Bittersweet journey

Each time I get lost in my own thoughts, which occurs quite frequent lately, the young lady would ask, “what’s wrong, mummy? Are you thinking?”

A common excuse I normally give whenever I start to stare something blankly when in reality I am caught in my whirlpool of emotions. It is best not to dwell into it much, especially when you are around kids. Sometimes I distract by taking her into a world of ponies, fairies or teddies, creating a storyline fit for a bedtime session.
Occasionally I let myself be pulled into the vortex and share with her my thoughts, just like today.

As the date approaches closer, I sense strong emotions making their waves. Happy, sad, anxious, excited, melancholy; all mixed together in a blender that I feel I could burst a colourful flavour.

My mom once told me that whenever she had to travel abroad during her career, she wished that her children would be able to see what she was experiencing, and perhaps do more. Little did she realise that her wish was to be materialised someday and I wouldn’t be surprised if she feels a tinge of regret as the longing can be unbearable. It becomes even worse as the young lady confidently chats away with the grandma, reciting poem that makes her nan speechless. I fear tears roll each time my mother hears the chatterbox, a usual response of grandparents who have been deprived from the physical presence of their grandchild.

My dad on the other hand is more relaxed. Naturally he’d prefer that I continue staying here, perhaps knowing we have been coping well with the environment. From the stories he heard through family, friends and strangers (a small world indeed that he met random people who talked about us), he knew we were doing fine. As any parent, he’d like to see that we are leaving all these good things behind for something better.

Of course it is everyone’s wish whenever a decision is made. We hope for a good or better outcome. Sometimes things go our way, sometimes it doesn’t.

I have many reasons to stay. The wonderful school with caring teachers and great kids, our annual ramadhan and eid routine, trips to the museums, picnics at the park, coffee, four seasons in a day (ok, that’s a bit extreme), to name a few. This city has been kind to us. We started from nothing and built our lives to get to where we are now.

I choose to meet halfway. I wouldn’t want to wake up one day knowing I had an opportunity but I didn’t take it or at least try. I wouldn’t want to regret for missing a chance.

And so I choose this path which I hope will give me happiness and love that last for a lifetime.

Both me and mini B would like to thank you; our friends, blogger friends and silent readers, for accompanying us during our London journey. We hope you have enjoyed yourself as much as we did. It has been a bittersweet ride, an unforgettable chapter indeed.

You find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford ~ S. Johnson