Tuesday, May 06, 2008

If I could be like that, I'd give anything

And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream, is that too much to ask?
With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a quiet little street.
All she wants is just that something to hold onto, that's all she needs.

I started the day feeling good about myself. I was in my new beige trouser suit. My asset has always been my legs. The suit emphasises my height and the slimness of my legs. The weather was brilliant. It was another good reason for a nice day. Also, I was getting constant sms from someone, something that has been going for the past few weeks. *smiles*

Then slowly, I was beginning to feel the pain. It was bound to happen, especially when it was a sudden end. Despite the pleas, I managed to stand on my grounds. It is for my own good. I need to do this.

Instead of remembering the losses, I focussed on the things that I have.

I thought about my beautiful lil girl. She has her big exam this Friday and today after school, I gave her a call. She said she had her practice test. She could not finish the last question. At least she was aware of what she did best and what she needed to improve. She told me she found the “wishing” flower and made a wish. She wished that she was not thin. I asked why. She wants to be like her best friend, who is bigger (and stronger) than her. I told her that I was thin at school, yet I played sports, did long runs, etc. There is no reason for her to be sad for being thin. She also wished that there will be a good prince to take care of mummy. She has been wishing and praying that for some time, usually before she goes to bed. I think she is the sweetest girl.

Then I thought about my friends. Best friends who are miles away, my “sisters” here who constantly offer their support especially when it comes to the welfare of the lil one. What would I do without Mrs Dior and Mrs Rock? Sometimes when I am torn with my emotions, they will quickly pull me out and remind me that I deserve better. Mrs Dior said that if both of them are lucky enough to have a good partner, why should I not deserve the same?

I am also lucky to have a good career, one which balances my role as a mother and a woman. It pays well. Once in a while I can splurge on the latest gadget for the house, holidays for me and my girl, awesome outfits. Never thought that I would one day wear a few hundred pounds suit with fine Italian designer handbags and shoes (with my hard earned money). Not to mention the gifts received from dear Mr Milan and the Godfather (uncle D). Like Kak Teh always says, different people have different luck or “rezeki”.

By appreciating all of the above, the pain started to slip away.

Sometimes people forget that at the end of the day, I need to be reminded that I am still a girl. And if that person wants to make me feel so, just let it be. Even if it means that I have to travel half way around the globe. Not many people can spare their time for me and for him to do so, I am thankful. When others fail to see, at least he knows that no matter what, I am still a girl.


simah said...

n hopefully that lil girl will be ok eh?... snp out of it girl! u r stronger than that! just look t ur lil princess....

good luck to ur lil princess' exam this friday...ni mcm exam upsr ka ni?

talking of holiday..... klu u balik mesia this summer... *itchy wink*...dont forget to give me a call..kalau boleh kita jumpa.... klu tak boleh... at least letz chat on d phone... :0)

U.Lee said...

Hi Ms Istanbul, wow! Beige slacks, slim legs? Holy Smoke...where were you when I was on the prowl, ha ha, just kidding.
Ms Istanbul, reading your this post, somehow the movie 'Nottinghill' came to mind of Julia Roberts bringing that painting to Hugh Bryant and telling her, I am a girl..."....you cetainly remind me of JR.
Incidentally, I have seen that movie more than 8 times past two years on TV, never get tired as love the scenes of Nottinghill.
Also 'Pretty woman' too...
And again, rading your post,I'll add, you will never know true happiness until you have trully loved, and you will never understand what pain is untill you have lost it.
But we to stop our tears from being sad, but smile because it happened.
What lies behind you, and what lies infront of you pales in comparison to what lies inside ofyou.
Stay easy, Ms Istanbul and have a nice evening, and the red lipstick, *wink*.

Ms Istanbul said...

Simah dearest,

My lil girl is fine. Mummy is the one stressed out. *smiles* Mcm upsr kot but they are tested on english and maths.

It's a phase and until it is over, I will get that feeling. So I'm focussing what I have and know that things get better.

Err... about the going back part, see how far the itchiness goes. *LOL* Definitely will give u a call if I do.

Ms Istanbul said...

Hi Lee,

Hahha... It's spring and I think being at this age where I can just wear almost anything, I thought I;d give it a go. It was tight fitting, showing all the right curves. *winks* Thinking of getting a white suit! hehhehe... I think I'm getting Ruby's vogueness.

Ah yes, notting hill. I love the movie. Such a simple story. "I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."

I fell in love and glad that I was loved. So before the pain becomes unbearable, it was best to leave. I cant afford to have more broken promises. Just dont promise me anything. Dont make plans when you are in no position to do so.

All I want is to be treated like a girl, just a piece of that dream.

n|ns said...

You know, though at times you feel down, I personally think you are very, very lucky! Seriously! :)

And to have the killer legs and the figure, I envy you, BIG TIME! Haha.

Ghazali B Abd Aziz said...

Dear Ms Istanbul ...

Life is so beautiful ... you have a lovely and beautiful princess in your life, with a strong career and financial stability. You are surrounded by great friends and family near and far ... maybe there is no partner yet in your life ...

But life goes on ...

I pray for your happiness in this world and the world hereafter ...

May Allah bless you with all the blessing and rahmah ....

Kak Teh said...

hi my lil girl. Sorry I have been so busy but I do think of both of you. Promise. Shall we meet up? Will call.

Ms Istanbul said...

Hi momster,

MOst of the time, I am very positive about life. Occasionally, it does hit me. I guess it serves as a reminder, to be humble with what I have.

Lucky??? hehhe... It's all about hard work la dear. I think most of us have the same trait. We choose what we want in life, make the best out of it.

Err.. as for the figure and legs, guilty as charged. Sheer luck to have them (even my directors here are asking tips on how to maintain a flat tummy after birth?!?!). Hello ladies? We come from ASIA, where strict post natal treatments are practised. These women cant even survive 1 week of staying home, let alone 1 mth, food, herbs etc. ;P

Ok ok. Next time I write about shoes and bags (tho I prefer to talk about yummy men. *LOL*)

Ms Istanbul said...

Hi Ghaz,

Thank you for the kind wish. I think I have to leave the partner aside first since I have more things to look forward to.

Law of attraction: Instead of finding someone who loves you, find someone you want to love.
I have to be content with what I have and when I am happy with myself, I can share it with another person. "like attracts like".

I would also like to wish you a blissful journey. Make time for your loved ones, take time to live each day as it comes.

Ms Istanbul said...

Kak Teh dear,

Thanks for the sms. Will definitely meet up. Next week lots of meeting, bidders, bankers etc. Also, another door of opportunity career wise. Will talk more.

Miss our "bumping" sessions. Take care!

simah said...

happymother's day... love this song...:0)

Ms Istanbul said...

Happy mother's day to u too! It's a nice song, yeah? ;-)

D said...

When true love comes, I know you'll know...


Ms Istanbul said...

d dear,

Thanks for the kind words.. I'll look forward when that day happens..