The story

I LOVE watching travel channel. There are quite a number of shows on Malaysia, from culinary to travel destination. They really bring out the best of us and of course, make me feel homesick. The producers take an extra step to cover the simplest thing like wet market, life of orang asli, fishermen etc.

When I see these shows, a sense of pride emerges and I long to be back to experience our local wonders.

Of course my idea of excitement is a walk to my nearby mamak joint, sip a glass of teh tarik while reading newspaper. On weekends, I head to pasar malam where my usual targets are nasi lemak kerang, hot tau fu fah and bihun soup with those chilli birds. At night, I can be spotted at regular hangout for mee goreng mamak, nasi lemak bungkus, roti canai or tandoori with friends or if they are busy, my brother will be the victim and unwillingly, accompanies me.

Looking back at the shows, sometimes I wished the young lady experiences what I had when I was growing up. I was fortunate that my late grandparents lived in villages instead of towns. Well, one side stayed in an upmarket area and they were considered as a privileged family as my grandpa was a religious scholar and worked for government. During those times, those professions were highly respected. Still, I looked forward whenever I had the chance to go back to either ‘kampungs’. From swimming in a river to trips to ‘pasar tani’, I had a blast each time the opportunity arose. Even when my parents were too busy to send me, my late grandma would take the bus and fetch me.

From time to time, I share these stories with the young lady. One of my grandparents’ places still stands and my uncle lives there now. The last time the young lady was there, she truly enjoyed the long house and ran from the living room to the kitchen, back and forth. We would sit on the kitchen verandah and listen to the sounds of roosters, ducks and goats.

I know she has a part of me in her through her love for nature. She’s a traveller, explorer and she digs deep to understand stuff (which sometimes tests my patience of course). Instead of chickens, she feeds squirrels and swans at the parks. My masak-masak game under the wooden house is reflected by her art of making meals from leaves and flowers.

We may have different childhood but ingredients are more or less the same.


All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

Forget about the price tag

The current song simply reflects how I feel strongly at the moment. I have been trying to channel this message across but sometimes it gets lost in translation, much to my dismay. The London trip was much needed, reminding me all the simple things that the young lady and I miss.

Oh, by the way, I sleep much better since I left the ‘job’. Money aint e’thing, eh? *wide smile*

Enjoy the song!



Seems like everybody's got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile

Why is everybody so serious
Acting so damn mysterious
Got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good time

Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Ching Cha-Ching.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Bling Ba-Bling
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.

Okay!
We need to take it back in time,
When music made us all unite
And it wasn't low blows and video hoes,
Am I the only one getting tired
Why is everybody so obsessed
Money can't buy us happiness
Can we all slow down and enjoy right now
Guarantee we'll be feeling Alright.

Making headlines

Sometimes our local columnists crack me up with their take on “issues” arising in our country. Their bold opinion from ‘forever young’ to ‘getting lucky’ certainly keeps me entertained. They are not alone. Even the partner has questioned my choice of daily news, thinking they are from the tabloids until I pointed out that they are from the mainstream.

It raised his eyebrows indeed.

Being abroad, you just couldn’t help feeling bemused at the highlights that make on the other side of the world as if we do not have pressing issues to be noticed by outsiders. Yet I am sure most of us are able to talk about it to people around us with a sense of humour as they would the same when similar news surfaces on their dailies. In fact, since everyone is engrossed with the hot topic in town, why not just join the debate? It’d be a good subject to kill time at mamak joints, with flows of teh tarik to keep it going.

Anyway, the young lady asked if it’s ok for her friend who lives nearby to come to our place after school. Since they are on the same bus, it makes sense for Kay to follow the young lady home straight. Thankfully the partner bought some mini pizzas yesterday. That should keep them entertained, apart from other girly stuff in her room.

Have a nice weekend!

of food and TV shows

I am slowly getting used of not working (like a mad woman) and try to find myself a routine which involves none other than tv series, cooking and housekeeping, in that particular order. We still have the nanny but I am quite fussy when it comes to privacy and my room is strictly out of bounds, hence cleaning duty on me. It seems everyone is happier of having me home and so far, we managed to have nasi minyak with kari ayam, fried soles, lamb chops served with mashed potatoes and salad. In fact, we even had bihun goreng for tea yesterday. I wonder if the young lady will gain some weight after few weeks of having spontaneous dishes from me. Unfortunately, we do not have a weighing scale to measure her development.

Oh, did I mention she’s growing at a rate that will burn my wallet? Sigh... I thought we purchased those Espr*t jeans not long ago and they look rather short now.

Being at home allows me to catch up on tv series such as Ellen, Mentalist, No Ordinary Family, White Collar, TVD, Greys, Glee, NCIS (I am sure there are more). I haven’t figured out which channel has Bones but once I do, it’d be on my list. I also got myself hooked on ‘travel channel’ and ‘E!’. It beats me on how ‘Married to Rock’ managed to be aired here cos they can be quite flashy, if you get the idea. Maybe I should go through the network guide and spot the good shows.

The trip

I have nothing to blame except on myself for the lack of blogging. I have been lazy and as I was in between places, it was just inevitable.
We came back from London two days ago and last night, the young lady suffered bad jetlag that she only fell asleep at 1am. Obviously she had to skip the bus ride which allowed her an extra 45 minutes of sleep and we sent her to school instead.

*The new cycles-for-hire which can be found at many spots in the city*

The trip went well with Mother Nature granted us beautiful weather throughout our stay. We spent our days at the parks, Regent St, Covent Garden to name a few. Trips to the museums were a must as well as indulging ourselves with M&S and Wasabi sushi. Oh, not forgetting countless visits to her old school that I kept asking myself whether we were on holiday.

It was refreshing to be back on familiar ground as if we never left this place. The young lady even remarked, “we are not tourist Mummy. We live here. This is our home.”

Indeed we had a wonderful journey in this city and those bittersweet memories will always play in our mind. Perhaps someday we will return to this place and write more beautiful chapters.

Plans

There is one thing we should know about plans - they always change. Anyway, we're off to London tomorrow for school hols. Will try to keep you posted.

Spanish surprise

A few things happened over the past one week that I am unsure where to start. Some are best to leave, especially with regards to the corporate world, if there is such thing. I am beginning to feel that my decision was wise. The deadline seems to have shift but I told the team that I am sticking to my end term. I may consider doing consultancy work for them, charged on daily basis. The partner thinks I should charge between $800-1000 as these are the rates that the company are paying for their consultants.

Yet I dont think it will be worth it judging the way things are done.

Anyway, we have many depressing stories going around that we’ll try to make this post colourful, ok? *smiles*

When the Partner said that he was going to Spain, there was no way I would let him come home empty-handed. I felt it was time to let him use his imagination in getting something for us. In contrast, the young lady gave specific instruction of the colour and the style of the outfit that she wanted. Oh, the partner has been disappointed many times whenever he tries to get her clothes. I told him that I stopped doing so a few years ago as I remember returning the ‘uncool’ stuff to the store. I always tell him that it’s best to get books or small accessories for her as these as safe items and face little rejection. *lol*

Apparently the Spanish trip was fairly relaxed that he had plenty of time to browse. It took me by surprise that he took the effort to step into the shop that I like. He usually leaves us whenever we start looking at shoes or bags and returns to the store when we have made our mind on the items we want.

So I thought my suggestion of that particular place would result to safe goods, something that I’ll use. You can imagine my face when it was rather different, compare to my usual style. I wasn’t sure about it at first but girlfriends were replying to my MMS at the speed of light (sometimes I wonder if they have too much free time or women simply cant resist fashion) and said it looked nice.

After a while, I grew fond of the candy and started using it. Here’s a picture of it though it looks much brighter physically:

Perfect for our night out!

As for the young lady, let’s just say it’s best to take her out and let her choose her things.

*Ms B still feels uneasy with the unrest in her neighbouring countries no matter how much people reassure that it wont happen in her city of residence. She can only pray for things to get better.*

Life as it is

These days I find myself feeling homesick; KL to be with my family members and dear friends at our usual hangout for a piece of roti canai or a plate of nasi lemak with a glass of teh tarik, and London to have a walk or picnic in the parks or check out new styles with the young lady and the Buddy. Perhaps my state of melancholy is attributable to the frequent travelling by the partner. Last month alone he was out three times, with one covering few different cities in Europe. As much as the young lady loves sleeping next to me when he’s away, she also misses him terribly.

After weighing all factors, I decided to leave my job, giving some flexibility to my Kapitans in order to see our restructuring goes through. I will stick around until the big piece is delivered, which means less stress for whoever will be replacing me.

Yet I feel much calmer since I delivered the news to my bosses. It gives me new perspective about this place and helps me to rationalise things. The other day while I was doing filing of our documents, it occurred to me that the partner has a good and stable career with one of the top places in this region. Given a typical management chart or structure, he’s within the top five people. The reason he has to travel so much is because he has to attend the regulated meetings of their major subsidiaries.

No doubt his company makes less headlines than their ‘siblings’, they just like to be low profile even when their investment is much higher than the flamboyant players. It’s kinda like him. He’s always in his tees and jeans whenever he’s with us and people might raise an eyebrow if he mentions what he does. *smiles*

Ok ok.. I am missing the other half, hence talking about him is unavoidable.

On top of that, the young lady has started to enjoy school more due to the recent addition of a fellow Malaysian girl. She’s in a different class but they always wait for each other for recess of lunch break. They have some things in common such as living in UK, taste of music and tv series, disliking the same person at school (lol!) etc. They often swap their lunch pack as the young lady brings typical ‘western’ stuff while her friend gets nasi goreng and pulut!

Education wise, she’s loving Islamic studies, music and language lessons. UK education is definitely better but her current school covers wider topics which she might not get over there. I am sure when the right time comes e.g. O Level, we’ll shift back but for now, she’ll be ok here.

So in a way, life isn’t that bad after all. I will try to make this place work for me. I will take my time in finding something I love which gives me the flexibility as a mom and partner.

Hmm, come to think of it, I might as well postpone any job hunting so that I get to spend two months of summer in our countries, his and mine. I am sure my family would love to have us back. More nasi lemak kerang for me then. *grins*

Holiday summary

So I realised I didn’t give any details of the so-called mini break. It didn’t happen as it would have been hectic for us, or specifically for me, to be travelling during that time. Instead, we made a last minute reservation at a beach resort within a few hours from home. It was a good thing as I was working until 11pm the night before the start of my holiday.

I must say that the place had everything that we wanted. Soft sandy beach with palm trees scattered along, huts and cabanas to give more shade, pool that comes with a bar, Balinese and Ayurveda spas to choose from, restaurants that cover from Chinese to Italian food, just to name a few. We were there for two nights but it was enough to make me feel rejuvenated.



While the young lady and partner split their time between the beach and the pool, I on the hand was given the luxury to do as I please. I did not let this opportunity go to waste and headed to the spa. It was bliss! I allowed myself to be pampered by the lovely Indonesian lady who did her magic and took my worries (and wrinkles) away.

As we walked along the beach, we saw quite a number of baby crabs as big as the size of 50 cents coin. We even spotted fishes along the jetty located nearby! Not bad eh?

Anyway, it was a good holiday for all of us. Relaxing, refreshing, entertaining... I wish we could do this more frequent but it is quite challenging judging from the way it has been for the past few months.

I suppose it helped me to decide on my next course of action.

Reflection time...

I went to see the C*O to get some papers signed and out of the blue, he asked, “are you ok?”, with a very concerned tone.

Obviously it was written all over my face that even the boss noticed. *sigh*

It is definitely time to reflect.....

Mini break?

The partner got back today after being away for almost two weeks. I think we did pretty ok without him, considering the challenges we face in this city. The young lady has conquered him the moment he stepped into the house and both of them are playing Fairy game with their consoles, giving me space to update this blog.

School holiday has started and this time, I made sure I applied a few days of leave. Our initial plan to go sightseeing within the country is not happening. Instead, the partner suggested that we head here:




Perhaps it’ll be good to take a break from this place. My only reservation is that it is going to be really cold there. As long as it is not snowing heavily, it should be ok.

Count on me

This song is dedicated to my lovely friends wherever you are. Thank you for replying my sms in the middle of the night even there was a sexy man right by your side, picking up my phone calls without fail, cheering me up when I had unexpected health condition (or when my heart was broken far too many times I believe), giving the much needed support when I felt the world was bailing on me, urging me to splurge on bags and shoes as a way to reward myself for all the hard work (the list goes endless).

Ah, it also goes to whoever reads this place and kind enough to share your thoughts. Have a beautiful day!




If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
When we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

If you're tossing and you're turning and you just can't fall asleep,
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me,
Everyday I will remind you, ohh

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go, never say goodbye

Blue devil

This blog was left unattended for a good reason. I was not feeling good these days that I had to give myself some space from everything. Suffice to say that I was on the brink of depression, if that makes any sense at all.

One thinks that after constant relocation, the next place one heads will be a piece of cake. Even when you feel it’s for a good cause, there is no way of telling how you’ll cope with new environment and atmosphere.

There were many things that led me into thinking on whether this move was worthy. From school to work, daily trivial tasks to public perceptions and expectations, I was beginning to compare the life I had before and the one I’m leading now.

Then I realised it was like comparing Mocha and Americano, having the same coffee element but with different mix. It was not fair for me to be analysing the things that I achieved back then to the challenges I am facing presently.

Somehow I managed to snap myself from this blues yesterday as if I just walked out of a cave after a period of confinement. I started to see bright sunshine and blooming flowers, giving back the smile on my face which seemed to have lost for quite awhile. The dinner we had at a popular Venetian theme place last night where the young lady enjoyed a meal of beef ribs was lovely.

I am aware that things may not be as planned but I am thankful for what I have. For example, my job sucks and despite knowing my market rate is 20% higher than what I am getting, it is still a decent role and my spending power has doubled (or tripled), if I want to splurge of course. The young lady’s school isn’t that great but she is slowly enjoying it and the new guitar lesson seems to be adding joy to her life.

Most importantly, I am thankful to be doing all these in the presence of my loved ones.

Birthday wish

I celebrated my birthday a day earlier with a trip to the hospital. Somehow, I was the worst among all and had to see the doc. We spent a good 3 hours there and while I was busy being attended by the staff, the young lady and partner squeezed some time at the cafe, eating tuna sandwich (I think).
I really thought I’d be strong enough to go to work but I supposed it was a wise move to stay home judging the lack of sleep and continuous coughing throughout the night. Doc gave me two days off and so did the young lady. She only had mild fever but doc thought it was better for her to recover fully before she hits school.

Apparently, doc told me to be careful whenever I get the cough bug as the climate isn’t kind to people like me. It will make it ten times worse. If previously I fell really ill once a year like my episode of swine-like flu last winter, I should expect more occurrences of those while here.

Hmm, maybe that will make the partner to reconsider moving back to Europe. *wishful thinking*

Anyway, we were too busy sorting out our health that even I forgot it was my birthday. *LOL* Geesh! That shows how old I am that I even skipped it from my memory.

So what do I want for my birthday? A new handbag of course! *grins* A big one which can fit everything as I have been using the same bag every day for work. Perhaps purple, maroon or beige. I expect this to come from my own sweat, which means the partner should be getting something different. It would be lovely if he is creative enough to find one which matches my current bling-bling. *winks* Yet I know him well enough that I should specify my requirements as often he’d be clueless.

As for the young lady, she made the card way earlier, complete with my favourite things e.g. Jason Mraz. *smiles*

I am sure the handbag and bling-bling can wait as the only thing I’d like to wish for is speedy recovery.

Weekend random

We were too lazy to go out, partly due to experiencing flu-like symptoms, that I ended up playing this:

Have a nice weekend!

Cruella de Vil

It feels different to be at home at this time of the day when I am usually stressing myself at my desk. I owe this luxury to my daughter as we have child-care issue today, leaving me with no choice but to cut my office hours short. I am sure (some) people at work are annoyed as most are burning the midnight oil but heck, I have very little to do with the things they are struggling.

So....I dropped the bombshell to my director last week just a day after he got back from his white Christmas holiday. He refused to accept. It took him a few months to ‘find’ me (the post was vacant for quite awhile) and he gave all these words that made me mellow, a sweet talker indeed. Oh, he’s the opposite of charming and you wouldn’t want to mess with him. He has no qualms saying those typical British curses and you just have to put a straight face whenever he blows up.

Instead, he’s planning to restructure the team which will give me more support. Eventually, I get to say who has to leave. The next few weeks will be interesting, in view of the power struggle and resistance from the affected people.

My role just got more challenging and I will definitely be awarded Ms Cruella title once this restructure is finalised.

It is not easy to be me.... sigh....

Past and present

The year-end is approaching and as I reflected mine, it was within my expectation i.e. full of roller-coaster, consistent to the life of a mocha lover. *grins* There were things that could have gone better but I supposed it was part of the ‘bigger picture’.

I got to do stuff which were on my wish list. It included lots of chick-flick series and books, coffee time as well as mamak joints, volunteering, polishing cooking skill and exploring the world of baking, etc. Most importantly, I managed to relax and unwind in the company of my loved ones. I hope it made up for the loss time when I couldn’t be there for them. Juggling myself as a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend and now, a partner, proves to be challenging but not impossible. I had an awesome time and hope that they too enjoyed my presence.

Here’s from us wishing you a truly blessed year. May it will bring beautiful things that life has to offer. And to spice up this post, let’s do it GG’s way:

“The new year isn't about what happened, it's about what's to come. But the past is always with us, just waiting to mess with the present. And when it does, I'll be watching. XOXO. Gossip Girl.”

Dazzled

It is to no surprise that I absolutely loathe my job.

However.... the Project Director is sooooooo damn good looking and charming. It is not helping when he keeps calling me, or to be precise, his PA, to join his meetings as he needs my approval on money matters.

How do you say no to that? Isk isk isk...

Lioness

A handful of you would know by now the issues I am facing at work and last week I reached to a point that I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. As a result, the lioness in me was unleashed.

I despise people who have no respect for others and couldn’t comprehend why this is happening at my workplace as it is supposed to be an “established” company. People are rude to one another and non-executive or lowly paid staffs are treated as if they have no place in the hierarchy.

So at one the many meetings I had with a Project Director, who was nice and good looking by the way (a few things that make my office appealing), he invited the ‘moron’ who deals with people from my department on regular basis. I witnessed his stupidity the day before when he shouted at my staff over the phone. As I ended the meeting, I said to him to stop harassing my team as they are merely following my instructions. The Project Director tried to hide his grin while the ‘moron’ had a puzzled look on his face.

After 4 weeks being there, the ‘kerek’ guy asked how I felt about the company. I couldn’t compare as I worked with big brands before, so of course it was different. He finally asked where I was before. I think his facial expression changed the moment I mentioned the name and city. Dude, I was in London doing things you could only dream of. Stop being such a smart ***.

My weekly presentation to the Kapitan this time had no else but us. I feel (and hope) he is gaining his trust in me and was happy with my explanation. We had this issue which had been around for 2 weeks and as much I tried to avoid bringing it up, I had no choice but to do so. So he called the ‘bossy and uncooperative” lady into the room and asked if the matter had been resolved. She too couldn’t answer as she was not aware of it (can you believe that I spotted the errors in her team and she was clueless??).

I suppose this week had opened people’s eyes that this lioness can roar, big time. I may not have the support from the department (or anyone below director level) but I know my role is to deliver results and I will try to improve areas which are very weak in this company.

I have also made up my mind that this is not my cup of tea. So we will see what will happen in a few weeks time.

Until then, I hope they will pay my Nov and Dec salary this month and I shall reward myself a new handbag. *winks*

Expectation vs reality

Office hours
Expectation:
Office hours is from 830am to 430pm. I thought it’d be good enough to stay until 6pm.
Reality:
I am there from 8am to 8pm almost every day. Sometimes I continue my work at home for another hour or so, and a few more on weekends.

Meetings
Expectation:
2-3 times a week, of which one with the Big Boss.
Reality:
I spend 2-3 hours average a day on meetings and see the Kapitan every day! Hence explains why I am there early and leave late to catch up on my things. Oh, in almost every meeting, I’d be the only lady. Sigh...

Busy period
Expectation:
One week of late nights, while the rest are fairly reasonable or easy.
Reality:
Been here for 3 weeks and it only gets worse each time. Perhaps there is no such thing as low peak season in this company, unlike in Europe where most practically close their office during summer.

Lunch
Expectation:
Half an hour at a minimum.
Reality:
Say what? Apparently there is no such thing as lunch break. If you do eat out, make sure u add the hours i.e. leave at 5 or 530pm.

*******
I dont know how long I can survive at this place. If I knew it’d be this bad, I might as well join the banks or specialised firms where I’d be enjoying the role. At least I’d be spending my time on something I love doing.

Ps: The young lady is definitely not happy. :(