Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Love, loss and loneliness

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
Namun ini hanya ada di bibir
Di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
Walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban di hidupku
Biarkan saja biar saja
Hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
Penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
Untuk tetap kuberdiri

Oh! ada saatnya kubicara
Bila hatiku t'lah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
Aku tetap diam

“Don’t you feel lonely with just you and your daughter here?”

Back then, I was surrounded by many people. I was constantly meeting them. It was the loneliest time I ever felt. To keep myself not feeling that way, I ensured my mind was preoccupied. First it was the education, then the career together with professional exam, subsequently the lil one came along and I juggled between her and my career.

It was the hectic lifestyle that made me feel less lonely.

Somehow, being away from people, having time for myself, not having to meet people’s expectations, make me feel at peace. Through my girl’s eyes, I learn that simplicity is the key to love and happiness. For all what we went through and the things that we are blessed now, always the simple stuffs that bond us together. Walking together to school, hanging out at the park, saying “love you” while she’s busy playing with her games (wii/ds lite/pc) and expecting me to say it back, the hugs and cuddles whenever we can etc.

Your love and faith has brought us this far, and it will lead us further. And now, when you are about to celebrate your birthday, remember that you will always be my baby girl. May all your wishes come true. May all your prayers are heard. And yes my dear, if mummy gets married, you will have the honour to hold my veil.


n|ns said...

aaawww she requested to hold your veil? so sweet! this l'il girl sure knows how to make her mummy happy!

happy birthday l'il princess! may both you and mummy get all the happiness in the world.

U.Lee said...

Hi Ms Istanbul, don't feel sad of the past, but smile because it happened.
You did have some good times, in turn rewarded with a beautiful daughter, in her there is three of you.
She is in many was 'you', but in some ways 'him'.

Her love for you, her laughter, her own problems, her thoughts needs you and together you walk towards the future and siapa la tau, but fairy tales do happen when we least expect them.
Be happy for there's alway tomorrow....
You stay easy, hold that smile and try that 'Lily of France', *wink*, ha ha. Lee.

DrFrappucino said...

You gotta make it happen.. wishes are for dreamers i reckon.

Hey u gotta email / yahoo msngr?

U.Lee said...

Ms Istanbul, please come over my place.
You inspired me to come out a new posting. Just posted.
Looking forward to read your as usual, *wink* lively comments, ha ha. Lee.

zah said...

Dear Ms Istanbul,
Our children are our strength in everything.. Whatever happened last time, most important is that you have lil one to walk the future with..

D said...

gurl, a lot of what you always write seem to be so familiar to me.

my love to your princess...

I've been home for a month and I've been going around meeting and having fun with family and friends. The irony is, though I'm with company, the hollowness echoes. Rather eerie... In a way, we're in different boats, but similar journeys.

hey, must meet up, eh?!

Ms Istanbul said...


My lil has already made plans on what I should wear, the theme, the colour, venue etc. She is really sweet.

Thanks for the wishes!

Ms Istanbul said...


I'm fine. I'm not sad with my past. Glad it happened anyway. Life has been colourful since. *smiles*

I know I should value myself more, that I am worth so much more. If anyone tells me otherwise, I just walk away.

Life is full of negative people. We should learn to hang out more with friends with postive vibes.

Ms Istanbul said...


Definitely! I am trying to make my bucket list fulfilled.

Hopefully we can have our coffee session when I'm back for hols.

Ms Istanbul said...


before I had my girl, my strength came from within. Now with her presence, I have more reason to achieve the dreams.

Ms Istanbul said...


I know many people appear to be happy, friends and family around. Yet it all feels empty.

We define our happiness. When we are happy for just being on our own, we can share that happiness with others.

Will try to meet up dear. u take care too!