I look across at the woman who has just made coffee and is now reading the newspaper, whose eyes look tired and desperate, who does not always show her affection in gestures, the woman who made me say 'yes' when I wanted to say 'no', who forced me to fight for what she believed was my reason for living, who let me set off alone because her love for me was greater than her love for herself, who made me go in search of my dream;
and suddenly, seeing that small quiet woman, whose eyes said more than any words, who was often terrified inside but always courageous in her actions, who could love someone without humbling herself and who never apologised for fighting for her man, suddenly, my fingers press down the keys.
I wish I can be that woman...capable of loving someone purely, allowing him to reach for his dreams, making him believe that he has a lot to offer.
I wish he knows I'm there for him... like he has been there for me all these while...
I wish him happiness in life, even if it means that it may not include me... For seeing him happy and at peace make me content...
I wish I am capable of unconditional love..
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Devils disguise as humans
Trenor's statement said on July 24, she and Zeigler both beat the child with leather belts and held her head under water in the bathtub. She said Zeigler picked the girl up by her hair and also threw her across the room, slamming her head into the tile floor.
After her daughter died, Trenor's statement said, she and Zeigler went to a Wal-Mart that night and bought the Sterilite container, a shovel, concrete mix, and other supplies.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/26/body.found.arrest/index.html
If you have no more love for your own child, there are MANY options for you. Adoption, child services, etc. You dont have to resort to abusing or killing them. Many people out there who are capable to love your child.
I hate these people. Luckily I'm not a politician or a judge. Otherwise, harsher punishment for these devils.
After her daughter died, Trenor's statement said, she and Zeigler went to a Wal-Mart that night and bought the Sterilite container, a shovel, concrete mix, and other supplies.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/26/body.found.arrest/index.html
If you have no more love for your own child, there are MANY options for you. Adoption, child services, etc. You dont have to resort to abusing or killing them. Many people out there who are capable to love your child.
I hate these people. Luckily I'm not a politician or a judge. Otherwise, harsher punishment for these devils.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
The acomodador
There is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress: a trauma, a particular bitter defeat, a disappointment in love, even a victory that we did not quite understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and, to do so, he must review his whole life and find out where it occured.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Happy endings?
Tonight's Californication episode had a sad ending. On arrival at Karen's house, Hank bumped into Karen (the ex-wife) and Becca (their daughter) at the front door. Karen was rushing to see Mia (her fiance's daughter) who got herself into men & drug trouble. So Hank insisted on accompanying Karen, leaving their 12 year old daughter all by herself. Oh yeah, Hank slept with Mia before (before they knew they were actually connected i.e. Mia's dad is seeing Hank's ex wife!).
When they got back, Hank went to see Becca to wish her good night and to say that he'll make it up to her another day. Earlier on, they had a discussion on happy endings, about having realistic hopes. Becca said, "It's ok dad. I know you dont mean to let me down. But you always do. And sometimes, when it becomes too often, at the end of the day, we just say 'f*** off'. Here's your change, dad. You can keep it."
As much as she wants to believe that her dad wants to be there for her, it just doesnt happen. Action speaks louder than words. Too many disappointments that she feels that when it comes to him, her expectation must be realistic.
When the statement comes from your own child, the cut goes deeper......
ps: I had to decline two dates that would have been the highlights of my life. One was last week, to watch a football match and definitely dine with hot-looking footballers. *winks* Mr Milan's team qualified to the Euro 2008 games. Tomorrow, to watch a theatre. I've been busy for the past few weeks and any free time that I have, I want to spend it with my girl. The dates can wait.
When they got back, Hank went to see Becca to wish her good night and to say that he'll make it up to her another day. Earlier on, they had a discussion on happy endings, about having realistic hopes. Becca said, "It's ok dad. I know you dont mean to let me down. But you always do. And sometimes, when it becomes too often, at the end of the day, we just say 'f*** off'. Here's your change, dad. You can keep it."
As much as she wants to believe that her dad wants to be there for her, it just doesnt happen. Action speaks louder than words. Too many disappointments that she feels that when it comes to him, her expectation must be realistic.
When the statement comes from your own child, the cut goes deeper......
ps: I had to decline two dates that would have been the highlights of my life. One was last week, to watch a football match and definitely dine with hot-looking footballers. *winks* Mr Milan's team qualified to the Euro 2008 games. Tomorrow, to watch a theatre. I've been busy for the past few weeks and any free time that I have, I want to spend it with my girl. The dates can wait.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
How do you manage?
That seems to be the most asked question by my colleagues/directors these days.
Of late, I have too much things on my plate. Deadlines (never work with bankers, unless of course you are one. Then you have control of things. *smiles *), family life (new nanny, school's meeting), etc. I was working so hard last week that I hardly spoke to anyone, which is unlike me to do so. Ms Argentina kept saying how quiet I had been lately. Even coffee rounds were minimised.
I wish I have the answer. Sometimes I ask myself the same. But if I think about it too much, I'm sure I'd get stressed out. And nothing gets done when you are stressed.
One thing for sure, without my daughter's support, I wouldnt be able to do whatever I'm doing.
ps: Should read the "Law of Attraction". Read a few articles about it in the past and a book at lunch time today. I forgot the author's name but I will try to write a posting on it.
Of late, I have too much things on my plate. Deadlines (never work with bankers, unless of course you are one. Then you have control of things. *smiles *), family life (new nanny, school's meeting), etc. I was working so hard last week that I hardly spoke to anyone, which is unlike me to do so. Ms Argentina kept saying how quiet I had been lately. Even coffee rounds were minimised.
I wish I have the answer. Sometimes I ask myself the same. But if I think about it too much, I'm sure I'd get stressed out. And nothing gets done when you are stressed.
One thing for sure, without my daughter's support, I wouldnt be able to do whatever I'm doing.
ps: Should read the "Law of Attraction". Read a few articles about it in the past and a book at lunch time today. I forgot the author's name but I will try to write a posting on it.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Crush
My first crush:
My second crush:
My present crush:
I fell in love with crush # 1 about 12 years ago (damn! Has it been that long?). He played as the evil-turned-good vampire along with Sarah M Gellar, who was the slayer & gf. I don’t know what’s with me with vampires but I cant seem to resist any series/movies which are related to that species. But don’t you notice that most of the demons are drop dead sexy e.g. interview with vampires (Bradd Pitt/ Tom Cruise), Charmed (Phoebe’s boyfriend, The Lord of the Underworld) etc. So how could I resist David Boreanaz? *winks*
Crush #2 started when I watched LOTR and Pirates of the Caribbean (but somehow in POC, Captain Jack Sparrow is more desirable than him). Maybe becos he doesn’t show emotions in his character and slays the creatures so smoothly make him so damn sexy.
As for crush #3, he is such a sweet character in Grey’s Anatomy. Despite his love for Meredith, he tried to make his marriage work with his unfaithful wife, which then ended up with a divorce. He is just the noble man. He has always been there for Meredith, such strong bond, as a lover/ex-lover/friend. Besides, with his messy hair, especially after a surgery, makes him so yummy. *smiles*
Crush #1 is back with the Bones series. I think he looks better in suit, more manly. Come to think of it, I have a thing with men in suit. Not all men of course. Just the ones who pose strong charisma, high intellect and a little bit of good looks (note, a LITTLE bit. Too handsome is just not my thing).
So… do I have the same taste in my crushes? Do they share anything in common?
The real men in my life, as for looks, none of them come close to the above. Well, maybe McDreamy. He has similarities with Patrick Dempsey, except for height and hair. Mr Big, the way he shows his emotions is exactly like Legolas (well, most of the time). Mr Milan looks like Sean Connery (Ruby will melt. *winks*).
They all have ONE thing in common. They look damn good in suits! Most of the time, they are in one anyway. No wonder I melt.
Ps: The drug is very effective. Despite being ‘high’ for the past few days, I’m feeling much better. Must be strong antibiotics plus good sleep. .
I fell in love with crush # 1 about 12 years ago (damn! Has it been that long?). He played as the evil-turned-good vampire along with Sarah M Gellar, who was the slayer & gf. I don’t know what’s with me with vampires but I cant seem to resist any series/movies which are related to that species. But don’t you notice that most of the demons are drop dead sexy e.g. interview with vampires (Bradd Pitt/ Tom Cruise), Charmed (Phoebe’s boyfriend, The Lord of the Underworld) etc. So how could I resist David Boreanaz? *winks*
Crush #2 started when I watched LOTR and Pirates of the Caribbean (but somehow in POC, Captain Jack Sparrow is more desirable than him). Maybe becos he doesn’t show emotions in his character and slays the creatures so smoothly make him so damn sexy.
As for crush #3, he is such a sweet character in Grey’s Anatomy. Despite his love for Meredith, he tried to make his marriage work with his unfaithful wife, which then ended up with a divorce. He is just the noble man. He has always been there for Meredith, such strong bond, as a lover/ex-lover/friend. Besides, with his messy hair, especially after a surgery, makes him so yummy. *smiles*
Crush #1 is back with the Bones series. I think he looks better in suit, more manly. Come to think of it, I have a thing with men in suit. Not all men of course. Just the ones who pose strong charisma, high intellect and a little bit of good looks (note, a LITTLE bit. Too handsome is just not my thing).
So… do I have the same taste in my crushes? Do they share anything in common?
The real men in my life, as for looks, none of them come close to the above. Well, maybe McDreamy. He has similarities with Patrick Dempsey, except for height and hair. Mr Big, the way he shows his emotions is exactly like Legolas (well, most of the time). Mr Milan looks like Sean Connery (Ruby will melt. *winks*).
They all have ONE thing in common. They look damn good in suits! Most of the time, they are in one anyway. No wonder I melt.
Ps: The drug is very effective. Despite being ‘high’ for the past few days, I’m feeling much better. Must be strong antibiotics plus good sleep. .
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
What should I do to marry a rich guy?
Being one of the City people, I find this very amusing:
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation.
If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me .
Signed, J.P.
I think I rather earn $500k and above, than marrying a guy who earns that much of money. The term "leasing" sounds very favorable, especially when there are many hot-looking guys out there. *winks*
I am sounding so "perempuan" today. Must be the drugs. hehhehe... I think I even flirted with the sexy-looking waiter today, where I took the new joiner and colleagues for lunch. Hey, he was wearing jeans and white shirt (smartly) in a fine restaurant. I think the only reason he flirted back was because I paid the bill. Hmm, I wonder how many hot looking men will come to me if I earn twice than now. *evil winks*
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ms. Pretty
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation.
If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later. By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.
I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me .
Signed, J.P.
I think I rather earn $500k and above, than marrying a guy who earns that much of money. The term "leasing" sounds very favorable, especially when there are many hot-looking guys out there. *winks*
I am sounding so "perempuan" today. Must be the drugs. hehhehe... I think I even flirted with the sexy-looking waiter today, where I took the new joiner and colleagues for lunch. Hey, he was wearing jeans and white shirt (smartly) in a fine restaurant. I think the only reason he flirted back was because I paid the bill. Hmm, I wonder how many hot looking men will come to me if I earn twice than now. *evil winks*
Monday, November 05, 2007
Blogger's blues..
Ms CFO texted me EARLY this morning, “I love your blog! Nice writings.”
Errrr…. How on earth did she figure out it was mine? Besides, not many people link their blog to my blog. She must have blog-hopped many times that she actually encountered mine. Must change profession now since being CFO gives you plenty of time to surf. (peace dear!). Guess my effort to be anonymous isn’t that effective after all. *smiles*
Things to complete by end of today: send employment contract to the new nanny and confirm start date, make arrangements for the new joiner who I’m supposed to be mentoring, send the report out by tonight. And it is only Monday.
This is not helping me to speed up the recovery process (yes. I am still sick!) Part of it is due to insufficient rest. Friday night’s sleep was interrupted by a neighbour’s party. They were having it until 5am!!! Other neighbours banged at their door/ shouted from their windows etc etc but they kept on partying/singing (with a very bad voice! These are women tenants). It wasn’t their first time being inconsiderate. Once, they were shagging at 9pm! The whole neighbourhood (yes it was that loud!) could hear them. I told Mcdreamy and he reckons I should enjoy it the next time they do it. I rather not. I think I’ll stick to Californication series, which is far more entertaining. *winks*
Oh yeah, I asked around on who should I choose to be the new nanny, European or South American. So I texted Mr Big:
Me: Women’s responses: Do they have relevant qualifications, have they worked in child-care place? Men’s response: which one is prettier/hot/sexy? Heheh…
Mr Big: Your lil girl’s response: are they near as good as my mommy? No way. Nobody is and nobody will be. So nobody is qualified. Hehheh…
Yes Mr Big. You are definitely right. If only I win the £18 million jackpot, then I can be SAHM. Or maybe if I join private bank for 3-4 years, earn millions of bonus, then I retire early and just use the interest earned on my savings.
Now back to reality…
Errrr…. How on earth did she figure out it was mine? Besides, not many people link their blog to my blog. She must have blog-hopped many times that she actually encountered mine. Must change profession now since being CFO gives you plenty of time to surf. (peace dear!). Guess my effort to be anonymous isn’t that effective after all. *smiles*
Things to complete by end of today: send employment contract to the new nanny and confirm start date, make arrangements for the new joiner who I’m supposed to be mentoring, send the report out by tonight. And it is only Monday.
This is not helping me to speed up the recovery process (yes. I am still sick!) Part of it is due to insufficient rest. Friday night’s sleep was interrupted by a neighbour’s party. They were having it until 5am!!! Other neighbours banged at their door/ shouted from their windows etc etc but they kept on partying/singing (with a very bad voice! These are women tenants). It wasn’t their first time being inconsiderate. Once, they were shagging at 9pm! The whole neighbourhood (yes it was that loud!) could hear them. I told Mcdreamy and he reckons I should enjoy it the next time they do it. I rather not. I think I’ll stick to Californication series, which is far more entertaining. *winks*
Oh yeah, I asked around on who should I choose to be the new nanny, European or South American. So I texted Mr Big:
Me: Women’s responses: Do they have relevant qualifications, have they worked in child-care place? Men’s response: which one is prettier/hot/sexy? Heheh…
Mr Big: Your lil girl’s response: are they near as good as my mommy? No way. Nobody is and nobody will be. So nobody is qualified. Hehheh…
Yes Mr Big. You are definitely right. If only I win the £18 million jackpot, then I can be SAHM. Or maybe if I join private bank for 3-4 years, earn millions of bonus, then I retire early and just use the interest earned on my savings.
Now back to reality…
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Window to the soul
[After reading the-blog-who-talks-about-blogs, the original posting came from Social Cafe.]
She has these two beautiful oceans full of sorrow right where her eyes ought to be. Maybe no one else sees that. Maybe they just think she's a beautiful, confident woman who is very bright, kind and gentle, and who is basically the kind of person who keeps this world from falling apart.
At first, she strikes me as a happy person, a near perfect woman, but that brokenness in her eyes can't slip past me. I want to hug and tell her that I’m there for her. I want to tell her that I can be the same person for her to share her tears and joy.
Very few people can see that in me. Perhaps, only two persons understand me most. I think by portraying a cheerful and strong character, it takes away other people's pain, as I understand how much it can affect us.
Good night dear friends! I hope I recover soon.
She has these two beautiful oceans full of sorrow right where her eyes ought to be. Maybe no one else sees that. Maybe they just think she's a beautiful, confident woman who is very bright, kind and gentle, and who is basically the kind of person who keeps this world from falling apart.
At first, she strikes me as a happy person, a near perfect woman, but that brokenness in her eyes can't slip past me. I want to hug and tell her that I’m there for her. I want to tell her that I can be the same person for her to share her tears and joy.
Very few people can see that in me. Perhaps, only two persons understand me most. I think by portraying a cheerful and strong character, it takes away other people's pain, as I understand how much it can affect us.
Good night dear friends! I hope I recover soon.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
I'm yours - Jason Mraz
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
It can not wait, I'm yours
Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!
Pain without suffering
Enjoy the article!
A friend once told me about the Buddhist concept of pain without suffering; it's a notion that fascinates me. I mean, is it really possible to say, "Yep, my stomach aches, all right, but I don't have to add insult to injury by letting that pain run amok: I can decide to skip the part where I moan, 'Now I can't meet my friends at the movie and I'll probably miss work tomorrow, which means I'll blow my deadline, lose my job and die penniless and alone, never having seen "Dreamgirls.'"
Calming a frantic brain in the face of high anxiety is a pretty tall order, especially for a woman like me who tends to operate on two basic emotions: panic and barely suppressed panic.
But assuming one can actually achieve pain without suffering, where else might this dynamic be applied? Is there such a thing as anger without brooding? Sex without strings? And the real question --my current obsession -- can a person feel unbelievably busy without feeling unbelievably overwhelmed?
Lately, I seem to have this constant sense that I'm just keeping my head above water. I'm forever trying to catch up, stay in touch and be where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there.
I bought a new pair of jeans in November, but I've never worn them because I've never had a chance to get them hemmed. The last novel I remember curling up with is "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" -- and that was in sixth grade. I floss while sorting mail, while defrosting lamb chops, while searching for Mrs. Weinstein, my 3-year-old daughter's stuffed platypus.
But this is not just about being a single mother (though I do spend an ungodly amount of time wondering why my daughter is not on a first-name basis with her stuffed platypus).
Almost everybody I know -- whether they're wealthy or struggling to make ends meet, whether they're bachelor girls or celebrating their 25th anniversary, whether their kids are grown or toddlers or nonexistent --everyone seems to be suffering from some sort of culturally induced ADD. Our brains are swamped and our bodies are tired. Blood pressures are up, serotonin levels are down, tempers are short, to-do lists are long, and nerves are shot.
Sometimes I think pain without suffering, anger without brooding, being a parent, earning a living, maintaining friendships (hell, maintaining hair color), connecting with the universe, and dancing as fast as you can without screaming, "Stop the music; I want to sit this one out," just isn't an option for anybody anymore.
We shoulder-roll out of bed in the morning and gulp coffee from Styrofoam cups on the way to wherever we're trying to go. We catch the sound bite, not the speech. We send the e-mail, not the love letter. We wait our entire lives to exhale.
But I don't want to wait my whole life away. Nor do I want to wait until I retire 18 years and 11 months from now ... though I'm secretly hoping to develop one of those bubbly personalities that get you picked for "Deal or No Deal," where I will win $400,000 dollars from Howie Mandel. We'll save for another column what it means that even in my fantasies I don't win the million ...
My point is this: Spring is here! So this Saturday, I'm taking back my life or, at the very least taking a nap. If something's gotta give, it's not going to be me. I'm confining my work to regular business hours, forcing a friend out for coffee, reading for pleasure, bringing home daffodils, and eating a neon pink marshmallow Peep with Miss Julia Claire Labusch. It's far from a solution, but it's a start.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/30/o.busy/index.html
A friend once told me about the Buddhist concept of pain without suffering; it's a notion that fascinates me. I mean, is it really possible to say, "Yep, my stomach aches, all right, but I don't have to add insult to injury by letting that pain run amok: I can decide to skip the part where I moan, 'Now I can't meet my friends at the movie and I'll probably miss work tomorrow, which means I'll blow my deadline, lose my job and die penniless and alone, never having seen "Dreamgirls.'"
Calming a frantic brain in the face of high anxiety is a pretty tall order, especially for a woman like me who tends to operate on two basic emotions: panic and barely suppressed panic.
But assuming one can actually achieve pain without suffering, where else might this dynamic be applied? Is there such a thing as anger without brooding? Sex without strings? And the real question --my current obsession -- can a person feel unbelievably busy without feeling unbelievably overwhelmed?
Lately, I seem to have this constant sense that I'm just keeping my head above water. I'm forever trying to catch up, stay in touch and be where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be there.
I bought a new pair of jeans in November, but I've never worn them because I've never had a chance to get them hemmed. The last novel I remember curling up with is "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" -- and that was in sixth grade. I floss while sorting mail, while defrosting lamb chops, while searching for Mrs. Weinstein, my 3-year-old daughter's stuffed platypus.
But this is not just about being a single mother (though I do spend an ungodly amount of time wondering why my daughter is not on a first-name basis with her stuffed platypus).
Almost everybody I know -- whether they're wealthy or struggling to make ends meet, whether they're bachelor girls or celebrating their 25th anniversary, whether their kids are grown or toddlers or nonexistent --everyone seems to be suffering from some sort of culturally induced ADD. Our brains are swamped and our bodies are tired. Blood pressures are up, serotonin levels are down, tempers are short, to-do lists are long, and nerves are shot.
Sometimes I think pain without suffering, anger without brooding, being a parent, earning a living, maintaining friendships (hell, maintaining hair color), connecting with the universe, and dancing as fast as you can without screaming, "Stop the music; I want to sit this one out," just isn't an option for anybody anymore.
We shoulder-roll out of bed in the morning and gulp coffee from Styrofoam cups on the way to wherever we're trying to go. We catch the sound bite, not the speech. We send the e-mail, not the love letter. We wait our entire lives to exhale.
But I don't want to wait my whole life away. Nor do I want to wait until I retire 18 years and 11 months from now ... though I'm secretly hoping to develop one of those bubbly personalities that get you picked for "Deal or No Deal," where I will win $400,000 dollars from Howie Mandel. We'll save for another column what it means that even in my fantasies I don't win the million ...
My point is this: Spring is here! So this Saturday, I'm taking back my life or, at the very least taking a nap. If something's gotta give, it's not going to be me. I'm confining my work to regular business hours, forcing a friend out for coffee, reading for pleasure, bringing home daffodils, and eating a neon pink marshmallow Peep with Miss Julia Claire Labusch. It's far from a solution, but it's a start.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/30/o.busy/index.html
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