this meme, I feel like I made a small contribution.......

Ok then, told you my answers were going to be crappy. :D

On another note, I just declined another opportunity. This time, it was harder to resist. Being the number 2 person for a high profile main board company back home. Package would be really good ie your typical CFO/CEO package. The person asked me to reconsider but I feel I need to gain more experience in my current field before I lead a huge company.

My parents are proud that I was given the opportunity at an early age. But like my dad said, maybe I should wait for the magic number ie age wise. Huh??? Being a CFO/CEO also has magic age number?

Till then, I’m counting the magic number. ;-)

Fly Me to the Moon

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me
Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

Close to somebody

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."

Opportunity and holiday

A friend of mine, who just went back for good, sent me an sms over the weekend. He is now with one of the largest investment bank back home. Apparently the team is still looking for people and he mentioned my name to the head of department. That guy wants to get to know me. So my friend asked whether I’m interested and ready to settle down back in KL.

It took me a while to think about this opportunity. I politely declined. I think it’s not the right time yet. My current position allows me to gain valuable experience. Even after a year of experience, I have already increased my market value by at least 20%, excluding bonus (based on what head hunters have been offering me). Bonus would be between 30%-80% of annual salary (some banks/PE houses offer ridiculously high!). Also, I’d like to taste my bonus with the firm. I know it’s not as lucrative as others but I’m sure it’ll cover a few holiday trips for me and the lil one next year. But most importantly, time with my precious daughter, seeing her growing up. It’s not that I don’t get to do so back home but I seriously felt my life was hectic back then. I doubt it’ll change now.

I mentioned the offer to the Dragon Lady and her answer was, “do you want to get a slap from me?!? The question is not even worth to be considered.” Oh well, we both had our fair share of very late nights and stressful deadlines. She’s enjoying her work life balanced in the land Down Under. Doubt she’ll ever go back.

The lil one is planning for another holiday trip. I think it’s been only 3 weeks that we had the Disney trip. This morning, on our way to school, she said she wants to see Spain. We went there before, Madrid, some time last year. Our first holiday, just me and her. It was really cool! I mean, I was nervous of course. Praying hard that things would go well. Thankfully, it did.

We are going back to Malaysia some time in August but I’m hoping we can squeeze a holiday before that. Maximising summer and the sun. I would love to see Istanbul again but the flights are flying rockets. Otherwise, there is the term break in October or Christmas break.

I used to dream of travelling around the world. I just couldn’t believe that I’m actually doing it now and what makes it sweeter is that I get to do it with my beloved girl. Thanks love! You are truly mummy’s best friend.

Happy anniversary

Today is my one year mark with the firm. I survived so far. Late nights, travelling abroad, whilst at the same time, managing my lil girl. It is more challenging now as she is in proper school ie I have to remember her PE days, school library books, homework, spelling tests etc. Thankfully, it has been ok. I managed to attend most of her school’s functions. Happy indeed!

My daughter and I have formed ourselves a team. We do everything together. She keeps reminding me, “mummy, we are a team. X&X!” We both have the same initial, that’s how she came up with the team’s name. She aced herself again. Teachers have been complimenting her progress. Reading and spelling test. Of course, since she has a mean mummy (when it comes to school work only.), she really does her best to do well at school. Oh well, like my baby brother said, “you are always fierce when it comes to education.” All my siblings had a taste of me, flying off my sparks when they did something wrong, especially with maths.

Also, my baby brother has left. The lil one is missing him. Me too. He is a great uncle, plays with his niece, takes care of her during school break, makes sure our dinner is arranged etc etc. Our last night together, we talked hours and hours. He shared my difficult moments, things I didn’t tell him before. But now, since he is bigger (towering me) and wiser, he felt the need to share my pain.

We miss you already…

Disneyland Paris

Disneyland Paris was truly a magical kingdom, where all fairytales and dreams come to life. It’s a place that brings out the child of you. That’s how I can summarise our holiday. Truly awesome!

We took the 930am Eurostar from London Waterloo on Saturday. There was an earlier direct train but after a whole week of really late nights, I just couldn’t be bothered to take the early train. The journey took less than 3 hours and the train station is located exactly at the entrance of the parks (Disneyland and Walt Disney studios). The shuttle bus to our hotel was already there and we made our way to the hotel to check-in and leave our luggage. Took about 5-8 mins and the frequency is about 7-10 mins. My brother was really impressed with the whole trip, even before we entered the parks. We had lunch at Disney Village (just opposite the parks’ entrance) and entered Disneyland by 3pm.

The place was really packed! Most of them came with kids but we could see some couples and groups of teenagers/young adults. Surprisingly, there were groups of old people! I guess everybody, regardless their age, gender or race, would like a taste of the magical kingdom. The weather was really great! In fact, it was kind of hot. Unlike London a few days before, freezing!

The lil one was very excited and told me which rides/ places she wanted to try. On the first day, we covered Fantasyland and Adventureland. Went inside Sleeping Beauty castle, Alice in Wonderland labyrinth, tried Mad Hatter tea cups and Le Carrousel de Lancelot. In Adventureland, we went to Aladdin’s Passage, Pirate’s Beach, Adventure Isle, Captain Hook’s Pirate ship and the best part was, Pirate of the Caribbean. Even the lil one enjoyed the ride (it was quite action packed for lil kids).

After the park closed, we proceeded to Disney Village and had dinner at Planet Hollywood. Then, went shopping at the Disney stores (there were 2 huge stores!). The Village closes at about 2am I think. There were many restaurants, bars and a big McD. After minor shopping, we took the 1130ish pm shuttle bus and settled down for the day.

One thing I love about the hotel is that it is really child-friendly. They try to accommodate your children’s needs. Bottle warmers at the restaurant and rooms (by request). Breakfast was nothing fancy but we could pack the croissants and pain au chocolat, which was really handy cos you do get hungry with those rides and walk.

We arrived at Disneyland just before 1030am and our mission for the day was to take pictures with “celebrities”. The first one was Minnie Mouse. The queue took us 45 minutes (as expected) but we just couldn’t care. All we wanted was a piece of her. Of course the lil one was a bit clueless of her fame, unlike me and my brother. We grew up with her while the lil one is within the “princess” fairytales generation. We hugged, kisses and took pictures with her.

Then, we went to search for a princess. Lil wanted Cinderella but she was not due to appear that day (I think). Instead, we had Ariel and her prince. So we queued (again). After 20 minutes, they changed the characters to Aladdin and Genie. You could sense how frustrated the parents were. 90% of the kids who queued were girls and obviously they want a princess character! They should have placed Princess Jasmine instead of Genie. Anyway, since I didn’t want to disappoint my girl, I asked the cast members whether Ariel was due to come out again. Apparently she’d come in 20 minutes time. So we went to the back of the line. The effort and waiting time was all worth it. After almost an hour of queuing, she got her chance to hug, kiss and take a picture with Ariel. Of course, Prince Eric was there and I will write more about him. Hehhehe…
I think it was about 1pm when we entered Walt Disney Studio. Took the tram tour ride about the making of Disney movies. At one point, we were taken to a movie set, a truck on a rocky hill and waterfall. They created rain and thunder, explosions (we felt the heat of the fire in our tram), and the sudden pour of the waterfall. Me and the lil one got wet (cos we were sitting very close to the waterfall). It felt very real!

Then, we took the Flying Carpet ride but the queue was not as bad as the “celebrities”. While we had our lunch, they had actors and actress staging a show, with participants from visitors. Did another round of shopping at the shops before we went back to Disneyland to catch the 4pm parade.

The parade lasted about 30 mins. Started with Mickey and friends. There were Toy Story characters, Pinnochio, Peter Pan, Lion King, all Disney Princesses and their princes (they were in the same carriage/stage), the evil characters. I cant remember all. Need to check my pictures. Hehhehe… While waiting for the second show to start (at 6pm), we took the Snow White and Pinnochio’s passage ride. Also, I finally gave in to the idea of queuing Dumbo the Elephant ride. The queue was always long and I couldn’t disappoint my girl. After an hour of waiting, we got our turn. It was just in time to watch the second show, in conjunction with the 15th year of Disneyland Paris.

After the show, people started to leave which meant less queue to try things. So we went to Discoveryland and tried Honey I Shrunk the Audience. We also went into It’s a Small World musical indoor boat tour. Took us 5 mins queuing time!

All in all, it was worth the trip. You could feel the happy vibes. People were just smiling to each other. Kids (and some adults) were wearing costumes. I think I’ll do that for our next trip. It’s a great place to spend time with your family.

Will write more.. especially about Prince Eric. *winks*

2am

It's 2am (actually 2.27am to be precise!) and I'm about to leave office. The last time I worked this late was 3 years ago (could be 5 years ago).

Thankfully I'm having a long weekend. Taking tomorrow (or today cos it's Friday now) and Monday off. Spending time with my loved ones.

Disneyland Paris, here we come!

Just breathe

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,

can you help me unravel my latest mistake,

I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes

Like they have any right at all to critisize,hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable

and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button girl,

So cradle your head in you hands

And breathe, just breathe,

Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss

Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,

Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.

Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,

But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,

Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.

No one can find the rewind button boys,

So cradle your head in your hands,

And breathe, just breathe,

Woah breathe, just breahte

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout

But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again

If you only try turning around.2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, its no longer inside of me, threatening the life they belong to

And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button now

Sing it if you understand.

and breathe, just breathe

woah breathe, just breathe,

oh breathe, just breathe.

Break-up

I just watched that movie last night. Ever since I started working, I cant seem to find time to fit this activity. After being a parent (now a single one), it means this is almost impossible. So usually I get dvds. The thing I love being in this country is that their dvds are always on sale. 3 for £20 or sometimes when you are lucky, you can get a good movie for £5. I know I don’t get the same thrill as everyone else but if going to a cinema costs me more than an original dvd, then why not? I get to watch at the comfort of my house, pause anytime I like, etc.

The movie didn’t have a happy ending like your typical romance story. It just represents what most couples face during the first few months (or years) of their relationship. I cant remember the characters’ names but the girl (Jennifer Aniston) said something like, she has done so much for this relationship to work and all she wants is some appreciation ie flowers. Even when she mentioned from day one to the guy that she doesn’t like them (flowers) bcos they turn up dead anyway, a girl is just a girl. All girls love (or at least like) flowers. As for the guy, he was just trying to work hard to be the “provider” or be the best man for the girl but he just didn’t have the flare for showing his emotions. At one point, his best-mate told him that he always tag people to follow what he wants but he hardly wants to follow them (the things they love to do).

Part of being in a relationship is doing things together. It’s not whether you like it or not. It’s bcos someone very close and important to you likes it and you respect and being supportive with their decision. It’s not about the action or the environment. It’s the person you are with at that moment, knowing how important your presence is to them.

One of the episodes in Scrubs had this quote, “you spend less time for yourself so that you could spend more time with your loved ones”. The guy was going to the gym with his friends in order to be in shape. His friends go there on almost daily basis but they don’t have anyone to go back to, while he has his wife waiting for him at home. So in the end, he ditched his gym session.

After two hectic weeks with workload, not to mention being sick (lil and me) which further pushed me (and my health) to the limits, I am looking forward to our holiday this coming weekend. My brother is arriving tomorrow and we will be heading to Disneyland Paris on Saturday. I hope we will have a blast.

Ps: did some minor shopping with lil. She needed new pyjamas. We also bought Pirates of Caribbean dvds (1 and 2). That’ll be our activity tonight.

Away....

Sorry but I'll be away for a bit. I'm not travelling but workload is bad. Luckily I dont have to go to US for this job, simply bcos I dont have the visa. Good excuse!

ps: I am at work and it's SATURDAY!!!! :(

pss: But the boss agreed that I can take time off in 2 weeks time. I booked our trip to Disney Paris. The lil one is very happy!

The one who got away...

I’m a bit down today. Not really sure why. Could be the hormones or the fact that Raja Nazrin is getting married. :) I think it’s the hottest topic among us nowdays. I even called Ms Magistrate in Ipoh to talk about it. Heheh… Women will always be women. When one fine man is taken, we just couldn’t stop talking about it.

Ms Magistrate and I were thinking, how on earth can we be as lucky as Zara?!??!?! Surely there is a chance (even a tiny one) for us to meet our own prince (preferably a royal one like Nazrin).

I think Nazrin found his match. They look good together, and looking at their profile, wow! Perfect match! So I told Ms Magistrate, maybe that’s why it’s hard for us to find our prince. Not many fine men out there. (or maybe we are scaring them away???)

I hope this couple will have lovely days ahead and I’m sure they’ll have beautiful children who will inherit their traits, inside and outside.

Work has been hectic but this week, I had my break. Been leaving by 530pm everyday. Weather is bad. I’m not sure I should proceed with our holiday plans in 3 weeks time. I really hope it gets better. We have a bbq this weekend. Farewell party for a dear friend, who has a very good looking son who always gives his devoted attention to my lil one. I don’t mind if he’s a few months younger than my girl, as long as he is nice to her. Hehehhehe… my friend thinks I’m driving her nuts with this match-making idea. Hey, it’s hard to find reasonable in-laws and I’ve known my friend since high school! She is still the same person, even after 2 kids (and another one coming soon).

Ps: the little one has been reading on her own! She now reads at least a book a day. I’m so proud of her.

pss: Here's a true king! He's celebrating his wedding with villagers and orphans.
http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2007/5/11/nation/17698391&sec=nation

Sacrifices

"A wise man once said you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right, and letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming, when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us and not the other way around, that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear."

Tuesday

I am tired. I am stressed. What's worse is that it is only TUESDAY!!!!!

This current project is taking a lot of energy. Not to mention people's request for my involvement in other projects. Both are equally good, one will make me as the lead manager, the other will make me a financial services expert. Both Directors wanted my presence! But I decided to take the FS work as I requested the Director to be involved in his future assignments a few weeks ago.

I need a long weekend! (and a hot bath!)

ps: is it possible to wish for a "McDreamy"? I really could use a good massage. ;-)