Worry is my friend

Trouble...
Oh, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble
Feels like every time I get back on my feet
she come around and knock me down again

Worry...
Oh, worry, worry, worry, worry
Sometimes I swear it feels like this worry is my only friend

*************

I realise I write better when I am emotionally challenged, be it jovial, depressed or mixed feelings stuffed in a can just like those delicious Ayam brand sardines, which reminds me that there is only one left in the cabinet. It is now a prized possession and will only be served on a special day. Funny on how a simple dish is treated as those served at Michelin star restaurants.

See how easily I get myself off-track from the topic.

I am trying my best to get out of this melancholy state but somehow it is proven hard. Maybe a trip to Disneyland will take away those unwanted emotions and vibes. A simpler way is to watch kids’ movies at the comfort of our home. One cannot help but be tickled by their stories. There are always scenes that will burst you into laughter. Either way, I bet the young lady wouldn’t argue as both are a hit to her.

I suppose I need to list down the things which are on my mind and apply what I normally do at work. I should prioritise those emotionally challenged issues and deal with them one by one. Slowly but surely I should be able to tick them off from the list.

Easier said than done, eh?

Sometimes it feels easier to manage your highly demanding career than your personal life. At work, in order to succeed, one has to remain objective and visualise the path. Emotions have to be put aside, especially when it comes to managing people. If we want our staff to fly high, we should provide constructive feedback even if they are hard to swallow. Similarly, if we think we deserve that promotion, we should walk into our superior’s room and present our case without hesitation.

It is much easier to be bold at work than in your personal life. No matter how many "mind, body and soul" books you read, you still remain clueless on what is best to do upon reaching a conflict or junction in life.

or perhaps I should ditch everything and get a tub of Haagen Dazs for the time being.

My sacrifice

We've seen our share of ups and downs
Oh, how quickly life can turn around
In an instant

It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there

Cause when you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others, we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice

***********************************
She said, "You are my treasure mummy. Nothing else matters."
And so are you honey. so are you...

Flashback of the past keeps playing inside my mind. The toddler who waited patiently at the station on her way to the nursery, not once complaining about the freezing weather. The girl who fought her eyes hard not wanting to fall asleep during the journey as it meant her mom had to carry her from the stop to their home. The young lady who simply knew the value of things and did not ask much even when she was in the shop which had all the things she desired.

For all the sacrifices she has done for me, the least I could is to fulfill her wish.

Hard to say goodbye

I handed in my resignation letter today, requesting for a shorter notice instead of the standard three months.

It was a sad moment and this was done with an MD whom I wasn’t close to (he's responsible for the welfare of the staff). I couldn’t imagine how it'd be had it been done with someone I worked closely with.

About 4 years ago I joined this place. I wanted to try something new and despite knowing I had to build new set of skills, it didn’t matter. I was willing to take up the challenge. The offer alone helped to improve our quality of life. My 1st job in this city was reasonable as it was already above London's average salary but raising a child with that amount single-handedly was tough. It was a relief to be getting the increment.

Despite working 50 to 70 hours per week, ad hoc travelling including leaving home at 530am to catch the 730am flight to another European city, specialising in two highly regulated sectors, ridiculous deadlines and managing expectation of different parties, I truly enjoyed working here. It is probably the best workplace I ever had. I love my job and my colleagues and superiors are warm and cool. An MD loves to hide things of another MD, which included his bicycle. One practices his golf swings on our floor. One prefers wearing bright shirts to work; pink, red, blue and green! One talks about his daughters' passion of handbags which thankfully they were only DKNY equivalent. Wait until they start asking for Mulberry or Channel. The senior PA who shocked me for driving a Cooper is like a sister and we often share our crush on McDreamy. When I was looking for a ring, a male senior colleague gave me a tutorial of the perfect stone; from colour to cut. Suffice to say mine was a triple X. *wink*

It is also a place where my skills were groomed to (almost) perfection and my talents were appreciated. I was given many opportunities and collectively, they moulded me. One of them included a chance to manage a deal originating from another European country, with participation from teams from two continents. Of course it also meant we had to work on shift to manage the different time zone.

All my hard work was recognised and paid off. The promotion which was given two years ago with a substantial increase in pay was welcomed with open arms. It gave a sense of pride to be noticed among thousands of people in London alone, especially when it was given during tough times. It meant I could save more towards the young lady's education fund, as well as investing in handbags and shoes (I should not forget to pamper myself, no?).

Good things must come to an end, so does this chapter of my life. It is time to move on. With a heavy heart, I am bidding farewell to the firm.

From sambal tumis to cakes with icing

I am still on Juara Lagu mode .*grins* Maybe I am just missing home badly that this music award gave a huge impact on me. The young lady even noticed the changes in me last night; "are you going to listen to Malay songs again?"

Yes, I have a side which is hard to comprehend. It takes small things like Ghost, Nur Kasih and Juara lagu to make me feel homesick. Dont get me started on food. People find it hard to understand my need to eat local food whenever we are out. My breakfast comprises croissants, pain-au-chocolat whilst soup, salad or panini are on my lunch menu. As for dinner, the young lady prefers Mediterranean meal i.e. baked fish, roast lamb, grilled chicken, pasta etc.

Thus, I will go to the extra length to get masak lemak cili padi or sambal tumis dishes during the weekends. It was only the other day that we went to have buffet at a Malaysian restaurant and I had 3 portions of soto simply because the cili padi with soy sauce was to die for. I swore my pants couldnt cope the expansion of my tummy. Nevertheless, it did not stop me from eating as if there was no tomorrow. *lol* Now, imagine if I were back home. I usually have 5-6 meals a day and even walk to the nearby stalls for the morning, brunch, tea or supper time to fulfil the craving for nasi lemak, roti canai, mee goreng mamak, to name a few.

Hmm, I wonder what my cholesterol level would be at the end of a month holiday.

Anyway, these days it is common to name and shame people who cross the wrong side of your path. I suppose this is the danger of internet as the information is made known to everyone. I am sure we have our bad days but do we really want to tell everyone about it? A few people have been dismissed from their workplace because they circulated something which was meant as a joke but it became out of hand (the info travelled as far to the other side of the planet!). It is quite worrying, especially when neutral parties are dragged into the matter.

There is always a proper channel to voice out our frustration, which could turn out to be more fruitful. Instead of trying to resolve the matter, readers will interpret the information differently and may backfire the writer.

On a happier note, we got our residency today. Phew! Now I can start planning on the move and filtering potential roles in the new city. Most importantly, I can tender my resignation. Finally we can escape this wintry weather. Everything was covered with snowflakes this morning! The cars looked like cakes with icing.

Hmm, somehow the last note makes me melancholy but I shall leave it for the next posting.

Juara lagu - updated

Catatan ini ditujukan khas buat sahabat handai yang berada di perantauan: D, Danial, IDB, Inah, Jumper, Aporn (Kak Teh dan Naz dikecualikan kerana mereka masih bercuti di tanah air). Juga buat pembaca yang berada di UK, Rusia, Jerman, Finland, Amerika dan Kanada.

Jangan lupa tutup pemain muzik 'mix pod' sebelum menonton video.

Tempat kedua jatuh kepada Yuna:



Tempat ketiga - Faizal Tahir:



Salah satu kegemaran saya - Estranged:



Ok, back to my usual mode. Another year was added to my age and it goes without saying that lunch with the young lady and the girlfriend was a must. Shopping was also added to our activities. Since I didnt do any damage at the start of the sale (except for the Tahari coat which was too yummy to resist), I took my revenge. I am sure MD loves having me as their customer. *grins*

I welcome any homemade cakes and cookies. *hint hint*

Juara Lagu

I have not been following our local music industry for quite some time. It was refreshing to read the review given by the newspapers' columnists. I was prompted to hear the songs which made to the finals this Sunday. Not bad, I must say. I see that there are more youngsters who are putting their fate for the awards, or perhaps they have been in the arena for awhile but my knowledge is pretty bad that I have not heard of them.

I've watched Yuna's performance when she was here. It wasnt really my thing (my adik2 dragged me into it) but she was good! I was told then that she composed most of her songs. I think I've heard Estranged before but the name did not ring a bell. Same goes to Faizal Tahir.

I took the time to browse the songs and artists who are gambling for the prize and found a few which are to my liking. I suppose this is me trying to support our local talents.

If you are watching Juara Lagu, do share your review, ok?

Have a good weekend everyone!

ps: I am in LOVE with my maple honey coat. *grins* I feel like I'm in The Devil Wears Prade movie. *lol*

Curiosity killed the cat?

Have you come across a situation where a person decided to walk out of your life and suddenly appeared out of nowhere, only to irritate you by asking inappropriate questions?

If that person was close to you, asking those questions wouldn’t be an issue. Yet when a friend left for months and suddenly comes back only to touch on sensitive matters, surely one will find it awkward. I find it quite ironic when people demand for privacy and expect others to understand their choice yet poke their nose into other’s life.

Similarly, you think that after years spending outside your country, one will have less prejudice towards people of different background. Unfortunately, some of us don’t learn. Instead of understanding and bridging the differences, we remain ignorant. By being so, one tends to ask questions which appear weird and irrelevant. Now, if only a person does his or her homework, they will start to realise that the questions don’t reflect the situation at all. If I may, it does sound stupid.

I suppose under these circumstances, curiosity killed the cat.

Maybe I am just one of those people who dont ask my single friends of their relationship status, the childless couple on having kids or those with one child on having more. Understand your audience before you start shooting those questions. If a person has given much thought on a decision, try to respect it. It doesn’t look good on you to be asking sensitive matters when your life is more screwed up than others.

I am getting too old for this. I can either reply a remark sarcastically or be ignorant. I think the latter is a better option as it saves my energy to do other interesting things. I foresee more questions arise in future but what the heck. I am sure I can create an invisible shield to steer away those arrows.

On a lighter note, I found a nice coat to keep myself warm during this brutal winter. My existing jacket has a torn and since I'm unsure when I can escape from this miserable weather, I better equip myself with proper attire. Upon googling, I realised it was a runway collection. Not bad, huh?

Fall 2009 runway collection by E Tahari

New Year ramblings

I’ve drafted a few posts but they weren’t good enough to be published. Nothing interesting has caught my attention or worthy enough to dwell into. When other people went out to see the fireworks wherever they were on New Year’s eve, we spent the night watching Jack Sparrow on the telly and went to bed soon after. Staying up for countdown no longer appeals, especially not with this weather. We rather spend the night cuddled under our duvet.

The year also promises new tv series which includes The Vampire Diaries, new season of NCIS and CSI NY. I hope TVD is better than True Blood. I tried watching it (TB) but somehow I lost the plot half way. Maybe seasoned vampires are not my thing.

There is also a new movie which I am keen to see, Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief. It is based on a book and has something to do with Greek mythology, my kind of thing. *grins* The young lady doesn’t understand why I am eager to watch as she thinks it’s scary. I think Medusa played by Uma Thurman has put her off from watching. The snakes on her head look pretty damn good.

Resolutions wise, nothing in particular in my list. I just want to get our paperwork sorted so that we can move closer to the other half. I am also looking forward to the much needed career break. After ten and a half years in this profession, it is wise to slow down and spend time with my loved ones. It seems a few of my friends would like to do the same, one of them intends to enjoy the World Cup. I suppose when we have the luxury to leave our profession and enjoy the moment, why not give it a go.

Anyway, I hope the year will bring wonderful things to you and whatever you seek or wish for, it will come true. Let’s take a stroll into the year, shall we?

Percy Jackson's trailer: