Friday, January 28, 2011

Blue devil

This blog was left unattended for a good reason. I was not feeling good these days that I had to give myself some space from everything. Suffice to say that I was on the brink of depression, if that makes any sense at all.

One thinks that after constant relocation, the next place one heads will be a piece of cake. Even when you feel it’s for a good cause, there is no way of telling how you’ll cope with new environment and atmosphere.

There were many things that led me into thinking on whether this move was worthy. From school to work, daily trivial tasks to public perceptions and expectations, I was beginning to compare the life I had before and the one I’m leading now.

Then I realised it was like comparing Mocha and Americano, having the same coffee element but with different mix. It was not fair for me to be analysing the things that I achieved back then to the challenges I am facing presently.

Somehow I managed to snap myself from this blues yesterday as if I just walked out of a cave after a period of confinement. I started to see bright sunshine and blooming flowers, giving back the smile on my face which seemed to have lost for quite awhile. The dinner we had at a popular Venetian theme place last night where the young lady enjoyed a meal of beef ribs was lovely.

I am aware that things may not be as planned but I am thankful for what I have. For example, my job sucks and despite knowing my market rate is 20% higher than what I am getting, it is still a decent role and my spending power has doubled (or tripled), if I want to splurge of course. The young lady’s school isn’t that great but she is slowly enjoying it and the new guitar lesson seems to be adding joy to her life.

Most importantly, I am thankful to be doing all these in the presence of my loved ones


Darlene said...

i have a friend who no matter stressful her job is, she can still separate that with her life. she doesn't care if her job is not something that she can be proud of, she doesn't think her job defines her. i wonder how do people like her do that because i can't (i asked her and her answer was: it just works that way for me. yes, very helpful answer --- my friend, Jones). if i don't enjoy it.... i'll be in the dark place! LOL.
anyway, i hope things will work out for you soon. i can only imagine having to work in a different culture and environment after leaving the one that suits us more. had a tiny bit of that kind of experience in the past but i think yours are more challenging.
sometimes i think of these challenges as life's way to throw jokes at us and see if we can still laugh. sedapkan hati.

Pak Idrus said...

Ms.B. To get away from depression go to your personal-space and relax, like take a walk and think wild and let your mind wonder, forget about problems for there are no end to problems. Take things easy, a thing a time, a second, a minutes and your mind would be fresh as ever. Remember stress could lead to bad depression and is real bad of health. Think Beautiful and you would be OK; as fresh as the morning dew. Take care.

IDB said...

glad you're out of your cave. it's never easy adjusting in a new country after living in london for many, many years. hang in there - you will certainly see the bright green grass very soon.

Miss GobleGoble said...

You have always been a very strong independent girl that I know :)

Rock it girl!

Ms B said...


It's definitely hard to chew, given the cultural difference and attitude carried by most people, even those from the West. :-| It's bloody frustrating!

I am missing all the simple things back in London; from public transportation to basic postal service!!!

Ms B said...

Pak Idrus,

Unfortunately this place isnt suitable for walking; weather wise and lack of gree. I miss the parks where I used to go back in London. A stone throw's away and we even had picnics there.

I need a holiday.....

Ms B said...


I know. I am still adjusting but it's challenging each day. There is always something that triggers my frustration. Even my daily mantra isnt working. :(

Ms B said...

Miss Gobble,

Thanks! I sure hope I can survive this one. :)